17
His eyes are locked on her, her eyes are fixed elsewhere
Eyes split in two, if only she knew, if only she knew
The curtain goes down on him again.
As soon as the delicately carved wooden bowl was set before me, spilling over with hot oats, I felt guilty.
Hammond stirred his spoon, frowning.
"We must focus upon our immediate troubles. Our food stores are low, the people cannot live on air and hope. We should investigate Ravenna's import, her suppliers."
"Do you think they will trade with us?"
"The question is whether we should like to trade with them."
"Not every kingdom in this land is wicked."
"And not all are good." he replied gently, "I will look into the matter, find the key to the treasury, see how much the witch hoarded for us to bargain with."
The huntsman coughed quietly, respectfully, with restraint.
The Duke turned to him with an equally controlled gaze. "Yes?"
"I can be of service. Outside of importation, that is."
He never looked up, but my blood quickened as I regarded him. His idea began to dawn on me.
"Of course." I said, enthused. "How obvious."
"You would lead a host of hunters and gatherers to the wilds?" Hammond clarified.
The huntsman shot him an affirmative glance. "Yes, m'lord."
"We would be grateful."
"I don't ask for gratitude." Blue circles settled on mine for a moment, just a moment, and then away.
Greta's eyes were also on me, though when I returned the glance she focused on her food.
The red-haired, ever obliging girl cleared away our bowls.
"Greta, you are at liberty until I call for you."
She curtsied with pleasure, and skittered off, probably to hear the kitchen maids' gossip.
The Duke cleared his throat.
"Huntsman, you will gather my men and choose a third to accompany you. Avoid the Dark Forest."
He looked startled at being so swiftly dismissed by Hammond, but bowed stiffly to him and then to me, gazing up from under his brows.
His footsteps echoing down the corridor lulled me into a state of thoughtless inertia. For a few moments, I knew nothing but those footsteps, and what they resembled – the lingering of his body and soul within my mind. The world passing into greyness at his departure.
"Princess."
Hammond's drawn but kindly face was awaiting my attention.
In my fear of giving something away, in my sudden gut-clenching spasm of guilt, I once again realised the depth of the emotions that I stifled. I hoped the burning in my cheeks wasn't visible.
"We have another issue to discuss, in the luxury of solitude." He emphasised his last words a little, and I could almost hear the scepticism in his voice.
He disliked having the huntsman at my side.
I saw why he would question it. I was their monarch; my duties were my own burden. And though the huntsman contributed to the kingdom's safety, to my safety, he looked entirely out of place from an outsider's perspective. In Hammond's eyes, he had become obsolete with the departure of Ravenna's army.
But every part of me recoiled and reacted at this. The huntsman – my huntsman – had followed me from battle to bath chambers, to my bedside, to the burial of my soldiers. He was always there, and when he wasn't directly beside me he was doing my will, somewhere within the castle.
He was just there, because if he wasn't…
There I drew a blank. There was blankness and nothing else. Mechanical things just seemed to stretch on forever.
Was William another mechanical part, then? Another wheel?
My stomach shifted and twinged.
No. William was a living thing. He could breathe life back into me.
But no life in comparison to this one… The life of the huntsman's rumbling low voice, his lilting gruff accent, the motion of his gait as he strolled, the handsome cut of his features, how they moved and made meaning. The furrow of his brow when he held something back from me. The flashes of lights in his eyes when he didn't.
There was nothing quite beyond this. I realised with a jolt that, despite my position, despite all I'd experienced, I would never go beyond him.
He was the final approximation of life to me.
"Princess." Hammond repeated, and this time I forced myself into alertness.
"Duke?"
"Your coronation is very close." he began, seeming to choose his words carefully. "Soon you will be elevated much higher above us than you already are. Amongst the gods."
I had nothing to say to this. The notion was daunting enough.
"I dare say it will be a lonely position, especially for you."
Especially for a woman, I silently concluded.
"And I am inclined to presume you would be grateful of a companion. Someone who would not contradict your will, someone who means the best for your people, just as you and I do."
Moments ago I was burning up with embarrassment. Now it seemed as though my hands had turned to ice on the arms of my chair, as though my muscles had hardened with cold. If my skin weren't white enough already, it paled now.
"Your father and I had planned – it was looking to be a successful plan, just before he died – that our children should be united to rule after us." he finished.
The final, heavy stroke fell upon me. I had been lowering my gaze, tracing the patterns in the table, trying to avoid his words as much as his searching eyes.
Now I looked at Hammond, as the huntsman's prey would soon look at him. With that sad knowledge of being caught, of things coming to an end.
"I'm not certain that a hasty union would be wise." I hedged.
"Quite the contrary; the sooner you present a strong, united front to our people and all the lands beyond us, the sooner we may rest in security."
"Am I not strong in myself?"
He seemed to retreat a little, bracing the bridge of his nose between thumb and finger, and heaving a sigh.
"I am only trying to be logical."
This jolted me. I received an overwhelming sense of my own illogical response, with a spasm of guilt.
If William and I had grown together in peace, if Ravenna had never invaded, if I had never had to make the journey through the Dark Forest, if I hadn't been so open to the huntsman's charm despite myself…
I would take William's hand without a thought.
If, if, if.
I felt fury, real fury, injected into my blood.
The past couldn't be reversed.
Hammond had left me to die as a child, when that gate dropped. His logic was filled with cold calculation.
I looked him square in the eye, and felt myself straightening to authoritative height.
"I escaped from her. Without help." I emphasised, making him flinch. "I made my own way to the forest, I evaded her soldiers. I convinced the man hunting me to guide me to you. I rallied your men, led them to war, I killed her. And I have done my best to revive us all since then."
He looked as though he was about to speak. I gestured for silence.
"I've proven my right as the protector of this kingdom. Alone, I represent salvation – I don't need a king, and neither am I ready for one."
His mouth closed slowly, and he looked quite deflated by my anger.
"This is not a permanent decision, is it, princess?"
I wondered how he'd take the news that I might desire my own choice of husband.
That I may want a common man, instead of his son.
"When the kingdom and I are both ready for the change, I will take a husband."
A husband. Vague, evasive. I betrayed myself even in this.
But he dipped his head, satisfied, and smiled with a fatherly fondness.
"You certainly know your own mind, princess. I am confident that the kingdom is in safe hands."
With that, he allowed me to stand first.
"We will meet over our next meal, once I have gathered enough information about Ravenna's traders. We shall see if they can be of any use to us. Then we must begin our plans for the long term."
He bowed deeply, in one great sweep, and left the chamber.
I had to sit down, my heart knocking frantically against its cage, my breath coming in uneven gulps.
Apparently, I was safe. For now.
I felt the future crushing down on me already, huge and unrelenting. Hammond's logical will like a fist.
It wasn't only his will I feared, nor the feud that could occur if I refused William.
What would my people think of me, if I took one of their rough and unrefined villagers for a husband?
What if the huntsman refused me? What of the humiliation that would follow?
And how was I ever going to explain this to William?