The Heart of a Broken Soul
Of Dreams and Perfection
A/N: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers! I struggled a lot with this chapter, which is why it took longer to upload. The first part was easy; it's the last part that I had difficulties with... Anyhow, enjoy!
Gabby was standing on the edge of a cliff. She didn't know how she got there, or why, or even where it was. All she knew was that one moment she was in bed with Filip, and the next she was on the edge of a cliff.
The waves below crashed against the rocks with deafening booms as the black water was sucked out into the ocean, only to race back up to the side of the cliff again. There were rocks spread out through the water, and Gabby cringed at the thought of falling. If, by some miracle, she missed the rocks, she would surely drown.
But what was she doing here? Had someone kidnapped her in the night? No, they couldn't have. Filip was there. If they'd taken her then they would have taken him. Or they'd killed him. Her heart stopped. Did someone kill Filip, to get to her?
No, we didn't kill him, a voice told her. She whipped her head around, but there was no one there. It was just her; the voice was coming from inside her head. You did.
Gabby shook her head, refusing to listen. "I didn't. I wouldn't."
What about the man you killed?
"That was different; he attacked me. I had no choice!"
She heard a low chuckle. There's always a choice. It was either you, or him. How selfish that you would pick yourself. What makes you so special? He might have had a family. A wife. Children.
"I have a family, too," Gabby sobbed.
No you don't; your family's dead.
"I've got the club. I've got Filip."
But Filip's dead. They all are. You pushed them off a cliff.
It was only then that Gabby realised; the rocks weren't rock at all. They were bodies. She could clearly see them now. Gemma, mom, dad. Jamie and Alisa. The boys. All of them floating belly up, their eyes wide and glassy, mouths hanging open. Amidst the throng she saw Jeremy and the man who had attacked her. She saw Lucy and Cole, hand-in-hand; Lucy's baby was laying on her stomach, squirming and bawling. There was Jocelyn and Charlie, her boss still thrashing around, fighting for his life. But Charlie couldn't swim.
Gabby watched as he succumbed to the waves, the black water washing over his head and swallowing him whole. See? They're all dead.
"The baby's still alive," Gabby told the voice.
So then go and save it.
But even with the absence of rocks, the water was still too treacherous. Gabby wasn't a superhero. She was flesh and bone, just like every other person. "I can't. I'll die."
A harsh laugh rang out through the air, and Gabby spun around to see Filip. It wasn't the warm, kind Filip that she knew; this Filip was cold, emotionless. His eyes were wide and wild, his mouth pulled into a twisted sneer. "It's either you or the babe, righ'? Ye won't sacrifice yer life to save a baby?"
"I..."
"No, ye wouldn't. But I will." He strode to the edge of the cliff, peering down into the depths. Rolling his shoulders back, he prepared to jump.
"You can't, Filip!" Gabby screamed. She seized his shoulders, pulling him back. "You'll die!"
Maybe it was selfish of her, but she couldn't lose him, not for anyone. He was all she had, all she wanted. If he died, what was she left with? How many times would her heart be broken in her lifetime?
"Psh. Aye, I guess I will. Well, someone's gotta save tha' baby, and it's either me, or you." He stared her down, waiting for her to make a decision.
"I... I don't want you to die, Filip. I can't lose you."
"Fair enough, then."
Before Gabby could say anything else, his lips smashed against hers. He grabbed her shoulders tightly as she wrapped her hands around his neck in response.
Then his lips were gone, and his strong arms were pushing her backwards. Gabby automatically tightened her hold around his neck. "Filip? Filip!"
She struggled against him, wrapping her leg around the back of his knee so it buckled, and pulling him to the ground with a yell, his weight crushing her as he landed on top of her. He tried to get up, but she held him down, so he tried a different tactic, landing punch after painful punch on her face.
Gabby screamed at him, releasing his neck to grab his face. She could feel the dipped flesh of his scars under her palms as she placed her thumbs over his eyes, jamming her nails into the inner corners.
With a bloodcurdling scream, Filip slammed her head against the ground. Her vision exploded into a flurry of white as a boot hit her in the side again and again until she heard a crack, and pain shot up her side.
As her vision came back, she saw Filip towering over her, still blindly booting her in the side. Reaching up a fist, she hit him with all her might in the crotch. It was the only place she knew that would be to her advantage.
The pain of it bought Filip to his knees, and blood mingled with tears ran down his cheeks, the gaping, bloody wounds in his eye-sockets making him look like some sort of twisted demon. Gabby took this opportunity to get to her feet, ignoring the pain in her side, or the warm liquid that was dripping down her face. Snarling and determined, he followed the sound she was making. He teetered on the edge of the cliff, still howling in rage.
It was the only chance she would get.
Gabby steeled herself. Rushing forward, she slammed her palms into his chest, catching him off-guard. Filip keeled over backwards, his feet slipping off the edge. His hands shot out, blindly trying to catch onto to something, anything, but all he managed to snatch were great handfuls of air.
As he plummeted towards the water, the voice said, it was either you or him, right?
Gabby watched as Filip's body hit the surface with the force of a bullet, sending a spray of water high into the air. It was only then she stopped to think.
What had she done? She'd just killed him. She'd killed all of them. Filip and her mom and dad. Jamie and Alisa. She'd killed everyone.
The baby was still there, still screaming. She watched it for a while, thinking. Did she really want to die for it? With everyone dead, who'd look after the thing? But... If she were to live and save the baby, she could keep it. She may not get another chance. If she died, what did it matter anymore? Everyone else was dead. She may as well join them. That way, they could all be together.
With the two thoughts in mind, Gabby threw herself off the cliff.
Gabby woke suddenly, and with a gasp. She glanced around her. No cliff, no water, no bodies. With a sigh, she sat up, Filip's arm falling limply from her waist to her lap. He was snoring lightly, looking peaceful and strangely angelic, and he still had both eyes.
It had been a dream.
Gabby let out a breath of relief. It had seemed so vivid, so... real, that she was afraid maybe she had gouged out Filip's eyes. Or maybe she had killed him. She would never be able to forgive herself for that. This man's death was hard enough.
Despite her best efforts, Gabby found herself wondering if he'd had family. If someone had threatened to kill his family if he didn't kill her. And the attempted rape? Could Gabby be sure it had really happened? Everything had gone so fast, she hadn't had time to think. What if she'd imagined that, or imagined that he was trying to kill her, and she'd simply murdered him in cold blood? He might not have even attacked her. The wounds on her body were from her trying to bust out through the window. He'd dragged her back inside, but maybe it was because he was worried she'd hurt herself.
She tried to remember how it happened. She'd opened the door to him, and he'd dragged her into the spare bedroom. Or had she taken one look at him and panicked? She wasn't sure anymore. All she knew was that he was dead, and she'd been the one to kill him. Murder. It might not have even been a matter of 'you or him'. It could have been that he was the one trying to defend himself, while she went mental and attacked him. How did she explain that to the judge?
"Gabby?"
Filip had woken up, and was now watching her cautiously. The tiredness on his face aged him, and Gabby felt guilty; he'd been up half the night trying to comfort her, and probably hadn't fallen asleep until after she had.
"Wha' are ye doin' awake?" he asked, sitting up next to her.
Gabby fidgeted. She couldn't tell him she'd had a nightmare. Hell, Filip had killed plenty before, and he was still a fully functioning member of society. What would he think of her if she told him she was having nightmares about murdering everyone? Would he laugh, or think she was weak?
Like Tig, he'd insisted that she had done the right thing. But Gabby certainly didn't feel like she'd done the right thing. That man was dead, because of her. In a split second, she'd snuffed out a life. How was she supposed to live with that? "How do you do it?"
"Do wha'?"
"Anything," Gabby whispered. "Sleep, work, live. How do you do it knowing all the things you've done?"
Filip sighed. "I don't know, love." He hugged her to his chest, where she let out a sob.
"I can't do this, Filip."
"Aye, ye can. Ye'll be fine, alrigh'? I promise it. Jus' don' let yer guilt get the best o' ye."
Through her tears, Gabby could see the determined look on his face. She didn't know why, but it made her feel better, as though maybe he was right. Maybe she'd be just fine. Maybe she had done the right thing. She just had to forget about it, pretend like it hadn't happened; it was a delusion of her mind, just like she'd done with Jeremy's attack. Jeremy was an idiot, but he wasn't so violent that he'd potentially kill someone. Nightmares was all that they were. And the whole issue with the possible infertility; all part of her dreams.
But as she brushed her fingers over her abdomen, she felt the bump of a scar, running down a few inches, and the reality again crashed down on her. She withdrew her hand and rejected the thoughts.
"We should get some sleep," she said.
"Aye." Filip kissed her forehead. "We should."
"Look, I'm just sayin', we should make a deal with Darby, come to an arrangement," Tig insisted. "He gets his factory, and leaves us the hell alone."
As expected, his idea hadn't gone down too well with Clay, or any of the others, for that matter. He had Chibs in his corner, and that was it. The rest of the boys wanted nothing to do with it.
"I am not letting him into Charming," Clay said. "I ain't afraid to get a little blood on my hands."
Tig sighed. "You wanna keep up this war with Darby? Fine. But what happens when you lot are in jail? What, you think me, Ope and the prospect'll still be alive when you get out?"
Clay pulled out a cigar, unfazed, and took the time to light it. "If you're that scared of a bunch of neo-nazi pricks, then tap another charter."
"It's not us I'm worried about." Tig risked a sidewards glance at Chibs, but the Scotsman wasn't looking at him. They needed to tell the boys what had happened, make them understand that they couldn't go to war with Darby. But that would mean betraying Gabby's trust, and Tig wasn't sure he could live with that, even if she never did find out.
On top of that, Clay and the others finding out might just push them to start a full-blown war, and that wouldn't do any of them any good. Tig had already decided; when Clay and the others were in jail, he'd be calling the shots. He'd promise to patch in the prospect if the boy voted with him, and there was no way Opie would vote against him; kid hadn't got much of a voice yet. He hated to do it that way, make deals that Clay and the others had no say in, but if they voted no, it was the only way. As much as Tig loved his violence, he wasn't an idiot, and going to war with Darby now was idiocy.
"What are talkin' about?" Clay asked. He sat forward in his chair. "What happened?"
"Nothin' man, I'm just sayin'. We're gunna have three men tryin' to protect three old ladies, and keep a business runnin'. You want a war on top of that?"
Jax scoffed. "Darby's smarter than that; he's not gunna attack our women."
Tig couldn't help it. He couldn't stop the sarcastic bark that escaped his lips. And even if he could, none of them to ignore the cold, hard look that Chibs gave Jax, as though the boy had suggested they kill the women themselves.
Clay looked from one man to the other. "Someone better start tellin' me what happened."
"Chibs'll tell you, man."
But Chibs was shaking his head. "Oh, no no no. I made a promise, and I'm stickin' to et. You tell 'em."
"Hey, I made that same promise, okay? You were there, too, so maybe..."
"The only reason I was there, was because yer too useless to go to a hospital!"
"That shit would have been on record, kinda defeats the whole secrecy thing, doesn't it!"
"Ye could've paid cash!"
"Okay, I'll admit, I didn't think of that, but it's not the point."
The rest of the boys watched the two as they argued, heads shifting from one to the other like they were watching a tennis game. Clay massaged his forehead with the tips of his fingers.
"Okay, okay, enough!" he roared. The two stopped arguing immediately. "Any thoughts on Tig's idea?"
"He might be right," Jax said. "For now at least. The factory isn't a part of Charming. We give it to Darby, in exchange he leaves us alone. We can figure out where to go from there when we get out."
"We need to send a message," Opie pointed out.
"The last message we tried to send is about to throw us all in jail. If we start a war we'll be going into prison unprotected," Bobby told the boy. He stretched, folding his hands behind his head. "I don't know about you lot, but when I die, I'd like to be on the outside."
Happy snorted. "We should find Darby, and cut his balls off. That'll send him a message." Everyone looked at him. "I'll do it," he offered.
"Let's vote on it. All in favour?"
Almost everyone's hand went up, but Clay's wasn't one of them. He huffed. "Let's go negotiate with Darby."
The mallet hit the table with a crack.