It was almost time for the rumble. Honestly months had passed. John had flung his weight around and got our rooms separated, much to the annoyance of the middle cards. When Ted asked what happened, I told him I moved his bath soaps again. He knew I was lying, everyone did. But with nothing else to go on, its all they had.
Days where quiet, I was acting more like what people expected from me. I was acting like the legend killer, the serpent Randy Orton. It was easy to act like the guy everyone seen on screen, because these days we weren't so different. Same cold eyes, same never moving sneer. Unless it was people I had known for years, no one came near me.
And depressingly that's what I wanted. I wanted as little interaction with people as possible, I only wanted interaction with one person & he floated around like I didn't exist.
Worst of all, our storyline was over, so I didn't even get to work with him anymore. The longer I was away from John, the more I became bitter. I was so angry, always, but above all I was confused by John & I was hurt by him.
I had never, in all my time as a wrestler had to spend so much time alone, or felt alone. I love John, truly I did. I knew it. Looking back now, I never truly loved Sam, and deep down she knew it. Which is probably why she found herself in the arms of another man.
It may have taken 10 years, several drunken fumbles, and two practical rapes on my side. But I loved John & I wanted him more than anything.
Everyone knew something was wrong with me, John was keeping it together quite well, but me I was a wreck. All I did was eat sleep work and work out. Most people thought it was my divorce grief finally settling in and I was in no hurry to tell anyone any different. It was an excuse and I would stick to it.
A few road agents had asked me if I wanted any help but I refused. Hunter had tried to talk to me, fuck even Evan Bourne, a guy I had met when I was younger through my dad had asked me if I was okay.
I lied an told everyone I was fine, or I would be.
Truth be told. I didn't know how to deal with anything without John. I didn't know anything without John. I knew I had to make it right, and I knew how. I just didn't know if I was wanted anymore.
I battled day in and day out for months if I should make it right, but it never seemed right. I sighed rubbing my face.
It was always this time of the day where this all went through my head. When John and I where finished our matches and I knew what he would be doing in that locker room alone. I knew how to make it right I just wasn't sure.
"You ready for Sunday big guy?" I looked up and seen Hunter.
"Always ready" I nodded, if i was proud of one thing it's how I hadn't turned back to drugs yet. I had thought about it, and I knew it was why hunter was keep such a close eye on me. If I was honest the only real reason I hadn't touched a single pill yet was because I knew how much John detested me when I was like that, and I didn't want to give him anymore reason to hate me.
"What number are you?" he asked and I smiled.
"27"
"One before John, figures I'm 4 myself" My heart burst.
I hadn't made the very simple connection that tomorrow I would be in ring with John. I hadn't prepared myself to be that close with him.
"Four?" I laughed nervously, "Gonna be a long night for you"
"Well someone's gotta do it" I smiled nodding, "Never gonna beat mysterio though, over an hour in at number one?" I whistled low nodding.
"Fuck that" I laughed. He stood once more and I knew he had seen enough to know I was getting though another day drug free. It was annoying sometimes but it was nice to know someone cared enough to check.
As Hunter walked away I very quickly tried to prepare myself for the match tomorrow, sure I would only be in ten minutes, but that was ten minutes I had to be in physical contact with the man I was in love with.
*
I gulped as I bounced on the matt waiting for the mystery number 28 to come down. John's theme blared and every single inch of my body reacted the same way the teenage girl in the front rows did. I wanted to cry and scream just as loudly as she was, but instead of screaming for him, at him, under him, on top of him. Anything.
John slid into the ring and eyed me, those amazing blues. He ripped off his tshirt in a millisecond and my eyes scanned every inch of his perfect body. We circled each other for what felt a long time. I could hear Jerry on commentary saying it was out of respect for each other, but we both knew it was out of fear more than anything.
Finally locking up, my legs felt weak and he took advantage of that pushing me down. We hadn't had time to prepare for this, we hadn't had spoken what we where going to do, so when I dragged him onto the matt, onto his back, he looked shocked. I leaned over him, punching into his head, determined not to look into his eyes, fear of getting lost. He pushed me off of him, rolling out from under me. We both quickly got to our feet. I eyed the time. 3 minutes left. I had to be over that top rope by the time that clock hit 30 seconds. I Ran at John clothes lining him, he stood and I done it again. Pent up anger and frustration coming out, and I'm sure I looked more like the viper than I ever had.
He wrapped his arms around my waist grabbing my tights for a suplex and the lowest of moans left my mouth. He slammed me to the ground with far to much effort, it had me arching off the ground in a way that had Johns eyes lit up excitedly. He lifted me up for the AA and I caught glance of the clock. 34. I let him through me over the top rope, and let the world scream in happiness as the John only had two more people to go through to go to Mania. I smiled lightly as the fan girl screamed in joy. Well fuck you fan girl, I've fucked him harder than you ever could. I grinned as the refs helped me up. I stood for a moment eyeing John, he stood above me eyeing me also. I gulped lightly. His eyes saying more than he ever could.
He loved me and hurt him. I shook my head, my jaw clenching and I stalked backstage, just as Shawn Micheals music hit.
"Good match kid" I looked up at Hunter and smiled, even though inside I was dying.
"Thanks H" I smiled, "You done great, 13 people out?" I nodded in approval. He flexed his arms, "Only some of us have the power, know what I mean" I shook my head laughing.
I made my way to my dressing room getting changed. Not bothering to shower as I knew I could do that at my own hotel room. I sulked at the very thought of spending another night alone.
A small knock came at my door, I stood up curious as to who thought it would be okay to interrupt the viper - post match. I opened the door, ready to sneer away who ever it was, but stopped when I seen the most perfect man I had ever met.
"John" I breathed. His head hung low, and he still had his ring gear on.
"You left this out there, um Shaggy the little ref" he showed me his height knowing I never really paid much attention to the other staff, I nodded, "He was going to come by, but you didn't seem in the best of moods soo I um.." he trailed off handing me my tshirt, "I know you like this one" I nodded, not even completely sure which tshirt he handed me.
"Thanks John" He looked at me once more and my heart crumbled, my chest pained. He hesitated for a moment before muttering, "Laters" I nodded gulping as tears sprung to my eyes, I closed the door. Sliding down it, letting the tears fall. Breathing deeply scared I would forget how.
Another knock came at the door, this one much more demanding. I stood quickly once again ready to shout anyone away who wanted to bother me at this time.
"WHAT?" I roared.
"Well hello Randal" Hunter chuckled unphased by my mood swings, I eyed him, "Want a beer without the fans in the hotel bar?" I nodded, "Well stop shouting at me" he smirked and I grabbed my stuff.
As I walked ins silence, I thought about how much Hunter had done for me over the years. He was like a brother, waiting till I couldn't handle things, stepping in fixing everything & then leaving me to my own devices. Sure, he never had to much with John around. But when we where on separate brands & I got into drugs Hunter would always step in. I wondered if it was what he was doing now.
I stepped into his rental as we sped off towards the hotel. Once we arrived without saying another word to each other, I knew Hunter was up to something. He always was, suppose that's why they called him Hunter.
He opened the door and I sunk into the bed. I noticed there was only one double.
"Where Steph?" I asked him.
"Out with some friends" I nodded, "Wont be back till later" He tossed me a can from the mini fridge.
"So why have you kidnapped me?" I asked and he chuckled, settling in beside me.
"Please you came willingly" we both chuckled before silence fell once more, "I um. I know what your going through" I turned confused.
"You and Steph getting a divorce?" he chuckled,
"No, No that's career suicide man. I mean with John" I froze,
"I don't-"
"Do you remember when Me & Shawn got forced to fight each other?" Now I was seriously confused.
"Of course I do, it was some of the greatest matches, we've seen this decade" I rolled my eyes taking some more of the beer. Hunter picked up the remote and turned the t.v on. I only now noticed it was a reply of the rumble. He fast forwarded it till I came out. I watched myself play cool calm and cocky. He fast-forward a few minutes until John was in the ring. He paused it.
"What did ric always say made a great rivalry?"
"Intensity" I had heard him say it a billion times before he retired.
"How do you get intense with your ring mate?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.
"Doesn't matter how, - sleep with them if you have to" He eyed me and I caught his eye. Suddenly understanding.
"You fucked Shawn!" I accused.
"You fucked Cena" he shot back. I nodded letting my head fall.
"When'd you guys work it out?" I lifted my head, "That one you where gay, and two you where in love with each other?"
"Last year" I knew there was no point in denying it. And truth be told I didn't want to. I wanted to talk about it, wanted it get it all out. It.
"After your divorce?" I nodded, "Figures Cena would be the moral one" He chuckled.
"So are you and Shawn cheating on-"
"Not quiet, it's complicated" I eyed him willing him to go on. "I'm gay, Stephs gay" my eyes popped.
"No way? Devoted to you like no one else Steph?" I laughed, truely shocked.
"Yeah, her and Rebecca walked in on me and Shawn at it one day in the head quarters-"
"Wait? Shawn's WIFE Rebecca?" This just got better,
"Yeah. We all knew Vince wouldn't accept any of us being gay. So we decided to pair up, that way we could still be with who we loved but in a way that wouldn't kill our careers" He smiled.
"Wow. Never seen Steph as a carpet muncher" Hunters hand hit the back of my head so quickly I didn't have time to react.
"Thats my wife" he growled warningly.
"Your fake wife" I pointed out, as he passed me another can.
"I still love her" I cocked my head a little confused, "She found a way to let me have everything I wanted in life. She was the very key to it. Career, Kids, Shawn" I smiled at him seeing how it worked out, "I may not be in love with her, but I'll forever love her"
"Wow" was all I could say. I glanced at the screen once more, almost instantly regretting it.
"There is a point to me kidnapping you, you know" I smiled at the joke, "You and Cena need to find your Steph so to speak, your own way to get everything you ever wanted in life"
"I wish I could, I just don't know if I'm still wanted" Suddenly Hunter pulled the back of my neck up so I was in line with the t.v screen. He pressed play,
"Watch John" Like I had to be told twice, "Look at how he fucking looks at you, he's practically begging you to fuck him right there" My mind wandered back to a conversation I had once had with John. It felt so long ago, so very long ago indeed.
"I'vealwayswantedtofucksomeoneinthering,soitsnorealsurprisetometofindmyselfthinkingofit"
I eyed the screen for the longest time, I only now noticed how hurt John looked as I walked away. I only now noticed how angry I was at myself for not trying harder to go after John.
"Your right"
"Usually am, but tell me about which part" He smirked and I pushed him lightly.
"All of it I guess" I smiled, "I love him H, I want him more than anything, even if he does hate me. I need to try"
"He didn't look like he hated you when he brought your least favourite shirt back to your locker room" he noticed.
"You seen that huh?"
"Yeah, I've been noticing it for a while. It's only obvious to people who have been through something similar" I nodded.
"Shawn okay with you telling me all this?" He nodded,
"His idea" I nodded once more, finishing off my second can.
"It's been awful without him H" I groaned, "If I could go back to how it started" I sighed.
"How did it start?" He asked curiously,
"That fucking I quit match, being handcuffed to him and being made to submit to the world got to fucking much" He smirked lightly, in a knowing way.
"I might be able to help you" I raised an eyebrow. "Leave it too me"