A/N: Hello, all you Internet people! DarkScizor here. So, to answer Anonymous Reviewer Person's question, yes, I'm a HUGE Invader Zim fan! Now, without further ado, here's Chapter 2 of Super Mario Bros: Director's Cut!

Super Mario Bros.: Director's Cut

Chapter 2: Welcome to Hell – Come As You Are

Location: World 1-1

Mario looked at the pipe looming in front of him. He turned to his brother, Luigi, who was still shaken from Mario's little invincibility jaunt. "So, I just jump in, right, bro?"

Luigi remained silent for a minute, shuddering on the ground, before getting up and answering. "Yeah, that's the general idea."

The overweight plumber forcefully grabbed Luigi's arm and jumped into the pipe.

Location: Inside the Pipe

Madness.

Swirling madness.

Location: World 1-2

The two brothers exited the pipe and fell 30 feet to the cold, hard ground. Mario got up and offered Luigi a hand up. "By the way, thanks for using your body to cushion my fall, Luigi." Luigi glared at him, then both of them looked forward. The warp pipe led them to a dark, dank underground area filled with blocks and bottomless pits. The few Goombas that they could see were snarling, blood-thirsty perversions of nature.

Mario turned to Luigi and said, "So, nothing too bad, right?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Luigi screamed. "WE'RE STUCK UNDERGROUND WITH NO FOOD, NO WATER, AND ALMOST NO LIGHT AND WE'RE SURROUNDED BY HIDEOUS FREAKS OF NATURE, AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?"

Mario shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

Luigi's left eye twitched a little bit. Mario decided that would be a good time to trudge forward, leading Luigi by the arm. They came across some ? Blocks, which contained four coins and a Mushroom (which Luigi practically screamed at Mario to save for later), and some Goombas, who attempted to rip the two brothers limb from limb until Mario jumped on their heads, getting Goomba goop all over Luigi's clothes.

After leaping over several inexplicably-placed walls and onto the heads of another demon-Goomba and two Koopa Troopas, Mario finally stopped to ask Luigi a question.

"Luigi?"

Luigi was still attempting to remove the tiny pieces of Goomba from his overalls. "Eww...Yes, Mario?"

"Does that book say anything about that Bowser guy? Heh...Bowser..."

Luigi consulted The Enclosed Instruction Book. "Actually, it does. All right..." Luigi started reading aloud. "King Bowser Koopa is the current leader of the Koopa Troop and ruler of the Dark Lands. His many powers include the ability to breathe fire and the ability to summon hammers from nowhere. Bowser's rule in the Mushroom Kingdom currently extends to World 8. His plans for global conquest began in 1985, when he-"

Luigi finally noticed that Mario had left him there.

Fueled with rage, Luigi sprinted after him. After several minutes, he finally found Mario. Invincible. Eating spaghetti off of the ground.

Luigi stared in shock and confusion at the spectacle before him for several minutes. His face turned red and he started screaming at the sky – uh, cave ceiling. Mario just looked at him before continuing to eat his random spaghetti.

This was going to be a long day.

Location: World 1-4

The room they were in was dimly lit. The only source of light was the massive pool of lava beneath them. The Goomba looked down nervously before looking back up at his commander.

The commander in question finally spoke. "Goombert..."

The Goomba perked up immediately. "Yes, sir?"

"Due to your successes on the battlefield, I've decided to entrust you with the safety of this castle. According to my sources, there are two humans who have managed to put a sizable dent in my army. So, your duty is to kill them both."

"But, sir, how am I going to do that?"

"Glad you asked, Goombert." The Goomba's leader pulled out a magic wand and sent a beam of concentrated magic toward the Goomba. The magic swirled all around him before taking the shape of his commander.

"There, Goombert. Now you look exactly like me. I've also given you the ability to breathe fire as added protection against these two. By the way they're progressing, I'd say you have a few hours before they get here. Understood?"

The now-disguised Goomba bowed before his master. "Understood...King Bowser."

Location: World 1-2

Luigi stopped screaming for a moment to catch his breath. Mario pulled out a stopwatch. "Wow. Pretty good time."

Luigi turned slowly towards his older brother. He was about to start screaming at him again when he realized what Mario was next to.

He was leaning on a pipe...

...with a giant plant growing out of it.

And the plant looked hungry.

"Mario! Look out!" Mario lazily looked behind him and jumped back when he saw the plant. He motioned to Luigi to check The Enclosed Instruction Book. "Okay, this one's called a Piranha Plant. According to the book, they live in pipes and feed on unsuspecting travelers. Due to their aggressive nature, they have no natural predators. So, basically, we're screwed if that thing grabs us. We're going to have to figure out its attack pattern and use that to-"

Mario ignored him and walked up to the pipe. Forgetting everything that Luigi said, he kicked the pipe. Hard.

Luigi started whimpering in fear once he realized what his brother had just done. He closed his eyes, waiting for death to hit him like a...thing that...hits...stuff...I guess. After a few seconds had gone by with nothing happening, Luigi peeked out through his hands. He saw Mario comforting a hysterically sobbing Piranha Plant. "No, it's okay...I didn't mean to scare you like that..."

Luigi stared in confusion before checking his book again. "'The only things that Piranha Plants fear are things that can cause damage to the pipes they live in.' Huh."

Mario hugged the Piranha Plant and dropped it back into its home. "Okay, Luigi, let's-a go!" Mario ran off, leaving his less-than-athletic brother to catch up.

Several Goombas and bottomless pits later, they came to a strange series of moving platforms. One set moved down towards oblivion, and the other set moved up towards the cave ceiling. In the middle of the two sets of platforms was a Red Koopa Troopa, who was guarding several blocks.

"Careful, Mario. Red Koopa Troopas are way smarter than their green-shelled counterparts. If you take this one nice and slow, you should be able to-"

Mario was already on the other side. Luigi facepalmed before jumping onto the first set, then quickly jumping onto the head of the Koopa Troopa.

Except it wasn't there. Mario had already hit it on his way over.

Luigi hit the ground pretty hard. He got up and dusted himself off before attempting the next set of platforms. Amazingly, he made it. The green plumber cheered and did an embarrassing victory dance. Imagine the Kirby Dance if it was performed by a grown man. Anyway, Luigi continued to do this dance before realizing how far up he was. He immediately panicked and fell off. Fortunately, he hit the ground. Unfortunately, he hit the ground.

Mario helped his brother out of the Luigi-shaped hole he created. Containing his laughter, Mario jumped inside a nearby Warp Pipe. Luigi snapped his bones back into place before following his brother.

This adventure couldn't end soon enough.

A/N: So, that's Chapter 2. Before I get a bunch of confused reviews, remember how, in Super Mario Bros, the Piranha Plants don't come out if you get too close to the pipe? Same thing applies here.

No flames, or Luigi will break into your home and do the Kirby Dance right in front of you.