I do not own Bleach or the muffin man.

I'm sorry for the long wait, but here's a chapter, hot out of the press, just waiting to be read by you, the reader!

Enjoy!

Ichigo was sent flying into the air like a goose. He landed hard on his back as he gripped his sword in anger, glaring at his enemy. "Damn you, Coke!" Ichigo swore in anger. The giant red soda can laughed evilly.

"Give it up, kid," The soda laughed evilly. "You can't win! I've beaten all your friends! No one in the world can beat my skills!"

Just then, a light fell from the sky. A giant man made out of muffins landed near Ichigo. "MUFFIN MAN?" The orange-haired Shinigami yelped.

"Yes, it is I, the king of all things good, the prince of pomegranates. THE MUFFIN MAN!" The Muffin Man's voice boomed across the heavens. Ichigo gaped in awe. Ever since he and his comrades went down to Hueco Mundo and defeated Aizen and Juramaru, the mysterious mistress revealed herself as the deliciously deceptive soda, beloved by all, Coca-Cola!

Her first victim was Rukia, who succumbed to the sweetness of her evil nectar. She never stood a chance. Then came Renji, who had never even tasted a soda, and he fell.

Soon, Ichigo was left, and everyone else had become too sugar high to even fight anymore.

But now, there was hope!

THE MUFFIN MAN HAD COME.

"BY THE POWER OF GRANOLA, I AM MUFFIN MAN!" He flexed his arms and pure light radiated from his very being.

"Damn you, Muffin Man!" Cola hissed as she sent a jet of soda from the palm of her hand. "TASTE MY LOVE JUICE!"

Muffin Man quickly avoided it and hurled a muffin at Cola's stomach. "EAT BLUEBERRY BOMB! A PART OF YOUR NATURAL BREAKFAST!" He shouted in triumph. Ichigo stood up, using his Zanpakuto as a crutch. He could not believe WHAT he was seeing.

Cola screamed in pain as the luscious blueberries corroded her metal body. "IT BURNS!" She held her abdomen as the pain grew worse.

"Muffin Man!" The ostrich ran to his side.

"Ostrich, thank the gods you came!" Muffin Man looked at Ostrich. "I need your help."

"What can I do?"

"I need your powers to restrain this slick bitch. Give me your strength!" Muffin Man held out his arms and rays of light surrounded the soda can.

Ostrich used his eye beams to amplify the Muffin Man's power, rendering Cola's power almost useless. "We've got to get more power! Otherwise, this will be all for nothing!"

"I know, old friend, but where can we find it?" Muffin Man groaned as Cola began to struggle fiercely against her prison. "YOU CANNOT HOLD ME FOREVER, FOOLS! I WILL BE FREE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!" She roared in pure rage.

Muffin Man and the ostrich gasped in pain as Cola began to move slowly towards them in a menacing fashion.

"MWAAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW, YOU ARE MINE!" Cola roared in triumph. Suddenly, a giant rabbit fell from the sky. "HOLD, EVIL SODA BITCH!"

"CHAPPY!" the duo shouted. "Indeed! I have been summoned by a pure heart! How dare she hurt my beloved friends?" The rabbit glared at the soda. "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING RABBIT! I DON'T FEAR YOU!"

Ichigo just watched this in disbelief. This was too much, even by his standards. He gripped his Zanpakuto and went into a stance.

"GETSUGA TENSHOU!" The attack ran straight through Cola, killing her instantly. "URGH! I…may have fallen, but my siblings will carry out my legacy… MWAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" With that, she exploded.

"She is no more!" The Ostrich cheered. "Yes, our job is done." The Muffin Man stood up and brushed off dust off of his overalls.

"HOLD IT!" Ichigo roared and stormed towards them. "JUST HOLD ON A GODDAMNED COTTON-PICKIN' MINUTE!"

"Yes?" the trio responded.

"YOUR JOB? WHAT ABOUT US? WE FOUGHT THE GOOD DAMN FIGHT AND ALL WE GET FOR OUR TROUBLES IS A FUCKING PAT ON THE BACK? FUCK THAT NOISE! I'D RATHER GO DRINK… PEPSI!"

The trio gasped in horror. "You don't mean that, son." The Muffin Man shook his head.

"OH, YES I DO!" Ichigo fumed. "AT LEAST PEPSI NEVER BETRAYED ME OR ANYONE ELSE!" With that, Ichigo stormed away from the battle zone, looking for someone to heal his friends.

"My god, what have we done?" Muffin Man hung his head in shame. "We tried to save the world from sugar, yet we ended up driving an innocent away towards another evil."

"It's not your fault, Muffin Man. The world is filled with apathetic people who think nothing of their health. The world needs more optimistic people like the children." The ostrich smiled.

"You're right, old friend. Let's GO!" The trio flew off to fight more evil-spreading sodas and protect our teeth from rotting.

Rukia clung to the flying Chappy like a leech to its victims. "CHAPPPPPPY!" She squealed as the wind slapped against her face.

TBC.