A/N: I've wanted to do a chapter like this for a while, but I could never find the appropriate spot to put it. It's definitely something different. On the flipside, to start and finish this chapter I really had to go back and re-read at least 75% of all my content, including a bunch of first drafts I've written. That being said I have to apologize for my fans who've had to put up with one too many grammatical mistakes, and in some cases, improper English.
Thank god I don't write for a living- I'd need an editor!
I sat out on the front patio of Jules' home.
"Call it our home" Jules told me yesterday.
Getting married, again. Didn't see that one coming, did you Kris? Nope.
It's starting to drizzle rain a bit, but it is not really bothering me. The guy across the street, bringing his lawnmower in from cutting his grass, some kids pedaling faster on their bikes to get home faster; and a cat darting underneath my police car sitting in the driveway.
That's right- my own police car. Never thought that would ever happen.
Jules and Megan went out. Wouldn't tell me where they were going. As they were getting in Jules' Jeep, I joked, "Don't make me put out an APB on your Jeep."
Then Jules had given me one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.
Yeah, definitely did not expect this. Hell, where was I a year ago?
Oh yeah, trying out for an SRU position.
Everybody in SRU loved me- respected me too. Didn't treat me like a fresh greenhorn who was over his head, but just respected me.
Ha- I even remember Eddie testing me on hand to hand combat. It wasn't easy to overtake that muscled mammoth, and I don't think I really did. Something makes me think he just kinda gave up after a good five minutes.
I looked down at my cellphone. I scrolled down my contact list, and landed on Ed's Cell.
Should I call, and apologize? Apologize for what? For lying? To be honest, I don't even think I feel sorry about lying to Ed.
Would any of this have happened if I was still married? Probably not.
A year ago- everything was fine. Sure Haley had to put up with me staying at the gym for most of the day, then coming home- not eating anything she had made for supper, but some type of protein shake. I think she hated that.
Then I'd either help Megan with some homework, or take care of Matthew for a while so Haley could clean up after supper. Why did I never help her with any of the daily chores? Well, Haley couldn't have ever bitched about it because while her failing freelance architecture was getting nowhere, I was supporting the entire family. Working my ass off, training for a new job- damn it was exhausting.
I looked down at my phone again. The screen had timed out, so it went black. I thought about things, and then put it back in my pocket.
When I got the job at SRU- that was exciting. When I told Haley, she seemed so happy for me, but I could tell she was secretly mad at me. Having a husband who is over-shadowing you with his career- must be intimidating. But I don't think that was everything. I remember having lengthy discussions about keeping our work lives separate. Oh right- like she was one to talk. The woman who would answer phone calls from potential clients in the middle of a meal, letting her current clients walk all over her- take advantage of her, and then come home and bitch about it. Did she ever see me come home and talk about the stresses of my job? Did I ever come home and tell her that I had orphaned a 6-month old baby by having to shoot her mother?
No, I didn't because that's not what a husband and wife should be talking about. They should talk about happy things.
Like the time I had saved a baby's life when a homeless guy kidnapped her because he was mentally instable. I told her about that, but she seemed happy to hear those kind of things.
Maybe she really didn't like me talking about my job at all. Maybe it reminded her of the difficulties I faced everyday as a police officer, in what would most likely be the most traumatic or dramatic moments of a person's life.
And then I got shot. In the line of duty, as an officer of Team One of the Strategic Response Unit; even when I was being airlifted to the hospital for immediate care, did I think of my wife? I don't think I did. Does that make me a bad person? That in my time of pain and suffering, my mind didn't try to revert to a place of comfort? No- it didn't. My trained mind kept my focus on the fact that I had a near half inch hole in my shoulder.
Haley got mad at me because of that. Was it my fault that that idiot decided to shoot me? Nope, and because of that little 'decision' of his, he's spending another 4 years in prison for all of the charges laid against him.
Since then, all I remember was fights. Fights, fights, and even more damn fights. It was like every second of everyday was filled with anger at me, at my job, heck, at times; at the kids.
Am I a bad person? She started each fight- did I, at any time, try to stop the fight before it escalated? No, I don't ever remember doing that.
And then Megan was kidnapped. Held hostage and had a gun to her head- crying for her father, with a man threatening to rape her. What an idiot- did that Micheal Deary guy ever think he would get away with something like that? Kidnapping and holding hostage, the daughter of a Strategic Response Unit officer, and then threatening to kill not only Megan, but me as well in a recorded video.
Yeah, Micheal Deary. That name will stay with me forever, as I'm sure it'll stay with Megan. God- I hope it doesn't stay with her as it stays with me.
That was the tipping point. My wife of 16 years- girlfriend of 7 years previous gone. Done like yesterday's leftovers.
Should I have reconciled with Haley? Attempted to be a better husband? I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce- she did.
I wonder how she's doing?
I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Went into my contacts and scrolled down. Still listed as 'Home'- Haley's home phone number.
Am I stopping myself from moving on by keeping this? Should I be talking to someone about this?
Can't talk to Jules about it. Heck- how would a conversation like that go? 'Hey, honey do you mind me talking about my ex-wife?'. Yeah, that'd go over well. Or would it?
No- I can't talk to Jules about it. Period. Who? The Police Services therapist- the one the SRU Commander ordered me to see during the process of my divorce? Yeah, that one. The one I told off- that idiot.
Who then? My best buddy- Fire Officer Derek Mare? When was the last time I saw him? Oh right, a few weeks ago, when SRU had to borrow the fire hall's ladder to talk down a suicidal teenager. Who then? Chantal Sewell- the emergency room nurse that used to be one of the security officers that I supervised?No- although, she might be able to give me something for the lingering pain in my shoulder.
Can't even talk to my family. My mom can't remember anything past a half an hour ago. Why does she continue to suffer? Why can't she go in peace? And my dad- he won't talk to me until I come home to the small town where I grew up. Tells me 'to get out of the big city'. Get real dad- I've been living in big cities since me and Haley left a week after graduation.
There's always my sister. Well- technically not my sister, my adopted sister. Lauren. God bless her- she was 8 years old when both of her parents died in the car crash. But I haven't seen her in forever. Can't really show up and say 'Hey- I got divorced a month ago, and I need to talk to you about it, although I haven't seen you or your daughter for three years.'
Yeah, Ella. Lauren's daughter. The result of a one-night stand that she's regretted for years. And to make it worse- I haven't seen Ella since the baptism. She's my god-daughter, and niece, and I haven't seen her for three years. I wouldn't know what she looked like if it wasn't for the picture that Lauren gave Ed when Ella was taken at gunpoint by a meth addict who was going to try to sell her for drugs. How stupid can people get?
Apparently, very stupid.
I looked down to my watch. It was getting late, so I stepped into the house and sat on the couch.
Not much to do...
Then my phone made the sound of a police siren and vibrated at the same time.
"Staff Sargent Kristopher Perrasmith." I answered, "What do you mean? Yeah, fine. Where is it? Ok, yeah, I'm not too far, I'll get changed and be there ASAP."
Time for change. Time to make new memories.