Chapter 42-Let it rain part3
Erik raised his head slightly in order to again verify Charles' position in the back of the room. He was disturbed by the way the young man had started sneezing suddenly, but he was a bit more interested in why the Englishman had turned so quiet as they pulled up in front of the parole house.
However, the professor was not looking in his direction at the moment, as Charles focused intently on what one of the members of his support group was saying. He still wished that the young man had gone home to rest, but he couldn't deny that having Charles within view was both reassuring and relaxing. He watched as the professor pushed his borrowed long sleeved sweater up his arms, as he absently crunched on some crisps from the bag that he and Officer Gerard were sharing. The garment was far too big for him but at least it was dry. Gerard had insisted that the two of them change clothes as soon as they entered the building.
Erik's parole officer stared at him meaningfully and then pointed towards the man speaking, warning him to pay attention to what was being said.
Gerard had immediately grabbed hold of his arm, the second after they had walked through the front door. He had looked like he wanted to start yelling but at the last minute had changed his mind. Instead, he pushed the two of them into Erik's empty room to change.
Stretching out his long legs and then crossing them again, Erik tried to refocus on what his group member was saying about his botched attempt to have a conversation with one of his sisters.
Gerard had already informed him that he would have to return in the morning to 'ask' for his job back. He wasn't looking forward to it but he had lived through worse things in his life. Fortunately, Gerard had also volunteered to accompany him as back up. (Fortunate, so he wouldn't strangle his manager to death if she started on his case again). In addition, his officer had decided to punish him by 'volunteering' his next two free days to chauffeuring recent parolees in a walking tour of the city. Gerard knew him too well.
A bit of clapping signaled the end of the contribution and Erik absently joined in after a few seconds.
He almost fell out of his chair when their group counselor, Elaine, turned towards him again.
'Perhaps, Erik has changed his mind about sharing tonight. Your parole officer has told me that Erik had an interesting day today.'
He sat there looking stupid as all eyes swiveled towards him. No one had blinked when Erik had declined to share, as per habit ,but it was rare though that Counselor Elaine asked anyone twice in the same night.
The fact that Erik hesitated was a new development. Curiously she followed his line of sight as he again turned towards the back of the room to where his sponsor sat. Officer Gerard had filled her in on the day's drama and she was intrigued by how much influence the professor appeared to exert over Erik. He had more influence than she did at any rate; perhaps this could be exploited. She had been growing increasingly desperate as the months past. How could she give Erik the professional help he needed if he never spoke?
Standing to her feet she beckoned for Xavier to come forward. 'Everyone this is Charles, Erik's sponsor.'
Naturally, the professor's jaw dropped open at this unexpected invitation. However, the round of clapping to welcome this new and interesting guest was cut short as Erik sprang to his feet.
'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' he shouted at no one in particular.
Gerard and other assistants quickly stumbled to their feet, ready for action but paused as Charles also stood and raised his hands for silence. The small man's monumental calm dominated the room as he strode forward; smiling benevolently as a chair was placed for him in the centre of the group circle.
In the meantime, Erik awkwardly dropped into his chair as Charles gestured for him to sit. His mind had painfully blanked out as he stared directly into the professor's blue eyes. He was confused because even though he expected to see concern perhaps some nervousness, Erik saw something in the man's eyes that looked strangely like anger.
'Hello everyone,' Charles stammered out a bit unsurely as Erik's group gawked at him as if he had just fallen out of a spaceship. He smiled happily as everyone rumbled a greeting of welcome in return. Anyone, who had been previously dozing with their eyes open was now fully awake as they surveyed who they knew to be Erik's fabulously rich patron. However, Charles looked so boringly normal as he pushed up his long sleeves that there was almost a tangible sense of disappointment in the air. He wasn't even wearing a Rolex or Armani or anything.
Elaine pointed to a parolee whose hand had suddenly shot up in the air.
'Hi. My name is George and we are glad Charles is here because Erik is stuck.'
An even louder round of applause accompanied by a stamping of feet supported this statement. Erik fiercely glared at his group members, and with his eyes he promised to visit unspeakably tortures on their person if they did not immediately desist from such traitorous outbursts in the future.
'Thank you,' Charles replied quickly, as he fixed his eyes on the more pleasant faces of the group, avoiding Erik's stare of death.
Erik listened attentively as the young man told them a little about himself; grimacing as Charles exaggerated about how he had saved his life from Officer Pratt. His ex-jailor was a disgusting, abusing pervert not a murderer. However, under the influence of Charles' soothing voice, his heart rate began to calm down a bit now and he began to reflect on his moment of temporary insanity when he began shouting at everyone.
When Elaine had called Charles out, he had panicked. Erik could accept that his revengeful obsession with Shaw could perhaps lead to his eventual destruction but he would be damned if he would let that ruin the professor. Words like aiding and abetting had started flying through his head since last night. The professor may not know the motivation for his vengeance but he did know about his intent. But it didn't matter; if it really came down to it, he would say that he forced the professor to keep silent. He would lie through his teeth to ensure the young man was safe.
He also made a mental note to tell Charles how cute he looked as his hair softly curled about his head as it slowly dried.
'Thank you Charles,' his counselor interjected enthusiastically She had learnt more about her patient in the four minutes that the young man had been speaking, as opposed to the four months that Erik had been attending her sessions, 'Perhaps you have suggestions for us? We would like Erik to participate more at meetings.'
His eyes narrowed as he caught Elaine's gaze. He knew she had seen through his ruse a long time ago. He DID participate in meetings but that usually involved commenting on someone else's problems. Elaine wore an odd floppy hat and the same big flowered brooch to every meeting giving her a slightly loopy air, but there was a steel in her spine which she used to effortlessly coral twenty or so hot headed men into line every Tuesday and Thursday night. She wasn't a young woman anymore, but this was replaced by a beauty that came from the strength of her sprit, which over the weeks had reluctantly come to command Erik's respect.
Charles looked about him a bit unsurely, 'I am not sure if I am the best person to ask. He doesn't really talk to me either.'
Erik stared at him, completely flabbergasted by that preposterous comment. 'WHAT?! What does that mean?! You know me better than anyone alive!'
'Not about the stuff that really matters!' the professor snapped back recklessly.
Elaine raised her hand to regain control of the dialogue. 'Erik, I am giving Charles the flower pot. Remember whoever is holding the plant, gets to speak. You can't interrupt until he puts it down.'
The older man watched as Charles clutched the plastic daisy in its bright blue flower pot like a life preserver.
As the young man studied the hideous linoleum floor Erik wanted to say that he was sorry. He knew that Charles hated when he raised his voice. He had promised to save these shouting matches for important life or death occasions but to his regret, he had once again forgotten.
Elaine turned towards the young man at her side, 'Have you told Erik that it bothers you when he doesn't talk to you about the important stuff?'
That was IT! He had had enough of this shit!
The larger man leaned over and snatched the pot out of his boyfriend's fingers, 'Look! I know what he is referring to and I already told him…'
He was so surprised when the professor snatched the plant back that he lost track of what he was saying.
'Erik knows it upsets me.'
'No Charles,' she gently scolded. 'Don't look at me, look at Erik. Tell him how it makes you feel.'
The older man had initially thought it had been a trick of the light but it wasn't. Now that Charles was once again looking him in the eye, he could clearly recognize the pain there.
Like moving pictures in a reel of film, he began to recall all the times Charles had begged him to talk; all the times he had deflected the conversation or moodily pushed him away. At the time it had meant nothing to him. He had never allowed himself to be dictated to and even now he resisted the pressure that he felt building from his group around him. But it was evident now that he had been hurting the professor all along and the knowledge of that began to slowly shred his insides into small pieces.
The academic stammered out a few words but then glanced across to the counselor in despair. He couldn't do it. Such a confession would hurt Erik too much.
Elaine leaned towards him and whispered in his ear, scribbling something on her legal pad before shoving it into the professor's hands. Next she pointed to a white board off to the side. Erik didn't need to look at the board. He had helped create it and some of the text was even in his own handwriting. It was filled with 'feeling' words like sad, jealous, happy and resentful.
The professor took a moment to think and then looked up at the whiteboard. From the corner of his eye he could just see his boyfriend wearing the classic 'deer in the headlights' expression on his face.
'Erik, when you don't talk to me …'
By this time the small man was shaking so hard, Erik could actually see the legal pad vibrating in his hand. Gently, the older man leaned forward and removed the thin book. He badly wanted to hold Charles' hand but he couldn't; not in front of the crowd. 'Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to know? You say you trust me but you don't. I have told you that your mind won't be able to handle it but still you push and push and push.'
Charles scowled in frustration. Erik was missing the point entirely. 'It doesn't matter if I can handle it or not! Don't you understand! Erik you are going down a path that I can't follow. You're going to be alone again. I mean if that's what you want…'
The professor had a slightly crazed look on his face as if someone had suddenly hit him in the head with a plank of wood. He stood up so swiftly that the silent crowd which had been straining forward, eagerly soaking in every word, jerked back in surprise.
'Where are you GOING?!' Erik roared out mindlessly as Charles put the flower pot on the ground.
'I think I want to go home now,' the young man mumbled, massaging his forehead to relieve the pain behind his eyes. This was hopeless, nothing he said or did would make Erik change his mind. His new boyfriend had every intention of wasting his life in some kamikaze fashion and he would be forced to stand there and watch. Between this and the yet to be faced blood test results, it was just too much for one night.
The older man gaped speechlessly as Charles turned away. He couldn't believe this was happening! Charles was going to walk out on him? Perhaps he had dropped into another version of reality? Xavier would never abandon him!
'You want to know this big secret I have?' Erik yelled at the professor's back, completely appalled by this unexpected turn of events.
Erik was finding it increasingly hard to breathe as Charles refused to turn around, 'Christ, I will tell you if you want to know so badly. I just don't like talking about that part of my life. What I don't want you to know about me is that I fought in a civil war in my country. It was terrible and I should have died and yes, I absolutely do NOT want to discuss it.'
Everyone looked a little blank as if the man had just spoken in a different language. Erik had realized a long time ago that it was difficult for most people born into peace to even contemplate what those words actually meant.
'As you can see,' he added quietly, waving his hand at the men around him, 'It's just not something that you can blurt out in polite conversation.'
Charles plopped down in his chair, completely thrown by this startling revelation. 'I … I don't know what to say. Is that what your nightmares are about?'
To Erik, it was almost as if he could see the questions and half guesses zipping through Charles' brain as the scientist in him did what it did best; putting together scraps of information intuitively. In the background, he could hear Elaine scribbling notes feverishly on a fresh notepad. This was dangerous, they were too exposed here…he was too exposed.
'Erik, if you have ever valued our friendship, you will answer me!'
'What is wrong with you?!' Erik retorted defensively, as he started to wave his arms around in agitation, 'Is it so wrong that I don't want to talk about this? Why would I?! I don't want to remember all that blood and screaming and running for my life. It's not like in the movies, CHARLES! War is so horrific that it can't be put into words!'
Swaying on his feet, the older man towered over the professor, unconsciously trying to get the man to back away; to stop casually poking at such dreadful memories.
Charles looked up at his tall figure, concerned but unafraid.
Once again, as it had happened so many times in the past, Erik was struck most keenly by the beautiful color of the professor's eyes. Their brilliance was a like a light that reached deep into his mind; a siren call luring him away from the rest of the world.
It was the last rational thought he had before the floor rose up and slammed into his face