Author's note: Hey everyone. I have had a general request for a little more romance. I will try and put in a caress here and there, but I am not really good at writing explicit romance scenes. Sorry about that.

For duskkkk.

Chapter 15 –Friends and or lovers part4

Politely, the professor had asked if he could wheel him over to the lunch table.

He had agreed.

The older man then proceeded to share out the meal for the both of them.

Charles answered with civil murmurs of 'yes more potatoes, please,' and 'no thank you' for any additional sauce.

Apart from that the Englishman sat in tense silence with his eyes fixed on his plate while Erik tightly gripped the handle of his knife to prevent himself from stabbing the table repeatedly in frustration. If he was alone he would have, but he thought such behaviour MIGHT scare the living daylights out of the other man. He didn't know how it could make the present situation worse though.

Charles was upset and again, it was all his fault!

All through the morning, Erik had missed the man's company and was eagerly waiting for him to return so that they could have lunch together. He had even organized with the staff to set a table outside on the balcony and they had readily agreed, offering him respectfully congratulations on his rapid recovery. But now, what was suppose to be a happy event where for the first time in a long time he was out of bed, Charles was miserably pushing his food around his plate.

The older man had decided that he was NOT apologising. Why should he? Charles had wanted to kiss him first! The soft, panting noises that the other man had made as he stared hungrily at his lips, had almost swept away every good intention Erik had made since the first instance he realized how Charles felt about him; a moment which ironically also revolved around a stolen kiss.

However, at some point in the future he was going to have a stern talk with the professor. One didn't kneel on the floor, in front a man and make noises like THAT and not expect some reaction. It was a damned good way to get raped as far as he was concerned and Charles should be forever grateful it was him and not someone else who might have taken advantage. But there was a part of Erik that was seriously concerned that he could get so turned on by something as mild mannered as a school teacher. If that was the case, he seriously needed to get laid but even as he reflected on the idea he knew he would never do that to Charles, not while the other man was so graciously sheltering him in his home. He was many things but he wasn't cruel.

When his parole was finished and provided that the other man was still interested, Erik had already decided he wouldn't leave without making love to Charles. He knew he had within him the ability to provide the Englishman with a pleasurable experience and besides that he wanted the professor to have some good memories of him. In the meantime, Erik had resolved that as the older and no doubt more sexually experienced of the pair, it was his responsibility to protect Charles from himself.

To be truthful, Erik would not have said no to, as his American acquaintances had explained it, a friendship with benefits. However, he was fairly certain that the professor wouldn't participate in something like that. What he did know for sure was that the professor was deeply attracted to aspects of his personality (for whatever strange reason) but was not capable of navigating the vast difference between love and sex. The latter was all conjecture of course, based on Charles' homely-like nature. For all he knew, the professor could already have a husband somewhere with a boyfriend or two stashed in another part of the mansion but Erik highly doubted the accuracy of that scenario.

Charles probably thought he was hiding it so well, but Erik could clearly see the naïve dreams of forever in his eyes and hence the reason that he had warned Xavier not to do this to himself. If the Englishman was looking for that level of commitment he would not find it in his direction. Even now, as Erik glanced at Charles seasoning his potatoes, he worried that the other man was already picking out their wedding invitations in his head. The older man snorted silently in disbelief, amazed that he could be so arrogant in his thinking. He should be gratified that someone of Charles' quality would even look at him twice.

The younger man cleared his throat and proceeded to make a valiant attempt to enjoy his meal. In contrast, Erik continued to quietly freak out that somehow, someway….while he blithely thought he was in control of the situation, the small man had wormed his way past his defenses with his soft voice and gentle ways. The realization made a sickening wave of goose bumps break out on Erik's skin.

Erik had never let a man or woman get so close that they could distract him to the point where he lost control of his actions. But Charles had NEVER given him any reason for fear or uncertainty and as a result he had relaxed his personal rules, and hadn't bothered to push him away or keep him at a distance. Thank God, the kitchen staff had turned up when they did! It had given him the seconds he needed to pull himself together. Even so, it had still taken all of his remaining self control not to force Xavier's head back and shove his tongue down the man's throat.

He had to admit that the kiss, fleeting as it was, had been wonderful. It had been too long since he had felt the pure, sensual thrill of an enjoyable sexual encounter. Those precious moments had ignited his blood like a glass of expensive scotch; rich, warm and delicious. He especially liked how Charles had kept still and let him taste his lips. With a delightful shiver, he wondered if the professor would submit to his caress again even though he knew they shouldn't. Each additional kiss would further blur the line between friends and lovers.

Erik viciously speared the carrots in his plate. He couldn't hurt the professor like this! He was strong; he would be strong enough for them both.

He looked up then because he could feel Charles' eyes were on him. However, this time the professor didn't look away or back down at his plate. He seemed transfixed in his chair. A few seconds ticked by before Erik realized that he was waiting for him to speak.

Gah!

Why didn't Charles say something? He was much better at the art of conversation than he was and as if reading his mind, the professor unexpectedly extended his arm across the side of the table and held out his hand towards Erik. The older man looked down at the small white hand that was waiting for his and he was reminded of another instance when the positions had been reversed and it was he who had extended a pleading hand towards Charles, searching for physical contact in the midst of a difficult discussion.

Laying his knife to one side, the older man extended his arm and covered Charles' palm with his.

'Are you mad at me?' the professor tried to ask in a normal sort of voice.

He felt Charles' fingers spasm under his hand.

'No, I am not!' Erik replied more harshly than he had intended. 'I am mad at myself.'

The younger man turned pale, as apparently his worse fear had been transformed into excruciating reality, 'You regret kissing me! I know you did, don't try and deny it!'

Erik forced himself to look directly into the professor's pain filled eyes. 'I have no wish to deny it. I have absolutely no business kissing you Charles and you shouldn't have let me. '

The Englishman promptly dropped his gaze down to the table but that didn't prevent Erik from noticing the icy sticks that used to be the young man's fingers. Immediately, the older man briskly began massaging the small hand in an attempt to warm them even as the professor blindly shoveled some food into his mouth with the other.

Shit! Shit! SHIT!

Don't cry.

Please, don't cry.

'You remember I said I am not staying after my parole,' Erik tried again. 'You understand that means I can't offer you a real relationship?

The smaller man fiddled with his spoon, still trying to swallow a mouthful of potatoes that now strangely tasted like sawdust. 'Your parole is close to six months. A lot can happen in that time.'

Erik tightened his hold on the other man's hand and he felt Charles automatically do the same. 'I assure you my friend; I am NOT going to change my mind about leaving.'

Underneath his gruff and sometimes changeful manner, the younger man could perceive that his friend appreciated and perhaps even favoured his company but he couldn't understand why Erik wouldn't even give the IDEA of a relationship a chance. 'And this is all because of your friend Shaw?' Charles inquired curiously, straining to understand Erik's uncompromising logic.

An echo of gunfire; cold and dark, warped through from Erik's past and into the present, harshly intruding on the peaceful domestic scene before him. The professor's innocent little remark, no doubt pieced together from the half a dozen or so times he had asked the older man about Shaw and failed to draw him out fully, had caused his reality to tip violently on its side. He felt as though the younger man had reached across and dug deep into his chest with his bare hands.

Sweet, innocent, loving Charles.

Why was he doing this to him?

Why?

TBC