Chapter 5

Alina sat on the ground in front of the campfire, Nikolai's head pillowed in her lap. They'd laid him on his side and loosely draped a blanket over him in deference to the wounds on his back. He hadn't woken up since Alina had banished the monster and changed him back. She stroked his hair as he twitched in the throes of shock. There was only so much they could do out here.

Tamar came over and crouched down behind him to check his back. Alina's stomach twisted at the diagonal cuts, still gaping and angry red. Tamar moved her hands over them, mending more muscle and tissue bit by bit. Alina didn't know if it was so slow going because the twins weren't trained as Healers, or if the wounds were tainted by merzost that was inhibiting their power. She shifted her gaze to the puckered scar high on Nikolai's shoulder where veins of shadow still festered. She hadn't tried to burn the rest of it out yet; she'd nearly killed Nikolai the first time, and she wasn't even sure yet whether he would survive the trauma of that. Tamar and Tolya were doing all they could, though. The rest of them would just have to wait and see and pray.

Alina's eyes met Mal's across the fire, both of them looking grim. Tamar finished with her ministrations and lowered the blanket again, careful to not let the fabric touch the wounds. She gave Alina a commiserative look and then returned to her seat by the fire.

"I don't understand," Alina said quietly, breaking the silence. "Why didn't my power burn all of it out?"

No one said anything. David opened his mouth to answer, then stopped and closed it. He was at a loss too.

"The important thing is you brought Nikolai back to himself," Mal said. "We'll figure out what to do next from here."

They fell silent again, save for the crackling fire and sporadic hoot of a nearby owl. They divvied up the watches for the night, and Tolya came to take Alina's place. She carefully slid out as he took Nikolai's head and cradled it gently as he maneuvered into her spot. Alina went to lie down on a bed roll next to Mal and tried to sleep.

She dreamed of Kirigan. He was wreathed in writhing shadows as he leered at her. She tried to run, but everywhere she turned, there he was. She jolted awake with a violent gasp and found herself in the woods, Mal asleep beside her. Her chest heaved with frantic breaths as her heart tried to beat its way out. It wasn't real, not like her dreams had been before, when she and Kirigan were still linked through the Stag. She knew it wasn't real, but she couldn't convince her body of that.

Tolya looked over at her from his spot watching over Nikolai. Without saying a word, he lifted his hands and directed them toward her. She felt her heart rate start to slow down, the thundering drums petering down to fluttery thumps. Her breathing calmed. She nodded her thanks and lay back down, though she didn't try to sleep again, too afraid of being ensnared in that dream again. Kirigan was dead, but a fragment of him still lived, and it terrified her.

The next morning, Mal went off to hunt their breakfast. Alina went over to check on Nikolai, but his condition was the same. Tolya had one hand resting on his shoulder and the other curved underneath to brace his front, that hand pressed over Nikolai's heart. At least he was still hanging on.

Alina picked up one of his hands and ran her thumb over the black scars that branched down his fingers from where the talons had erupted. Unlike his back, they hadn't left bleeding wounds, just the marks of the demon. His feet were the same. Alina wanted to ask the twins if they could heal those, but there was still the more serious wound to contend with, so she didn't bring it up. Perhaps Genya could tailor them away when they got back to the Grand Palace.

Mal returned with his catch, which they cooked and then ate in somber silence. Alina was feeling antsy over just how long they were going to be stuck stranded out here when Tolya's soft voice broke the tension.

"Nikolai?"

She whipped her head up in time to see Nikolai's eyelids fluttering languidly. She hurried over and knelt down in front of him. "Nikolai?" she called.

He moaned and started to roll backward, but Alina and Tolya quickly stopped him.

"Don't move," she urged. "You're badly injured."

His gaze wasn't quite focusing yet as he blinked up at her, then around the camp. Alina saw when recognition and perhaps memory hit, as his eyes blew wide and he started to twist on the ground. Mal rushed over and took over bracing his back so he wouldn't roll onto it, freeing up Tolya's hands to use his heartrending and calm Nikolai's panicked breathing.

"Easy, you're safe," Tolya told him.

But Nikolai was so weak that the Heartrender's influence was driving him the other direction, and he looked on the verge of passing out again.

"Stop," Alina said urgently, then took Nikolai's hands in hers. "Nikolai, look at me. You're safe. Just breathe."

His wild eyes fixed on hers, and they all waited as he fought to compose himself. When he finally opened his mouth to speak, to say her name, his voice came out in the hoarsest rasp, and he broke off with a pained cough.

Tamar brought over a canteen. "Can you sit up?"

He nodded, and Tolya reached underneath his right shoulder.

"Let us do it," Tolya said.

He and Mal both carefully pulled Nikolai upright and kept a firm grasp on him as he swayed between them. Tamar held the canteen to his lips, and he reached up to hold it himself, though she didn't let go. He took several gulps before she pulled it away.

"Not too fast, or you'll make yourself sick," she cautioned.

Nikolai didn't respond. He was still trembling, and then his gaze landed on his hands. He held them up in front of his face, his pallor losing its last bit of color as he stared in horror at the scars.

"You're okay," Alina said earnestly, even though that was far from true.

He shot a hand up to his shoulder where the original wound was, and his breathing grew frantic again.

"Slow down," Mal urged. "We've got you."

"Oh, Saints," Nikolai rasped.

"Do you remember what happened?" Tolya asked.

He nodded shakily and looked around. "Where are we?"

"The southern end of the Sikurzoi."

Nikolai's throat bobbed, and he clutched at the edges of the blanket, pulling them tighter about himself. But he cried out as the fabric pressed against the open wounds on his back.

Mal swiftly tugged the blanket out of his weak grip and removed it, turning it around to drape over Nikolai from the front. Tolya shifted his hands to address the wounds again.

"You have some deep cuts on your back," Alina explained. "From…" She broke off. "Tolya and Tamar have been doing their best to heal them. We'll get you to the Grand Palace and a trained Healer."

Nikolai's eyes widened again and he shook his head frantically.

"No one outside of us knows," she quickly told him. "And Zoya and Genya. They're running things for now, and Genya's tailored someone to stand in as your double. No one knows what happened. We will fix this."

Nikolai looked terrified and still in shock, and Alina didn't blame him; she was terrified by this too. But she mustered a brave front for him, somehow managing to exude calm confidence. He had been there for her many times, ever the stalwart comfort, and now it was her turn to do the same for him.

He finally gave a jerky nod and roved his gaze around at them all. "Thank you," he said, voice husky from abuse.

"Rest," Tolya replied. "When you're ready, we'll start back."

But since Nikolai couldn't lie down comfortably, getting rest was problematic. He stayed upright, leaning heavily on Tolya and Mal, who remained beside him. Tamar brought him more water and some food scraps, though Nikolai waved off the cooked meat.

"What was it like?" David asked, earning several surprised and indignant glares. He faltered in confusion. "Sorry, are we waiting until we get back to Os Alta? I just thought I would start puzzling it out now." He waved vaguely at his head.

Alina rolled her eyes. Yes, they needed to learn what they were dealing with, but Nikolai had literally just come back from death's doorstep.

"It's fine," Nikolai said.

Alina winced at the way his voice sounded like sand grating on broken glass.

"The- the thing," he started haltingly. "Demon. We- we fought for control. I was aware the whole time." He coughed roughly, and Tamar helped him drink some more. "I couldn't speak. I didn't really understand words anymore either, just…feelings. Urges. I knew I didn't want to hurt anyone." He dropped his gaze to the ground.

"So it had sentience, but not necessarily intelligence?" David asked.

Nikolai shrugged. "I suppose. I don't know. I remember…whispers, maybe." He shuddered and curled in on himself.

"Is that enough?" Mal asked.

David nodded hastily. "Yes, um, yes. Thank you."

"We can leave now," Nikolai added.

Alina was torn between asking if he was sure he was ready and actually getting him out of here, so she held her tongue.

The twins finally brought out a roll of bandages and carefully wrapped Nikolai's torso for the long hike back to the Kingfisher. Mal gave him his coat to wear over that. And David sacrificed his ushanka-hat, refashioning it into a pair of fur shoes for Nikolai's feet. Then, with Tolya and Mal supporting the king between them, they set off at a slow pace down the mountain.

They had to pause every so often for Tamar to numb the nerves in Nikolai's back around the wounds when the pain became too much for him to keep moving. There was no chatter among them, no friendly banter or Nikolai's quips. Alina glanced back at him frequently, noting the haunted look that remained in his eyes. All throughout the war, he had never lost that spark, that sense of humor.

She hoped this wasn't what finally extinguished his spirit.

They reached the sky vessel where they'd left it, undisturbed, and climbed aboard. Tolya and Mal could finally ease Nikolai down to sit and rest, while Nadia filled the sails and Tamar started the engines. Alina watched as Nikolai closed his eyes and pressed the side of his face into the bulwark. She imagined the ship felt more like home than the Grand Palace truly did.

The ship rose up and sailed into the sky. Nikolai went slack as exhaustion finally took him, and Alina looked away.

Mal came to stand beside her.

"Will you stay?" she asked quietly. "Even though you've fulfilled my request for a tracker."

Mal nodded, his gaze settled on Nikolai. "I thought the two of you might have…it would be understandable."

Alina quirked a brow at him.

"For the pretend intimacy of an engagement to become real," he clarified.

She turned to face him in offense. "No. I care for Nikolai as a dear friend. The work we've done together these past weeks…it feels like a true partnership. And he has never asked for anything more. He respects us both too much for that," she added.

Mal nodded again and slipped his hand into hers. "I will stay as long as is needed to see our friend through his."

Alina squeezed back. Their friend. The king of Ravka.

Why did the stakes have to be so high? As if the fate of Nikolai's soul wasn't grave enough.