Thanks to my fast editor; here's chapter 10!
Faery's interpretations
Anna was happy. The garden party was a big success. There were a lot of journalists and a lot of pictures were taken of them at the beautiful grounds and gardens of Downton Abbey. It gave an extra touch to the story of the play.
John was carrying Anna's coat and had taken it upon himself to protect it and hand it to her whenever she felt a bit cold.
Anna finally felt at ease with his arm around her waist while their pictures were being taken. She loved how he squeezed her even closer than normal, but they both tried not to give themselves away. No one of the cast was to know about it, Anna realized. It would make things much more difficult. And, she wanted to enjoy him all on her own without people asking or interfering. Maybe she would tell Mary, because Anna already knew she couldn't keep a secret for her. Mary could read all her signs.
Anna couldn't believe this was happening and every time a woman wanted to have a picture taken with John, she was completely fine with it. After weeks of feeling insecure, she could now breath again. After every interview or conversation their eyes found each other across the yard. Anna enjoyed seeing him laugh and make jokes with people.
He really is a wonderful man, she kept thinking. But they still hadn't talked.
Later in the afternoon it was getting a little dark and a few fires were lid, to keep people warm. Anna hadn't seen John for a while and she craved for his touch. She hoped they could get out of the party unseen, just for a few minutes. Walk trough the gardens for a while. Desire burned in her stomach.
Anna was standing at one of the fires with Elsie and Charles, sipping at her first glass of wine of the day.
"So you don't need to ride home with me tonight?" Elsie asked to get Anna out of her daydream.
"No, thank you. John offered to drive us back. He isn't drinking tonight," she replied. She couldn't wait to leave, really, but the party would take at least another hour or two.
"Elsie just told me she didn't know Robert had such an estate. Did you know?" Charles tried to involve her in their conversation.
"No, I had no idea. It much cost a fortune! Maybe I should go in directing plays too?" Anna answered with a smirk.
"As far as I know he inherited the place. Lucky him, but the upkeep of the place is quite expensive. These big houses aren't what they supposed to be anymore. They have less use and aren't that comfortable at all. Just give me a house with good heating and a proper bathroom," Charles told her.
Anna only nodded and smiled to Mrs. Hughes, who clearly agreed with Mr. Carson.
Half an hour later there was still no sign of John. Anna started to get impatient but still enjoyed the company of Elsie and Charles. When suddenly someone tapped her shoulder, she thought it was him and it made her heart flutter in anticipation. But when she turned around she saw it wasn't John; it was Tom.
"Sorry to make you jump like that Anna," Tom apologized when he saw her confused face. "Mr. Bates asked me to give you your coat back. He says sorry, but he has to leave early," Tom told her.
"Oh,… err…" Anna mutter disappointed. "I don't understand. He was supposed to drive me, Matthew and Mary back. Is everything alright with him?" Anna asked with a worried voice.
"I don't know. I couldn't get much information out of him. But he was very insistent in me telling you he was very sorry," was all Tom could tell her.
It was confusing. Anna excused herself from Mrs. Hughes and Carson and walked to Matthews car. It was upsetting Anna, because why would he take Matthews car and leave the three of them on their own? There must be something wrong.
In the darkness near the car park she saw someone walking towards her. It was Ethel.
"Have you seen John around?" Anna asked her.
"Yeah, I saw him before he was leaving. But it's better if you come back with me to the party," Ethel said.
Something in Ethel's voice made Anna suspicious. She raised her eyebrows.
"Is there something going on,… Ethel?" Anna asked on a quizzical tone.
"It's not my story to tell. But just walk with me, lets get something to drink," Ethel obviously tried to distract Anna.
Ethel started walking in the direction of the party and Anna took that moment to walk nearer to the car park. At that moment her heart sank to the floor. She saw John, leaning against Matthews car, with a woman; pressed against him... trying to kiss him.
She couldn't watch it longer than a second. As in instinct Anna turned around. All air had left her body. She walked a few paces out of sight, behind a tree, to catch her breath.
Anna could hear the woman laugh loudly, almost hysterical. Obviously a drunk, how could he fell for her?
She couldn't have felt more disappointed, more heartbroken, crushed. A tear fell on her cheek and slowly she went numb. She sank to the ground against the tree. She heard the car drive off.
Anna felt an arm around her shoulder. Ethel was sitting next to her.
"I'm so sorry you had to see that,…" Ethel said sincerely, having no idea how to soften the blow.
Anna gave in, and laid her head on Ethel's shoulder.
"I don't know if I should tell you this,… I might make it worse…" Ethel began after a while.
Anna looked at her to hear what she had to say.
"I've seen that woman before, a long time ago. Her name is Vera. She's his ex," Ethel cut right to the chase. "I'm so sorry Anna, but it's the truth."
Anna cringed after hearing this and Ethel hugged her closer. "I'm so sorry Anna," was the only thing she could say. And she really was sorry.
After a while they were getting cold. Anna stopped sniveling. "I'd like to go home," she suddenly said clearly.
"Do you want me to go get Matthew and Mary?" Ethel offered.
"No, I won't go back to that place with them,… What if they are there? I can't face him now,… or tomorrow. I don't want to see him, or stay at his place, longer then necessary," Anna answered. "Please ask Mrs. Hughes if I can still drive home with her….and tell Mary I'll call her tomorrow."
Ethel nodded and with that, she went back to the party. Soon she brought Elsie back with her, who looked worried and took Anna in her arms.
"Oh sweet girl, let's go home," she comforted Anna.
Anna was staring at the road, while Mrs. Hughes silently drove them back to London. Elsie didn't ask any questions all the way. She only answered question Anna had asked her.
"What would people think about her leaving the party without telling?" – "Don't worry, Carson will think of a good excuse."
"How well did Elsie know John?" – "Not that well."
"How could she have been such a fool?" – "You are not the fool in this story, sweet girl."
"How could she face the cast next week?" – "Like always. Only me and Ethel know… and Mary and Matthew will take care of you,… and Charles will keep an eye out for you as well."
"How can I act on the stage with…him,… ever again?" – "You can, you are a professional! You are stronger than you think."
It made Anna feel a little better. She was glad about the quietness and presence Mrs. Hughes offered her. And it warmed Anna's heart when she asked her to stay at her place.
"I don't like the idea of you being all alone tonight. I have a lovely guest room and I will make you loads of tea,…," Elsie said to her.
Anna nodded. "That would be very nice, thank you," she accepted without hesitation.
Not much more was said that evening. Only thoughts filled Anna's mind.
Somehow Anna had slept very well. Her sadness had made her tired. A knock on the door told her that Elsie was about to come in.
"Are you awake? Ah,.. good morning! How did you sleep?" she started.
"Quit good, actually. I don't know how,… but I'm sure your care did me a lot of good," Anna thanked Mrs. Hughes.
"I've made you some breakfast," Elsie said while she put a tray on Anna's bed.
"You are a darling. Thank you so much,… but it's really not necessary,… I'm not sick," Anna told her.
"Well, a broken heart can be as painful as a broken limp," Elsie said in a matter of fact way.
Anna couldn't argue with that and made an attempt to smile.
"Take your time and tell me if you need anything, I'll be somewhere in the house," Elsie said, before she left the room.
Anna stayed in bed the entire day. She fell in and out of sleep. Cried a little, thought a little. Mrs. Hughes brought her tea and things to eat.
In the evening the doorbell rang. Anna was afraid for who it was. Soon she heard Mary's voice and the pain in her stomach that had started to rise, disappeared again.
"Hi" Mary whispered when she entered the room.
"Hi" Anna smiled a little.
"I hope it's OK I've come to see you. I knew you were in good hands, but I worried," Mary told her.
Anna nodded and Mary sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I brought your stuff with me. The things you left in…. well,…" Mary tried to tell, but she knew Anna could fill in the gaps.
"Thanks for thinking about that, I really appreciate it," Anna replied, and after that, asked "Did he say anything?"
The thought of it almost made her cry again.
"I haven't seen him. We left the place early, he hasn't been there all night," Mary answered.
Anna's stomach turned. She suddenly felt sick.
Then she felt the urge to tell what was on her mind: "I don't know if I'm sad or angry. I know we weren't together, but just yesterday morning I felt like something had happened between us. I could feel it, I could see it in his eyes. He touched me on a different way, he was feeling more at ease. Like we understood each other without words. I could feel he wanted to give me a chance. So I thought.
I was mistaken. I have been so blind. He warned me he was going to hurt me. He told me how he was like. But in vain I thought he could change for true love. I never expected him to do this, and right in my face…. Without shame or feeling for what I might think of him. I almost can't believe he is like this.
Anyway, it's clear he doesn't want me and I hate that it makes me feel so terribly,... lost!
Because I would still want to kiss him, and slap him in the face, hold him, yell at him…"
There was a pause, before she stated: "I'm confused Mary. Utterly and completely confused."
For an hour Mary just sat with Anna and they drank tea that Elsie had brought them.
"So, what about tomorrow?" Mary asked. The last week of rehearsals, with all the props, clothing, the real stage, lightning and music, would begin next day.
"I'll be strong. I'll fight through it. We have months of acting ahead of us, so let's make the best of it. But I don't think I can talk to him outside of work," Anna told her.
"Yes, it will be awkward in the beginning, but we will be on your side. Don't let him ruin this for you," Mary said.
The next morning Anna drove to the theater with Elsie. Just before they arrived she received a message:
He's not here today. Robert says he's up North?! You will have to do with the stand-in today; Mr Molesley ;-) see you in a minute, x Mary
Anna was glad, but she had prepared for their meeting. Now she had to wait.
Molesley was nice enough, but he didn't had the energy John had on stage. She was always affected by John's style and the way he spoke. Passionate. But it was good to rehears with Molesley; she could focus much better.
John's absence made Anna a bit annoyed. How could he stay away in the last week? Leave his colleagues in this important time. She wondered if he still was with that…. Woman.
Anna's costume had turned out beautiful. She hoped John would see it soon and regret everything he'd done. She tried not to become angry. She shouldn't have fallen in love while he had warned her.
Anna was glad most of her colleagues didn't know anything and everyone acted normally. Ethel winked at Anna to support her and Carson kept around so he could intervene if anyone said something nasty. The day ended peaceful and Anna returned to her own apartment. It was cold and lonely. Anna lighted some candles and put on some nice music. She grabbed her copy of Jane Eyre out of her bookcase and snuggled on her sofa. She would never confess it, but she kept looking at her phone every ten minutes. She still hadn't heard from him. That was out of character. Was he ashamed, or was something wrong?
Stop hoping and making excuses for him, Anna told herself. It's done now. He has hurt me enough!
John didn't show up the next day either. Robert told Anna his business in the North took longer than expected. He wasn't going to say what 'business' it was, and Robert didn't seem upset John wasn't there to rehears.
"I know he will nail the performance, I know him. Don't you worry!" he just told everybody who asked. And to Anna he added: "He is a very emotional actor. He can go into his heart, into his memories, his experiences, whenever he needs to. That's why I believe he can really be this character."
In the mean time, Anna's confidence grew back when she noticed how well her performance was coming of. Every last thing was perfectly arranged and her eyes sparkled again. On the other side, every morning and every evening her nerves made her feel sick. It almost seemed: the longer it took, the worse it got. She was afraid of meeting him. She imagined how it would be, but every thought or fantasy scared her.
It was Friday when she saw him again. He was late and walked up to the stage through the audience walkway. They had just started the first scene and Molesley was doing very well. Anna had gotten used to him in the last days.
She could see John from the corner of her eye, while she tried to focus on her lines and her acting. He had taken a seat on the second row and was now watching her from the dark. She felt naked in the bright lights of the stage; he could follow her every move. Anna started to wish he hadn't showed up at all.
After a few scenes, Robert asked for a break. John had applauded when the lights went off. In the dark Anna tried to compose herself. She heard him taking a few steps on the stairs, to reach the now empty floor. Everyone had gone behind the stage, grabbing some tea or coffee. Somehow Anna couldn't move her feet and stared at the ground. His steps, coming closer, were slow but sounded confident.
He stood very close near her, when he spoke. "That was wonderful. It made me quite jealous, seeing you up there with Mr. Molesley."
"Good," Anna said, sounding angrier than she wanted. She clanged her jaws together, to say nothing stupid.
"I'm so glad I'm back," John told her. He leaned in to kiss her cheek, but just before his lips touched her skin, Anna stepped back.
"Anna?" he asked confused.
Anna turned her back to him, taking a deep breath.
He started moving on his feet nervously. "I'm sorry I wasn't here this week. I will make it up and make time to rehears extra this weekend…" he apologized.
Anna gave him a look over her shoulder, "You can rehears with Lavinia, my understudy. Good luck." She felt the tears welling up and didn't want to give in to him now. She wanted to walk away.
"But,… I'm here for you now," he continued, sounding dispirited.
Anna didn't turn around and she let her head down when she told him on a soft tone; "I'm not that kind of woman John. I refuse to be become one of…them. You can choose any other, but I won't let you do this me."
After that she left the stage without looking back.
Don't hate me for this ;-)