Warning: This chapter contains sexual themes and talk of bodily functions. If you wish to avoid this feel free to skip ahead, but I cannot guarantee you will miss future mentions. Rated M for a reason*

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" —Erich Fromm

Chapter 20

As the afternoon light lit the sky, and they had been riding for many hours, Amber began to grow restless, grumbling as she shifted herself in front of Legolas.

He wondered what could be bothering her, for they had ridden much longer distances on the days previous. "Are you well?" He asked her, concern creasing his brow.

"I am... not ideally situated" she replied in a strained voice.

Alarmed, he pressed further "What can I do? Shall I move further away? Is it your wound?"

There was a pause as she seemed to consider what to tell him, but then a jolt from Arod, who had trotted over a thistle, seemed to cause her further pain as she whined, head thrown back. "Amber! You must tell me what is the matter!" Insisted the now frantic elf.

She groaned "I cannot! It is not for the ears of a man"

He hesitated, before replying "but I am an elf"

She turned then, twisting round to give him the full extend of her exasperated expression. "Surely you know of what I speak.. or wish not to speak?"

His brow furrowed as he tried to think of what could not be spoken of with a man... or male? Haltingly, he asked "Have you been hurt..." he did not know how to refer to a woman's loins to the lady herself, flushing in his embarrassment and eyes flicking downwards to the region he wished to refer to.

If possible, Amber's brow creased further, looking alarmed as well as frustrated. "No" she paused then, closing her eyes as if praying to the Valar for strength. "I bleed"

At first, he did not understand her meaning, wondering if her wound had reopened. But after comparing her clear reluctance to speak of it, with how willing she had been for him to change her bandages before, he realised that this could not be her meaning. Finally, he guessed at what would make a woman so bold as she, flush in embarrassed silence.

"You bleed... it is your time of the moon?" He asked this quietly, though it was unlikely any but an elf would be able to hear them above the sound of thundering hooves that surrounded them.

Seeming both relieved that he had understood, and mortified that he knew this intimate fact, she nodded, her face grim.

"I see" he said, and pondered this. If it was her time to bleed then (assuming that her anatomy and cycles were akin to elves), it was likely that she had bled during their time in Lothlorien. He seemed to recall several days, although the time in that land seemed vague and unlinear, that she had taken to rest more frequently, forgoing their long walks and remaining either in slumber, or wandering to the bathing chambers. At the time he had thought her mourning, as they all did, but now he saw that she likely had been suffering without his knowledge.

The thought of her pain, and the clear agony she was in when the horse jolted, bothered him greatly, as he felt at a loss of how to help her. "What can I do?" He asked again, knowing that there was likely very little.

She looked long at him, eyes shining until a tear tracked down one cheek. He caught it with his forefinger, and gently stroked across the dampened cheek with his thumb. "Forgive me" she said, shaking her head, "I did not expect such courtesy. My brothers would have been disgusted"

"I am not one of your brothers" he said, though they both knew that too well. "What can alleviate this pain for you?"

She shook her head again, though some of her tension now seemed to lessen, "Not much. Usually I rest. My mother has herbs that she would make into a tea which helps, but I have none with me here"

He thought of their packs, left under a Lorien boat on the bank of the river Anduin, and wondered if she had had any with her there. "Shall I ask Aragorn of any medicine that may be of help?" He asked.

"Nay!" She said, alarmed. "Do not tell anyone of this. This is yet another reason that men think that women are lesser. I do not need further scorn. All will be well in a few days"

The grim set of her face touched at his heart, and he again thought how much good fortune he had not even considered to be his, before coming on this journey. She turned away then, facing forward, slumping slightly in her place as fatigue made her body heavy.

He leant forward, unthinking except for easing her pain, and tenderly kissed the exposed skin on her shoulder, above the line of her tunic, wishing to sooth her. She shivered in response, leaning back into him so that he could take some of her weight.

"If you wished to seduce me, I wish you had done so earlier and saved me from this pain" she muttered, partly to herself, though, of course, he could hear her. His heart stuttered, throat drying and causing him to swallow convulsively at her words.

The very thought of seducing her had his blood boiling. Did she want that? He believed that she loved him, as he did her, but they were not yet wed. Although for his people, it was not looked down upon to have intimacy between intended partners before they were wed before their kin, it was expected. Elves had only one love in their long lifetimes, so no scandal came from coupling prematurely, but the thought had not crossed his mind, perhaps due to his station as a Prince and the additional expectations of such a position.

The thought, now swirled in his mind, her words replaying in it. 'I wish you had done so earlier and saved me from this pain' she had said. The only thing he knew of that would stop a female bleeding with each moon was to be with child. Intimacy was enough, but was she truly speaking of him impregnating her? In jest? He could not fathom such a thing, never having known a woman to speak in such a brazen way as she. Did she know how deeply he kept hidden such desires? He would have been content to simply remain by her side for whatever eternity they had left; but now that she had made such a statement, he could think of nothing else but his child, housed within her belly.

The act to impregnate her alone seemed too much for his heart to handle. Before he could stop himself, he saw in his mind the Beorning woman beneath him, unclad and moaning, a sound akin to that which he had heard from her lips as she had bathed her feet in the stream, Nimrodel, before they had passed into Lothlorien. Even then the sound had aroused him, though shame at such a feeling he had felt at that time. Now that he knew she loved him, and had hinted at her desire, his arousal had no censure.

He felt his face flush with the fire that travelled deep below his belly and alighted in his loins. Powerless to prevent his own body's reaction, he grew hard, more so than he had ever felt before, even when he was young and full of ardour.

With the closeness of their bodies, he knew that she must feel it, this fact mortifying him as he tried, futilely, to move away from her on the horse.

"Legolas?" She asked him, wondering at his sudden reaction. Perhaps she had imagined the change in his body, she dared not place too much store in hope. She knew that he loved her, he had declared himself so beautifully by the stone bench in Lothlorien, but did he desire her as she did him?

"I wished to give you some space" he said, his voice strained to her ears.

Her heart dropped "You are disgusted" the resignation in her voice sounding close to misery as she bitterly wished she had not told him of her plight.

"Nay!" He said vehemently, moving closer again but keeping himself at an odd angle so that his chest was against her back but he held his legs and stomach away. "Would you believe me if I told you the truth, though it pains me to do so?"

She considered for a moment before agreeing.

"I..." he faltered, this hesitation from him entirely new to her. "I was reacting to what you said. I felt that I should have wed you before having such thoughts, but your words had taken me by surprise. I cannot trust my body in this moment and I do not wish to follow my desires in such a position, on a horse and among so many"

Her skin felt alive at his words, tingling with anticipation and desire. "Truly?" She asked him.

She felt his nod as his chin brushed the top of her head. "Truly. You are not distressed by my saying so?"

"Of course not!" She said, and felt that she could laugh in joy, "Would you feel distress if I told you how long I have desired you?"

He did not speak, Instead pulling her to him, pressing her back and bottom flush with his front, so that she could feel how much he felt the same. She let out a gasp, startled at his sudden action and the feel of him against her. He pressed his face into her hair, not caring who saw.

His lips brushed her ear, just below the golden clip which held it back on that side as was mirrored on the other. "I will give to you all that you desire, meleth nin" he murmered, his voice low and gravelled with arousal, "We must finish our task, but all that I am belongs to you, now and until my days are ended"

She shivered against him, pressing herself back and tilting her head to give him better access to where his lips now brushed against her neck, just below her ear. He pressed another kiss there, echoing the action that had caused them to declare themselves, before leaning back again, resuming his more polite seat behind her, though keeping his body close and arm wrapped around her sternum as they rode.

As night fell, a large camp was made, circled with armed guards. They did not light fires or make much noise, so as to remain as hidden as was possible when such a host rode out to war. Amber lay close beside Legolas, and under the clouded sky which hid most of the stars, not much could be seen. The Beorning's night vision was likely best among all of the large company, so she felt safe from unwanted eyes as most of the men fell to sleep, she scooted closer to the elf. He wrapped an arm around her, something seeming to have changed between them since their conversation on the ride that day, their physicality with one another becoming more easy and less uncertain.

As she fell to sleep she thought again of the day's events, her mind dwelling on the conversation between she and her soon to be lover. The thought of this sent a chill thrumming through her, and feeling this, the elf pulled her closer, thinking her cold. The scent of him calmed her, and she drifted off in his arms, more content than she could ever recall being.

Additional translations

Meleth nin = My love