Sleep did not come easily and when it did I didn't sleep for long, all the weird dreams about Asami and me kept waking me up, then I realised that I could smell her on the nightdress that Arika had left for me. I was about to take it off, but then figured that sleeping nude in Asami's house probably wouldn't help my dreams either.
So here I was, staring up at the ceiling, afraid to close my eyes and fall asleep, terrified at what dream-Asami would be doing to me this time and my overly positive reaction. I kept trying to focus on something else, but my thoughts always drifted back the dark-haired beauty- girl! Not beauty, girl. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what was really starting to scare me was all the little memories that crept up on me.
The little rush when I saw her, the longer than normal hug, sniffing her hair, the feel of her hand on my shoulder, enjoying that bright smile, the feel of her warm hand on my shoulder, the warmth in those deep green eyes and how much I enjoyed just talking with her. I was starting to think I'd had these feelings longer than I realised.
How long then? It wasn't some silly love at first sight thing, or quick and adrenaline fuelled infatuation that developed over less than a month. I'd known Asami for about a year, so when in that year did some part of me in the back of my mind start to think of her like this? I wasn't sure and very tired; so instead of trying to figure out when I just sighed and rolled over on to my side and closed my eyes, hoping that dream-Asami would be less kinky in the next dream.
When I woke up I was feeling more refreshed than I expected, not having another dream, at least none I could remember, and was also glad that I'd gotten up early enough to leave before breakfast. As guilty as I felt about running out on Asami's offer I just couldn't face her, not right now. I left a quick note explaining that I didn't want to tick off Tenzin by missing airbending training, not completely untrue.
Slipping out of the estate, I instantly noticed a hole in my plan; I didn't have a ride back to the island and the walk wasn't exactly short. I'd left Naga at the temple and Asami had given me a lift to her place. So here I was walking back to the air temple ferry in the same clothes I had on yesterday, a dress. I got a few comments from some people, mostly guys, and the only thing that kept me from earthbending them into the ground was the thought of the lecture I'd get from Tenzin and or Lin. Plus causing wanton property damage was bad for my reputation, probably.
When I finally made it back to the air temple I rushed to my room to get changed. I was still running a bit late and didn't want Tenzin to be even more ticked with me, too bad I was cut off as I left my room by...
"Korra! You're back! Did you have fun last night? Did you just get back? Where did you stay last night? Where's Mako? Did you really break up with him? Did he really ask you to marry him?" Ikki... and her usual barrage of questions, luckily having known the hyperactive airbender long enough I could actually comprehend what she was saying.
"Uhh, yes, yes, Asmai's place, don't know, yes, yes and it's personal." I pre-empted the inevitable question about why I'd break up with Mako right after him proposing, making Ikki fume. "Now I need to get to training, see you later Ikki." I waved to the younger girl as I jogged off towards the training grounds.
"I'll get you to talk, Korra! I swear!" Not likely dear little airbender. As I left with a smirk, pre-empting Ikki was always fun, I made my way to the training grounds as fast as I could.
"Korra?" I skidded to a halt as I came across my airbending master, with an eyebrow raised.
"Oh, Tenzin, sorry I'm late but I'm here now so let's get to training." I apologised quickly before mentioned in the direction of the practise area and starting off again towards them, I didn't want to get into a talk about what happened at the party with Mako.
After having a few runs through the spinning gates to warm up I started drilling the basic katas working up a sweat as time dragged on. Sometime later, after further burning the fundamentals into my muscle memory, it was time for lunch so we took a break so here I was sitting in plaza as I sipped a drink and enjoyed the breeze.
"Korra," I tilted my head a bit to see Tenzin as he walked up from behind and sat down next to me, "is everything alright?" Great, now I had Tenzin trying to get me to chat about the gala, I rolled my eyes at how pushy some people could be, was it so hard to understand that - "Did something happen after the party?" What?! How did he know?!
"What? No, why do you ask?" I think I did a good job at keeping my voice even, despite my quick answer, though I imagine my face gave away shock, hence my sudden fascination with the view of the bay and the trees, and pretty much anything not in the general direction of my airbending teacher.
"Well after you didn't come home last night, I called Ms. Sato and she informed me that you were staying at her estate for the night," The call! That was Tenzin? "and she mentioned that you'd being having breakfast at the estate with her," Crap! How much else did he know? He couldn't possibly know anything else, right? "and then you arrived back so much earlier than expected and you seemed to be distracted during training. You know you can always talk to me, right?"
"Sure, I know that, just nothing that needs be talked about." okay so there was something to talk about, my freakish feelings for Asami, but I defiantly couldn't talk to Tenzin about that. "Nothing at all." Why did I add that? Now I'm just being suspicious.
"Well that's good then." I just keep staring out at the bay, not daring to meet Tenzin's gaze for fear that he might press further. Tenzin started to walk away, after his footsteps had faded and I was sure he was out of earshot I let out a large sigh of relief. I could only think of what the world would think if it was revealed that the avatar was.. that way. The tabloids were unkind to me as it was.
After lunch I had the afternoon to work on my other elements to keep myself sharp, another opportunity to try and get my mind of a certain dark-haired beauty; I was in the middle of a particularly tough watrerbending set when I heard an odd giggling and noticed Pema holding a very happy looking baby Rohan. I added a little extra flourish to the end of it to entertain the little guy.
"Did you like Korra's waterbending, sweetie? Did you?" Pema was giving the baby a little tickle as I walked over to the mother and son pair happy to hear the growing infant's cute laughter. Pema was her usual glowing self, bearing a smile at her son's joy.
"Hi Pema, and hello you too Rohan." I leaned in to give the kid a smile and was greeted with another adorable giggle which I couldn't help but smile at.
"That was an impressive display Korra, you're still as sharp a waterbender as ever." She gave a smile with her compliment; I could still remember my final exam for my waterbending mastery, Pema and Tenzin were visiting the compound at the time. She said that I should be very proud of myself and that she hoped her kids grew up to as talented as I was, I'd always thought of her sort of like an aunt.
"Pema, " it came to me that whilst I couldn't talk about my new problem with Tenzin, I could talk to Pema about it, "if I told you something personal could you keep it a secret, even from Tenzin?" I must've looked worried since Pema suddenly had a much more serious look on her face.
"If you really need me to, then yes, yes I can." she gave a small nod as she answered, before mentioned to the plaza steps as a place to sit. "So what is this most secret of secrets you want to tell me?" I appreciated her trying to lighten the atmosphere
"Well, I guess it's sort of about my love life." I was fiddling with my hands trying to figure out exactly how to phrase this so that it didn't seem twisted.
"Are you regretting turning down Mako?" Huh?
"What? No, that's not it, probably the best decision I ever made was tossing him aside." Where was Mako anyway? I guess it wasn't important. "It's just that I kind of realised that I have feelings for someone else, I think that I have for awhile and just didn't realise till just recently." My would be aunt perked up at that with a small coy smile.
"Oh, a crush, who may I ask is the lucky boy? Is it that earthbender or perhaps one of the younger acolytes?" Way off target there, I started to gather all the courage I could.
"That's the thing, it's..." I trailed off as my courage started to fail me as Pema leaned in, thinking that the problem was that I just had an embarrassing crush on some guy; which was something of a half truth.
"Yes..." she leaned a little more, about as much as she could with a one year old on her lap. I averted my eyes away, toward the ground and away from Pema as I pulled my courage together best I could, scrunched my eyes shut, took a gulp and forced out...
"Asami." The air stood still at my confession, the silence was almost physically painful as the moments dragged on. The deafening quiet was only broken by the occasional sound from young Rohan. I've got no idea how long we just sat there without saying a word, time seemed to drag its feet whilst my heart worked over time, pounding with fear in my chest. Then finally I felt a soft, motherly hand on my back.
"It's okay Korra, you have nothing to fear, " I turned to look at the hand's owner to find Pema's face full of sympathy. "And you have no reason to feel ashamed."
"But, doesn't this make me-" I was about vent my shame when I was somwhat curtly interrupted.
"Korra, did you know that the original Air Nomads and, by extension, the Air Acolytes are accepting of all forms of love, regardless of who's involved." Pema's matter-of-fact tone had a slightly annoying hint of amusement in it. "So no matter the views of the water tribe or of Republic City, the people on this island will not judge you in any way, alright?"
"Yeah actually, thanks." I couldn't help but smile at hearing that, I had people that wouldn't abandon or reject me over this, that was more than just comforting. I then let a small sigh as I realised that whilst that did make this easier to deal with it didn't solve the problem.
"But that's not the problem is it?" and my worry must have been obvious, considering that Pema seemed able to read me so easily. I gave small nod to answer. "You're worried about how she'll react if you tell her, aren't you?"
"Yeah." that was the thing that really scared me, even before my little epiphany, I really liked hanging out with Asami and just having her as a friend; the idea of her rejecting me for... having feelings... for her... was painful to think about.
"It seems you have two options, you could keep how you feel a secret, " that sounded like a good idea, "or you could tell her and she'll either accept it and let you down easy or reject you and then you'll know whether or not she's worth the trouble." That sounded harsh and very scary. I was surprised at the bluntness that Pema had about this situation, until I remembered how she ended up with Tenzin, and I was also surprised that what she said about Asami not being 'worth the trouble' if she rejected me made me feel... indignant (I think that was the word) about it.
"I guess you're right, not sure which one of those I'm going to do, but still, thanks Pema, this really helped." I smiled as Rohan let out a big yawn, apparently my twisted love life wasn't very interesting to the youngest member of the air acolytes.
"Looks like it's time to put this little guy down for his nap, and Korra, I'm glad I could help, if you need to talk about this some more later, just ask."
"Sure Pema, see you later." after a wave each Pema left and I decided to start on my firebending practise to try and sweat the stress out of my body and mind with some success as the day dragged on, still trying to figure out a solution to my problem.
Later that night, after dinner, I was lying in bed , unable to sleep and still wondering about what to do; I guess my furry friend could sense my indecision as she gave me an affectionate lick on my hand as she laid her head on my lap. I gave Naga a scratch behind her ears, she was always there for me.
"So girl, what do you think I should do?" the only response I got was a nuzzle and small groan. "Some advice you give." I couldn't help but smile, Naga'd never abandon me for any reason and that gave me a little peace of mind but still didn't solve my problem. I sighed as I came to a conclusion, remembering what Tenzin had told me once about fears throwing us out of balance.
"I don't think I avoid this forever, I need to confront this fear and hope I can find some balance afterward." I imagine this was going to be one of the hardest things I'll do in my life, and I didn't even want to imagine the head-lines if it got out; the ridicule was always hard to deal with.
"You'll stick by me won't you girl?" this time my question was met with a large, rough tongue being dragged across my face, yay. "Thanks girl." I wrapped my arms around my oldest friend as I thought about what would happen if everything blew up in my face; I wouldn't be alone.
AN: okay so I finally got this done after several weeks of life's little distractions, in this case Christmas preparations, Star Wars: The Old Republic and the Secret World. So here it is, please read, enjoy and review, preferably in that order.