How has it come to this?

It was all Loki could think as he zipped up a travel bag with the last of his things. He removed the bag from the bed; it was lighter than the others had been since most of his stuff was gone now. He turned his head, his eyes landing on the opened closet—half empty now. It made his heart hurt. Collecting himself, tightening his grip on the bag's handle, Loki left the bedroom. He checked the bathroom one last time, but he had already removed all of his things. He stepped into the dining and living area, his eyes scanning, to make sure he had everything.

He stared, unseeing, wondering again how it had reached this point.

They had had good days. Days when they could be in each other's company and not argue, not snap, not sass. They had had days when they loved, when they laughed, when they were back to themselves again. But those days had slowly begun to fade away and became fewer and far between.

And yet no one was to blame.

It was a combination of factors, really. Loki's final year of undergrad work was taking up his time and his patience. Tony's work at Banner's lab was doing the same, and even when he was home his mind was on his work. If either complained, it started one of their very heated arguments. At first, one or the other would just sooth everything over with an innuendo or suggestive joke that inevitably led to feverish makeup sex.

But even that began to get stale after a while.

The sound of keys jingling jolted Loki out of his reverie and he sighed with a heaviness that made his entire body ache, as the door swung open. Tony walked into the apartment and froze when he spotted Loki in the kitchen. He stepped in, closing the door behind him, and stared at Loki with a frown.

"Thought you'd be gone by now."

"My last test took longer than I had planned." His fingers flicked toward the bag on the floor by the sofa. "I was just getting the last of my things."

Tony's brown eyes went to the bag and he made a face as if he was holding back from breathing too hard. He tossed his keys onto the empty dining table and started past Loki to the bedroom. "Have a nice flight."

"Anthony, I—"

Tony cut him off, raising a hand. "Don't, okay? I think you've said enough already."

Loki ignored the jab and frowned as Tony had stumbled over his own feet a little when he turned to face him. "Have you been drinking?"

Tony hesitated answering honestly for about half a second. "Yeah, I have," he responded, almost challenging Loki to criticize him. "Pepper took me out for a few drinks because my boyfriend—oh, excuse me, my ex-boyfriend—is moving out today, since he decided to take off to California without me."

Loki's gaze wavered as his eyes filled. "Must you be so cruel?" he asked softly.

"Fuck you, Loki." Tony said the words harshly, but with his own eyes filling as well. "I'm not the cruel one here. You dumped me, remember?"

"I did not dump you." Tony cocked a brow and Loki reluctantly relented. "I did what I thought was best for us, Anthony."'

Tony threw up his hands. "Oh, for god's sake…"

"I did what you didn't have the balls to do!" Loki glared at Tony through watery eyes and Tony stared right back. He scoffed, but said nothing else as he walked past Loki again, back toward the door. "Admit it, Anthony."

Tony stopped but didn't face Loki.

Loki stepped out from the kitchen, but kept his distance from his former lover. "You have been as unhappy as I have these last few months. Only you were too afraid to do anything about it. Except to drown yourself in alcohol or stay in denial by covering it all up with sex."

Now, Tony spun around and shouted, "I didn't hear you complaining!"

"Why do you think I ended it?!" Loki yelled back.

They both went silent. Loki had to look away when Tony's eyes filled again and his own jaw clenched to fight back his tears. It stayed quiet, the tension filling the room getting thicker and thicker by the second.

"How did we get like this?" Tony said softly, breaking the tense silence, echoing Loki's own earlier thoughts.

Loki brought his hands to his face, trying to brush away his own tears. He had been crying for days now—nonstop since he walked out on Tony—to the point where Thor was unsure how to deal with him and sent him to their parents' home to stay in his old room rather than his lumpy sofa. Loki didn't know how he had any more tears left. "I don't know."

Tony kicked at a chair. "God damn it. If I could just go back…"

Loki lifted his head and looked at Tony questioningly. "And do what…?"

Without answering, Tony pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, choking back one sob, letting out another. Loki's heart ached at the sound and he started to take a step forward to comfort him. Until he heard Tony's next words. "Take it all back!"

Loki ground his teeth together, fighting the hurt, fighting the pain, fighting the urge to give in and give up going to Berkley and make it work with Tony there in D.C. But the genius' words cut him deep this time. "You don't mean that," he said at last.

"Shut up, Loki!" Tony said from behind his hands. "If I had known it was going to end like this…?" He finally dropped his hands and glared at Loki, his face a mess of emotion, and put a hand to the center of his chest. "If I had known that I was gonna feel like this one day…? Like someone just reached in and ripped my heart out…? And left this gaping hole?" His chocolate brown eyes held Loki's emerald green gaze steadily, tears streaming down his face. "I would have never gone through with it. None of it," he managed through clenched teeth.

Loki's chin quivered, even as he shook his head. "You don't mean that, Anthony."

Tony made another derisive noise. "You always thought you knew me so fucking well. Tell me, Loki, would you do it all again?"

"In a heartbeat."

Tony gasped out a breath and, almost pained, asked, "Why?"

"Because I loved you, you damn fool!" He didn't look away, even as, at his words, Tony crumpled to his knees. "I still do! Do you think this is what I wanted?" He moved slowly toward Tony, hesitant to touch him. He knew if he did he really would not be able to leave. "This is not how I pictured our life together to be, Anthony."

Tony was still on the ground, on his knees, sobbing into his hands. He lifted one hand toward Loki and Loki fell to his knees before him.

"I didn't want this either."

Tony latched onto Loki's sweater tightly and buried his face in his chest, surrounding himself in that forest scent that Loki always had emanating from him. "Then don't leave me."

Loki had reached his breaking point. Muttering Tony's name on a sob, he pulled him closer and pressed his face into his neck. They sat like this, arms around each other, weeping together, long enough to have the room growing dark as the sun set lower and lower. When it had become dark and the only light in the room came from the streetlamps outside their windows, and the sobbing had quieted down, Loki lifted his head, resting his chin on Tony's shoulder.

"I have to go."

Tony's fingers tightened into the material at Loki's back, his arms tightened around the slim frame. "No."

Loki tried to move but Tony was stronger than he. "Anthony. Please. Don't make this harder than it already is."

Tony said nothing, didn't move for another beat or two. Then he lifted his head to look at Loki, his eyes roaming over the pale face he had come to love more than anything he ever thought he would. He held that face between his hands and fresh tears filled his eyes. "Don't go," he said before bringing Loki's mouth to his.

Taken aback, Loki's attempt to stop him was half-hearted. "Anthony…please…don't," he mumbled between the attacks on his mouth and the smoky taste of whiskey.

Tony's hand slipped to the back of Loki's head and held him in place so he could deepen the kiss. His fingers moved down, curled around Loki's slender but muscular arms and lifted him up on his knees as he rose up to his. "One night," he breathed into Loki's mouth as his hands roamed. "Just give me one more night." Tony moved his mouth down the long column of Loki's neck, and nearly begged against his skin, "Please, baby…"

Tears were still falling, and Loki's resistance was waning. Then suddenly his sweater was pulled over his head, Tony had him on his back, and his button-up shirt was open and Tony's hands were on him. "Anthony…"

Tony concentrated on getting Loki's pants undone, his fingers fumbled with the button. He shoved his hand down Loki's open slacks, began to stroke him roughly, and moved his mouth back up to Loki's. "I can fix this, Loki," he said against the parted red lips. "I can fix anything."

Loki stopped fighting him, but he couldn't stop his tears from falling. "Not this," he whispered softly. Tony didn't hear him.

He moved down Loki's body, pulling his pants to his ankles, not bothering to remove his shoes or to take the pants off the rest of the way. He lifted one of Loki's legs, as far as he could, and pressed his mouth to Loki's entrance, tonguing him, preparing him. Loki moaned and his fingers curled into Tony's hair.

"Anthony…unnnh…" Don't do this, he thought, but couldn't voice.

Tony lifted his head from between Loki's legs only to take his hardening cock in his mouth, using his fingers on Loki now. Despite his efforts to stop Tony, Loki was too immersed in the pleasure now. His body arched, his hips had begun to move against Tony's fingers.

"Oh, gods…Tony…"

Tony pushed up to his knees, shoving his jeans and boxers down to his thighs, and stroked himself a few times before sliding himself into Loki. After a few pumps, he lowered his mouth to Loki's, kissing him deeply. "Mmm, Loki…ffffuck…you feel so good, baby."

Loki reached up, touched Tony's face, and still, his tears fell. He gasped as Tony continued to move into him, but he couldn't tell if he was gasping because of him or the tears. "Tony. Please, love…stop."

Tony groaned as he pumped his hips, but it sounded more painful than pleasurable. "I can fix this!" he said again, desperately now, as if he was trying to convince himself. His eyes squeezed tightly shut as tears rolled down his cheek. With every thrust he said, "I. Can. Fix. Us!"

Loki wrapped his arms around Tony's shoulders, squeezed his thighs around his waist, not bothering to fight the tears anymore. Every part of his body clenched around Tony and he grunted softly as he came. His fingers curled into the hair at the back of Tony's head and he brought his ear down to his mouth. "You cannot fix us, my love," he whispered.

With a loud sob, Tony collapsed onto Loki, clutching him as close to his body as he could. Loki lied still beneath him, silently crying, holding Tony as he slowly reached his own climax, and continued to sob into the shirt hanging from Loki's shoulder. Loki pressed his cheek to Tony's head.

"Darling…"

"Don't," Tony croaked out, slapping Loki's hand away from his head. "Don't call me that. Not when you're just gonna leave me." He climbed off of Loki, yanked up his pants, and sat with his face buried in his arms atop his knees, at Loki's feet.

Loki stayed where he was for a moment—pants around his ankles, legs spread awkwardly, shirt hanging off one shoulder. He wasn't sure what his next move should have been. The only sound in the room now was Tony's muffled crying and he couldn't decide if he should comfort Tony or get up and run from the apartment. Finally, because the chill that came over him reminded him he was practically naked, he sat up and quietly pulled his pants back on and re-buttoned his shirt.

Once he was dressed again, he moved next to Tony.

"Anthony?"

"Just go," he spat out, his head still buried in his arms.

Loki's shoulders sunk, like he was a balloon that had just been deflated. "I don't want to leave you like this." To his surprise, Tony lifted his head. But he stared at him, his mouth hanging open, indignation heating his eyes.

"You should've thought about that before you broke up with me."

Loki watched helplessly as Tony got to his feet and walked out to the small balcony. He had reached for Tony but Tony moved too quickly and shook him off. He didn't move for a few moments, struck by Tony's harshness. Then he reached for his sweater and pulled it on. He picked up his bag and moved toward the door, stopping to look around the apartment.

For just a few moments, he let himself reminisce about the last three years he had spent there with Tony. He remembered how they argued over the second bedroom; Tony wanted it for a workshop, Loki wanted it for a study. They eventually compromised and split it in half, but because of Tony's penchant for blasting loud heavy metal while he worked, Loki ended up doing most of his studying in their bedroom.

He glanced at the kitchen, wondering if Tony would even use it now. It had become Loki's domain, he being the better cook and, when he had the time, would concoct fancy meals just for the two of them. He remembered their first Christmas together; their first anniversary; how much fun they had those first couple of weeks, 'christening' every flat surface they could find.

But then the more recent memories began to creep in. That first major fight that had started over dinner and had eventually moved to the living room, where couches and tables and bookshelves had been tossed and turned over. It led to some heated and very creative lovemaking over a pile of books, but Loki could see now that it was the beginning of the end for them.

The night he knew for sure was just a month ago. They had started bickering again, as it often started, and in his anger, Tony had reached for a vase that still held the roses he had given to Loki for Valentine's Day. And tossed it across the room, narrowly missing Loki's head. When it shattered against the edge of one the many bookshelves in the apartment, a shard went flying, cutting into the skin of Loki's high cheekbone.

It had scared both of them, but Loki especially. He knew Tony would never hurt him on purpose, or use his hands on him, but for them to have reached that point—when they couldn't even talk to each other without it turning into a fight—it frightened him to his very core. Because he had loved Tony so much. They had never spoken of marriage. They had never spoken of kids. They had never spoken of their future together—because they had both just assumed they were each other's futures.

That night changed everything. Loki had applied to several different graduate programs around the country and in Washington D.C. Tony had promised that wherever he was accepted they would move there, together. He was sure he could convince Howard to open up shop for him in any city they went to, especially because Howard had been pressuring him to work for Stark Industries since he had graduated, instead of wasting his genius in Banner's small-time lab. But once their relationship had started to deteriorate, Loki wondered if it would be best for him to go on alone. Maybe some time apart would help them both remember why they were together in the first place.

But Tony wouldn't have it. They went together or not at all, he had told Loki. They argued about it, slept separately for several nights over it, and Tony didn't speak to him for almost a week because of it. It was in that time, and after conversations with both Thor and Natasha, that Loki had decided he needed to do what was best for him, and inevitably what would be best for Tony. So he accepted the program at Berkley, made his plans to move to California, and sat Tony down to tell him.

As Loki expected, Tony threw a fit. He yelled, cried, and ranted for awhile, not letting Loki speak at all, and ended the night by telling Loki to get out of the apartment and never come back. So he did. He stayed at Natasha's that first night, then Thor and Jane's. Thor was in his final year at law school and having a depressed and crying Loki and all of his things in boxes in his small apartment were too much. So he sent for Frigga and had her take care of it. Frigga had all of Loki's things taken to the mansion and brought Loki home and sat with him for hours while he wavered from crying to venting to hopeless wishing to fitful sleep.

And now, this is it, Loki thought as he watched Tony pace back and forth on the balcony. He stopped to kick repeatedly at a patio chaise lounge before collapsing onto it and curling into a ball. Loki could see Tony's body shake violently with the sobs. Forcing himself to look away and stop his own tears, Loki pulled out his keys and removed the ones to their apartment and their mailbox. He put them down next to Tony's set, lightly running his fingers over his former lover's, dangling from a keychain with the green and purple logo to Banner's lab printed across it.

Inhaling deeply, clearing his eyes, Loki picked up his bag, and without looking back again, he walked out the door.