ZOOTOPIA
(Parody of Chinatown)
The sun was just rising and seeping through the cracks of the blinds in Nick's office. The fox himself sat in his chair behind his desk. His clothes now were similar to his previous suit but this time the colors were a dark gray. A bandage spread-eagled across the front of the fox's snout and around his nose. Duffy and Walsh stood or sat just across from Nick. The beaver moved uneasily around the room speaking.
"So some contractor wants to build a dam," Walsh said, "And he makes a few payoffs. So what?"
Nick slowly looked toward the beaver and gently tapped his nose.
"Think you can nail Mulvihill?" Walsh continued, "They'll claim you were trespassing."
"I don't want Mulvihill," the fox retorted, "I want the big boys who are making the payoffs."
"Then what'll you do to them?" Duffy asked.
"Sue the shit out of 'em," Nick said.
"Yeah?" Walsh asked for clarification.
"Yeah," the fox confirmed.
The phone began to ring and Cheera buzzed in. Nick pressed down on the intercom.
"Yeah, Cheera?" the fox asked.
"A Miss Sessions calling," the cheetah claimed from the other end of the device.
"Who?" Nick asked.
"Ida Sessions," Cheera exclaimed.
"Don't know her," the fox said, "Take her number."
Nick turned back to his counterparts in the office.
"What's wrong with you guys?" the fox asked as if the men didn't see something so obvious. "Think ahead. We find 'em, sue 'em. We'll make a killing. We'll have dinner at Chasen's twice a week, we'll be pissing on ice the rest of our lives."
"Sue people like that they're liable to be having dinner with the Judge who's trying the suit," Walsh stated.
Nick looked irritated but knew his friend was right. The phone rang again as does Cheera on the intercom.
"Miss Ida Sessions again," the cheetah's voice said, "She says you know her."
"Okay," the fox sighed and picked up the phone, and winked at his boys.
"Hello, Miss Sessions," Nick began, his voice in a sarcastic polite tone. "I don't believe we've had the pleasure."
"Oh yes, we have," a soft voice replied from the other end. "Are you alone, Mr. Wilde?"
"Isn't everybody?" the fox joked, "What can I do for you Miss Sessions?"
As the fox was on the phone Walsh began to tell Duffy the Admiral Byrd story.
"Well, I'm a working girl, Mr. Wilde," Ida's voice said, "I didn't come in to see you on my own."
"When did you come in?" Nick asked.
"I was the one who pretended to be Mrs. Hopps, remember?" the voice stated.
Walsh has finished off the punch line and both men are laughing raucously. Nick drops the mail he's been loafing through and puts his paw over the receiver.
"Shut the fuck up!" the fox said to his counterparts, "...Yes I remember nothing, Miss Sessions, just going over a detail or two with my associates... you were saying?"
"Well I never expected anything to happen like what happened to Mr. Hopps," Ida's voice said, "the point is if it ever comes out I want somebody to know I didn't know what would happen."
"I understand," Nick replied, "if you could tell me who employed you, Miss Sessions. That could help us both."
"Oh no," the voice replied sharply and nervously.
"Why don't you give me your address and we can talk this over?" the fox asked.
"No, Mr. Wilde," Ida's voice said, "Just look in the obituary column of today's Times..."
"The obituary column?" Nick questioned.
"You'll find one of those people," the voice said.
"'Those people?' Miss sessions-" the fox began.
The line went dead and Nick just stared at his two friends.
Brown Derby
Nick is seated, flips through the paper until he finds the obituary column, scans it, looks up, abruptly tears the column from the paper, and puts it in his pocket. When he closes the paper the headlines in the left-paw column read: "WATER BOND ISSUE PASSES COUNCIL". Ten million dollar referendum to go before the public. Judy is standing at the table as he does so. He rises and allows her to sit. Nick watches her as she removes her gloves slowly... She's wearing dove gray gabardine, subdued, tailored.
"Thanks for coming," the fox said, "Drink?"
A crane is a waiter's outfit just fit for him. The rabbit, who had just hopped into the booth due to her size, looked up at the bird and ordered.
"Tom Collins with lime," Judy said, "Not lemon, please."
As the crane left, Judy looked down and smoothed her gloves. When she looked back up and got her ears to stop flopping to her side, she looked expectantly at Nick. Nick pulls out a torn envelope, the initials HCH were signed delicately on the corner.
"I got your check in the mail," the fox stated.
"Yes," the rabbit replied, "As I said, I was very grateful."
Nick fingered the envelope and coughed.
"Mrs. Hopps," the fox began, "I'm afraid that's not good enough."
"Well," Judy said, a little embarrassed, "How much would you like?"
"Stop it," Nick replied sharply, "The money's fine. It's generous but you've shortchanged me on the story."
"I have?" the rabbit asked coolly.
"I think so," the fox said, "Something besides your husband's death was bothering you. You were upset but not that upset."
"Mr. Wilde," Judy retorted icily, "Don't tell me how I feel."
The drinks come and the waiter sets them down before leaving again.
"Sorry," Nick began, "Look, you sue me, your husband dies, you drop the lawsuit like a hot potato, and all of it quicker than the wind from a duck's ass. Excuse me. Then you ask me to lie to the police."
"It wasn't much of a lie," the rabbit defended.
"If your husband was killed it was," the fox said and held up the check, "This can look like you paid me off to withhold evidence."
"But he wasn't killed," Judy said.
Nick smiled.
"I think you're hiding something, Mrs. Hopps," the fox said.
Judy remains unperturbed.
"Well," the rabbit began, "I suppose I am... actually I knew about the affair."
"How did you find out?" Nick asked.
"My husband," Judy answered.
"He told you?"
Judy nodded.
"And you weren't in the slightest bit upset about it?" the fox questioned.
"I was grateful," the rabbit replied.
Judy for the first time seemed a bit embarrassed.
"You'll have to explain that, Mrs. Hopps," Nick said.
"Why?" Judt asked.
"Look, I do matrimonial work," the fox said with a flash of annoyance, "It's my metiay. When a wife tells me she's happy her husband is cheating on her it runs contrary to my experience."
Nick looked significantly at Judy.
"Unless what?" the rabbit asked, picking up on the fox's gaze.
"She's cheating on him," Nick said.
Judy didn't reply.
"Were you?" he continued.
Judy is clearly angry but she is controlling.
"I don't like the word 'cheat'," the rabbit stated.
"Did you have any affairs," the fox asked.
"Mr. Wilde," Judy said.
"Did he know?" Nick pressed further.
"Well," the rabbit said kinda like an outburst, "I wouldn't run home and tell him whenever I went to bed with someone if that's what you mean."
This subdues Nick a little. Judy is still a little heated.
"Is there anything else you want to know?" the rabbit asked a little more calmly.
"Where you were when your husband died," the fox stated.
"I can't tell you," Judy replied.
"You mean you don't know where you were?" Nick asked, his tail trying to sway behind him despite being pinned underneath the fox's weight.
"I mean I can't tell you," she stated again.
"You were seeing someone, too," Nick said.
Judy looked squarely at him. She doesn't deny it.
"For very long?" the fox pressed further.
"I don't see anyone for very long, Mr. Wilde," Judy said, "It's difficult for me. Now I think you know all you need to about me. I didn't want publicity. I didn't want to go into any of this, then or now. Is this all?"
Nick nodded.
"Oh, by the way," the fox began, "What does 'C' stand for?"
He holds up the envelope in one paw and uses a finger from the other to point at the middle initial.
"K... Cross," the rabbit answered.
"That's your maiden name?" Nick asked.
"Yes... why?" Judy asked.
"No reason," the fox answered and pocketed the envelope.
The rabbit looked up at the fox which was a foot or so taller than her.
"You must've had a reason to ask me," Judy insisted.
"No," Nick replied with a shrug, "I'm just a snoop."
"You seem to have a reason for every other question," the rabbit stated.
"No," the fox insisted, "Not for that one."
"I don't believe you," Judy said.
Nick suddenly turns sharply into Judy.
"Do me a favor," the fox began, "Sit still and act like I'm charming."
Judy involuntarily draws back.
"There's somebody here," Nick explained, "Say something. Anything. Something like we're being intimate."
Judy reluctantly allows Nick to move closer and dangle his paw in front of their faces. She stares at him.
"How did it happen?" the rabbit asked, noting the fox's nose.
"Been meaning to talk to you about that," Nick said quietly.
"Maybe putting your nose in other people's business?" Judy teased.
"More like other people putting their business in my nose," the fox said.
Judy actually smiled a little.
The two walked out of the restaurant and into the valet parking lot. A young zebra servant stood in attention, and Nick opened the passenger door to his car for Judy.
"Oh, no," the rabbit refused, "I've got my own car, the cream-colored Packard."
"Wait a minute, sonny," Nick called out to the zebra who had begun to head to get the rabbit's car. "I think you better come with me."
"What for?" Judy asked, "There's nothing more to say." she turned to the servant. "Get my car please."
The attendant starts after it again. Nick leans on the open door of his car and into Judy. He talks quietly but spits it out.
"Okay, go home," the fox said sternly, "But in case you're interested your husband was murdered. Somebody's dumping tons of water out of the city reservoirs when we're supposedly in the middle of a drought, he found out, and he was killed. There's a waterlogged drunk in the morgue. Involuntary animal slaughter if anybody wants to take the trouble which they don't. It looks like half the city is trying to cover it all up, which is fine with me. But, Mrs. Hopps." He's now inches from her "I damn near lost my nose! And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think you're hiding something."
Judy steadies herself on the open car door. She stares at Nick for a long minute. Nick then tugged the car door close. The fox then revved up his engine and began to drive off.
"MR. WILDE!" Judy tried to call over the engine.
But Nick didn't hear her and drove out of the valet leaving the rabbit looking after him.
Nick returned to the Water and Power Department and walked into the door to Mr. Hopps's office. The secretary looked up and recognized the fox. She did not seem happy.
"F.N. Wilde to see Mr. Yelburton," Nick said.
The Secretary gets up and goes into the inner office. Nick turns and strolls around the office for a moment. He sees a photographic display of "THE HISTORY OF THE DWP. THE EARLY YEARS", along the wall. He stops as he spots a photo of the elder rabbit with the cane Nick had seen photos of earlier. He is standing high in the mountains, near a pass. The caption reads "JULIAN CROSS. 1905". The rabbit despite his age, is strikingly handsome. Nick immediately pulls out the envelope containing Judy's check. He looks at the corner of it, the paw print pad of his thumb pressing down under the middle initial 'C'. He looks back at the photos. The secretary returns.
"Mr. Yelburton will be busy for some time," she said and returned to her spot.
"Well I'm on lunch hour," the fox said and took a seat, "I'll wait."
"He's liable to be tied up indefinitely," the secretary said.
"I have a long lunch," Nick said, "All day sometimes."
Nick pulls out a cigarette case and offers the Secretary one. She refuses. He lights up and begins to hum 'The Way You Look Tonight,' strolling along the wall and looking at more photographs. Here he spots several photos of a much younger Hollis, along with Julian Cross. One of the captions: "HOLLIS HOPPS AND JULIAN CROSS AS THE AQUEDUCT CLEARS THE SANTA SUSANNAH PASS. 1912". Nick, still humming, turns to the Secretary.
"Jullian Cross worked for the water department?" the fox asked.
"Yes, No," the secretary answered.
"He did or didn't?" Nick asked.
"He owned it," the secretary answered.
Nick is genuinely surprised at the answer.
"He owned the water department?" the fox asked for clarification.
"Yes."
"He owned the entire water supply for the city?"
"Yes."
"How did they get it away from him?"
The secretary sighed.
"Mr. Hopps felt the public should own the display," she answered, "The water. If you'll just read the display."
"Hopps?" Nick asked confused, "I thought you said Cross owned the department."
"Along with Mr. Hopps," she explained.
"They were partners," Nick muttered.
"Yes, they were," the secretary said.
Soon, she got up and went back into the inner office. Nick goes back to the photographs. He hears a scratching sound, apparently coming from just outside the outer door. He moves quickly to it, hesitates, and swiftly opens the door. Work animals are behind it, scraping away Hopps's name on the outer door, looking up at Nick in some surprise. The Secretary returns and sees the work animals on the floor.
"Mr. Yelburton will see you now," she exclaimed.
Nick nodded and headed in. There is a subtle but perceptible difference in Yelburton's attitude. He's now head of the department.
"Mr. Wilde," the mouse said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. These staff meetings, they just go on and on."
"Yeah," the fox said, "Must be especially tough to take over under these circumstances."
"Oh yes," Russ agreed, "Hollis was the best department head the city's ever had. My goodness, what happened to your nose?"
"I cut myself shaving," Nick lied.
"You 'ought to be more careful," the mouse said, "That must really smart."
"Only when I breathe," the fox said.
"Only when you breathe," Russ repeated, "Don't tell me you're still working for Mrs. Hopps?"
"I never was," Nick replied.
"I don't understand," the mouse said.
"Neither do I, actually," Nick said, "But you hired me or you hired that chippie to hire me."
"Mr. Wilde," Russ defended, "You're not making a bit of sense."
"Well, look at it this way, Mr. Yelburton," the fox began to explain, "Hopps didn't want to build a dam and he had a reputation that was hard to get around, so. you decided to ruin it. Then he found out that you were dumping water every night. Then he was drowned."
"Mr. Wilde!" the mouse said, taken aback. "That's an outrageous accusation. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Well," Nick said, as he slowly headed towards the door, "Whitey Mehrholtz over at the Times will. Dumping thousands of gallons of water down the toilet in the middle of a drought. That's news."
"Wait!" Russ exclaimed, "Please sit down, Mr. Wilde. We're... well, we're not anxious for this to get around, but we have been diverting a little water to irrigate avocado and walnut groves in the northwest valley. As you know, the farmers there have no legal right to our water, and since the drought, we've had to cut them off. The city comes first, naturally. But, well, we've been trying to help some of them out, keep them from going under. Naturally, when you divert water you get a little runoff."
"Yeah," the fox said, "A little runoff. Where are those orchards?"
"I said, the northwest valley," the mouse answered.
"That's like saying they're in Arizona," Nick said.
"Mr. Wilde," Russ said, "My field men are out and I can't give you an exact location."
Nick nodded.
"You're a married mouse, am I right?" the fox questioned.
"Yes..." the mouse replied.
"Hard working," Nick continued, "Have a wife and kids..."
"Yes..." Russ repeated.
"I don't want to nail you," Nick said, "I just want to know who put you up to it. I'll give you a few days to think it over." He hands him a card. "Call me. I can help. Who knows? Maybe we can lay the whole thing off on a few big shots and you can stay head of the department for the next twenty years."
Nick gets up and leaves, leaving an unsettled Russ.
Nick returns to his own office and hands (Or paws?) Cheera his hat. The cheetah seems like she wants to tell the fox something but he's already in his office.
Judy is sitting there, smoking. She looks up at him when he enters. Nick notes a stepstool in front of the chair she's in, which explains how she got onto the chair.
"What's your usual salary?" the rabbit asks.
Nick moves to his desk, barely breaking stride at the sight of her.
"Thirty-five bucks daily for me," the fox explained, "Twenty for each of my operators, plus expenses, plus my fee if I show results."
Nick is sitting now. Judy is very pale now, obviously very shaken.
"Whoever's behind my husband's death," Judy asked, "Why have they gone to all this trouble?"
"Money," the fox exclaimed, "How they plan to make it by emptying the reservoirs, that I don't know."
"I'll pay your salary," the rabbit said, "Plus five thousand dollars if you find out what happened to Hollis and who is involved."
Nick buzzes Cheera.
"Cheera," the fox began, "Draw up one of our standard forms for Mrs. Hopps." He leans back and speaks to Judy. "Tell me, did you get married before or after Hopps and your father sold the water department?"
Judy nearly jumps at the question.
"Your father is Julian Cross, isn't he?" Nick questioned.
"Yes, of course," Judy answered, "It was quite a while after. I was just out of grade school when they did it."
"So you married your father's business partner," the fox asked.
Judy nodded. She lights another cigarette. Nick pointed to an ashtray.
"You've got one going, Mrs. Hopps," the fox stated.
"Oh," the rabbit said and quickly stubbed the nearly done cigarette out.
"Is there something upsetting about me asking about your father?" Nick asked.
"No!" Judy replied quickly, "Yes, a little. you see Hollis and my fa... my father had a falling out..."
"Over the water department?" the fox questioned, "Or you?"
"Not over me," she clarified, "Why would they have a falling out over me?"
"Then it's over the water department," Nick said.
"Not exactly," the rabbit said, "Well, I mean, yes. Yes and no. Hollis felt the public should own the water but I don't think my father felt that way. Actually, it was over the Van der Lip. The dam that broke."
"Oh, yeah?" Nick questioned.
"Yes," Judy said, "He never forgave him for it."
"Never forgave him for what?"
"For talking him into building it," the rabbit said, "He never forgave my father... They haven't spoken to this day."
"You sure about that?" Nick asked.
"Yes, of course, I'm sure," Judy said.
"What about you?" the fox asked, "Do you and your father get along?"
Cheera comes in with the forms, cutting off Judy's reply. Nick places two copies on a coffee table in front of Judy.
"Sign here," Nick said, "The other copy's for you."
Judy signs it. When she looks up, Nick is looking intently down at her.
"What're you thinking?" the rabbit asked.
"Before this, I turned on the faucet," Nick explained, "It came out hot and cold, I didn't think there was a thing to it."
Nick driving in a station wagon, passes under the sign with a cross painted below the name. The ranch itself is only partially in a valley on the island. As the wagon continues one can see that it is actually a miniature California, encompassing desert, mountains, and canyon that tumble down palisades to the windward side of the sea. The wagon comes to a halt where a group of hands are clustered around a corral. The circle of male anthro animals drifts apart, leaving Julian Cross standing, using a cane for support, reedy but handsome in a rough linen shirt and jeans. When he talks his strong face is lively, in repose it looks ravaged.
Nick later was sitting with the elder rabbit on the personal country yard veranda. Below them is a corral where paws take Arabians, one by one, and work them out, letting them run and literally kick up their heels. Cross' attention is diverted by the feral animals from time to time. An impeccable canine butler serves them their main course, broiled fish.
"You know, you gotta nasty reputation, Mr. Wilde," the rabbit said, his southern accent was kinda present but as dry as the elder rabbit himself seemed. "I like that."
"Thanks," the fox replied dubiously.
"If you were a bank president that would be one thing," Julian began, "But in your business it's admirable. And it's good advertising."
"It doesn't hurt," Nick noted.
"It's why you attract a client like my daughter," the elder rabbit said.
"Probably," the fox said.
"But I'm surprised you're still working with her," Julian said, "Unless she's suddenly come up with another husband."
"No," Nick replied, "She happens to think the last one was murdered."
The elder rabbit is visibly surprised.
"How did she get that idea?" Julian asked.
"I think I gave it to her," the fox said.
Julian nods.
"Uh-Huh," the elder rabbit said. He noticed Nick's weird gestures to the dish before him. "Oh, I hope you don't mind. I believe they should be served with the head."
Nick glances down at the fish whose isinglass eye is glazed over with the heat of cooking.
"Fine," Nick said, "As long as you don't serve the chicken that way."
Julian laughed.
"Tell me," the elder rabbit asked, "What do the police say?"
"They're calling it an accident," the fox answered.
"Who's the investigating officer?" Julian asked.
"Grim Rescupar," Nick answered, "He's a Lieutenant."
"Do you know him?" the elder rabbit asked.
"Oh yes," Nick answered.
"Where from?"
"We worked in Zootopia together."
"Would you call him a capable animal?"
"Very."
"Honest?"
"Far as it goes," the fox said, "Of course, he has to swim in the water we all do."
"Of course," the elder rabbit agreed, "But you've got no reason to think he's bungled the case?"
"None," Nick said.
"That's too bad," Julian said.
"Too bad?" The fox questioned.
"It disturbs me, Mr. Wilde," the elder rabbit explained, "It makes me think you're taking my daughter for a ride. Financially speaking, of course. How much are you charging her?"
"My usual fee," Nick answered carefully, "Plus a bonus if I come up with any results."
"Are you sleeping with her?" Julian asked, Nick couldn't tell if he was serious or teasing. "Come, come, Mr. Wilde. You don't have to think about that to remember, do you?"
The fox laughed.
"If you want an answer to that question," Nick said, "I can always put one of my men on the job. Good afternoon, Mr. Cross."
"Mr. Wilde!" Julian exclaimed, "You're dealing with a disturbed female rabbit who's lost her husband. I don't want her taken advantage of. Sit down."
"What for?" the fox asked.
"You may think you know what you're dealing with," the elder rabbit said, which Nick could've sworn was a threat. "But believe me, you don't."
This stops Nick, who's faintly amused by it.
"Why is that funny?" Julian asked.
"It's what the D.A. used to tell me about Zootopia," Nick explained.
"Was he right?"
Nick shrugged.
"...Exactly what do you know about me, Mr. Wilde?" the elder rabbit asked.
"Mainly that you're rich," the fox began, "And too respectable to want your name in the papers."
"'Course I'm respectable," Julian grunted, "I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and men all get respectable if they last long enough. I'll double whatever your fees are and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars if you can find Hollis' girlfriend."
"His girlfriend?" Nick questioned.
"Yes, his girlfriend," the elder rabbit clarified.
"You mean the little bunny he was with at the El Macando?" the fox asked.
"Yes," Julian said, "She's disappeared, hasn't she?"
"Yeah," Nick said.
"Doesn't that strike you as odd?" the elder rabbit asked.
"No," the fox answered, "She's probably scared to death."
"Wouldn't it be useful to talk to her?" Julian asked.
"Maybe."
"If Hollis was murdered, she was probably one of the last people to see him."
"You didn't see Hollis much, did you?"
"No."
"When was the last time?"
Cross starts to reply, then there's the sound of a Mariachi band and some anthro men in formation clear a bluff about a hundred yards off. They are dressed like dons on horseback. For the most part, they are fat in the saddle and pass along in disordered review to the music.
"Sheriff's gold posse," the elder rabbit explained, "Bunch of damn fools who pay $5,000 apiece to the sheriff's reelection. I let 'em practice up out here."
"Yeah," Nick said, "Do you remember the last time you talked to Hollis?"
Julian shook his head.
"At my age," the elder rabbit said, "You tend to forget things..."
"Well, It was about five days ago," the fox began confidentially, "You were outside the Pig 'n Whistle and you had one hell of an argument."
Julian looked at Nick in some real surprise.
"I've got the photographs in my office," Nick continued, "If they'll help you remember. What was the argument about?"
There was a long pause.
"My daughter," Julian finally answered.
"What about her?" the fox pressed on.
"Just find the bunny, Mr. Wilde," the elder rabbit exclaimed, "I think she is frightened and I happen to know Hollis was fond of her. I'd like to help her if I can."
"I didn't realize you and Hollis were so fond of each other," Nick said.
The elder rabbit looked hatefully at the fox.
"Hollis Hopps made this city and he made me a fortune," Julian said, "We were a lot closer than Judy realized."
"If you want to hire me," Nick explained, "I still have to know what you and Hopps were arguing about."
"Well," the elder rabbit began painfully, "She's an extremely jealous rabbit. I don't want her to find out about the bunny."
"How did you find out?" the fox questioned.
"I've still got a few teeth in my head, Mr. Wilde," Julian exclaimed, "And a few friends in town."
"Okay," Nick said and stood up to leave, "My secretary'll send you a letter of agreement. Tell me are you worried about that bunny, or what Judy might do to her?"
"Just find the bunny," Julian claimed once more.
"I'll look into it," the fox said as he placed his fedora back on, "As soon as I check out some avocado groves."
"Avacado groves?" the elder rabbit questioned.
"We'll be in touch, Mr. Cross," Nick said and grinned and walked off, swaying his tail behind him.