Chapter 1;
"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person."
― Gerard Way
It was the first day of my senior year and I was back in Forks. Charlie had insisted I stay in Phoenix but I needed to do this. I needed to come back and face my past. I was eighteen and yet every morning I woke up a sixteen year old, face wet with tears and stuck in a world of nightmares. My life had become a cocktail of prescription drugs and sleeping pills. I knew what I had to do even if the pain would never end,I wanted to have hope. I wanted my life back .I had gained back the use of my legs yet I was nothing more than a zombie surrounded by friends and people who saw me as a charity case I was .I hated seeing the pity in my mother's eyes every time she looked at me and even though Phil never said a word I knew I was always a drag on his relationship with Renée. They had had to postpone their marriage for a year while I was in rehab. I had to give them space. I needed to live again even if I couldn't stop the forest green and sea blue eyes from taking over my dreams I had to get back to Forks, at least that's what she kept saying- Alice. I had never been one to believe in the supernatural but for the past six months the dreams were always the same, always recurring. Alice telling me to come back followed by screams, splashes of blood a sea of blue and green eyes and they always ended with me staring into Jaspers frantic and wild eyes as I last saw them.
I had never been to Forks High school, never held a conversation with Jasper or with the Cullens. It had been a vacation gone wrong and Charlie would never forgive himself for what happened. I took a deep breath as I sat in the beaten down red Truck Charlie had gotten me. This was a first time I was getting behind the wheels since the accident. Charlie stood at a distance watching as I took a deep breath and started the car. I flashed him a wide smile and tried to hold back the tears that were glistening in my eyes. It was a genuine smile I was trying my best to move on and Charlie knew it. He waved as I drove off. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I drove to the school. Would he be there, would he remember me and most of all did he hate me?
I stood outside the school watching as the student trickled in. I caught a couple of students staring my way. I hated being the new girl. I nervously closed the door and for the first time in years I wished I had a smoke but I had quit a few months after the accident. After a few minutes I started making my way to the entrance. I was almost across the parking lot when I heard the bike coming at me. For some reason I stood frozen in place as I watched the rider with his jet black leather jacket coming towards me. I couldn't see his face through his helmet. I held my breath and for some reason I couldn't force my feet to move out of the way. I watched paralyzed as he sped towards me. I shut my eyes out of instinct .I didn't remember what happened next because all I saw after opening my eyes was a blond girl asking if I was okay. I nodded frantically too shocked to talk as she escorted me inside. I tried to grasp what she was saying but all I caught was her telling me to forget about that jerk. Jessica and her friends helped me get my schedule and other things in order however a part of me wondered if I would see the biker from hell again or the resident bad boy as Jessica and Lauren referred to him.
My first period was with Jessica, Lauren ,Eric and a cute boy who Jessica could not stop looking at. The classes were boring and uneventful. I found myself waiting anxiously for lunch .I couldn't wait to get away from Lauren and Jessica and their boring talk. As much as I wanted to avoid them,I did not want to be alone so I stuck with them. They weren't all that bad but talking about clothes , shoes and shopping all the time was not my kind of thing.
I walked into the cafeteria after finding my locker to grab my lunch. I was not really sure of what I wanted to eat or rather i did not feel hungry so I settled for an apple. I had my jar of peanut butter in with me (it was a habit I had picked from my mum who loved apples and peanut butter).I scanned the cafeteria looking for a friendly face however there was no need. Jessica ushered me to her table and reintroduced me to her friends who I had already met as well as Angela Weber. She seemed shy but there was a nice aura around. I guess she was the first person I felt comfortable with. I watched Jessica out of the corner of my eyes as she stared at the time every five seconds.
"Marie he's going to appear any moment from now" she said .I shuddered when I realized she was referring to me. I should have been used to it by now but whenever someone called me by my middle name it was a reminder that I had lost a part of myself. Charlie had changed my name to prevent me from being linked to the incident. According to Charlie, Isabella swan had become a household name after the accident and since I wanted a new start I had to become Marie Dwyer. I blinked trying to brush away all thoughts about my old self when I saw him enter. His hair was a little longer than it looked when I had last seen him. I had never actually studied him closely but as I took in his tall slender form the more he looked like a rock star his jacket and long hair. The cafeteria turned silent as he took a seat in a corner by the window. I watched as he pulled up a thick book and a sandwich. As if feeling my eyes on him he turned towards me and scowled at me and turned back to his book. I looked at the apple on my plate and knew I was not going to touch my lunch. I stood up and rushed to the washroom hoping no one noticed the tears pricking my eyes.
I had seen Jasper Whitlock.
He was no longer in a straight jacket.
His eyes were no longer bright nor wild.
He did not remember me.
Most of all I had seen myself in Jaspers eyes he was no longer living, he was just existing.