Well it's been a while, but there has been a very good reason. Those regular readers will know how seriously I take my research (especially Effy's drug-fuelled highs) … so in the interest of understanding Katie, I have decided to fall in love with a French girl, and I have been off having adventures... And what with all my show commitments.. blah, blah, blah… So I'm sorry to keep you (and most especially SJ) waiting, but I can assure you it has been worth it ;-)
In other news, there is now talk of SJ being able to leave hospital at some point, so I thank all of you who have sent your love and support, and let's keep it up for the final push to get this beautiful girl back into the world.
Enjoy, and I will try not to keep you hanging on for so long next time.
Hypes xx
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19. Vertigo
Effy
I wouldn't exactly say that I was happy, but for the moment I was peaceful. I had been drinking wine with my Mum in the living room. Quite an everyday activity you might think. Except mine was no ordinary mother, and this was no ordinary living room. My mother's career had always been stellar. From the moment she had stolen the toy construction set that had been intended for her elder brother, little tiny bridges had begun appearing all over the house. I was amazed she ever made the time to have a family, and completely astounded that she uprooted us all from her beloved France to come and live in 'ce petit pays pourri'. It served as a reminder that she must have really loved my Dad at one point of her life, and of the power that passion can wield over even the strongest of minds.
I knew my mind was never that strong in the first place, which was why I ran like a screaming banshee from the merest suggestion of love. Breaking up with Freddie was horrible. I had held onto it for a day before I dared even to try, attempting to work out a humane way of doing it. Mais pour finir j'ai craqué dès qu'il a essayé de m'embrasser. I simply couldn't kiss him again after kissing Katie like that. It didn't seem right. Yes, it would appear that I had grown a moral backbone at last, but at least I felt more comfortable with it. At least it had felt like mine.
And so I just came out and said it. After all there is no easy way for a human being to hear that they are no longer loved the way they were, and are now surplus to requirements. No matter how much I tried to sugar the pill with how much I still loved him as a friend, there was no way of getting round the fact that I wanted Katie more than I wanted him, and that I was prepared to cast him aside to win her love. And then there was the shouting, and then there were the tears and the wild fucking vomiting of emotion. I had never in my life meant to be intentionally cruel. That's what all the meaningless shagging had been about. An attempt to circumvent the contradictions of love with people who felt the same way as me. But there were always the times when people failed to abide by the rules of the convention and fell in love with me. I never asked them to fall in love with me, they just did. Mais après tout, les gens veulent toujours ce qu'ils ne peuvent pas avoir, non?
As I forced myself to listen to Freddie's emotional pleading, I was struck by a sudden fear that the force of mine and Katie's attraction was driven by the very forbidden nature of the liaison itself. After all, had it not been the thought of her returning to Anna and becoming unavailable to me that had kicked me out of my stupor? What if after everything, Katie's passion began to wane once she finally had me in her grasp? When I went downstairs and saw the worried looks on Cook and Thomas's faces, it was enough to send me into a full-blown panic. What had I done? It wasn't as if I could retract my words, and pretend everything was ok again. The decision was immediate and instinctive. I went back up to my bedroom and threw a few things in a bag. Then I hightailed it out of there to the one place on this earth where I would always feel safe.
For most of my young life I had woefully underestimated Anthea. For some reason, I had always assumed she would be judging me, measuring my own inability to cope with life against her own unswerving belief in her dreams, and her efficient drive to achieve them. But I was wrong. She had always been quite bullish as a parent, her brash style of love keeping me and Tony constantly on our toes. Mais c'était quand il s'est retrouvé pris dans ce tremblement de terre qu'elle a révélé sa vraie fougue et l'amour que j'ai vu jaillir d'elle était puissant et vital. Not long afterwards she dragged me away from my own self-destructive urges and gave me a new home. When I turned up on her doorstep a couple of days ago distressed and dishevelled, she had welcomed me with open arms. She hadn't asked me any awkward questions or pressurised me into spilling my guts. Instead she had fed me and plied me with wine, accepting me back into her comfortable existence without a word.
Anthea had designed and built this house whilst we were still in England. It was supposed to be a holiday home, but I have no idea how much she was foreshadowing the eventual breakdown of her marriage in building this most exquisite of boltholes. It's funny to think that the place you just think of as home has won several awards and appeared in magazines the world over. It was even used in some French thriller as the villain's evil lair. It is hardly surprising though as the building is unequivocally stunning. Long, high and thin, it curves around the face of the cliff to which it appears to so perilously cling. To the untrained eye, its feat of levitation appears impossible, but Anthea employed all of her advanced bridge technology to make sure it is as safe as, well… houses.
Despite the appearance of its entry wall, it is in fact only three storeys high. On the top floor the lift and stairwell open out onto a beautiful rooftop garden, complete with swimming pool, integrated solar panels and a windmill. The second floor comprises of an open plan work and study area with drawing boards, a meeting table and several computer stations. Through a frosted glass partition is a fitness studio, even though vigorous repetitive lifting of the wine glass is Anthea's only idea of a workout. The first floor contains several bedrooms, each with its own ensuite bathroom. On each floor the exterior wall is made entirely of glass. The ground floor opens from the front door into an impressive lobby designed to blow the minds of those clients lucky enough to receive an invitation here. Off to the left a kitchen with a glass roof nuzzles into a natural indentation into the rock. Straight ahead lies the living room.
Eight metres wide and forty metres long, again open plan, but with various different areas set up for dining, entertainment or simply staring out of the enormous windows at the breathtaking beauty of the gorge. The house faces south and gets the sun all day long, and it is possible to open all the windows and step out onto the terrace beyond. Anthea and I had eaten on the terrace, but later we had retired inside to watch the sun go down. We quaffed our wine in comfortable silence whilst nature put on an electrifying show. In this perfect setting it was possible to forget that the outside world existed, to dismiss any problems that you had and exist within the moment. Avec un ventre plein de la bonne cuisine de Maman, et la nature majestueuse étendue devant moi pour mon plus grand plaisir, je pouvais me permettre un moment pour laisser ce bien-être fuyant se glisser dans mes veines.
It had begun to get dark, and Anthea was giving me progress reports on her latest flagship project when the doorbell rang. Anthea creased her brow, and I guessed it wasn't very usual to have unexpected callers at this hour. She drained her glass and stood up a little unsteadily, before heading out into the lobby. My interest waned the minute she left the room. Whoever it was, was of no consequence to me, and I returned my attentions to the mellow fruity red and the restful silence of the gorge. That sound was shattered by the strident sound of my mother's voice.
"Effy," she yelled unceremoniously. "Il y a une femme belle à en tomber par terre ici qui veut te voir."
In a heartbeat my body was assaulted by every physical cliché associated with love and desire, whilst my brain ground to a halt in shock. Surely it couldn't be..? Surely she couldn't be here? But I was immediately overwhelmed by just how much I wanted it to be her, for her to have discovered my hiding place and to have come for me. If it was true, and she had found me, j'avais le sentiment que je n'allais plus jamais être perdue. Tentatively, I peeled my shaking body from the sofa, and ventured out into the hallway.
Anthea had tactfully buggered off into the kitchen, and I was met with the sight of Katie staring around her in wonder at my mother's inspiring handiwork. The lobby rose straight up encompassing all three storeys and the entrance of the roof garden. Across it ran an intricate and unconventional pattern of open gleaming metal staircases to all floors. And in between them, "parce qu'on ne doit jamais oublier comment jouer", snaked a curling tubular slide on which you could slither back down to earth. I watched Katie mouth a silent 'wow' as she stared up at the fascinating structure, and she looked so unspeakably cute that any doubts and fears that I may have had evaporated like rain in the desert. Katie's eyes dropped down and she spotted me from across the hallway. Her stunning brown eyes projected a mixture of hope and anxiety as she tried to gauge whether it was alright for her to be here. I held her gaze for a few seconds, more out of shock than hesitation, and then as if an unknown signal had passed between us, we both propelled ourselves towards the centre of the floor.
Our arms flew around each other in an automatic tight embrace and we clung together tightly as if this vital contact was food to the starving. I buried my face in her hair and marvelled at how beautifully we seemed to fit, as if all of space and time had been waiting for this union. It wasn't as if we hadn't held each other before, this much contact had always been allowed under our disguise as friends, but now we were released it held so much potential it bordered on the terrifying. Neither one of us spoke. Neither one of us made a move to progress it. We simply stood there in the hallway wrapped around each other with our eyes tightly closed and breathed in the moment. There were a thousand different emotions rioting through my head, but I could have held her like that all night. The one thing that my fruit machine of a mind kept spinning back to was that this was right. I was overwhelmed with joy and awe that she was here. I wanted this night to be the start of something, just like she had said. L'embrasser serait lui faire une promesse. I finally found the strength to relinquish the embrace, if only for a little while.
"How did you find me?" I whispered, reluctant to interrupt the perfect language of our silence.
"Because it was meant to be," she replied. "I think I was always meant to find you."
In that moment, those felt like the most beautiful words I had ever heard. On instinct, I leaned straight in to kiss her, because that was the only thing that was meant to happen next, but her fingers came up between us and blocked my path. I blinked at the unexpected interruption. She had come all this way not to kiss me? But Katie was studying my face with a fearsome intent.
"You told me that the next time you kissed me, you wanted to be all mine," she said, with an innocence I found heart-wrenching. "Are you?"
I was. I knew it. And it was about time I made sure Katie knew it too. She had kept the faith through all of my ridiculous dallying. And her intentions, although not in line with accepted moral codes, had always been true. She loved me, and though I might have been confused and apprehensive, she had never once made me afraid of that. Throughout all our trials and tribulations, she had never once given me cause to doubt her, either as a lover or a friend. I smiled at her. Il n'y avait désormais qu'un seul possible dénouement.
"Oui," I said, as if it held more weight in my mother tongue. "Je suis complètement à toi."
I watched her pupils dilate at my words, and I could hold myself back no longer. I leaned in to touch the lips that had been my greatest temptation ever since I had met them with my own. This time it was different though. This time there would be no guilt and no regrets. I expected it to be frantic, desperate even. That after all this time our much-repressed desires would explode beyond our control and we would fall upon each other like animals. But in fact the opposite happened. Katie touched her lips delicately to mine and I felt an unexpected blissful calm. It was a kiss that sent me a message. She trusted me. She was in no rush to claim me, because she believed in us now.
I closed my eyes and let myself drift luxuriously into the sensation, opening myself up to every tiny detail. The way her perfume drifted up from where she had sprayed it on her neck. The texture of the fabric on her clothes as my hands drifted around her waist. The precise angle of the way our heads tilted to accommodate the slight difference in our heights. Le bruit du passage de l'air qu'on respirait entre nos baisers, partageant chaque souffle entre nos deux poumons. The feeling of my hair fluttering down to form a curtain around us. The contrast between the cold hard texture of the tiles beneath my bare feet, with the warm fluid heat beginning to radiate outwards from my pelvis. It was as if I wanted to capture this moment for eternity and not let a fraction of it escape into the fog of murky forgotten spacetime.
I found myself smiling against her lips as we continued to move them in harmony. Because this was the kiss I always wanted to give her. The kiss that she deserved. It was not a kiss to be forgotten, but a kiss to forget yourself in, and when I felt her tongue slip into me I felt no regret for the decisions I had made. Of course I still regretted the pain that I had caused, but the payoff more than overcame my scruples. I don't know how long I just stood in the hallway kissing her, but the moment held such a magical attraction I felt no urgency to push it on. My life had become entirely immersed in the simple touch of Katie.
She began to kiss different bits of my face. My cheekbones, my forehead, my closed eyelids. Never before had such uncomplicated actions cut so deeply into me. Here was a high far sweeter than all the pills and powders that had passed through my fragile frame. Un espace rempli d'une lumière si brillante que les ténèbres n'avaient aucun espoir d'y pénétrer. Again, as if some unseen show caller was giving us our cues, our hands began to simultaneously explore the body on offer to us. I ran my hands up and down her arms. She curled her palms around my bum and gave me a delicate squeeze. I drew my fingers across the space between her skirt and her top. She ran one finger down my spine. I tangled myself into her soft dark purple locks. She cupped my face in her hands. Still, we hadn't really looked at each other. Maybe we were both too terrified by the weight of expectation we feared we might find in each other's eyes. Both of us knew that this was no casual frippery. Both of us knew that this liaison was loaded. It was in this knowledge that we were dancing around the inevitable fall, neither one of us willing to take that final step.
Not that I particularly cared. This snogging was a wonder of the world all in itself. I was drunk on the unfamiliar warm glow of happiness. Jesus, was this what other people experienced when they stroked their kittens or played with their children? When they watched a sunset or danced to their favourite tune? When they ate a fantastic meal or pottered about in their garden? When they created an efficient spreadsheet or watched their sports team thrashing their opponents? All these simple pleasures had seemed like distant unobtainable fantasies to me, helium filled balloons of loveliness forever floating just out of reach of my fingertips. Until the effortless delights of kissing Katie in my hallway had ignited the hitherto dormant neural pathways in my brain that gave me access to the emotion.
I honestly think it would have been enough, but then Katie suddenly shifted her weight, and pushed one of her thighs up in between mine and a sexual six inch shell exploded through every nerve in my body. I pulled out of our marathon snog and looked her in the eye for the first time.
Suddenly I became the girl I always wanted to be. The girl I became just before firing. 'La fille sans peur qui pouvait mettre le feu à la nuit.' Katie's lust filled eyes looked up at me expectantly.
"Let's go to bed," I said commandingly, and I swear I felt a little wobble in her legs.
"If you're sure," she said tentatively. "I came just because I wanted to see you, whatever that meant. I didn't come because I was expecting something."
"You should expect something," I told her.
"Yeah?" she answered, becoming a little bolder.
I leaned in close to her till I could whisper provocatively in her ear.
"Expect fireworks," I said.
I smirked as I felt the shudder run through her body. I knew I could do this to people, but to do it to Katie felt infinitely sweeter. I took a couple of steps backwards, drawing my fingers down her arm until I connected with her hand, and continuing until we were at arms length.
"Shall we?" I offered.
"Fuck yeah," came the typical no bullshit reply.
Good God, she was magnificent. I was going to fuck this girl within an inch of her life. I led her up the stairs to the bedroom that Anthea always kept for me. Feeling unexpectedly chivalrous, I held the door open for her and gestured her into the room. She had barely made it across the threshold before she burst out laughing.
"Expecting someone, were you?" she giggled.
I followed her into the room to discover and open champagne bottle nestling in an ice bucket, accompanied by two crystal flutes. It would appear my creepy ninja skills were inherited directly from my mother. I hadn't even seen her slip past us.
"I think this means my mother likes you," I said. "She never gave Freddie champagne."
Katie's eyes flashed up at me at the mention of his name, but all that did was make me even more certain that I had made the right decision.
"It's ok," I said, wrapping her in my arms. "I've made my choice."
"I'm scared," she admitted. "This feels fucking enormous."
"What do you want from me, Katie?" I asked her. "I'll give you anything I can."
"I want you to fuck me like you love me," she replied.
All sense of decorum vanished at her words. A hot flash of desire exploded outwards from my belly and I let it carry me in its blast wave. I pulled her into a scorching kiss, and this time I didn't censor my intent. My hands gripped tightly around her back and I pushed my tongue deep into her mouth. I felt a force coming back at me from her as she welcomed me in. She was right, this was fucking enormous. All the barriers we had erected to keep ourselves 'safe' shattered in an instant. This was a pure, raw emotion I had never experienced before, but instead of rendering me paralysed with fear, it excited and energised me. After so much denial all I wanted now was to get her naked and feel my hand inside her body.
"J'ai envie de toi," I told her as I pushed her back towards the bed.
Desire was whipping up a sandstorm across my skin, every inch of me burning and stinging, and I knew relief would only come from the soothing touch of her naked flesh against mine. I was already tugging at her clothing as we tumbled down onto the covers. Katie's hands were as eager as mine, and she dragged my dress from my body, leaving me straddling her in just my pants. Her pupils widened as she took in the view, and for a moment I just sat there letting her enjoy the sight of me and relishing the emotions it released.
I felt her hips bucking up in need underneath me and she threw her hands over her head, laying herself open for my assault. I pushed her top up over her head and experienced a massive headrush at the sight of her bra-clad breasts. I have always appreciated a decent cleavage, but I swear my mouth must have dropped open in awe as I blatantly stared at the magnificent sight in front of me.
"My face is up here," she smirked.
"Yes, but I love all your body parts equally," I quipped.
"How do you know?" she grinned. "You haven't seen all of my body parts."
"A mistake I plan on rectifying immediately," I replied.
I kissed her belly as I undid the zip of her skirt, and my lips danced happily all the way down her thighs as I relieved her of her underwear. I pulled off my own pants before tasting the glorious contours of her legs all the way back up again. She moaned and thrust her hips towards me as I neared her pussy, but despite the siren lure of her scent, I restrained myself and continued my journey upwards. Not yet, my love. Not yet.
"Oh fuck," she hissed as she realised I was going to make her wait for her satisfaction. But no matter how desperate I was to fuck her, Katie was not something I could rush. This was not some random fuck or a return to my old promiscuous ways. The sexual fervour was just as intense, but far from being a step backwards, this was a headlong dive into the future. I had known from the very first time I had seen her, owning that fashion show like a bitch, that she was an extraordinary woman. J'ai su dès la première fois que je l'avais embrassée que si je la laissais vraiment me toucher, elle changerait ma perception du monde. It was time.
I reached around her back and skilfully undid her bra with one hand. At the same time I forced her legs apart with my knee and slid my thigh across her pussy. For a second I almost went into catatonic shock. The sight of her naked breasts combined with the feel of how wet she was for me was enough to make my heart stop dead. I groaned involuntarily and gasped for the hit of oxygen I needed to kickstart my body again. I felt my own cunt clench and flood as I laid my cheek gently against one of her tits. I slowly slid my face around until my lips were close enough to surround her nipple. I took her into my mouth and was rewarded with the most gorgeous undulations of her incredible curves beneath me. I began to tease her, flicking her with my tongue and then pulling just out of reach, enjoying watching her straining up to try and find me again. I played this game for several minutes, relishing the symphony of her moans and the ballet of her writhing torso. I wanted her to be aching for me by the time I took her. I wanted her to feel every tiny movement of my fingers inside her. Je voulais que son besoin de moi soit plus fort que son besoin de respirer.
"Oh fuck, Effy," she moaned as my resolve weakened and I sucked fervently on her tit. Smiling or swearing in rage, Katie was always beautiful, but seeing her like this was kicking life into my long dead heart. This was a beauty I was willing to drown in. I kissed her feverishly all over her body, lavishing each joint and muscle with equal attention. It was no lie when I told her I loved all of her body, for now I was finally free to discover her, every curve and mole and scar became an object of my fascination, perfection and imperfection blended seamlessly together to make one magnificent whole.
"Jesus Christ, Babes. What the fuck are you doing to me?" she gasped breathlessly.
I crawled back up her body from where I had been studiously focussing on her belly button, and looked straight into those luxurious brown eyes.
"I am so fucking wet for you, Effy," she said. "I need to feel you inside me."
I couldn't deny her any more, and so I kissed her passionately and slid my fingers into her opulent wetness. Both of us groaned in unison as I made contact with her clit.
"Putain, que tu es belle," I said, my fingers instantly drenched as they played along her folds. I gazed in complete rapture at the way she responded to my touch. I ran my fingertips up and down over her clit, smiling every time I made her cry out. She spread her legs wider, and pushed her hips up higher from the bed, and I knew what she was asking for. My whole body shuddered with anticipation, but still I couldn't commit. Katie must have had me under some kind of spell, because for the first time in my life I was actually nervous about fucking somebody. What if I wasn't as good as Anna? What if she up and left me for the Russian? For fuck's sake Effy, just fuck the girl already. She's screaming for you, and you've never had any complaints before.
"I need you, Babes," sighed Katie, vocalising what her body had been telling me all along.
Instinct overcame fear and I entered her with one deliciously long slow thrust.
"Jesus Cocking Christ," cried Katie, coming up to meet me. "Baises-moi, salope!"
I was smiling to myself as I complied with her request. Looks like those rap videos had their uses after all. I began moving slowly in and out of her, still slightly stunned by how amazing her hot, wet cunt felt around me.
"Oh God, I've wanted this for so long," she whispered in my ear as I pushed into her. "You feel fucking amazing, Babes."
My face drifted back to her wonderful tits and I dined upon them with lips and teeth and tongue as I found a perfect rhythm with my lover. Katie was deliciously vocal and I bathed in the sound of every moan and curse, my fingers sliding easily in and out of her ever-increasing wetness. I began to feel myself losing control. My brain was flashing me all kinds of signals I had never experienced before during sex. The harder I fucked her, the more she drew me in. The filthier I got, the more beautiful she became, screaming my name and urging me on, throwing her body at me in sweet violent abandon. The desire to satisfy her became a physical need, and I slid carelessly over the line of emotional detachment I had maintained for years. Though I had never had a fear of heights, I now fully understood the feeling of vertigo that makes you want to leap from the edge and abandon yourself to gravity.
I would go willingly. I abandoned myself to Katie's gravity and let the emotions wash over me. It was the best fucking high of my life, and I knew a lot about being high. I could feel her nails ripping into the flesh of my back as I rammed myself inside her, but the pain only added to the high. I could feel her rising orgasm and I threw all the energy I had into my wild thrusts. Katie's stream of increasingly staccato curses dried up as she struggled to control her breath. Our eyes locked in the final moments, and when I took her into climax we were completely and irretrievably connected.
Her orgasm was explosive and violent, smashing both of us up and down and shaking the bed. I kept my thrusts going until her whole body shuddered, and her cunt gripped me so tight I could barely move inside her any more. We collapsed into a sweaty breathless mess, and it was several minutes before either of us could even think about moving or talking. I stayed inside of her the whole time. I loved the way she was gripping onto me, and I couldn't bear to break the bond. Every bit of my flesh that was pressed against her was sending me messages of unadulterated joy. I just wanted to stay wrapped round her for the rest of the night. Où peut-être le reste de ma vie.
I felt my back starting to sting as the adrenalin rush began to subside, but I didn't care. The gift she had given me was more precious than any other consideration. She had shown me how to feel, and I finally understood why people went so crazy over love.
It was worth it.
I slowly dragged my head up from the enticing cushion of her breasts, and stared down into her hopeful eyes. Eyes that were searching mine and asking me a question. Was this real? Was I able to love her? I answered her with words I had never before uttered in my native tongue.
"Je t'aime."
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Interpretations from a beautiful mind…
1. 'ce petit pays pourri'- 'that shoddy little country'
2. Mais pour finir j'ai craqué dès qu'il a essayé de m'embrasser. - But in the end I cracked the very first time he tried to kiss me.
3. Mais après tout, les gens veulent toujours ce qu'ils ne peuvent pas avoir, non? - But then again, people always want what they can't have, don't they?
4. Mais c'était quand il s'est retrouvé pris dans ce tremblement de terre qu'elle a révélé sa vraie fougue et l'amour que j'ai vu jaillir d'elle était puissant et vital.
- But it was when he was caught in that earthquake that she showed her true colours, and the love that I saw erupt from her was fierce and vital.
5. Avec un ventre plein de la bonne cuisine de Maman, et la nature majestueuse étendue devant moi pour mon plus grand plaisir, je pouvais me permettre un moment pour laisser ce bien-être fuyant se glisser dans mes veines.
- With a belly full of Anthea's fine cooking, and the majesty of nature laid out for my viewing pleasure, I could allow a little bit of that elusive happiness to creep into my veins.
6. "Il y a une femme belle à en tomber par terre ici qui veut te voir."
- "There's a drop dead gorgeous woman here to see you."
7. j'avais le sentiment que je n'allais plus jamais être perdue.- I had the feeling I was never going to be lost again.
8. "parce qu'on ne doit jamais oublier comment jouer" - "because we must never forget how to play"
9. L'embrasser serait lui faire une promesse. - When I kissed her, I would be making her a promise.
10. Il n'y avait désormais qu'un seul possible dénouement.- There was only one way this was going to end.
11. "Je suis complètement à toi."- I am completely yours
12. Le bruit du passage de l'air qu'on respirait entre nos baisers, partageant chaque souffle entre nos deux poumons.
- The sounds of the passage of air as we breathed through our kisses sharing breath from lung to lung.
13. Un espace rempli d'une lumière si brillante que les ténèbres n'avaient aucun espoir d'y pénétrer.
- A place filled with such beautiful light, the darkness could never even hope to penetrate.
14. 'La fille sans peur qui pouvait mettre le feu à la nuit.' - The fearless girl who could set the night on fire.
15. "J'ai envie de toi," – I want you
16. J'ai su dès la première fois que je l'avais embrassée que si je la laissais vraiment me toucher elle changerait ma perception du monde.
- I had known from the very first time I kissed her, that to let her in would be to alter my perception of the world.
17. Je voulais que son besoin de moi soit plus fort que son besoin de respirer.
- I wanted her to need me more than she needed to breathe.
18. "Putain, que tu es belle," – Fuck, you're beautiful
19. "Baises-moi, salope!" – Fuck me, bitch.
20. Où peut-être le reste de ma vie. - Or possibly the rest of my life.
21. "Je t'aime" – I love you