A/N: This is kind of a short-ish chapter. Sort of a lead-in for what's coming up. FYI, next update the Rating WILL BE CHANGED TO M. Don't say I didn't warn ya!
Disclaimer: I'm not making any money off of this. It's just a fanfic.
a·fraid [ə fráyd]
adj
1. frightened: frightened or apprehensive about something
2. reluctant: feeling hesitation or disinclination toward something
3. regretful: regretful that something is or is not the case
Resistance base, motor pool, evening the following day...
The wrench jockeys in the motor pool finished yet another busy day by heading straight for the nearest jury-rigged bar to unwind. It was little more than an alcove, furnished in mismatched chairs and tables cobbled together from cable spools and metal panels. The "bar" itself was a stack of old crates behind which an enterprising couple served a variety of homebrews and moonshines out of re-used liquor bottles. The placed reeked of sweat, engine grease, and the cutting scent of too-strong alcohol, and the air rang with loud conversation and raucous laughter through which the strummings of a guitar player sitting in an isolated corner could barely be heard.
Milo was seated at one such overcrowded table shooting the breeze with some of his coworkers while drinking mugs of a beer-like substance, the origins of which were probably best left a mystery. He noticed a familiar figure wending its way towards him through the close-packed bar and called out with a grin, "Hey, Tin Man! Ya miss hangin' out with us lowly grease monkeys?" He waved him closer. "C'mon, lemme get you a beer. Or whatever the hell this shit is."
Marcus approached as Milo cajoled the others at the table to make some room and the cyborg wedged himself into the newly available space. Soon a foam-topped mug was placed in front of him and he sipped absently while seeming to join in with the conversation. Milo noticed his friend's heart really wasn't in it, though. Marcus was preoccupied with something that he wasn't willing to share in front of an audience. A few minutes later Milo pried himself away with the excuse of getting home before Tabitha sent out a search party. He nodded to Marcus, who followed without a word.
The quiet of the tunnels was almost shocking to the ears after the constant din they left behind. Neither man said anything as they strode down the dimly-lit corridor. Milo tucked his hands into the pockets of his coveralls and kicked a loose pebble on the floor. It skittered ahead and disappeared from sight. Finally, Milo said, "The doc tried that new sonogram the eggheads cobbled together. Damn thing works like a charm. Me and Tabs saw the baby so clear, we already know it's gonna take after her in the looks department, thank god. We're still not sure if we're gonna go with Cody or Joel for the name-"
"I told Blair I love her yesterday," Marcus blurted, his eyes riveted to the floor ahead of him.
Milo took a second to ponder this revelation. "What'd she say?"
"She said she loves me back."
"You believe her? I mean, you don't think she was just humoring you?"
Marcus shook his head. "She meant it."
Milo nodded in thought. "Did you mean it?"
"Yeah," his friend muttered.
"So...what's the problem?"
The silence stretched between them for a moment, then Milo sighed and said, "Look, I never had much patience with Twenty Questions, plus I'm kinda tired right now, so why don't you just cut to the chase and tell me what all the brooding's about."
Marcus pursed his lips. "Saying that to her...it made it real, y'know? Now I...I just don't know if I can handle any of it."
"Any of what?"
"She keeps saying what we got now is enough, but I don't think that's true," Marcus said in growing agitation, "I mean, right now everything's good, but what happens when she finally gets tired of it? She'll get frustrated, then she'll get angry, then she's gonna think maybe it's her and it's not, but she won't believe me 'cause I sure as hell wouldn't believe me in her place-"
"What the hell 're you talking about?" a baffled Milo interrupted.
Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand across his eyes. "We've never..."
"What? Spit it out, for chrissake."
"I can't get it up," Marcus snapped.
Milo paused mid-step, causing his friend to pull ahead a couple of paces until he realized he was going alone and stopped as well.
"Wait," the mechanic pointed a black-stained finger at Marcus, "You're sayin' after all this time you and Blair still haven't bumped uglies?"
Marcus grimaced and shook his head.
"At all?"
"Well...we've done stuff..." Marcus felt like nothing more than an awkward teenager having "the talk" with his dad.
Milo stared at him in amazement. "Damn. She really does love you."
The two of them continued walking. After a couple of minutes, Milo asked, "So, d'you think it's something Skynet did to you?"
"It's what I thought at first," Marcus confessed, "But the more I thought about it, the more I think it the problem might be up here." He tapped the side of his head with a fingertip.
Milo snorted. "I know how that is."
Marcus threw him an incredulous look. "Seriously? This from a guy with a whole soccer team's worth of kids."
"Hey, we've had our dry spells, just like any other couple. Turns out war can be pretty damn stressful," he grumbled. "So, what do you think the problem is? Issues about your humanity and all that crap?"
Marcus shook his head. "At first, maybe. Now, though...I think it's because I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of hurting her."
It was Milo's turn to look incredulous. Defensive, Marcus held out his hands and declared, "I can lift cars, Milo!"
"Yeah, and you've also played with my kids. None of 'em are worse for wear."
"That's different." Marcus scowled at the ground. "I was in control then."
The mechanic frowned in thought. "What's Blair got to say about it?"
"We don't talk about it."
"Maybe you should. Keepin' quiet obviously hasn't done you a damn bit of good. Maybe you and Blair oughta work it out together."
Marcus was more than a little doubtful. "I don't see how talking about it's gonna make it any better."
"Women talk about things all the time," Milo shrugged, "Seems to work for them."
Marcus chewed his lip. "I dunno if I can talk about it with her."
"Well, then, you're screwed."
"No I'm not," Marcus smirked, "That's the problem."
The two of them chuckled over the weak joke, then Milo lightly punched his friend's shoulder. "Talk it out with her, man. Least then you can say you tried."
They'd reached the branch in the tunnel where they would go their separate ways. Marcus watched Milo disappear down the branch that would lead to the family quarters before turning away to follow the other tunnel's path. He approached his and Blair's chamber just as a couple of guys were exiting, each supporting one end of Blair's cot. Marcus had to squeeze up against the wall of the tunnel to let them pass. When he entered the chamber, he found Blair standing in the empty space where her cot used to be. Kim was lying in her usual corner, curled up on a threadbare cushion with her food and water dishes nearby. She raised her head as Marcus entered and wagged her tail in greeting. Marcus patted the dog's head in passing and went to stand in front of Blair.
"Forgot to pay off a loan?" he asked.
Blair smiled at his attempt at humor. "New recruits have been coming in. I figured one of them could use the cot. It's not like we really need two beds. Most nights I end up sleeping with you anyway." She shrugged.
"Makes sense."
She closed the small distance between them and wound her arms around his waist. Marcus smiled and rested his hands on the small of her back. He stared at her brown eyes and once again found it hard to believe that one of them was almost blind. Its gaze seemed just as clear.
"Uh oh," Blair said in a half-joking tone.
"What?"
She tilted her head. "You've got that look that says you're working up the nerve to tell me something I'm not gonna like."
Marcus looked away for a moment as he collected his thoughts. "I meant what I said yesterday," he told her, "I love you. That's what makes this so hard."
Oh, god, he's breaking up with me, was Blair's first panicked thought. She unconsciously tightened her hold on him while schooling her features into a semblance of calm. Marcus must have sensed her worry, though, because he started rubbing her back in soothing circles.
"I wanna be with you," he continued, "I wanna make love with you. But I'm afraid to."
"Why?"
His smile was touched with sadness. "I know you think of me as human, but I'm not. Not really." He pulled her snugly against him. "All I'd have to do is squeeze a little tighter, and I'd break your back. I wouldn't even hafta try that hard."
Blair's calm gaze didn't waver. "You won't hurt me."
"Not on purpose."
"Never," she insisted. She lifted both hands to cradle his face. "It's okay to let yourself go, baby. I'm not afraid of you. I know you'll never hurt me. I know it." She smiled tenderly. "And I'll wait as long as it takes for you to know it, too."
Marcus's eyes gleamed with moisture. "It might be a long wait," his voice cracked just a little.
"Anything worthwhile usually is," Blair countered. She kissed him then, and Marcus found himself pulling her even closer. So close he felt her heartbeat against his own chest. They were both left panting for air when the kiss finally ended. Marcus's pulse was racing and a familiar throb made itself known for the briefest moment before fading.
Blair grinned. "Something tells me it might not be as long a wait as you think."
Marcus simply smiled back.