Roxanne Ritchi was having a long run of bad luck. Starting with a stomach ache three days ago that led to her currently being immobile on her couch, unable to make it to her bedroom without the help of some very strong opioids…that she couldn't fucking open, her only option was to curl up and not move at all until her hands were steady enough to open the pain killers…and the three kinds of antibiotics she was supposed to be taking.
Oh yeah it couldn't get much worse. She thought ruefully, as her balcony doors burst open.
"Cease your fearful trembling Miss. Ritchi, it will do you no good, your fate is inescapable." Megamind proclaimed, striding into her apartment like he fucking owned it.
It appeared Roxanne's streak of bad luck was continuing, it didn't look like he noticed her curled up on the couch, so she took the opportunity to remind him exactly whose apartment he was striding into.
"Can't do the knockout spray today if it interacts with opiates." She remarked, rattling the bottle. Megamind for his part did a double take at seeing her curled up looking small and pail on her red couch.
"Opiates Miss. Ritchi really? You didn't think to start with cannabis first?" He scolded, dmaking her glare.
"Their prescription dick…actually I'm kinda really sick right now, so if you want to do a kidnapping, could you open those bottles for me?" She asked, mostly expecting him to leave, but instead he did stride over and start popping caps for her.
"Piperacillin, Ticarcillin, Ceftriaxone, Meropenem, Ciprofloxacin-" he read out as he opened each bottle, he had her pain medication unopened in his hand when he looked back at her, "There is no way I can spray you with this many antibiotics in your system, let alone these pain killers, really Miss. Ritchi, what did you do?"
"Oh well forgive me, the next time I have to have an organ removed I'll be sure to give you a two day notice so we can organize kidnappings." She bit back, falling into familiar banter and hoping to spur him on into saying something about frail human bodies, so she could retort with something about strength of will. She always had to plan a little ahead with her banter, because he was cunning, and a reporter couldn't be left speechless when the cameras were on it just wouldn't do.
What she didn't expect was for the pill bottle to clatter out of his hands and rattle across the floor, while he stared at her completely shellshocked. The look in his eyes was more than care, more than worry. It was something harrowing that Roxanne didn't want to dwell on, but as a reporter who specialized in the age-old conflict of good and evil she was more aware than anyone that all villains had their tragic backstories.
"I- they did wha- are you okay?" He eventually settled with asking gently kneeling next to her couch and reaching a hand out that seemed to skirt just above her shoulder before retreating, his bright emerald eyes finding hers with a look that spoke more loudly than any words every could, making Roxanne bite back any retort that she might have been preparing and just showing him some of that good old fashioned humanity…well….maybe not humanity but still, some kindness and understanding.
"I had an emergency appendectomy, Megamind. I'm fine, it's a pretty normal procedure and half the time most people don't need all of this, but I waited until my appendix literally exploded and filled my abdomen with bile before-" She stopped mid-explanation as she watched his face shift as he started thinking. It was almost fascinating to watch him start to plot things out and put them together, "Do you know what an appendix is?" She eventually asked.
"Ah, umm, no." He admitted, fishing her painkillers out and blessidly opening them for her.
"Okay, so it's just a little tiny vestigial organ attached to the intestines that stores bacteria and stuff…at least I think it's vestigial. I honestly can't think of a single fucking thing it does, but sometimes it can just decide to not organ; so it gets infected, swells up, and then if they don't remove it it pops spreading infection and bacteria all throughout the body…I waited until mine popped." She explained, swallowing the handful of pills dry and waiting for the blessed relief to happen.
"Well…at least it was vestigial." He replied, perching his long fingers together in a villanout steeple as he thought.
What the fuck, I've had a shitty couple days so why not go all in.
"Yeah…I just wish that they were able to finish sewing me up before they had to wake me." She replied, watching the color drain from his face, turning him a pail eggshell blue.
"WhAAT?" He screeched out, falling backwards from where he was still kneeling and making Roxanne giggle tiredly.
"Yeah I've had a bad couple days. I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic and they were worried I was going to stop breathing, so they had to make an emergency call to start waking me up."
"I…ummm I…I needed to know if you were allergic to any sedatives." Was obviously his most logical concern.
"Until three days ago I had never had a reaction to one…I still need to read over my discharge paperwork to find out which one I had a reaction to…I'm sure they told me but it was all kinda a blur until I got here and couldn't open my medicine…then you broke in to kidnap me." She finished, watching his shoulders rise up around his ears, like a petulant child called out for being out of class. "Which I mean we can still totally do, you just need to watch the stitches."
"Stitches? Ummm no that won't do. The plan I had wouldn't….you can't do it with stitches, I don't think." He replied, slinking closer again, "Can…would it be alright if I took a look?" He asked, a hand trailing absently over his own abdomen, almost like he didn't notice he was doing it.
"Yeah, but just to warn you, normal appendectomy stitches are usually really small incisions here," She explained, pointing to below her navel, "And here." to the dip in her waist. "But mine is a little bigger because my appendix exploded and was kinda killing me a little." She explained, finally lifting up her loose fitting tee, to reveal a long line of stitching down her side.
"Well. I would say that the kidnapping for today is off then." He eventually said as he stared at where she had been opened up and sewn back closed.
"I guess…sorry." Roxanne eventually said, readjusting herself on the couch so that she could gingerly sit up.
"For what?" Megamind asked, causing Roxanne to have to hold back painful laughs.
"You know what, you're right. I was apologizing for not being able to be kidnapped today, but that's just ridiculous now that I say it outloud." She replied, making Megamind finally smile again since she had mentioned her surgery.
"By far, not the most ridiculous thing you have said today, Miss. Ritchi." He replied, as he stood up, turning with a flourish and letting his cape fan out behind him dramatically, "well, you have been spared my wrath today, but be warned I intend to collect interest the next time our paths cross." He assured her before leaving dramatically.
Through the duration of her recovery Roxanne kept finding soups and reversible heating and cooling compresses strewn around her apartment mysteriously.
So maybe her luck wasn't so bad