As always this story goes out to SJ, and the continued everyday bravery it takes to keep on keeping on. But Ladyhawk1709, you might find there's a little something in here for you too.
Clearly, I still don't own Skins, but from the look of the new trailer they're sneaking a bit of circus in there soon... :-) .
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9. Pyromonkey
Katie
Another freezing drop of rain ran down the back of my neck and I had to remind myself for the hundred and fifty-seventh time that day why I was here. For her. Of course I had told my Dad I had to go to get a closer look at their on-site operations, but I was really here to be with her. Because she needed me. Back when we were teenagers, I used to laugh at the ridiculous lengths Emily would go to, to get into a girl's pants. Of course I was no better, hanging round in scummy parties, laughing at crap jokes and watching people act like arseholes just to try and get a shag from some fit lad. When I grew up I swore I'd never do that again, that if they wanted it they could come to me. I was fit and I was smart and I was successful, and I wasn't putting myself through shit for anyone. It worked too. Harry wooed me with beautiful cakes. Hell, Anna chased me across half of Europe before I finally gave in to her charms. And yet here I was, in the last place on earth I'd choose to be, all because of Effy Stonem. It wasn't even as if I was going to get to fuck her. I wasn't trying to fuck her (hundred and fifty seventh time I had to remind myself of that today as well). I was only here to help her. Help the girl whose genius was threatening my Dad's business show off her talents. It's not like Fitchtastic Fireworks would ever do this kind of festival gig, but it was getting Le Coeur Explosif noticed, and the more that they got noticed, the more Effy's talents would shine. Man, this was some fucked up shit.
'Here' was one of the main reasons I wilfully resisted Dad's many efforts to get me to follow him into the family business. As the eldest I was the one he targeted the most, but I told him in no uncertain terms that I had no intention of spending my days scrabbling around in the pissing rain fiddling about with wires. I wanted glamour, I wanted excitement and I wanted comfort. So why the fuck was I hiding underneath a fucking tarpaulin attempting to protect things that were never meant to come into contact with water? You have to do everything you can to try to keep the pyro dry, and it just makes the back breaking work even more difficult. It's an uphill struggle. Your tools get wet, your tape gets wet, you can't put anything down for a second without it getting covered in mud. Your fingertips end up looking like prunes, as if you'd been soaking in a bath for days. It's fucking horrible work, and what made it worse was I had to keep slowing myself down in order not to appear too good at this shit. My instinct was to work as fast as possible to get it over and done with so I could return to the relative comfort of my tent, but I had to make it seem as if I was still fucking learning. I had had to bite my tongue yesterday when we were setting stuff up to stop myself from suggesting we drop in, in the back of the truck and then move the racks of tubes into place, cause how the fuck would Katie Ford know about that kind of shit?
Effy kept coming to check up on me. It was a double-edged sword because I had to keep my guard up not to appear too skilled, but then again I did get to see that gorgeous smile whenever she judged that I'd done something right. It almost made the conditions bearable. I heard a rustle at the edge of my tarpaulin, and looked up to see Effy poking her head under.
"Hey," she said. "Just came to see how you were getting on."
"Effy, it's ok that you come to look over my work," I smiled. "I know you have to make sure I'm not making any cock ups."
"I'm not doubting your ability," she said, creeping under the tarp. "It's just…"
"I know," I replied. "I'm new, and untested, and it's your neck on the line if I fuck it up."
"You haven't fucked anything up so far," she smiled.
"Must be naturally talented," I smirked at her.
"And naturally intelligent," she said, casting her eye over the tall wooden stake I'd pushed into the ground to prop up the tarp, making a little tent for myself and helping the water to run away from where I was working.
"Yeah well, I'm not just a pretty face you know," I replied.
She looked away, but her mouth curled up into a coy little smile. She was really trying hard with the no flirting rule today.
"So how are you getting on?" she asked me.
"See for yourself," I said, gesturing to the racks of tubes in front of me. "That's what you're here for."
She cast her eyes over my handiwork and nodded with approval.
"You're very neat," she said. "I like that. Tidy rigging is good rigging."
"I had a good teacher," I shrugged.
Truth was, Emily and I knew how to rig pyro almost before we knew how to read. Back in the day before health and safety prevented anyone under eighteen from coming anywhere near stuff like this, Dad always used to take us to work with him, first at the workshop and then out onto site. He never let us fire anything of course, that was always his job. Not that that had ever been enough for Emily. When she was sixteen she nicked a bunch of material and set it off at Pandora's birthday bash. She got in so much fucking trouble for that. When she announced she was gay two days later, everyone thought she was just trying to distract us from her misdemeanours, but we all know how that turned out. She got banned from the workshop, and the constant stream of girlfriends that started showing up on our doorstep meant that we had to accept the inevitable. She didn't seem to mind her exile from the business, she had a new toy to play with and she was making the most of it, but her little rebellion gave me the bottle to start planning my own escape.
"This is good work, Katie," said Effy proudly, and suddenly it felt as if the clouds had parted and the field had filled with glorious sunshine. "I should have known I could rely on you."
It was ridiculous. Suddenly I didn't care about the hideous conditions at all, just because she was proud of me for doing something I could have done with my eyes shut.
"I'm going for a fag break, do you wanna come?" she asked me.
"I don't smoke," I replied, pathetically wishing that I did just so I could follow her.
"I know," she smiled. "But at least come for a cup of tea. I think you've earned it."
We stood just inside the doorway of the catering tent staring out at the continuing downpour.
"Looks like it's here for the duration," sighed Effy. "Quel dommage."
"Fucking stupid rain," I spat angrily at the sky.
But it was a lie. I could never have thought it possible, but I Katie Fitch was at a fucking hippy festival, and I was actively praying for rain. Despite all the discomfort it was causing me, I didn't want it to stop. Cause if it kept on raining, there was no chance that Effy and Freddie's gear would dry out, and they would be forced to throw themselves upon my hospitality again. We would have no choice but to sleep next to each other again, and I wouldn't swap that chance for all the sun in California. My mind drifted back to the way she had held me last night and it was all I could do to stop myself from gasping. Wrapped in her embrace that tent had become a beautiful sanctuary, where nothing and no one could hurt me. Yes of course it was about comfort, reaching out for the warmth of someone after being soaked through with rain and mud, but why hadn't that person been her boyfriend? It was what had gone before that had defined the encounter. The way we had looked into each other's eyes had been so astonishingly intimate, and had held such understanding I was unsure I had ever known it's like. In all my life only Emily had come that close to reaching me. And that's what made it special and frightening. Effy and I had made the decision not to let sex define our relationship, but in its absence we had conjured up something even deeper. And I wanted more.
"What are you thinking about?" Effy's voice cut into my contemplation.
"Last night," I said before I could censor myself. It seemed that I had told her so many lies, I simply couldn't bear to tell another despite the trouble it might land me in.
"Oh," whispered Effy, and continued to stare out into the rain.
I was scared that I fucked things up by bringing it out into the open, but even though she wouldn't look at me, I suddenly felt her fingers moving around my own as she tentatively caught my hand in hers.
"And what were you thinking about it?" she asked me.
"That it was beautiful," I replied.
"It was," said Effy, squeezing my hand a little tighter.
"Did you understand?" I asked her.
I hadn't kissed her to seduce her. I had kissed her to show her that I cared, that she could trust me. That I wanted what was best for her, and I wanted her to be happy. And that I wasn't going to let anything destroy us.
"Yes," she said softly.
"So we don't need to have some big serious talk, and shit?" I said.
"What good would that do?" she replied.
There were no more words after that, until we spotted Freddie bounding over towards us, and Effy dropped my hand.
"There you are, you big skivers," he grinned at us. "Pyro's not going to rig itself, you know."
"Actually Katie's already finished the three and four inch shells," said Effy.
"Wow," said Freddie. "Impressive."
It seems that even when I'm trying to be shit at pyro, I can't quite manage it. It's in my fucking blood.
"The girl got skills," said Effy, bumping shoulders with me.
"And is everything…?" said Freddie, tailing off before he actually implied that my work might not be up to scratch.
"Everything's perfect," replied Effy, looking at me for the first time, her eyes revealing that she wasn't just talking about the pyro. She was ok with everything that had happened between us too.
"We'll make a proper little pyromonkey out of you yet," smiled Freddie.
"Don't monkeys live in hot places?" I countered. "With sunshine?"
"I think they live in the rainforest too," smirked Effy.
"Alright smartarse," I shot back at her. "I'll go and drown myself for the cause."
"That's the spirit, Katie," said Freddie, jumping back out into the downpour and doing a stupid dance. I caught Effy watching him with genuine affection, and I knew somehow we'd find a way to make it alright. Somehow I would find a way to conquer these emotions for the cause.
Such noble intentions all but deserted me when I saw Effy in her firing suit and helmet later that night. I don't know what it was about her in that get up but it made me stupidly turned on. Maybe it was the power thing? Or the way she got before she fired, so fucking cool and in control. Of course I was dressed up in the same way, but my borrowed suit was way to big for me, and I had to have the sleeves and the legs rolled up to a ridiculous extent just to make it practical to move in it. I must have looked a right fucking tit. Oh well, at least there would be no chance of Effy getting tempted by lust the way I was. I tried really heard not to stare at her, honestly I did, but she was just so fucking charismatic I was fighting a losing battle. I was blatantly eye-fucking her as she was doing her pre-show systems check, when she raised her eyes and caught me red-handed. She simply raised her eyebrows, and smirked at me and I got a glimpse of the Effy that once was, before she became Freddie's girl. She was hot, and she fucking knew it, and she knew I knew it too. Her gaze was relentless, and I threw my hands up in defeat. I looked round to check that neither of the boys were within earshot.
"Ok," I conceded. "I kind of have a thing for you in your firing gear. You look hot."
"So do you," she replied without hesitation.
A ripple of pleasure ran through me at her words, but I knew she must have been teasing me.
"I look like the fucking Michelin man," I countered.
"Not from where I'm standing," she purred.
"What happened to the no flirting rule?" I complained.
"The no flirting rule's a bitch," she smirked. "She needs a good smackdown every now and again."
"I don't believe you can possibly fancy me dressed like this," I said.
"I'm a pyrochick," she shrugged.
Damn you French bitch with your stupidly sexy Gallic shrug.
"You're about to run about in the middle of my site with shit going off all around you, you've got to know that's a huge turn on, right?" she teased.
"Well, I'm sure Cook will find it super hot then," I countered, not wanting to let her get the better of me.
"Putain!" spat Effy, suddenly, and my eyes opened wide in shock.
"Did you just call me a whore?" I said incredulously.
"What? Oh God. No," said Effy. "It doesn't mean… I mean it does, but it's just like saying 'fuck' or something. I left my lighter back at your tent when I got changed and I really wanted a fag."
"Oh well that makes more sense," I muttered.
"How come you know words like putain anyway?" she asked me.
"I might have been trying to um… brush up on my French a little recently," I admitted.
I'd been hoping to get a little better and then surprise her, but the way she was beaming at me made my slip up worthwhile.
"Sweet," she said. "But what kind of French lessons have you been going to exactly?"
"Oh well, I tried to look up some proper ones on the internet, but it was all 'Monsieur Marssaud has a dog' and 'can you tell me the way to the chemist?' and boring shit like that, but then I found these French rappers on YouTube and they have subtitles with them, and that was much more interesting."
"So you're learning to speak like a gangster?" laughed Effy.
"No," I protested. "The ones I was watching were all political and stuff. Really quite radical."
"And how the hell did you find that kind of stuff?" she asked.
"I might have asked Thomas to give me a few pointers," I said, giving my best attempt at a proper French shrug, causing Effy to break out into her beautiful laughter once more. I loved that sound so much, I just had to make her do it again.
"So, I might not be able to find my way to the chemist," I quipped. "But if you ever feel the need to fuck the system or start a revolution then I'm your girl."
Effy laughed again, and I wanted to spread my arms out wide and twirl around in the sound of it. It was a music more beautiful than any euphoric track I'd let wash over me on ecstasy. I felt like fucking flying in the arms of that sound.
"You are really fucking beautiful, do you know that?" said Effy suddenly. She wasn't breaking the rules. Her words were just as gentle as my kiss, and they held a sincerity that had nothing to do with seduction.
"I do when you tell me," I replied.
Effy's face became serious, and laced with a sudden concern.
"Are you going to be alright?" she said, pushing a stray strand of hair away from my face, and letting her hand rest on my shoulder. "It's going to get pretty crazy out there."
"I'll be fine," I assured her with complete confidence. Confidence that came from knowing I wouldn't freak out under fire. As far as Effy was concerned, I was heading into the unknown. Ok, so I'd never operated a mechanical dragon before, but sure as hell was no stranger to being close to pyro. I knew exactly what to expect, and how to keep myself safe, but Effy was worried about me, and that made me feel like I was already on fire.
"What's a few fireworks when you've had a roomful of hysterical models and divaesque designers to deal with?" I said.
Effy smiled, and shook her head at me. In the distance we could hear Cook, calling out for me to come and join him.
"Go on then," said Effy. "Get the fuck out there."
"See you on the other side," I said, putting my helmet on and blowing her a kiss.
"Are you cool, Katiekins?" Cook asked me when I went to join him.
"I'll be cool when this is over with and I can get in the dry," I told him.
"Aw come on, babe," he said, looking a little wounded. "You're about to drive a dragon, how many people get to do that?"
The show was a very simple theatrical tale of a knight trying to steal the dragons' eggs, using Cook's sculptures and all enhanced with pyro. Cook and I were operating the dragons, which were 3D metal frames, enhanced with rope light, flame projectors and small calibre pyro. We propelled them using fixed gear bicycle chains, and we had all sorts of levers to operate their heads and their wings. Freddie was the knight, dressed up in a bright silver flame proof suit and stood up on durastilts.
"Is Freddie gonna be alright with all this rain?" I asked Cook.
"Yeah, he's used to it," Cook replied. "As long as he stays on the trackway and doesn't get stuck in the mud."
We got a five-minute standby over the radio from Effy, and Cook wished me luck with a bone-crunching hug before we wandered off to our starting positions. I sat in the seat of my dragon as the rain continued to tumble down around my ears, thinking about Effy, allowing my brain to drift dangerously towards territory I should be keeping it far away from, before her voice in my earpiece shook me back into reality.
"This is a go in five, four, three, two, one…GO," she said, and the first strains of the music hit my ears.
The show started gently, with minimal and yet artfully arranged small calibre pyro, as Cook and I drove our dragons towards each other. Our lights were green, and our flame jets as yet unused as we did a dance of greeting. The music changed and our dance became more animated. We started glowing orange, and Effy took the pyro up a notch. Golden jets went off all along the tips of our wings, and the wind took some of the sparks back towards me, but I had my gloves on and my visor down, so I wasn't too worried at all. I was having way too much fun making the giant creature respond to my touch. It amused me no end that we were simulating dragon sex, and even though I knew it was because the female dragon had more complicated controls, I got to be the boy and I was basically fucking Cook with my flames. The 'dance' reached its climax and a massive gerb erupted from the front of my dragon. It was cheeky as fuck, and I'm sure they only got away with it cause of their Frenchness. I giggled as I imagined the look on my Dad's face if he'd seen silver gerb being used as dragon cum, and even over the soundtrack I could hear Cook laughing his head off as he got a pasting from the sparks.
The music subsided, and Effy lit up a shining egg in the centre of the site, and we put our dragons to sleep. It was over to Effy for a while, gorgeously animating the site with beautiful colours and shapes whilst we were at peace, until the arrival of Evil Freds and his plan to steal our egg. He almost succeeded until Effy set of a rapid chase of pink single shots that started at the egg and then wove their way across the whole site, drawing a gasp from the crowd and waking the dragons up. The whole place went mental then, pyro and sculptures going haywire, as we battled the Knight to the pounding of the heavy bass led soundtrack, the lights on the frames of our bodies glowing fiery red as Freddie's sword shot sparks. Cook and I started getting a bit carried away, trying to outdo each other with the flame projectors in the dragon heads, until we got a stern warning from Effy in our headsets about saving gas for the other two shows. I had to suppress a little shiver at the sound of her being all commanding like that, and I almost felt like misbehaving just to get her to tell me off again. I was buzzed up from the adrenalin, and I hardly even noticed the rain that had been bugging me all day. The battle came to a head, and all the shells I'd dropped in earlier started going off behind me as we chased Freddie away. I barely had time to take it all in, preoccupied as I was with operating my dragon, but the sound of the crowd told me that Effy was working her magic again, and in the brief glimpses I allowed myself I saw nothing but stunning pictures in the sky.
The music dropped down again and our dragons serenaded each other in victory, giving Freddie the time to slip out of his silver suit and lose the stilts before sneaking back to operate the final moment of the show. The pyro focussed down again to the immediate vicinity of the egg, indicating activity inside it, until the moment Freddie operated the mechanism that made it spilt in two and fall apart, revealing a baby dragon drawn out in purple and white rope light. Me and Cook raised up our wings to their fullest extensions and there was a crackle of sparks as Effy ignited the exact same image drawn out in paraffin soaked paper rope behind the first baby. As the fire took hold and the image became clear, she faded out the lights on the first one till there was nothing left but a picture in flame. The dragons howled one last victory howl on the soundtrack, and I could hear Cook howling along with them, as Effy triggered one final lift that filled the ground and sky with gold. The rest was darkness.
I sat back in the seat of my dragon and let the roar of the crowd and the sound of Cook's celebratory whooping wash over me. It felt fucking good. The show has seemed to go by in a flash but I was high as a kite from it. I hadn't felt this good since I'd been pulling off spectacular runway shows, but being right in the thick of things like that had been a buzz I hadn't experienced before. I knew there was only one place I wanted to be right then. I climbed out of my dragon, pulled off my helmet and tossed it onto the seat behind me, before walking back towards the firing station and Effy. She was surrounded by a crowd of people congratulating her, but when she spotted me, her eyes lit up and she smiled and walked away from them. As she approached, she pulled off her helmet and her long brown locks came cascading down around her shoulders. The moment couldn't have been more beautiful if it has been given the full Hollywood treatment with slow motion filming and a soundtrack that screams 'this girl is hot'.
"How was it for you?" she smirked at me.
"Well, I definitely came," I shot back.
"I saw," she replied raising a cocky eyebrow. "But seriously, were you ok out there? I mean everything looked amazing."
"I loved it, Effy," I said, trying to resist the urge to reach out and grab her hands. "I really loved it."
"Funny how those twenty minutes of firepower make all those hours of slog in the rain and mud just disappear," she said.
"Remind me of that when I'm getting dripped on under that tarp tomorrow," I smiled, but she was right, that show had made everything worthwhile.
We fell silent then, and could have easily gotten locked into one of our staring matches, until Freddie came bounding over towards us.
"Brilliant show, babe," he said, picking Effy up and twirling her round, drawing her into a passionate kiss as he set her back down on the ground. I watched for a few seconds, expecting them to break it, but he just kept on kissing her, and I was grateful when I heard Cook's voice calling to me in the background. He took me round the site, explaining how we were checking for material that hadn't gone off, and recovering the tubes with tarps. Though the show had seemed to go brilliantly, there was actually quite a lot of live left over.
"Shit," I said, when I discovered another run of three-inch shells I'd rigged that had stayed in their tubes.
"It's ok, Katie," said Cook, putting his arm round me. "These things happen, especially when the weather is so shitty. You've done a really good job."
But I took no comfort in his words. I was stunned to realise how much my professional ego had been wounded, even though I had barely touched any pyro in the last five years.
"Yeah, but I should do better," I frowned.
"Someone's got the pyrobug," laughed Cook. "We like that kind of attitude round here. Thommo better start watching out for his spot. Might have to persuade Effy to hire you."
"I don't think so," I said.
Whatever new life I would eventually carve out for myself when I had recovered from this glitch, I had no intentions of it being as a pyromonkey. Cook just smirked at me.
"We'll see," he said.
We all went out that night to celebrate, ending up in the backstage bar of the performers area. It turned out quite a people had seen the show, and we got loads of compliments once people found out who we were. It would have been an awesome night, but for the fact that Freddie and Effy were increasingly all over each other as the night wore on. It was uncomfortable viewing. I wanted to flee from the tent and run as far away as I could from them, but I forced myself to stay and watch. It was good therapy. A cold sharp reminder that she wasn't mine. Freddie was her boyfriend and she loved him and wanted him and fucked him. If I wanted to be friends with her, I was going to have to accept this reality sooner or later. So even though it felt like I was getting stabbed in the eyeballs every time I saw him touch her, I stayed and watched the spectacle.
"Jesus Freddie," I grumbled. "Why don't you see if you can get your tongue any further down her throat?"
"Those two really need to get a room, eh?" said Cook, making me jump.
"You shouldn't sneak up on me Cook," I chided. "It could be dangerous for your health."
"Noted," he said, laughing as he watched Freddie's hand travel up Effy's skirt. "Go Fredster, ya dirty bastard. They always get super horny after they've done a show. You're gonna have some bouncing around going on in your tent tonight."
"Ugh, no way," I said, my eyes widening in disgust at the thought. "If I'm not getting any, then they're not getting any either."
"Well, we could always do something about that," said Cook, slipping his arms around my belly and kissing me on the back of the neck.
I froze. It didn't come as a surprise. He'd been trying it on with me since day one. I just didn't know what to do with it. It felt good, there was no doubt about that, but was fucking Cook really going to be the answer to my problems? I relaxed a little, deciding to test the waters, letting him carry on kissing my neck as he slid his hands down to the tops of my thighs. After a few more moments I turned around to face him, and discovered a twinkling in his eyes that I knew had charmed a small army of girls.
"How about it, Katie?" he said, much more gently than in any of his previous efforts. "I fancy you, you fancy me. Let's get together and feel alright."
But despite their obvious charms, any small stirrings of feeling I'd had died when I looked into his eyes. They were the wrong eyes. They weren't her eyes. It looked like I was going to have to sit this obsession out a little longer.
"I can't," I said softly. "I'm kind of into someone else."
"And is he into you?" asked Cook. "Because if he isn't, he's a fool."
"No… Yes… It's complicated," I sighed.
"Isn't it always?" he smiled. "Except for me. I'm simple. I see ya. I like ya. I fuck ya. Simple."
"It's an approach that has its merits," I acknowledged. "But it's not going to happen tonight."
"Aha," he said enthusiastically, releasing me from his grasp. "Then it still might happen another night."
Whatever you might think of Cook, you had to admire his optimism.
"Who knows, Cookie Monster," I told him. "Maybe one of these days."
"I await with bated breath and lurid fantasies," he beamed.
We were interrupted by an uncharacteristically exuberant Effy.
"Alors, mes petits pétards," she said. "Where are we going next?"
"Actually honey, I was thinking about heading back," said Freddie, hot on her heels.
"Don't be such a loser, Freds," she said. "I've just had a line."
"You said you weren't going to tonight," he said, shaking his head at her.
"Changed my mind," she retorted. "Go home then. I bet Cookie's up for a party."
"Not tonight, Eff," said Cook. "Got another big day tomorrow, yeah?"
I struggled to hide my surprise. From the tales that I'd heard from him and the others, I'd thought that Cookie was always up for a party.
"Boys," said Effy scornfully. "Fucking lightweights."
She marched up to me and flung her arms around my neck.
"Katie honey," she said. "You'll come dancing with me, won't you?"
Lurid fantasies of Effy getting up close and personal on the dancefloor began to invade my mind, and I was just drunk enough to throw caution to the winds and go off with her, when I looked over her shoulder to see the boys. Freddie was shaking his head and mouthing 'No' at me, and Cook was making slashing motions across his throat. Both of them seemed pretty insistent, and I was loath to mess with a dynamic I didn't truly understand yet. I pushed down my sinful libido and turned back to Effy.
"I'm pretty tired to be honest, babes," I told her. "I'm not used to this kind of work, remember. I think I better save myself for tomorrow."
Effy backed away and looked round at all of us in disappointment.
"Fucking gang up on me, why don't you?" she said. "Jesus, when did you all become responsible fucking adults?"
"When you stopped us being the useless arseholes we were as kids," said Cook.
"Ok, I get it," she sighed dramatically. "Let's all go home and be good."
Freddie took hold of her hand and led the way back to camp, whilst me and Cook followed on behind.
"Feel like filling me in on what was going on back there?" I asked him.
"Remember I told you how Effy used to cane it?" he said. "Well sometimes once she gets going, she has a bit of a problem with stopping. Freddie's pretty good at spotting the signs of when he thinks she's going to go off on one."
"What? So he gets to police her behaviour?" I said sceptically.
"You didn't see the way she was," replied Cook gravely. "We're just trying to look out for her, cause we failed so spectacularly last time. We fucking love that girl, man."
"She's something pretty special, huh?" I said.
"There's only one Effy," smiled Cook.
Though my heart warmed at the thought of her being protected by her little band of brothers, it also baulked at the thought that there was only one Effy. And she belonged to someone else.
It turned out I hadn't been lying when I said I was tired. After all the work, the excitement of the show and the several bottles of strawberry cider that had followed, I pretty much crashed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. It was several hours later when I crept back to consciousness, feeling the need to throw back the covers from the heat generated by the three bodies in the bed. The first thing that registered was the sound of the rain still beating down onto the canvas above my head, and I groaned inwardly at the thought of another day spent under the tarp. The next thing I felt was the sensation of being watched and I knew without even opening my eyes that she was staring at me again. I swear it was almost a physical sensation, beams of piercing blue boring their way into my head. I let my eyelids flutter open and adjust to the dim morning light, and sure enough there she was facing me, eyes wide open and breathing me in. She never apologises for staring at you. She never lets her eyes fall nervously and turns her gaze away. She breaks every rule in the fucking book, and doesn't care for the insignificance of things like etiquette. Yet another one of the thousand and one things I love about her. I smiled at her, and she smiled back through the gloom. I really wanted her to wrap me in her arms again, but Freddie was spooning her and had his long brown arm wrapped tightly round her belly. It was impossible to be jealous when her eyes were only for me. If these quiet moments were all we were to have, than I would learn to treasure them as something precious. Somehow, instinctively, our hands found each other across the gap that separated us, and our fingers slipped together like the final piece of a puzzle. My whole world became about the warmth and softness of her hand, and I could feel my blood pulsing through me as I pressed against her flesh. Every now again I would feel an infinitesimal movement of her thumb that spoke more eloquently than whole volumes of fine words. I looked for confirmation in her unashamed gaze. In these unguarded moments she let me learn to read the parts of her she kept hidden from everyone else. This time she was telling me that I was precious too.
We didn't sleep again that night.
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mes petits pétards – my little firecrackers