Thank you for all of your amazing feedback. I do apologize for any grammar issues, I can read it five times and not catch things. I apologize! I didn't expect such a visceral response to the last chapter, but I do have a plan. I promise, I always intended to go here, knowing how difficult it would be. This was difficult to right, and hopefully I did some justice to the situation despite being an amateur.
This part is quite sad, I apologize.
O
"May we speak to James Brennan," the younger of the two officers asked.
Andy looked in shock at the woman who was a few years older than herself and nodded. Before she could turn, she felt Brennan walk up behind her.
"I'm James Brennan," he said cautiously. "Maybe I help you."
"Sir," the female officer spoke up again. "May we come in and speak to you?"
Andy's stomach dropped and she had the most sudden urge to faint. She knew exactly what brought these officers to the Brennan's doorstep. She thought she was going to be sick.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Her hand felt heavy against the door frame and when she tried to remove it, her hand fell like a heavy weight to her side. Jamie gave her a sideways look that questioned her sudden odd behavior, but he looked quickly back at the police officers. He hadn't gone on the offensive yet, but somewhere in Andy's mind as she grappled for the reality of the situation and that fact that it wasn't David or one of the other Guns and Gangs detectives at the door. It was suddenly getting harder to swallow.
The officer's introduced themselves, they were from 27 division. Andy closed her eyes for a moment and then shut the door following her boss and the two police officers into the living room. She had barely heard Brennan asking the officers what he could do for them but it was like trying to decipher something when you were underwater.
Andy vaguely pulled herself into the conversation when she heard herself being introduced as Gracie's nanny. She caught the grim looks of the police officers and the flick of their eyes towards each other as they tried to figure out why the nanny was alone with her charge's father. The look only disgusted her and she hoped that she and Sam had never looked at each other so blatantly in a situation like this. She wanted to slap each of them up side the head.
"Mr. Brennan," the female officer began again, clearly annoyed at the distraction of Andy. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there was an accident."
Andy's eyes shot toward Brennan to see if he grasped the severity of the situation yet. She was willing the officer to rip the band aid off quickly to end the torture of suspense before the pain began. She got her wish and the next few words were incredibly painful to hear, as the words accident made another appearance before she tuned into again and actually heard what was being said.
"... involving your wife and daughter this afternoon," the female officer's voice was steady. She looked down at her hands and then over to Andy before looking at Brennan again. "I'm sorry to have to tell you, but they didn't make it."
Brennan blinked several times and remained quiet. On the surface, it looked as if nothing happened, as if Brennan wasn't reacting to the news at all. He ignored the gasp that had escaped Andy's mouth and continued looking at the officers. The news hadn't quite registered with him yet. Andy watched eagerly for the sign that the news was sinking in.
"I'm sorry Mr. Brennan" the male officer offered. "They died at the the scene-"
"Where are they," Brennan asked in a shaking voice. His eyes were distant but moist as he looked at the male officer.
"They're um," the officer stammered. "They're at the hospital, Mr. Brennan, you can see them there to identify them and begin to make arrangements."
Andy felt her legs giving out under her. Thankfully there was a chair immediately in her vicinity for her to fall into. The world just didn't seem right. There were so many ways that this couldn't be right. She was grasping at straws as Brennan thanked the police officers on their way out.
She heard him close the door and then the strangled sob that escaped his throat followed by a thudding that made her jump. Forcing herself to move towards the noise, Andy nearly let out her own cry as she saw Brennan repeatedly striking the wall next to the door. His knuckles were becoming bloodied and he movements were agitated and furious all at the same time.
Andy stood numbly trying to absorb the situation and figure out what was happening. The world hadn't begun to make any sense. Things were all wrong, this wasn't supposed to happen. This operation was supposed to be simply a fact gathering mission, no casualties, no violence. No casualties, Andy tried to swallow down. So how was it a beautiful woman and an angelic, bubbly curly blonde haired child with her father's blue eyes were dead?
"Mr. Brennan," Andy's voice sounded shaky and foreign even to her own ears.
Andy watched as Brennan stopped hitting the door and slide down to the flood. Sobs wracked the man's body and he sat crumpled on the floor. Not knowing what else to do, Andy slid down next to him and wrapped her arms around him and let him sob. When she could wrap her head around this, she would call Boyd and demand answers.
O
Sam had been at the scene of the accident for over an hour. Fatalities were never an easy thing to deal with, but those involving a child always made the day infinitely more gut wrenching. Sam's mind instantly went to Andy and wondering how she was receiving the news. He knew in his gut that this situation could break her, and that wasn't something that Sam could tolerate.
Boyd had been on a war path. He wanted information, demanded to know what the hell happened and how Maggie and Gracie Brennan could have died. His foul mood had only increased when he realized the car that Maggie Brennan had died in was the same one that McNally had driven the day of her meeting with Rourke in the park.
Boyd dug his hands into his hair before exhaling and searching the sky for answers. This wasn't an accident and he could feel it in his bones. He only prayed that something came out of this and that they were able to pull through and get enough out of McNally and Brennan to move forward and bring charges against the notorious mob enforcer.
Boyd ordered the car brought to a garage and had demanded, plead, and finally called in a favor to get it looked at immediately. He thanked everything he could think of that no one had questioned him taking possession of the car as of yet. Looking over at Swarek, Boyd saw that this situation could get quite out of hand. He desperately needed to check in with McNally and form some kind of a game plan.
When Boyd was within a few feet of Swarek, his phone rang. Reaching into his pocket, he saw that it was McNally's cover phone and answered.
"Candace," he drawled out, not sure of exactly how to answer this call. "It's good to hear your voice."
Boyd ignored the way Swarek's head whipped around towards him. He was being eyed up as Swarek tried to solve the puzzle of the situation with MaNally. Boyd tried to ignore the demanding glare that Swarek leveled at him as he tried to figure out what the situation was at the Brennan household.
"Donnie," she whispered hoarsely, "Something's happened."
He heard the pain in her throat and cursed himself for the pang of guilty and worry that begin to burn in his chest. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his mind enough to play the part of concerned lover in case Brennan was listening in.
"Candace, what's wrong?"
"I'm um-," her voice nearly broke as she stuttered. "I'm on my way to the hospital can you um, can you meet me there."
Boyd didn't have to fake the panic that over took him as spoke next. "What's wrong," he demanded. "Why are you going to the hospital?" When she she didn't answer him immediately, his anger and worry increased ten fold. "Candace what the hell happened?"
Boyd didn't care that he was making a small scene, he had an undercover operative requesting his presence at a hospital. Andy McNally was a lot of things, but he didn't put weak down as one of them. Her voice sounded broken and alien, and it did a lot of things to his composure.
"There's been an accident," she continued hollowly. "I'm okay, its Mrs. Brennan and Gracie, please come."
"Where," he asked holding a breath.
"Saint Mike's."
Boyd snapped his phone shut and exhaled loudly. Worry weighed him down and he knew his shoulders were sagging a bit. He looked up into Swarek's eyes that were burning into him with curiosity and fear.
"I don't know," Boyd answered Swarek's unspoken question. "She wants me to meet her at Saint Mike's."
As he turned to go, he felt his arm grabbed and turned to look at Swarek's hand restraining him. "Bring her back to the apartment."
"I don't know what's going," Boyd started. "I don't know what the situation is. I think she's okay though."
"Get her there," Swarek's voice left no room for argument. "I need to see her in person. That's the only way we'll know. Get her to that apartment. I'll be waiting."
O
The ride to the hospital had been silent. Andy drove while Brennan just looked out the window. They met the grief counselor at the front desk and then were headed down to the morgue. Brennan's responses were monosyllabic and he simply starred off into staff. Andy noted that his behavior was becoming slightly more erratic as the anger begin to boil within him. He wasn't seething yet, but he was getting there and that scared her a bit. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be there to see it when he got to this breaking point.
Andy wasn't sure if Brennan wanted her with him or if she should excuse herself. She was rooted to the spot as they were led to a small window with a curtain drawn over it from the room on the other side of the class. A door exited the room and came up to them. Andy vaguely remembered his apology and that thankfully, both Maggie and Gracie had died on impact. Painless, she thought he recalled him saying. Andy felt like her churning stomach was about to betray her.
The grief counselor asked if they were ready and at Brennan's affirmative response, the doctor excused himself and went back in the room. After about a minute the current was yanked open unceremoniously and Andy wasn't as prepared for the sight that met her eyes as she had thought she was.
On two stainless steel tables in front of the window, covered by sheets, were Maggie and Gracie Brennan. Both looking as if they were asleep with their blonde hair cascading around their shoulders and looking deathly pale. They almost looked like were sleeping with the exception of looking hollow as they laid on the table in front of them.
Brennan simply nodded before catching his breath and bracing himself against the window. Andy shut her eyes as tears began to stream down her face. The situation suddenly got real. Andy was ignoring the grief counselor offering her condolences once again as she heard Brennan ask to sit with his girls for a while.
As the door closed signaling that Brennan had entered the room, Andy heard heavy foot falls of some one running down the hallway. As the sound of the running stopped, Andy opened her eyes to see Boyd standing in front of her with a worried look on his face.
"Candace," he asked out of breath. "What happened?"
Andy watched through her tears as his eyes roamed her body. He was inventorying her appearance, trying desperately to find a clue in her crumpled clothes and tear streaked face. At her nod towards the window, he turned his questioning gaze to the scene playing out before them.
Jamie Brennan was leaning over the table brushing his daughter's hair away from her face and peppering her face with light kisses before resting his forehead against her little face. They watched as he struggled with his new reality, chest heavy. He repeated the process with his wife. After several minutes of clam, the anger unleashed itself. Brennan flung a chair across the room causing a deafening clatter. They watched again as Brennan collapsed on top of Maggie before seeing his body wracking with sobs.
Andy jumped and let out a small cry before new tears began to cascade down her cheeks. This situation was gut wrenching and simply terrifying and devastating. She was struggling to remain upright and contain the sobs that were threatening to overtake her. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and felt herself being tugged into Donovan Boyd's chest as he tried his best to console her.
They remained that way for some time. Andy struggling not to cry, while Boyd held her to him in a tight embrace. This situation was completely new to both of them and beyond their comfort levels, yet it was the only comfort that they had that some thing could be salvaged from the situation. It was the only normal at the moment.
Brennan was suddenly beside them taking in the scene for a moment. "Take her home tonight," he voice was broken and deathly serious at the same time.
"Mr. Brennan, I um," Andy stuttered over her words trying to clear the fog. "I should come with you so you're not alone."
Brennan firmly shook his head and looked at her with a deadly glare. "No, be with each other tonight. I need to be alone."
Andy was about to protest again when Boyd interjected saying that he would take her home for tonight. They would call tomorrow to see if was okay for her to come back. Andy looked over her shoulder as Boyd let her away. She watched feeling suddenly very heavy as Brennan turned to go back into the room with the bodies of his wife and daughter.
O
Sam was having an incredibly difficult time dealing with the situation. Pacing a hole in the floor of the apartment, he was going over the details of the night. The accident had been typical, besides the fact that there was no clear reason for what happened. He had chalked it up to just being bad luck or unexplainable, but thrown Brennan and hell even McNally into the mix and he it was enough to make his head spin.
He rubbed his temples trying to focus on the facts.
Fact: Maggie and Gracie Brennan were killed in tonight.
Fact: McNally was alive and not involved.
Fact: They didn't know whether or not Brennan reacting stably or if this had pushed him over the edge.
Fact: They knew that McNally was alive, but now how she was, what the news did to her, or if she was safe from Brennan.
While Sam knew the general facts were in his favor, the only one he could cling to was that his partner was alive. Not knowing what emotional state she was in, how she was coping, or if Brennan had hurt her in some way after hearing the news was killing him.
He looked up at the clock and swore again. It had been nearly three hours since McNally had called Boyd. No word for three God-damned hours and he was starting to lose it. He knew it was irrational, but, Sam just needed to lay his own eyes on his partner, need to put his hands on her in some way to see that she was really okay.
Sam Swarek made a vow to himself in that moment that when they got through this situation, when she okay again, he was going to force himself to talk to her. Good or bad, regardless of the consequences, he needed to get a few things off of his chest and she needed to know, even if it meant that he lost her. He stopped his pacing long enough to let out a sarcastic laugh before pacing again. This whole hiding his feelings from her had been his way to ensure that she stayed in his life. He wondered at the irony of the universe that would lead him to that conclusion.
When this situation was resolved, he was going to tell Andy McNally that he loved her and the consequences were going to be damned. All the cards on the table. He just needed her to be okay before he laid something that big at her feet.
His pacing stopped as he heard a key in the lock. Before he could register his movements, Sam was across the room stepping in front of the door as Andy was guiding through by Boyd. Her face was tear stained and devoid of emotion. Sam felt himself crumble a bit at her being so broken. Leave it to Andy McNally to fall in love with the family that she had been sent to infiltrate. He cursed Boyd for having put her in this situation and he cursed himself for allowing her to get hurt in a way that hurt far deeper than physical pain.
Andy stopped abruptly as she entered the apartment and came face to face with Sam. She looked at him as the tears in her eyes threatened to spill over. She choked out a sob as she looked at Sam but stood still in the doorway to the apartment. Knowing that Boyd was standing right behind her did nothing to propel her forward.
After a few moments of trying to get her mouth working, Andy began to speak in a hoarse voice, "Sam I'm fi-"
"If you say you're fine McNally," Sam said shortly, "I'll strangle you with my shoe lace."
Andy shut her mouth quickly and in another situation, that might have been comical. She let out a startled grunt as she took in his raised eyebrow, daring her to mutter the words, "I'm fine."
The strangled noise that emanated from her throat, bubbled over to a bitter laugh before hand propelled herself forward into Sam's embraced. Sam let out an "oof" as she collided with him, but he eagerly wrapped her in his embrace he felt her body give way to the sobs he knew she'd been holding in. He looked over his partner's head to see Boyd motion to his phone and leave the room headed towards one of the bedrooms down the hall under the guise of giving them some privacy.
After was seemed like hours, Andy calmed and pulled back in his arms and started sniffling. He bent his knees to catch her eye and only straitened when she met his gaze.
"It's not fair Sam," her voice was hoarse and angry. "It's not fair. A little girl and her mother who by all accounts is a freaking saint are dead! DEAD! And there's nothing I can do about it besides feel guilty that it's all because of me."
Sam watched as Andy distanced herself from him and began gesturing around. It was clear that Andy had fallen in love with Gracie Brennan and next to her being hurt, that was Sam's biggest fear in her operation. Andy McNally loved all things, especially children and puppies. He had to force himself not to physically hurt Boyd for putting her in a situation designed for heart break months ago when she started this. Hearing her place the blame on herself nearly drove him to distraction.
Sam took a menacing step towards her causing Andy to back up into the door behind her. He stopped when her back was pressed firmly against the door and his body was all but touching hers. Sam reached forward and slid his hands up her neck to her chin, before tilting her face up to look in to his. When she tried to pull her chin out of his grip and look away, he roughly grabbed her chin and pulled her face up to his.
"Look at me Andy," he knew he startled her with the use of her first name when her eyes widened, but he needed her to believe him. "This is not your fault. You did not do this, do you hear me?"
The partners stared at each other, each daring the other to make the next move. When it looked like she was about to speak again, Sam cut her off in an angry tone, "This. Is. Not. Your. Fault."
He watched as she closed her eyes, allowing a few more tears to roll down her cheeks and then shake her head before opening her eyes to look at him.
"Okay," she whispered.
Sam searched her face for a moment before seeing that she wasn't blaming herself at the moment, and that was a small victory that he would have to take. He pulled her towards him and hugged her again. After letting out a deep breath, Sam pulled her down the hall towards the bedrooms. At her reluctance, Sam looked at her.
"Bed McNally," he said softly. "We'll be in a better place to handle this after some sleep. You need to rest."
Andy nodded to Sam and let him lead her down the hallway towards a bedroom in her fake apartment. They heard Boyd on the phone in the room next door. His voice ebbed and flowed as he demanded answers and listened to for the responses. Sam flipped the light on and pulled back the covers for Andy to crawl in. Pulling the covers back over her, he leaned down to kiss her forehead and turned to go.
"You'll be okay McNally," he said making to leave the room.
"Sam," she called out.
"Yeah McNally," he said tiredly turning towards her.
"Stay?"
He pondered the wisdom of abiding by her one request and then nodded and made her way back to her and the bed. He crawled in, under the covers that she was holding up and slid in beside her. She turned turned to rest her head on his chest and it wasn't long before she allowed her tears to overtake her. There was nothing for Sam to say or do besides hold her as she cried and know that she trusted him with her breakdown. Tomorrow they would deal with the consequences of the accident, tonight they would just lie here, together.
I hope you guys don't hate me for this, and for those of you who saw it coming, I'm sorry I was so obviously. This was my intended path the whole time, but there is a reason. I hope you stick with me and see what it is.
Nikka