He didn't feel any pain. He knew that was wrong. Knew it must be hurting like a son of a bitch. He felt the tall grass brushing against his bare arm. Felt the clay-like soil underneath him. And Mouse cradled in his arms like a baby.
He'd cupped her head in his hand as they fell. His fingertips gingerly explored the large goose egg he'd discovered there. She must have banged her head when she'd been tossed out of the truck. She'd been wandering around the field during a gun fight like a lost puppy, but that made sense now. Fucking concussion.
"You awake, Mouse?" Merle asked, his voice rough. It took more effort than he'd imagined to even whisper those few words. "Come on now." He tried again. "You better open those pretty eyes of yours or I'm gonna have to make you." She turned in his arms and looked at him.
"There you are." He grinned. "You hit?"
"I don't think so." She said after a moment. She moved as if to get up, but he tightened his grip on her.
"Not yet. They're watching. We've got to stay low."
He coughed then and felt his mouth fill with blood. He turned his head and spat. When he turned back to Mouse she was staring at him, her eyes filled with tears.
"Don't get all weepy over me, Sweetness. Old Merle ain't worth one of your tears."
The woman shook her head. "Who ever told you that?" She said.
Merle would have laughed, but he knew his lungs didn't have the strength.
He remembered this woman. He'd noticed her back at the quarry. Of course he had. And he knew Daryl had too. It wasn't that she was being beaten by that asshole she was married to. That was all too familiar a scene. No. It was the way she was with her daughter. The way she always kept her daughter in sight. The way she always managed to be touching or holding the little girl in some way. The world wasn't any less scary for Carol than for her daughter, but she offered up that security anyhow. Every moment, every touch. It's okay, it's okay. Momma's here. You're loved. It had been hard to look away.
"We've got to get you out of here." Mouse said, sounding clearer now.
"If your fog is lifting then you know." Merle said. "Daryl will come. Let's just sit tight."
"He will come." She nodded. "You're right. He loves you."
Merle snorted. "Don't count yourself out of that equation."
The woman ignored him and instead moved her hands along his back, feeling for wounds. Merle hissed in pain and snarled at her. "Keep your paws to yourself."
"We should be keeping pressure on, try to stop the bleeding."
"Stop. Stop fussing and stop worrying. It's done."
"Daryl won't accept this."
"He got over me once." Merle said. "He'll manage just fine."
"You've gone and got yourself killed for me." Mouse declared, her eyes filling again. "He won't forgive you. He won't forgive either of us."
"Shut it, lady. I ain't done too much to be proud of in my life. Just let me enjoy this. Christ, you can be a bit of a downer."
He felt her grasp his hand then, pulling it and holding it firmly against her chest.
"Quiet." She said. "I'm not afraid of you. You're not going to scare me off with that act. I've seen your tender heart. I've seen the good in you."
"Daryl is the good one." Merle insisted.
"Maybe he's just had more chances to be." Mouse said. "Did you make it safe for him? Did you give him those chances?"
Merle turned his head and spat out more blood. "Sometimes." He whispered. "I tried." A thousand memories flashed through his mind then. Most of them terrible. He hadn't been a good person. Hadn't been there for Daryl. Except that one time. Their Daddy had deserved to die. He was only sorry he hadn't killed the bastard himself. But he took the blame. He was most proud of that, if he was proud of anything.
"Mostly he looks good by comparison." Merle joked. "So I keep my end up. Anyone would come off like a saint, stood next to me."
She startled him then by bending and kissing his knuckles. He didn't know how to react. Wasn't accustomed to a touch that didn't mean to harm him.
"You're my hero." She said. "Today you're my hero. Everyone gets a turn these days. But today, it's you. You saved my life." Another kiss. His fingers jerked reflexively, but she didn't let go. "Thank you."
He was saved from further awkwardness by Daryl's arrival. His brother appeared, panting and hastily wiping his eyes.
"About fucking time." Merle said. "Does it look like I got all day?"
"You're looking pretty fucking comfortable to me." Daryl groused. He threw himself down, cross-legged and put his face in his hands. Merle knew Daryl had accepted the facts.
"What's going on?" Merle asked. "Can you get her back to the truck?"
Daryl didn't answer and Merle finally gave him a kick in the knee. "We ain't got time for you to fall apart, princess."
"Fuck off." Daryl said, roughly.
"What, you sad?" Merle's grin quickly turned into a grimace. "I thought you wanted to be like your big brother? You think I'd be hangin' out here? You've got to cut your losses and go."
"I won't leave you." Daryl said, unable to look at him.
"You're starting to piss me off." Merle snapped, causing him to cough. He turned to spit again and then looked back at his brother. "What about the geeks? What about the Governor? Mouse has had her brains scrambled from falling off the truck."
His brother's attention snapped to Carol then. "You alright?" He asked.
"I'm fine." She said and Merle rolled his eyes.
"She is not fine. Christ, you're making this harder than it needs to be. Keep an eye on her. She got a nasty knock. She was confused."
"I'm not leaving you either." Mouse said.
Merle threw his head back in frustration and just lay there, his energy fading. Occasionally he heard Daryl let an arrow loose. Taking care of geeks, he guessed. They were pretty thinned out now, the bulk of the herd probably at the prison already. He couldn't guess what had happened to the shooters across the field. Couldn't guess what had happened to Officer Friendly. Or how much time had passed.
He must have dozed off at some point. He felt Daryl's hand rest on his leg. "Merle?"
"What?" Merle asked, annoyed. "You still here?"
"Told ya I ain't leavin'." Daryl insisted. "You in pain?"
Merle opened his eyes and looked at his brother kneeling over him. "Naw." He assured Daryl. "Mostly just tired."
"Don't know what you were thinkin'." Daryl muttered.
"Yeah, you do." Merle said, his voice barely a whisper now. Daryl leaned in close to hear him. "You've got a chance now. A real one. You better fucking take it."
Daryl shook his head. Probably an attempt to stop the tears. It wasn't working.
"Come on," Merle urged. "I'm almost gone. Tell me you'll fuck her."
"Shut up." Daryl shot back.
"Tell you what, if things were different, I'd be shoving you aside and taking her for myself." Merle claimed. "I think I've grown on her."
"Like a rash, maybe." Daryl offered. "Anyway, I'd throw you on your ass."
"You'd like to try." Merle let out a breathy laugh. It hurt. Daryl moved his hand to Merle's chest and left it there, as if to keep track of his heart beats. Every last one.
"Wish it was different." Daryl said.
"I know." Merle took his hand, which Mouse had finally released, and placed it over Daryl's. "We had a good run, though. Damn near indestructible when we're together."
"That's the truth." Daryl agreed. "Should have left yesterday. It's my fault."
Merle shook his head. "I could have made you leave earlier. It don't matter now. I think you're alright with these people. You belong."
Daryl shook his head again, unable to speak.
"I'm sorry I ever let Daddy lay a hand on you. Should of been the one to put him down." Merle said. "You were just a fuckin' kid."
"Stop. I'm fine." Daryl insisted.
"Wish that were true." Merle said. "You stop hiding those scars. You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of."
"Not ashamed." Daryl said. "Just ugly."
"That's not true." Merle said. "For a Dixon, you're down right pretty." He snorted and then coughed violently, unable to get himself under control for a long time. Daryl's hand remained entwined with his upon his chest.
"Don't leave me." Daryl whispered. Begged.
"Got no choice, brother." Merle admitted.
"You chose to take those bullets." Daryl accused.
"And she's worth it, ain't she? Don't waste it." Merle said. "You were always the best of us. The best of me."
"Merle." Daryl said. "I need you, bro."
"No. I needed you."
"And I was too late." Daryl's voice broke and he leaned in closer, nearly lying across Merle's chest.
"No, brother." Merle gasped for air. "You saved me. You saved me every time."