I'm in London now, and will be staying here for four weeks. The wifi is very bad and unfortunately I don't have much time to write :( Please be patient for the next chapters!

Lalizi once again helped me out by editing this story! thanks so muchhhh

Anna was glad she wasn't the one to have to start the conversation. John rattled away: "I hoped of meeting you today", he smiled. "I'm sorry I've been so distracted since the last time we spoke… I'm sure I've given you some strange ideas about my mood swings lately." Before Anna could say anything, he continued: "Please let me make it up to you next Saturday. I've invited Mary and Matthew for dinner at my place. It would be lovely if you could join us."

Anna's mind was racing. She was glad he confessed the mood swings; it wasn't something she had only imagined. But she didn't know how to answer his request. Dinner at his place! Anna didn't want her heartache to grow worse, but everything in her body screamed: yes, yes, yessss! She was sure it would become a nice evening, with Mary and Matthew… and she would be safe from getting too close to him with them around.

"I haven't anything planned yet, for Saturday," she still hesitated, "So,… I guess,.. that's a yes." She smiled, but felt week in her knees. John was still holding her wrist. His hand was strong and warm. He noticed it too and finally let go of her. He let out a soft, insecure laugh. Anna looked into his beautiful, sparkling eyes and swallowed hard. She didn't know what to say or do next. She was afraid if she started talking she would stutter and look like a fool.

'I should go in, Sybil must be waiting…", John finally said.

"Yes, you should. I'll see you Wednesday at rehearsal,… won't I?" Anna managed to get out of her mouth.

"Definitely", John replied. After that, he walked into the building.

Anna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her legs started moving again, she knew she had to get a cup of tea and take everything in. She also knew she would be nervous all week. Then, she looked down at her wrist and traced the place where he had held her with a finger. She shivered.

Saturday came quick. They rehearsed from Wednesday until Friday and everything went well. Anna felt more comfortable talking with John now and spent a lot of time with Mary.

Saturday morning Anna received a text from John:

I know you love desserts. Can I persuade you to make one for tonight? Mary and Matthew will bring the wine. I will make the first and second course. John

Anna typed back:

I would love to. Any wishes or don'ts? Sounds like a fancy dinner. Look forward to it! X Anna.

It only took two minutes to get a reply:

I never understood why people like meringues. Other than that, you're free to surprise me!

Anna didn't have to think long. Her favorite always was tiramisu. She grabbed her bag and went to the grocery store at once.

Matthew picked up Anna at her apartment and together they drove to John's place. Anna was too curious to stay silent and asked Matthew some questions on their way.

"So, what's between you and Mary? Is it becoming serious?" she began.

Matthew smiled and said, "I'd like to think so, but Mary's very hard to read most of the time…"

Anna raised her eyebrows, hoping that he would continue to talk.

"Well, you know Mary,… she doesn't like to bind herself just yet," he made clear.

"And you would?" Anna asked.

"To tell you the truth, I honestly believe she could be the one for me Anna", Matthew confessed, looking serious.

"I shouldn't tell you this Matthew, but Mary's acting like a crazy in love schoolgirl when we talk about you. I do think she likes you more than you think. It's really sweet actually," Anna tried to raise his hopes up.

It made him smile again and he told Anna about their dates.

It didn't take long to reach John's building. Anna stepped out of the car and made sure her short skirt, with a flower pattern, was looking good. She wore a black top and had let her hair hang loose over her shoulders.

Matthew and Anna walked up some stairs together, laughing about an anecdote she was telling, when John appeared in one of the doors. "Good evening! I'm glad you both are in such good moods, come on in!" he welcomed them.

Anna was blown away by the way John looked and she was suddenly feeling shy again. He was dressed in a black shirt, jeans and brown shoes. Clearly he was freshly shaved as well. Anna was taken aback by his relaxed appearance and maybe even more by the fact that he had left the few top buttons of his shirt open. This way, he showed some of his dark chest hair, which aroused Anna more then she wanted. There was no turning back now.

John stepped closer and kissed Anna on the cheek. "You look nice", he whispered and scanned her from head to toe afterwards, with a smile. "I can say the same thing about you, John," Anna smiled back and placed her hand on his chest for just a mere second. After that, she walked into his apartment, leaving John and Matthew standing at the door. Anna could feel her entire body shaking like the leaves on a tree during a windy night.

Mary had arrived before them and was standing in the kitchen, stirring some dish. It smelt heavenly. Anna hugged Mary and she felt at ease again.

"Shall I put this in the refrigerator?" she asked while John and Matthew joined them in the room.

"Let me do it", John said and took the platter with the dessert from her. "Oh, this looks delicious, you've out done yourself Anna", he said admiringly.

Matthew poured the drinks and handed Anna a glass of wine.

"Let's sit at the table. I'm starting to get hungry from all those delicious smells. I think the first dish is ready to be served", John told them and led them to the beautifully laid out table.

Anna was seated next to Matthew and facing John. The wine tasted good – Anna had to watch herself to not get drunk -, the mood was relaxed and funny, and the food John cooked was really wonderful.

"If you ever think about leaving the acting business, you should become a cook. This tastes excellent!" Anna mentioned after the second dish.

John smiled back at her, "Thank you, I've tried my best".

Anna loved good food and she was really charmed by John's skills. She couldn't not-love him. Their conversations ran smooth and while everyone talked to each other, she could steal some moments watching him laugh. It made her heart flutter. Her eyes were just drawn to him.

After the dessert – Anna was really happy with the result – they sat on the couch with another glass of wine. John had turned on the radio and they all talked about music.

"You danced in some of your films, did'nt you?" Mary asked John.

"Yes, but it took me a while and the teachers really had a hard time with me", John laughed. Anna giggled.

"Well, laughing at me, are you? I've never seen you dancing before", John smirked at Anna.

"I can dance! Although, like you, my acting skills are a lot better", she replied.

"I'd like to judge that for myself", John said before he rose from the couch. He offered Anna his hand. Anna smiled and didn't hesitate. The radio started to play a slow jazz song when they found a place in the living room to dance. John took one hand in his and wrapped the other one around her waist. Anna felt like she would swoon, but found the strength to enjoy this moment while it lasted. She was sure he flirted with her.

While the song continued, they moved closer. His nose was almost in her hair and her face was almost lying on his shoulder. Again, his scent made her shiver and his warmth radiated through his clothes. She almost forgot Mary and Matthew were in the room with them. The music became faster and suddenly John started dancing more and led her through the room. They both laughed while Mary and Matthew cheered them on. When the song finished, they collapsed on the couch together.

It was late when Mary and Matthew offered to do the dishes. Anna helped in cleaning up and putting everything back in place. She could feel John's eyes follow her.

After that, Mary and Matthew made themselves ready to leave. "Is it OK if we go down alone for a few minutes, before you join us Anna?" Mary asked, hinting she had to say goodbye to Matthew on her own. Anna giggled.

"No problem Mary, take your time and call me when you two are ready", she replied.

Anna went on cleaning the last things, when John came closer until he stood right behind her. Anna stopped her movements. "This was a lovely evening. I really had fun", she managed to get out of her throat, and turned around to face John. They gazed at each other for a few seconds. John's eyes wandered from her eyes to her mouth. She saw he hesitated to kiss her. The butterflies in her stomach made Anna glow.

"Please, kiss me John", she softly begged him.

"You're so beautiful Anna,… flawless… ", he complimented her.

She so longed for his touch, she felt like she could burst.

"I'm not the right man for you, you deserve better", he continued, much to her surprise.

"Don't say that," she said quickly, while the tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm afraid I will hurt you, Anna", he told her.

She stared at his broad shoulders and swallowed away her tears. "Why would you?" she managed to ask with a lump in her throat.

"I can't tell you now. But believe me when I say I can't make you happy", he continued.

"I wish you tried…", Anna said while looking down.

"Look at me Anna", he ordered her in a soft whisper, but she couldn't find the strength to do so. "Look at me…", he said with a stronger tone while he reached for her chin and tilted her face up to be able to gaze into her eyes. They stayed that way for a few seconds. Both could hear each other's heavy breathing. Anna reached for his free hand and fumbled with his fingers. He didn't stop her.

"Please, don't let me hurt you", he almost begged her. His hand moved to her cheek and wandered into her silky blond hair. Anna leaned her head against his hand and closed her eyes. She wanted to feel him. She wanted him to continue his caresses.

Anna thought it would never come, but finally he closed the distance between them with a small step. He slightly pulled her face nearer his. Softly, their lips met. He kissed her and kissed her. Anna felt weak in her knees and she held on to his chest to steady herself. He gave her another soft kiss, before he broke them apart. He still held her close and gasped for breath. Anna smiled and slowly opened her eyes. She was shocked by the sad look on his face. Before she could even ask him what was wrong, he started: "Dream of a better man Anna. Please, let us just be friends."

She could hear he had trouble speaking with a clear voice.

"After this kiss, John? How can you even ask me?" Anna responded in a sweet way. "The only way you can hurt me is by asking me to keep a distance between us. Don't you understand?"

He was silent and didn't look at her.

"Tell me what's wrong. Why are you holding yourself back?" Anna tried, cupping his cheek with her hand, but he only sighed.

"I wished you talked to me, there must be a way to figure things out?" she went on, hoping he would try to explain himself.

"Anna, are you coming?!" Mary called from downstairs. Now it was Anna's time to sigh. She looked at John; still hoping he would make a different decision. "Goodnight", she finally whispered, and turned to walk to the stairs. He closed the door behind her and when she was sure no one would see her, she brushed away a tear that was falling down her cheek. She hoped Mary and Matthew wouldn't notice anything.

Next chapter John will finally tell her what's wrong. It has taken long enough now! ;-)

Thanks so much for the reviews, sorry I didn't have time to reply!