A/N: Okay it's been about a year but I finally have time to keep this up! I'm sure whoever reads this will be new to the story, so enjoy and please feel free to leave constructive criticism.

No more death threats please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter :(

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Lily's POV:

So, that was awkward. To say the least. McGonagall flipped a shit on James for knocking the glowworms over and I turned around to avoid the death stare I could feel burning a hole into the back of my head.

I know, telekinesis!

I love you James! Not Remus! We're tricking you!

I turned around… no, still going with the narrowed eyes. Quite frightening I must say. A bit sexy too.

I'm surely going to hell.

A few hours later I was outside by the lake trying to work out my nerves with some of Faye's karma yoga spirit stuff. Couldn't hurt, right?

"Now take a deep breath until you cant let any more air into your body and then let it out very slowly until you have released all of the negative energy you feel…"

Blah blah blah I wonder where James is. I wonder if he is thinking about me. Well if he is they're probably not good thoughts. Maybe they're dirty thoughts—

"Lily, breathe." Faye hummed.

This obviously isn't my thing.

I sat Indian style next to her with my open palms on each knee facing the lake. The sun was setting and it was all very beautiful but honestly I don't have time for this crap. I have to find a way to tell James how I feel without him flipping out on me because of the whole I-hooked-up-with-his-best-friend thing so it would probably take along while for him to forgive me for that—

"Lily, are you breathing?" Faye asked in her mellow tone.

"Er—yeah," I snapped out of it quickly.

"Breathe, Lily." She sighed. Her eyes were closed. How the hell is she so Zen? I can't be arsed with this foolish breathing at the moment! Honestly, I know how to breathe. I don have time for this! I have a crisis!

"I know you aren't relaxing and that will be the first step to solving this problem." She said in the same tone.

Loon.

Well…maybe she was right. Stressing myself wasn't doing much good at the moment.

Oh, toss it.

I jumped up and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Faye I cant." I said with my hands on my hips.

She nodded and kept breathing with her eyes closed. "Go back, take a run…work it off."

I rolled my eyes since I know she couldn't see it.

"Don't roll your eyes, it will do you good." She sighed.

What the?

"Alright, well I'm heading back in." I grabbed my bag and trudged my way back up the hill. I looked back to see her in the same position as before. Loony, I'm telling you.

I had a new problem as well. If James ever fancied me, he definitely didn't anymore. Every time I saw him he scowled at me though it seemed that he and Remus had patched things up.

I know! So unfair.

I suppose I'm the bad guy now. That definitely makes sense…

Anyway, like clockwork every time I passed him the hall after potions (a time of day I would wait for and reapply lippy right before) he would turn in the opposite direction. Lucky me. If I saw him in the dining hall he would sit as far away as possible. And it has only been one week.

I even went as far as attempting a SMILE at him a couple of days ago and he ignored it once again.

Idiot. Pratboy.

The unfortunate thing is it only fuels my crush on him because I feel like I lost the days where he would tease and flirt with me. How stupid of me to think it was all in jest and push him away.

I hate myself.

I hate my life.

I hate James Potter.

Even though I want to be Lily Potter.

Shut up brain! Oh my god, please kill me.

Damn it.

This project we would have to do for the holidays was definitely going to be interesting. Interesting meaning dysfunctional, uncomfortable, problematic, difficult, ill at ease, and above all: awkward.

I don't even want to get into the Harold thing either…oy.

So my new plan is to act the way I've been acting all along. Defense mechanism, people. Deny, deny, deny, and when all else fails, deny.

I hate James Potter. See? I'm getting there.

…I think I'm going to be sick.

James's POV:

I was walking down the hall with my hands in my pockets with Sirius, Peter, and the traitor when I saw Amelia Fitzsmith (some blonde bird) lounging by the entrance of our advanced Charms class. This should be easy.

"Hi James." She smiled flirtatiously.

Maybe a little too easy.

"Hi there lovely." I smiled back.

What? I'm in mourning. So sue me.

We walked into the classroom and I saw her sitting at her usual front row center seat. She was bent over some journal or something, furiously scribbling. Damn her. With her impossibly sweet face screwed up in frustration.

"Why Jamsie Poo," Sirius clapped me on the back as we approached our seats. "I believe I just saw you flirting with that trite little blonde."

I gave him a stale look.

He only smiled and spoke so no one but us could hear, "Now forgive me if I am wrong, and this will sound very odd coming from yours truly, but don't you fancy Evans?"

I ignored him.

"Okay forget that question, how about this one: Don't you know that dismal blonde is not half as cracking as your little red friend?"

Ignored him.

"Look lad," He turned towards me, "I'm just enforcing the fact that as a Marauder, you can do much better."

I looked at him finally. "I know that, Sirius." And turned away again as Professor Flitwick came in.

I'm not letting him on to my little plan to win Lily over. (Or actually force her to fall in love with me)

(Not that any of my plans had worked before…)

Hmmm…

(Damn you, Lily.)

With his big gob, Lily would surely hate me more than she already does. She already thinks I'm a huge freak for having that collapse in Transfiguration.

Sirius POV:

Stubborn git.

Lily's POV:

Must write faster! Must finish ideas for holiday party! Must win!

So, the chicken scratches in my journal were my "plans" for our meeting with Professor Slughorn that were due in about three days time. After all of the emotional turmoil I had been through, I completely forgot and started planning immediately.

What? So I'm a bit of an overachiever…sue me.

Anyway the main point was to come up with better ideas than Potter so he could at least be impressed with that since he now hated my guts.

I also told all of my mates that I'm over him.

They all snorted at me and said "fat chance".

I'll show them.

So far this is what my journal looked like:

Christmas concert with music, dance, etc. For everyone to showcase their talent, but I'm sure the Marauders will start something awful like a dung bomb contest, or something of the sort. Pricks.

A ball (of course), but I'm sure the Marauders will wreck it by showing up naked or something. Its sad how well I know the Marauders because of Seph's persistent obsession. And maybe a little of my obsession too, but its mostly Seph. Shut up. Don't judge me.

Small carnival with booths would be cute, but I'm sure the Marauders will ruin the kissing booth by conjuring a redistributing ticket machine or something. Gits.

See a pattern?

How depressing is my life?

"Lily!" Drew dropped her bag on the floor next to me. "Where have you been all day?"

"Avoiding Faye and her 'breathing'." I murmured, one hand supporting my chin. Yawning, I blinked couple of times and sighed, "I need some coffee."

Drew furrowed her brows at me, "You look like you haven't slept in days, are you alright?"

"Oh fine, just a little restless." I smiled meekly. "I just needed to catch up a bit on schoolwork."

She nodded at me and faced the front as professor Flitwick approached.

It was true. Though I joke about it to myself every day I felt a large looming dread on my shoulders. I was restless every night the past week, terrified and confused about James. Why let a boy run my thought process? It had been like this for years anyway. Why stop now?

I can get into it, but too tired to do even that.

I turned around to grab my Advanced Charms book out of my bag, and accidentally looked up to see James smiling and winking at that ditsy girl Amelia. Really stupid.

Pretty hair, though.

Pratboy.

A/N: This was just a test out to see if any of you are still reading and interested.

And for you new ones, read and review! I'm getting heavily back into this and am very excited for any criticism or love.

Thanks!