Short? Yep. More to come? Yep.
Am I sorry for leaving you guys so long without yupdates?
Yep.

My head spun, for the last few weeks everything had haunted me. The idea of falling for John scaring me to my core so much I'd taken to avoiding him. I knew it was hurting him, fuck it was hurting me. But it was safe, for both of us. If we weren't together, we couldn't fuck. If we couldn't fuck we fall for each other. It was a very simple theory.

I downed some more of my drink, before concluding John would be asleep, he always was by this time. I paid my tab, sliding off the bar stole and headed for the lift.

There was a problem with my theory, the more I avoided John. The more I thought about him. The more I thought about him, the more I wanted him. I could see exactly where this could go. But I am sticking to my stupid theory.

I opened the door, and froze as I realized the light was still on. I closed the door behind me trying to work out what to do.

"Yo- you gonna stand there all 'ight?" I turned to see John sitting on his bed, several beer cans littering the floor around him & in nothing but boxers.

"No" I stated obviously and didn't reply with anything more gaining a snort from him, he held up a can, offering it to me and I stumbled forward. I sat on the edge of my bed taking the can.

"Good 'night?" he asked, I shrugged and John agreed. Both of us knowing how the other felt.

"You had a good match tonight" I offered and he gave a small smile.

"Could have been better, fucked up a few times" he shrugged.

The sadness in the room was hanging over us , but neither of us said a thing.

"Your up late" I noted, "Your usually a goner by now" he nodded.

"Wanted to see you" he offered.

"Why?" I asked slightly hopeful, though god knows for what.

"Don't know, just weird not seeing you - wanted to see how you are I guess" I nodded once more.

"I'm okay" I lied.

"Lair" John scoffed standing, heading for the toilet. I stood angered by his accusation but knowing it was completely true.

He walked back out, and eyed me, "what?"

"I am not a lair" He rolled his eyes trying to make his way to the bed but I wouldn't let him, standing in his way, "I'm fine"

"You just done it again, you've done a lot of shit in your past Randy. Never, not once have you lied to me" I gulped hearing the tone in his voice.

"John" I whined a little, I touched his bare arm just below his shoulder. My stomach flipped at the simple touch.

"What Randy?" he sounded deflated, defeated. I gulped looking down at him. Knowing what I wanted, what he wanted. What we both needed.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, moving slowly closer to him. Never taking my eyes off his lips.

"For what? Avoiding me for the last three weeks? Fucking & dumping your best friend? The guy who gets you through everything" I winced at the harsh tone in his voice, "I know you to be a lot of things, this isn't one of them"

"What exactly is this?" I defended.

"You've never left me scared shitless in the whole ten years I've known you" I bit back the lump in my throat, "Not when I had my first injury, not when I fell out with my family, not when we both got into wwe, not once have you left me scared until you got what you wanted" he scoffed, "Typical Randy Orton eh?" I blinked several times, not willing to admit how much he was hurting me, but John knew. Of course he knew, "I expect you to do this shit with ring rats, but not me"

"What do you want from me John?" I begged.

"Nothing" he admitted, and my heart crumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want anything from you, not your friendship, not your advice in ring, and certainly not-" I freaked out, completely. John could do anything he wanted, but he couldn't leave me alone, not John. The one person who always had my back.

So I stopped him from lying - by kissing him. Firmly.

"Don't leave me John" I begged, "Your the only person in the whole world I still trust fully" He pulled back slightly, eyeing me. & he knew it was true, not my father, not Sam, not Hunter. Sure there was things I would trust them with, but the only person on this planet, I fully trusted with everything, was John.

"You left me out to dry Randy" he whispered, "Fucked and - "

"It's not like that, I just don't want this to get worse"

"Is there anything worse than this?" I nodded and he knew that I meant, "I'd rather be head over heels for you, than lose our friendship - this business is too hard as it is without having someone to fall back on when you need it" I nodded, it wasn't the first time I'd heard this or known it to be true, but by god me & John couldn't fall for each other. We could not. We will not.

"I'm just scared of ruining everything" I admitted more to myself than to John, "I never meant for you to think I'd treat you like this, like a fucking ring rat" I shook my head looking down ashamed of myself, for ever making John feel so low. I looked down wishing I hadn't eyes roaming up Johns near perfect legs, up those tick tights, feeling sorry for the WWE universe for not being able to see them anymore. I bit my lip looking up meeting John's eyes who had followed mines, a small smile lying on his face.

"Randy?" he mumbled and I looked down once more, over his arms & legs, "Kiss me?" My head snapped up so quick, the words fell into place so neatly I could have shot all over him then and there. I pulled him in by the neck and smiled as our lips met. sighing happily as a rush fled through me. I pulled him in by the hips not wanting him to get away, scared to let him go.

I pushed him back onto the bed, feeling all to at home with this. Making quick work of the little clothing he had on and my own. This wasn't about fucking, this wasn't about being in control. This was simply proving how much someone meant to me the only way I'd ever known how. I lighly trailed kisses all the way down his stomach, biting into his leg, kissing away the pain, licking his rapidly hardening shaft. I placed one finger at his entrance and as I took his head in my mouth I shoved a finger in, and then another. I was rushing and I knew possibly hurting John, but I needed to make quick work of this.

John couldn't leave me on my own. Not when everyone else had.

I lined myself up quickly as he wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me in. He hissed lightly, and I suddenly felt guilty for going bare. I slowed once inside him, drastically. I moved so slow it hurt. John begged me too move, but it wasn't what it was about. I nestled my body against his, my face in his neck. I kissed him lightly, kissing all over his face, finally his lips. Lips I dreamed of often.

I took a hold of his sex, keeping in time with my slow trusts. John had long since stopped begging knowing it was getting him no where, and started trying to grind into my every thrust as well as push into my every tug.

I only let up when I could feel my end warming up, I starting driving home harder but by no means faster, each trust precise and perfect. I had never loved my own name so much as I did now coming from Johns throat. I nipped once more at his throat just under his scar as he came, all over his stomach and my hand. I drilled in once more and came also.

"What?" John breathed, "What was that?" I knew he meant the slow pace and the soft touches.

"A warning" I growled and he eyed me, "Never threaten to leave me alone again" He nodded still gasping as I climbed off him & into my own bed, not bothering to get cleaned, or to clean John. Just slipping off in a drunken haze, still scared shitless of losing John.

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Much love :) xx