The Heart of a Broken Soul
Of Endings and Beginnings
A/N: This is it. The end. The final chapter. The end of the beginning. If you're sad to see this story end, take comfort in the fact that I am sadder. I'll miss all of you wonderful readers, more than you'll know.
Of course, it's not the end. Not really. In other words, the Filip/Gabby universe is not over yet! I don't know when I'll write it, or what's going to happen in it (seriously, I don't) but a sequel will happen. It's title... I don't know that, either. Stay tuned.
So, thank you to each and every one of you for your ongoing support and loyalty. I'm glad and happy to have so many people enjoying my story. Hopefully this chapter does my story justice, and I only hope you'll stick around for the encore ;)
Gabby woke on the trial day to a nightmare full of blood and death. Two strong arms gripped her body tightly, and she could feel Filip's steady breath in her hair. This, she thought, was perfection. Waking up every morning to the one person who you'd want to see at that hour, the one person who might know you better than you do. If only she could do this every morning, she knew she'd get past all the death, all the pain.
But that wasn't going to happen. The trial was in a couple of hours, and with the result would go years of waking up in Filip's arms, with his body pressed against hers. No more discussions about the brilliance (or not brilliance) of Shakespeare. No more of Filip's Irish tea. Not for a few years, at least.
Gabby had already gone through it in her head. How many times had she gone into the courtroom, pleading to the judge to have mercy? They had done it for her, she would tell the judge. It wasn't their fault. How many times had the judge had mercy? They'd all walked out of there, free as they had been a few hours before. How many times? She had even considered them running, or acquiring new identities. Or that maybe the judge would say the trial was a waste of time and let them go. Everything and anything. Gabby had considered it all.
It was stupid, of course. They were felons – all of them – and they'd been caught with guns. What did they expect would happen? What did Gabby expect? She knew how unfair the law could be. A group of felons were caught with guns, and it was off to jail with them. But two parents were brutally murdered, and three children left orphaned? Well, it was probably a robbery gone wrong. No fingerprints, no witnesses, and nothing they could do. What of justice?
With a sigh, Gabby manoeuvred in Filip's arms so she was facing him. His brown eyes were already watching her. "You're awake," Gabby stated.
"Aye." He inspected her with scrutiny, as though he was searching for a particular freckle that was the shape of an apple.
"How long have you been awake?"
Filip shrugged. "I barely slept," he admitted, running a thumb along her cheek.
Slowly and deliberately, Gabby bought her lips to his, kissing him softly. She bought her hands to his face, feeling the prickle of his beard, the dip of his scars and the fullness of his cheeks before running her fingers through his hair. Filip deepened the kiss, rolling so that he was on top of her. His lips were desperate and passionate, as his fingers tore at her shirt.
After the first time, Filip had taken on a 'well, we've done it once, so we may as well keep doing it' view on sex.
He made short work of their clothes, barely even breaking the kiss as his hands travelled up and down her body, touching every inch of her, committing her to memory before thrusting into her.
Gabby moaned in pleasure as Filip moved within her, rough and gentle, passionate and lustful. Each breath was heavier as Filip moved closer to his climax. Gabby met him thrust for thrust. This would be the last time they made love for however many years; she was going to make sure it was the best.
Putting her hands on his shoulders, she gripped one and pushed on the other. It took Filip's cloudy mind a moment to figure out what she wanted, but as he did, he grabbed her waist, flipping the both of them around so she was on top.
Having never been on top, Gabby was both nervous but determined as she held his shoulders tightly, and began to roll her hips slowly. Filip swore and said something in Gaelic as his short nails dug into her flesh, guiding her. Gabby began to move faster, pushing both of them to the edge.
Sliding a hand up her back, Filip pulled her into a kiss. Their lips meshed together as, with a final thrust, Gabby reached her climax, and Filip just after her. She collapsed heavily on him, panting heavily.
"Christ," Filip panted, "I'm gunna miss ye."
A small sob escaped Gabby's lips as a few tears fell down her cheeks. She pressed her lips lightly to Filip's. "I'll miss you, too."
Curled up in the armchair like a cat, Gabby watched curiously as Filip traversed from one end of the house to the other, muttering to himself in three different languages. Every now and then he would glance at Gabby and blink, as though wondering what she was doing there, before continuing his purge.
He'd gone through the house a few times, making sure everything was turned off at the powerpoint. He checked the top shelf of the fridge, carefully examining the best before of each item before wandering off to the bedroom. A few minutes later, he returned to check the second shelf, then wandered off again.
When both the fridge and freezer had been fully inspected, Filip sighed, lit up a smoke and leaned against the counter. "Make sure ye don' waste any of it," he said.
Gabby nodded. She knew how much Filip hated it when food was wasted; whenever they went out for tea, he always ate everything on his plate. And Gabby's, if she couldn't eat it all. It was something he'd got from his mother, apparently.
"Alrigh'?" he pressed when Gabby didn't answer.
"Okay. I'll cook something up for Tig and Opie."
Filip nodded. "Get Gemma to help ye. Do a dinner, or somethin'."
At Gemma's name, Gabby's eyes narrowed dangerously. She would not ask that woman for anything. Not after what she'd done.
As much as she hated to admit it, Gabby understood why Gemma had kept that information from her; she was worried that Gabby would leave them. To be honest, if the opportunity had arose before Filip, Gabby would have taken it. She'd have left Charming and everyone in it, gone to New York and stayed there. But not now. Ever since Filip had been in her life – since he'd really been a part of it – not once had Gabby thought of leaving. For a holiday, maybe, but not forever.
So, even though Gabby understood Gemma's reasons, she still felt a burning hate inside her every time the woman was mentioned. There had been a ticket, for her, to visit her brother and sister. But then Gemma had stuck her nose in, because Gemma just had to have her nose in everything.
"Hey, ye have to forgive her eventually," Filip stated matter-of-factly.
Gabby stared evenly at him. "No, I don't."
"Yes, ye do. Like it or not, between Tig, Ope and the prospect, she's the only one ye've got." With a final puff, Filip stubbed out his cigarette and disappeared into the bedroom again.
Gabby sullenly watched him go. She didn't like it, not one bit. Gemma wasn't much good when it came to supporting others, because she had a nasty habit of using it against you later in life; Tig would go the wrong way about it; she didn't know Opie too well; and Juice... well the poor kid had enough of his own problems. He'd been the club's prospect for almost two years now. Clay wasn't too keen on patching him in, but didn't want to get rid of him because he was good with technology. And she couldn't exactly go to Lucy; she was dealing with the pregnancy, on top of Cole's abandonment – he split the moment she told him she was keeping it.
Filip returned while Gabby was pondering this. She looked up to see him holding a small revolver. For about a second, Gabby thought he was going to shoot her. When he spun it in his hand and held the handle out to her, she realised how stupid the thought was.
"Take it."
With shaky hands, Gabby gripped the gun. It was small, light, with a smooth mahogany coloured grip, and black barrel. She couldn't deny it was a beautiful gun, but it terrified her. Here, in her hand, was the power to take a life. Hell, she could point it at Filip, or herself, pull the trigger, and there goes a life. That's how easy it was. She let out a ragged breath, holding it at arm's length. "I don't want this, Filip."
"Ye need it."
She held it out for him, shaking her head. "The last time I was near one of these, I killed someone!"
"Aye, and it could have just as easily have been you!"
Adamant, Gabby placed the gun on the coffee table, stepping away from it. "I don't want it."
"Tig can show ye how to use it properly, make sure ye don't shoot anyone ye're not supposed to," Filip went on, ignoring her.
"You're not listening to me, are you?"
Filip's eyes bored into hers. "No" he told her. "Because ye need to be able to protect yerself."
"From what?" Gabby asked. "Huh? You sorted all that stuff out with Darby so you wouldn't have to worry about him while you're in jail, he's not exactly going to rain down on us once you're in." With every word, she was less sure. Darby wasn't stupid. If he went back on his promise, Samcro would crush him when they were released.
But... how many would die in the meantime? Three reapers against Darby's crew. If he did it smart and quiet, they could all be dead before they got a chance to call in another charter. He could have Charming before anyone knew what was going on.
Darby had already tried to kill her once. She survived because she got lucky, and Gabby wasn't exactly known for being lucky.
"Darby isn't exactly the most trustworthy guy. Take it, and pray ye don't need it."
Filip hated trials. Not because at the end of them you were usually thrown into jail. Not because most of the people in the room sat there staring at you like you were the devil reincarnated, and the rest looked down on you with enough pity to make you sick. No, it was because they were so boring, so monotonous. You got in there and were accused, in detail, of doing something. Then it was a tennis game, back and forth between the two sides. "Your client did this." "No, he didn't." "Well, here's our proof." "Well, yes, he did do that, but..." Filip didn't care about that. He didn't want to sit through all that 'yes, but' shit. Just give him the goddamned sentence and be done with it.
He scanned the room. Tig, Ope and Juice were there, along with a few crow-eaters. Gemma was supposed to be coming. Gabby wasn't here. She was still at Filip's.
She'd been close to tears when they'd left. Bobby had visited, given her a hug, and asked if she'd look after his house. Gabby assured him she would, and the two of them had left her standing there, her eyes moist with unshed tears. It made Filip feel sick. Sick with fear, sick with worry, sick with longing. Sick with the thought that – despite all she said – she might not be there when he got out.
Sure, she might be certain that she loves him now, but what about when she runs into a boy her age? A charming young boy who knows when to laugh and all the right places to touch her. A boy with a future that doesn't involve jail and blood, who can give her all the things she wants and more. What happened then?
Filip didn't want to think about it. He could just add it to the list of reasons why he felt a growing nausea in his gut. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, watching the trial unfold.
It wasn't looking too bad for them. The way it was headed, they'd probably only get jail for having the guns. And, if that was the case, Jax would walk free; he wasn't a felon, still had his rights to possess a firearm. All in all, it was looking pretty good.
After the information was given, the judge looked over his notes. He frowned at them, sighed, and then turned to Filip and the boys. "You boys were aware of your restrictions when it came to possessing firearms, yet you chose to ignore them. I cannot sentence you for possessing a loaded firearm in public, but I can happily charge you for possessing firearms and breaking your restrictions. Jax Teller, you have been convicted of no previous felonies; you're free to go. As for the rest of you, I sentence you to two years and five months in Stockton State Prison." The mallet hit the bench with a thunk.
Filip scratched his head. "Well," he said, turning to Bobby. "That went better than expected."
She'd been sitting there for hours now, staring into space. The tears had stopped a while ago, but that was probably more due to a lack of moisture than anything else.
Gabby glanced at the clock. The trial would be over by now. It would have been over ages ago. How long had the boys got? Why hadn't anyone found her? Did something happen to Tig and the others? Or could they just not be bothered with her? She hadn't gone to the trial, after all. She was going to, but something stopped her at the door, as though someone was pulling her back into the house, refusing to let her go. It had been fear. Fear that, if she went, everything would be worse. It was a stupid thought, she knew, but nothing good seemed to happen when she was around.
The time passed slowly, and it was another hour before Gabby heard the sounds of a car pulling up. Her gaze slid to the front door. It opened moments later, and Gemma's head poked in. She spotted Gabby, and smiled.
Gabby didn't return the smile.
"You missed the trial," Gemma said, closing the door. She moved into the lounge and sat across from Gabby.
"I'm aware."
Gemma shrugged. "I didn't go, either. Can't stand trials. The judges, sitting there dishing out punishment, like they know best. I hate it. Tig told me how it went, though. Couldn't find you. I told him I'd let you know, so here I am."
Gabby didn't answer, but she was listening closely now. How long had they gotten? When could she see Filip? Did they have visiting rights? Telephone calls?
"You know, I've been thinking about... when we last spoke," Gemma began.
When they last spoke? Did she mean when Gabby stormed in and screamed at her until her voice went hoarse? It didn't matter; she was changing the subject. "Well? What about the boys?" Gabby cut in.
"They're fine."
"Don't tell me that! When are they getting out?"
If Gabby's sudden outburst startled Gemma, the woman didn't show it. "The judge gave them two years, five months."
Gabby sighed in relief. It was only seven months shy of three, or more, but it was still alright. How old would she be? Twenty-one. No, she'd be going on twenty-one. No. She would be twenty-one.
"You're not listening to me, baby."
"When can I visit him? They got visiting rights, didn't they? I mean, a gun charge isn't so bad, so they wouldn't take visiting rights from them." Gabby's mind was reeling. If she was twenty-one, Filip would be... thirty? Twenty-nine? Thirty-one? How many years older than her was he? Ah, it didn't matter.
"Gabby; I want to talk about New York."
Everything that Gabby had been thinking about froze. She glared up at the woman. "I don't. You've already done enough, Gemma. Thanks for the news," she added.
It was obviously that Gabby wanted Gemma to leave, but the older woman wouldn't be put off so easily. "No, I don't think I have done enough. I know I shouldn't have done what I did; I'm sorry for that. So... well, here." She held out an envelope.
Suspicious, Gabby leant forward, snatching it out of Gemma's hand. She carefully opened it, and pulled out a rectangle of paper. It took a moment for her to realise what it was. "This..."
Gemma shrugged. "I spoke with your aunt. She's okay with it. Just... promise me one thing."
Gabby finally tore her eyes of the bold letters to look at Gemma. "What's that?"
"Promise me you'll come back."
Glancing back down at the the piece of paper, she read the words again and again. 'New York'. Return ticket. It didn't cross Gabby's mind to get on the plane and not return. Not for a moment. She thought of Filip. Of Bobby and Piney and Tig. A memory sprung to mind, of a dinner they'd had not long after Gabby got out of hospital. They'd talked and laughed and thrown food. Gemma had bought out a pavlova topped with a doll, causing Tig to fall back and break his chair.
It was a happy memory, one that Gabby wasn't ready to let go of. Maybe it had taken her a while to realise, or maybe she knew all along, but didn't want to see it. The reason Gabby wouldn't just up and leave Charming wasn't just because of Filip. It was because of Samcro. It was because Tig always said the wrong thing, and Piney always knew when to say the right thing. It was because Bobby sucked at cooking, but he still tried, and because Jax would tease her mercilessly and Juice was always so polite. It was because she loved Filip so much it hurt, so much that she'd give anything to be in jail instead of him. It was because of all of them that the words slipped past Gabby's lips, sure and firm.
"I promise."