Chapter 5

Finally Being Kissed

Tommy had never seen the movie She's Out of My League - it sounded like the kind of film he'd avoid on principle- but he was more than familiar with the concept. And just as he had joked to Kurt about him having to raise his standards if he was attracted to him, he wondered if Quinn had to be put through the same pressure to be going out of with him by the rest of the Cheerios.

Tommy knew that he was probably underselling his looks. He didn't have the acne that bothered half of Lima, his haircut was attractive when he bothered to comb it, and he only had wear his glasses for reading, but even by the most charitable of estimations, he was best a seven, and Quinn was... well, Quinn. This was shallow and he knew it, but he could deal with that. More to the point was his issues. It had taken him a lot of effort just to audition for glee. To put himself out there for another person, even a little, was a major effort, and he was nowhere near ready for this particular conversation with her.

He knew that there was some whispering going around that Quinn was slumming by being seen socially, but he could live with that. Finn surely wasn't bothered by being seen with Rachel, and in all honesty, he didn't give a damn what people thought most of the time. And then he heard that Puckerman was no longer in Juvie.

There weren't a lot of people who scared Tommy, but Noah Puckerman had to be in the top five, and he was the only one who wasn't dead or fictional. He knew that Puckerman had mellowed a bit since joining Glee, but his idea of being laid-back was limiting the number of time he'd put the high school undesirables in the dumpster to once a week. He'd always wondered why Puckerman had never bothered with the orchestra before he'd joined New Directions (as he was pretty sure that they were lower on the food chain even than show choir) but guessed that it had something to do with the fact that they were not obvious losers. Of all the people in the club, he had the least respect for him.

Now Tommy knew that Quinn and Puckerman had been through since Quinn had revealed he was the father of her child (and to be accurate, they had never been together in the first place). He knew that Santana had been an item with Noah since early last year, and was still carrying a torch for him. Nevertheless, when he heard that the mohawk wearing line-backer was out and looking for him, he got very concerned that it was not to congratulate him for his performance in Into the Woods.

The guy just did a stretch in Juvenile detention. You really think he's angry enough to want to go back there.

It was rational, clearheaded thinking; problem was, as Tommy himself had demonstrated, high school is not often a place where that kind of mindset prevails. Hormones trumped reason, more often than not.

But there wasn't much point in running or trying to hide, not in the same building, certainly not when they shared the same after school activity. So he decided to quit screwing around and deal with it.

On the way there, however, he got sidetracked. David Karofsky, another one of those football pricks, out of left field shoved Kurt into a locker. Torn between wanting to holler at Karofsky or aid his friend, he moved on the side of compassion.

"You okay?" He knew the second he said it how immensely stupid the question was. Everybody in glee took a fair amount of bullying as a matter of course; Kurt was going to get pushed around just for existing. He settled for helping him to his feet.

"Aren't you afraid of being seen with the school queer?" There was definitely venom in his tone; Karofsky must have said something particularly sweet to him.

"I think the whole school knows I'm past that point," he told him. "Shall we go through the motions?"

"Excuse me?"

"We go to Figgis' office, I tell him what I saw, he brings in Karofsky, sternly lectures him against this kind of behavior, we all say we've learned our lesson, and the next chance he gets Karofsky spits in your food."

It said something about how badly Kurt was hurting that his reaction was: "Why bother? Turner in history will just dock me for being late."

This had a mixture of cynicism and pain that Kurt rarely openly demonstrated. He decided to dig a little. "So besides being attacked by a homophobic asshole, is there anything else that makes the world a little darker today?"

"It's not enough to be the high school punching bag for every ignoramus out there?" Kurt flared. "Hell, you might not want to stand so close to me. Lord knows what rumors would start by association."

"I care more about what's going on then what this high school does," Tommy replied. "I'd think you know that by now."

"Sometimes, when I'm performing, I can block out all of the venom that's there," Kurt told him. "And other times, I just want to get the hell out of this town, and never look back."

"I feel the same way a lot of the time," he countered. "And if you asked anyone else in Glee, they'll probably all tell you the same thing."

"It's different in my case, and there's no point in pretending otherwise."

A teacher might have urged patience; Mr. Schuster would have urged letting the normal channels. Tommy knew as well as everybody else in Glee how stacked the system was against them. A couple of months ago, he would have urged caution, too. But he'd seen how truly and utterly indifferent the school was, and it nettled him.

"Where does Puckerman go fourth period?" he asked instead.

"Chemistry," Kurt seemed a little nonplused by this remark. "What are you thinking?"

"Two birds, one stone."

It shouldn't have been that difficult to run him down; as a general rule, Puckerman avoided being seen in class. But Tommy figured he wouldn't want to risk being caught flying too close to the edge, and was at least going through the motions. They had to wait until class was over to find him, and by then, he was talking to Artie.

"I understand you've been looking for me," he told Puckerman as he walked right up to the man who still seemed to tower over him.

"I figured I'd run into you at lunch," Puckerman didn't seem his usual brutal self. "Look, I realize this is something you obviously can't take credit for, but you did give Cliff the ultimate in cold showers three weeks ago, right?

"The perpetrator of that event was masked and used a fake voice," Tommy countered. "I believe they still have not identified him."

Puckerman nodded at this. "Stick with your story. You're really good at the James Bond stuff."

"Depends which Bond. Sean Connery would be subtle and disguise himself. Daniel Craig would have just beat the crap out of him without thinking twice." Tommy replied. "But then, I've never much cared for James Bond."

The idea he would actually do anything that would win Noah Puckerman's approval seemed to be part of some alternate universe. Nevertheless, he did seem to be nodding at this. "Well, it's good to know that whoever did this has the brains and the balls to take on some of the assholes on the football team. I've wanted to take a shot at Cliff for the last year and a half. Now, it seems someone has a way of getting the message across."

"If I knew what you were talking about, I guess I'd consider it a compliment coming from someone like yourself." Tommy decided to get down to business. "Speaking in abstracts, I believe there is another jock on your team who seems to have made it his life's work to make ," he looked at Kurt but made no other gestures, "a mutual acquaintance of ours even more hellish than usual."

"You mean Karofsky swinging at Kurt," Puckerman had apparently decided to abandon the hypothetical. " I think sometimes you just have to be straight, no offense intended."

"Maybe you know better than me," Tommy asked. "This just the usual glee club is the scum of the universe, or is that actually something that requires adult supervision?"

He thought that he'd been too obscure, but it seemed he'd underestimated the Jewish jock. "Guy talks shit like everyone else. Never seemed to be the type to follow through."

"I know doing favors kind of goes against the Noah Puckerman mission statement, but we have to look after our own, and sure as shit, the faculty won't," Tommy told him.

Kurt had been quiet up until now. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but as much as I don't like getting pushed around, I'm not a fan of doing it to someone else."

Tommy was uncomfortable with the idea, too. If you'd asked him a week ago about this kind of behavior, he'd've quoted one of his grandmother's favorite sayings: "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind." This wasn't going to solve anything, and might make the situation worse for all of them.

"For now, all I want is for you to keep an eye on Karofsky," he settled for saying. "See if there's anyway to figure out what's he doing, and if we can stop this before it gets worse."

"Half the team likes Karofsky. Every time we have a practice session, there's a good chance one half's gonna swing at the other half."

"If Karofsky keeps going after Kurt, I've got a sinking feeling that'll happen anyway," Tommy pointed out.

He had no idea what role he was going to play in that escalation yet, and even if he did, he doubted he could have done anything differently.

Things got more complicated when glee officially met that afternoon. They learned who their competition at Sectionals was going to be - and it sounded like a mixed bag. Young at Heart was a group of senior citizens in the middle of training for GEDs and had formed an accapella groups.

"What kind of competition is that?" Santana had the temerity to ask. "They're just a bunch of old people singing."

"so are the Rolling Stones," Tommy reminded them. "And half the other bands my grandparents listen to. Age doesn't mean your talent goes away."

The other group was Dalton Prep's The Warblers, a name which sounded vaguely familiar to Tommy because he was pretty sure they'd competed at a National level at some point in the past. If they really were New Directions main competition, they were going to have some really problems when they faced off in three weeks time.

This week's assignment also sounded vaguely familiar- Mr. Schuster had given it to them last year, or at least a variation on it. It was time for mashup, and once again, it was going to be boys vs. girls. The difference was each side was going to perform a song performed by a group of the opposite sex.

For once, this was actually an area where he thought he might be able to be helpful. When it came to music, Tommy may have been the most liberal person in glee He had always liked performing songs that were traditionally sung by women (Carly Simon and Bjork had always been among his favorite singers to perform), and he'd been envious of Kurt having the stones to perform 'Defying Gravity' the previous year. (He was pretty sure Kurt had sabotaged himself in doing so; the young man hated losing solos to anyone, much less to Rachel.)

So when they broke up into groups a little later, and it was time to begin narrowing the choices as to what to perform, he actually had an idea where he wanted to begin. "But I'm telling you right now, if the Spice Girls and/or Celine Dion enter into this discussion at all, I'm gouging my eardrums out," Kurt told them.

"Our assignment is female-based songs, not performers who just suck," Artie reminded them. "I think we can do better."

"I actually have an idea of a number to start with," Tommy began.

"You're not going to any more of that old rock crap are you?" Puckerman demanded.

"They don't just call it classic rock because it's old," Tommy was actually a little insulted by this. "It's because it's lasted several decades. People like listening to it."

"Old people," Puckerman replied.

He knew he wasn't going to win this argument with words, so he decided to try another way. "I don't know who did this number - I know it was one of those Motown groups, but a lot of them recorded it." In actuality, he knew it from a rerun of a TV show he'd watched with his grandmother. The name escaped him, but he knew it was their intro music.

Through the mirror of my mind

Time after time,

I see reflections of you and me.

Reflections of,

The way life used to be.

Reflections of,

The Love you took from me.

As I peer through the window

of lost time.

Looking over my yesterdays

Through all the loves that's gone.

Destiny.

Bum-bum-bum

All the love that I wasted.

All those years,

All those tears that I've tasted.

Through the hollow of my tears

I see a dream that's lost

From the hurt

That you have caused.

Everywhere I turn

Seems like everything I see

Reflects the love that used to be.

Reflections of,

The way life used to be

Reflections of,

The love you took from me.

Most of them seemed to like this. Most of them. "Still sounds like you don't know all the words," Puckerman told them.

"You're from another planet, Noah." The second he said he remembered that, despite their pleasant exchange that morning, he was still very afraid of this man. But he had been caught off guard considering this was a song he hadn't sung in more than seven years.

Fortunately, Puckerman was not in the offense taking mood. Finn was a little less so. "Just seems a little less like the assignment. That's kind of a solo with backup, and Mr. Schue kind of wanted it to be a group song."

Tommy might have argued the point a little, if not for two reasons: that was part of the assignment, and, even at this juncture, he didn't want or need all the solos. He was still trying to get used to the idea of being evaluated for performing; he didn't want the extra stress.

"All right, but I still think Motown's our best bet - lot of good female groups, lot of great songs," he argued.

There really wasn't much argument there, and they agreed to try and download four or five songs each, and come up with one that would work.

Artie then brought up a different point - that they needed to know something about their competition. Considering the kind of the mess that they had gotten into last year, they knew that they needed to get some kind of look at their opposition. Dalton Prep had been a serious power in show choir for more than twenty years, going head to head with Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals nine times, five in the last ten years. Even the problem of being an all boys school had helped the school more often than it hurt them - they had managed to make nationals last year, and were currently ranked eighth in the country. They weren't as big a gorilla as Shelby had managed at her time at Vocal Adrenaline, but they were close.

"We don't get any ranking for having won sectionals last year?" Tommy asked.

"I think that may the only reason we're there in the first place," Artie pointed out glumly. "Usually the competitions a little weaker at this level. You'll notice neither of last years finalists came even close to the first round this time out."

"As Coach Sylvester would no doubt put it, we're the best of the worst," Finn pointed out.

"You're being far too generous as to terms," Tommy replied, "but I'm guessing finishing last at Regionals doesn't do much to boost your confidence."

He had tread very lightly around this which was as much a sore point for him as it was New Directions. Considering all of the effort he and the rest of the orchestra had done for them all year, he had been a little miffed that none of them had even gotten an invite to the competition. They knew it was a lousy argument- the school barely had enough funds to send the team there- but it still stung a little. And considering that no home bands were allowed - under the rules it would be like giving one team an extra advantage- they all knew that they didn't have a leg to stand on.

"The point is, we need to know how Dalton Prep runs their team," Artie argued. "Which means that one of us has to get inside their rehearsals."

From a clearheaded point of view, it would have made more sense for them to send Tommy - their records didn't stand for much, but everyone from last year, combined with the unexpected success of McKinley's football team did sort of render him the most anonymous possibility. Which is why he was more than a little surprised when Kurt volunteered to do recon.

No one seemed to raise any objection at this, which is why Tommy decided to pull him aside before they got started. "You sure you're okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because the Kurt I know never misses an opportunity to perform," Tommy asked.

"Maybe I just feel I can pull off the uniform better than you can," Kurt told him. "Would you let this go for now?"

Tommy was wondering if that something to do with what had happened earlier, but he also knew that this was not his area of expertise. He decided to let it go for now, and hope that getting some space from the school would give Kurt some peace.

Unfortunately, there were some other things he wasn't prepared to let go.

For all his worry about Puckerman, it turned out he didn't really have a problem with him seeing Quinn. "I may be a C student, but I'm not a complete moron," he told him. "She and I are never going to work out, and I'm pretty sure Santana would kill me in my sleep if I tried anything like it." He was pretty serious about it, but having gotten to know her, Tommy thought it might be true.

So now, things were all clear for him to date Quinn. There was just one minor obstacle in front of them- sex.

Considering how badly being the head of the celibacy club had turned out for her - the word irony would have had to be invented to deal with the situation Quinn had found herself in last year - Tommy had been somewhat amazed that, along with retaining her position as head of the Cheerios, she had rushed to regain that particular title. In fact, he called her on it a day ago.

"Abstinence only education doesn't work. You should be leading the charge, not heading backward," he'd argued. "Don't tell me your life wouldn't have been a lot better if Puckerman had remembered to use a condom."

"I'm trying to turn my life around, Tom," she reminded him. "There are certain things I believe in, and I think, given what happened to me last year, I have to take my old position."

"I'm not saying it's wrong for you, I'm saying it's wrong for teenagers in general," Tommy argued. "Teenagers are gonna have sex. They've been having sex since before we were born, and they're going to be having sex long after we become adults. We can't just take this position, and hope it works."

"You do realize this is the worst possible argument if you're trying to get yourself laid?" Quinn argued, slightly amused, which he took as a good sign.

"Quinn, I'm not an idiot. Considering what happened to you last year, I'm surprised you haven't bought a solid steel chastity belt," Tommy told her, only slightly sarcastically. "But this is one battle your church can't win. And you holding on to this position makes you look like the worst kind of hypocrite."

Quinn considered this for a moment. "You're not trying to tell me you don't think this way?" she asked, curiously

"I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex," he told her honestly "But I honestly never thought I'd have a legitimate opportunity to until my freshman year of college at least. There, being smart doesn't automatically get me shoved into a locker."

Quinn looked a little confused at this remark, as well she might. "I'm speaking hypothetically, of course," he told her. "Though ever since it became the public knowledge about my choice of locker room humor, I've been looking over my shoulder every minute or so."

"You changed the subject," Quinn told him.

"I'd kind of forgotten what it was," he admitted sheepishly.

"Your whole argument about me being head of the celibacy club; this isn't some kind of elaborate method to get me to spread my legs for you?"

Hearing such blunt talk from Quinn Fabray was more than a little bracing. "Quinn, you are incredibly hot, and my last statement about sex was very accurate. That said, I think we're well matched in other ways than honesty. You definitely don't want to have sex, and, for the immediate future, I don't need to have sex. This entire talk about your being head of the celibacy club is me gently to draw you back towards reality."

That had settled the issue, and the two of them felt more than free to hide in empty classrooms to make out.

What he hadn't told Quinn was that he had been trying to establish the moral high ground rather than deal with a problem that had been bothering him ever since he and Quinn had started dating. The fact was Tommy hadn't entirely been honest with that last statement. He did need to have sex- he just wasn't sure that he could.

It was for that reason more than any other that he had gone back to the therapist he'd only gone to see twice since he'd joined glee. His mood and spirit were better enough that Dr. Sternin had thought that he could reduce the number of times a month he saw her. It was the other part of his therapy that made him move up the appointment this month.

It was very hard to tell from Dr. Lilith Sternin's face whether or not she was ever pleased about something, but she did seem to be impressed at how much his socialization skills had improved over the last few months.

"While I wouldn't have expected this kind of social program to kind of thing that worked for you, you have made a remarkable amount of progress recently," the doctor told him.

"Did you once tell me that you intend to avoid using those kinds of words?" Tommy asked. "Something about them being false modifiers or whatever?"

"You're right," Dr. Sternin replied. "Forgive me for gushing. It's just two months ago, you weren't looking forward to going back for junior year. And now you have this new group of friends, you're performing in front of the whole high school, and you're dating? I've never been found of the whole science fiction school of work, but frankly, I'm having a hard time believing that you haven't been replaced by some extraterrestrial entity. Because that would be a far more logical possibility that this kind of quantum leap."

Tommy was pretty sure that he'd been insulted, but because this was the kind of atmosphere his therapist recommended, he decided to level with her a bit. "Frankly, I don't feel like the same person a lot of the time," he admitted. "That actually bothers me a little. Ever since I started Glee, I haven't felt like my old self, and I didn't have a problem with who I was before."

"Well, you are a teenager. It's part of your chemical makeup," Dr. Sternin paused. "My son Frederick, he went through a similar series of changes when he was about your age. Only he went in the opposite direction. Got his ear pierced, and started to dress like a Goth. It was a tad unsettling. "

Tommy's doctor was the kind of a person who would regulate wearing brighter colors as a sign of psychological turmoil. If she really felt this way...

He shrugged this off. This was a distraction as to why he'd come here. "It's actually that last little bit I need help with."

Dr. Sternin came back. "I thought your generation knew everything they needed to know about sexual congress by the time they were eight."

It was this kind of forthrightness that made him glad he was seeing his doctor in the first place. "Believe me, no one is less eager to discuss sex with you than I am," he told her earnestly. "And I'm nowhere near ready to have sex yet. What I needed to discuss was what happens when I am."

In fact, Tommy liked the idea of discussing sex with an adult only slightly more than the idea of advanced dental surgery. But he didn't have a real choice in the matter.

"If this is about your medication, I have to be honest the particular regiment you're on has probably been helping you make so much progress," the doctor told him. "And I am loathe to change on someone unless there is a valid reason. Do you believe the medication has diminished your sex drive?"

There it was. "Is it possible that it can?" he countered.

"Certain combinations of antidepressants can have the effect of a diminished libido," Dr. Sternin's detachment was kind of bothering him now, "but the only way to be certain is if you had a lack of ability to perform. And you've just told me that you have been avoiding that very situation."

He felt like one of those animals on slides they examined in biology, the insects that were pinned there for the world to poke and prod at. "There... isn't...another way... to find out..?" he asked slowly.

Dr. Sternin had to be aware of his discomfort, but she seemed unmoved by how her patient was behaving, "This isn't the kind of thing I could do blood work on," she told him. "I realize how uncomfortable you are talking about this, but I can't make bricks without clay."

He had to be glowing redder than a cherry blossom. "When Quinn and I are, you know, making out, I haven't been able to get, you know..."

"Aroused?"

"I don't know whether that's normal or not, especially since it's fine, when I, you know.."

"Masturbate?"

"Christ, Doc, you know how hard it is for me to talk about these things!" Tommy burst out.

"I am, which is why I thought I'd expedite the process," Dr. Sternin's tone changed. "This isn't an easy subject for many of my adult patients to talk about. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to put into words."

"I never thought this would be an issue before," he admitted. "Hell, I figured the Indians had a better chance of winning another world series before I had anything resembling a girlfriend. I'm as surprised as anyone."

"And now that it is, how does it feel?"

This was the easiest thing he'd been asked all session. "It feels great," Tommy told her. "A lot easier than performing in front of hundreds of people."

"And you wouldn't want to do anything to ruin this relationship?" Dr. Sternin could be very interrogative in their sessions.

"of course not."

"Then why are you trying to find problems where there are none?' she asked. "You don't want to have sex, neither does she. Do you know how many couples your age break up for exactly this reason?"

He didn't answer, but he knew a rhetorical question when he heard one.

"You're in agreement right now. When you seem to be in a solid place. This may become an issue down the road, so worry about down the road," Dr. Sternin told him. "You like the rest of your life as it. Changing your medication may risk that."

"Believe me, I know that," Tommy muttered.

"So I repeat: why does this matter so much to you?"

The next day, he was preparing himself for what he knew wasn't going to be an easy conversation with Quinn. As it turned out, a lot happened that day that none of the guys in Glee were prepared for.

It seemed like a good surprise at first. The girls seemed to nail "Livin' On A Prayer' so intensely, he began to wonder whether there was something seriously wrong about the battle of the sexes. They hadn't even really chosen what song they were going to do, and in the same amount of time, they'd put all this together. Rachel Berry had to have some kind of demon working inside her.

Before the girls could take their final bows, Coach Sylvester came in with the apparent nonsequiteur that Coach Bieste had, without any real notification, resigned, and that somehow the football team was responsible.

Then he heard why, and wished immediately that he hadn't. Tommy knew that he shouldn't be the type that made judgments based on first impressions, but the first time he had seen Coach, he had been certain that she was a man in drag. After learning otherwise, he had pretty much dropped her from his day- he wasn't a big football fan in general, and he didn't have enough school pride to care that McKinley was having its first winning season since the school had been founded. (And considering the effort he'd done to remain anonymous in the locker room incident, he wanted the coach to be thinking about him as little as possible.) So the fact that two members of the club were using Bieste as the mental equivalent of a cold shower really didn't concern him.

So when Mr. Schuster started chewing out the team members who were on New Directions, he mentally detached himself from the proceedings. They could contort this however they wanted to, but this really had nothing to do with him. That's what he thought, until Mr. Schuster ran him down as he got to his feet in a hurry after the official chewing out.

"You're awfully quiet about this."

"What did you expect? I'm not on the football team, and whatever I think about with my girlfriend is nobody's business," Tommy hoped he would let this go. But Schuster had the annoying habit of harping on issues that really weren't his problem. He had a real Jack Shephard vibe.

"Look, I realize that you're relatively new..."

"I am new to Glee. I have been going to McKinley the same as everybody else. In either case, I wouldn't care about hurting the feelings of someone I don't know, and will probably never cross paths with. Now, I am asking as politely as I can, please let this go."

Mr. Schuster let him leave. Unfortunately, he then proceeded to run into Quinn, not the first person he wanted to talk to. "Did you know about this?" she asked.

"It's called 'locker room talk' for a reason. In case you've forgotten, I'm not exactly hanging out with them."

He had hoped that would put a swift end to this conversation. Tommy really should've known better.

"So this whole thing isn't an issue with you?" Quinn demanded.

"Not Coach Bieste, no," The second he said it he knew he'd made a mistake. "Of all the potential problems we might face, could we deal with one that is relevant?"

"You think this relationship will have problems," Quinn still seemed to be having problems processing this.

"Every relationship has problems, the happy ones and the unhappy ones alike. My grandparents recently celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary; you think they still don't argue late at night?" Tommy replied. "I don't know what the road ahead holds anymore than you do, but the fact is the last thing either of us should be concerned about the football coach's role in it. Okay?"

This did settle Quinn down a little. They started walking down the hall together, and then stopped about fifty feet later. Kurt was coming out of the guy's locker room, looking shell-shocked. "Now what?"

It was, of course, a monumentally stupid question to ask. Even someone who did his best to avoid hearing gossip, Tommy knew how Karofsky had twice slammed Kurt into a locker in the past two days. He had been meaning to raise the issue with Puck, but that might not have the best timing, considering the issue that had just arisen with the Coach. Some kind of confrontation had been coming, and considering that Karofsky could probably throw him through a window, he was amazed that Kurt was, at least, physically undamaged.

The two of them practically ran over to Kurt. Since "are you okay?" sounded like the dumbest question either of them could possibly ask, Tommy settled for something blunter: "Did he hurt you?"

Kurt blinked a couple of times. "Excuse me?"

"Karofsky. Did that bastard hurt you?"

"Not this time," Kurt seemed to be coming back down to earth.

Quinn knew enough to realize something was wrong. "Should we get a teacher?"

"No." That brought him back to reality. "Believe me, that wouldn't solve anything."

"Are you shitting me?" Tommy demanded.

"Look, it's not that I'm not glad you care, but this is something I have to solve by myself."

Like many of their fellow performers, Tommy and Quinn would spent the next several weeks trying to figure out what the hell what exactly was going on between Kurt and Karofsky. Tommy in particular, would spend the next few weeks trying to figure out why the dynamic between them had changed so dramatically. Kurt was clearly frightened, but there was something else in his behavior that none of the others could understand. Tommy tried to chalk it up to the fact that he had only recently become Kurt's friend, but when he talked about it later with both Mercedes and Rachel, probably the closest people to Kurt in the whole school, they said that they had no idea either.

"I just don't get what he's doing," Mercedes told them. "He buries his hurt better than anyone I know, but this..."

"It's like he's trying to protect Karofsky," Rachel would say, "but I can't think of a single reason why."

Neither could Tommy. What on earth could Kurt have in common with this human piece of garbage?

Quinn managed to get an answer out of him the next day during the lunch. She had to push a little, but not as much as she'd thought she would have too.

"I may have mentioned when we were rehearsing that I've been spending some time in therapy." he told her flatly.

"It's not that big a deal," she told him. "My mom told me to talk to a therapist this summer. She said that she didn't think Miss Pillsbury would cut it given what I'd been through."

Your mother is smarter than I thought. Tommy wisely kept this bit to himself. "It's a bit more complicated than that. The first few months after I... was settling in with my grandparents, I had a lot of trouble sleeping. They thought I need to talk with somebody, so I've been in therapy since I was eleven. Not always with the same one. Finally had to settle on one near Cleveland.

"That's your big secret? Gotta tell you, not as big as the buildup."

"Once you see what's in the hatch, the mystery loses a lot of its appeal," Tommy admitted. "It took them nearly a dozen kinds of meds before they finally came up with a combination that keeps me... balanced. Even now, it's not a perfect combination. And there are some side effects."

Quinn considered this for a moment or two. "Does those one of those side effects happen to be ... you know.." It was odd seeing the forthright Cheerio at something of a loss for words.

"A lack of lead in my pencil?" Tommy actually blushed a little saying this. "My doctor has told me that it might be one of them."

Quinn managed to finish connecting the dots, mercifully. "So that's why you seemed so sure that this thing with the Coach had nothing to do with you."

"I was hoping to go a lot longer without raising this issue," he admitted., "but my hand was kind of forced. Up until now I've considered my wellbeing as more important than any mojo I might need, and you've been more than reasonable about it. But I've gotta tell you, this has been a lot harder for me to deal with than I thought. What I'm trying to say... very ineptly... is that I care about you Quinn. More than I thought would be possible. Enough to make me want to do something as ridiculous as this."

She looked at him. "Is this your very messed up way of you trying to say that you love me?" Quinn asked.

"I may be," he told her. "But considering that happens a lot around New Directions, let's hope it doesn't fade before Sectionals."

She walked up to him, and kissed him. "I've been burned before. Twice in fact."

"Pretty sure I just gave you my heart on a silver platter," Tommy reminded her. "Let's just hope we can do this without hurting each other."

It was a nice sentiment. Unfortunately, by the time the school year was over, it would be ground into dirt.