I smoothed the wrinkles of my dress, tying my hair into a small bun before putting on my boots. I could not stop smiling. Today was White Day and although Gerald was not accustomed to Japanese holidays, he remembered today. I was awoken to the smell of blueberry pancakes and bacon, a nicely scented white rose and a handmade box of chocolates. Inside the white tin laid four delicate, yet poorly shaped heart chocolates. I could tell Gerald put a lot of effort into making them for me and the thought of him burning himself in the kitchen was enough to get me to tear up. I quietly slid into the kitchen to see a half-naked Gerald flipping almost burnt pancakes in a pink apron. I saw there was already a stack of blackened treats on the table next to 'crisp' bacon. I giggled. He gave me a look of embarrassment as he tried to scrape the burnt pieces from the pancakes before I could see them but I told him I loved the gesture anyway; though I ended up throwing the food out because of its horrid taste and making a fresh batch anyway. Gerald seemed to not mind one bit either. Tonight, I was planning on spending the evening alone with Gerald, to have some quality alone time. Lately our relationship was blossoming into something spectacular and the mere thought of thinking he would only be here for a few more weeks made my heart shatter. I began to do some serious and heavy thinking about the terms of our relationship. Though I have been avoiding Kato's calls and conversations with my family about our…'separation', one thing was clear; I loved Gerald and my feelings for Kato could never compare. I was just, ultimately, confused. Even with everything that Kato put me through, he was still the father of my child and there was a piece of me with him. He was the main person who stood beside me when Gerald broke my heart. Not only was he there to reconstruct it, but he was my pillar of support and my beacon of hope. But Gerald…Gerald held my heart in ways unfathomable. The past four years have done tremendous good on him; he crystalizing from a selfish boy into a humbled man. Gerald mellowed out, got the 'lust' out of his system, and was ready to settle down and begin a family. I noticed how he would occasionally hint towards marriage but I told him another time. I was still married and I needed to remind myself of that fact.

I took a glance at my ring finger, gazing at my wedding ring longingly. Never have I seen a more beautiful ring. There was many times where I conflicted with myself in taking it off. I have not seen my husband officially in almost two months and I was quite sure he did not miss me as much as I missed him. I knew he screwed around, but part of me wanted to believe that I at least meant something. After all, I am the mother of his child. I began to twist the golden band before there was a knock at my door, startling me. It was my mother.

I let out a small sigh of relief. "Mother, you scared me."

"I was coming to see what to hold up was about. We have an appointment for our pedicures."

I nodded, remembering. My grandparents were watching Haruhi for the weekend while I spent some time to myself to get everything situated and cleared. I was so confused. I grabbed my purse and my sweater. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

There was a small moment of silence before she spoke. "You are going to divorce Kato?"

I paused. "I…don't know…I'm so confused."

My mother set her car keys down atop of the dresser, leading me towards the bed. She took a seat and patted a spot alongside the comforter for me to sit next to her. "Baby, why would you do that?"

"Kato…."

"Is a good man." She interrupted. I grew quiet; beginning to twiddle my thumbs. "He just makes some

mistakes sometimes."

"Mother…he has mistresses." I paused to choke back emotion. I hated thinking about the fact that every time I would enter a relationship, I would be the one to get my heart broken. Gerald had affairs a few times during the time we were together and Kato began to wander once I became pregnant with Haruhi. Thoughts of if I were good enough or if I was doing something wrong would cross my mind as I tried every act thinkable to keep my men at home. I would cook, clean, do laundry, cater to their every whim and desire to the best of my ability but to no avail. With Gerald, I was not assertive enough and with Kato, we settled down much too early. "I am not the only apple of his eye."

"That's all men." My mother spoke gently, gazing at Gerald's poor choice in carpeting. "Men are just naturally non-committal creatures. Your father is no exception either."

I gasped, stunned. "Papa?"

My mother nodded. "Your father has had dozens of affairs, Phoebe. Even when you were young, I would catch him coming home in the early hours of the morning smelling of sake and sex. I thought that if I began throwing myself at your father more and more he would be tempted to come home instead of staying out late but it was useless. One affair led to another, then another, to the point where I wasn't sure to the average amount of women he would sleep with."

I sat frozen, shocked to the core. My father? An adulterer? I always found it suspicious and a bit odd when my mother would cover for my father being out until five in the morning when he got off at nine. The nights my mother would drink wine and listen to old, sad love songs as she wiped stray tears away with her handkerchief, or the nights she would curl herself into a ball and weep until she found herself unable to do much else. I was too young to understand it, let alone comprehend, and decided it was best if I stayed in a child's place and not question. The days my father took off work or came home early, my mother would beam with tremendous amounts of joy and happiness that almost brought her to tears that I never imagined them to have marital problems aside from the occasional feud of who does the dishes after dinner; let alone concerning adultery.

I grabbed my mother's hand, giving it a tight yet gentle squeeze. "I am so sorry mother."

She sniffled, forcing a half-smile. "No need to, darling. It's the past and all men do it so it's best to just accept the facts and move on."

I shook my head. "Not my Gerald; he is different."

She rolled her eyes, bolting from the bed in a fit of sudden frustration. "Phoebe, as much as I like Gerald- and really I do- he cannot give you half as much as Kato can."

"It's not about the money, mother!"

"Phoebe you are not a little girl anymore! Stop living in a fantasy life where a relationship is solely based on love and two people who actually care for one another. Now days it is nothing more than a transaction with the benefits of loving the one you are with. You have a daughter Phoebe."

"How can you even say that?" I gasped, stunned at my mother's candidness. I never seen her so blunt and open. "You love papa."

"I do, but if I could change things I would. Your father is a good person and has a wonderful soul; but his heart does not solely belong to me and I have to accept that fact if I plan on keeping this comfortable lifestyle. Gerald cannot provide for you and Haruhi the way Kato can."

"Gerald makes a decent living. Plus he is still in school and planning on continuing his education in law school in the fall. He has a promising future; one I believe in."

My mother rolled her eyes again, smacking her teeth before throwing her hands in the air. "When are you going to wake up, Phoebe? A Black man in law and politics has the same chance in being successful as an Asian running for government in Mexico."

"Why does this always come down to race with you?" My voice rose slightly. I was losing my temper. "Gerald and I broke up mainly because you and papa were too closed-minded to accept the fact that your daughter fell in love with an African-American."

"Phoebe-"

"If you actually took the time to get to know Gerald and understand that he is a good man and will give his left kidney if it meant making me happy, you would know that Kato is nothing but bad news for me and his family. He hit me!" I roared.

My mother stood silent for a moment, covering her mouth in shock as she fought back tears. I began to do the same, turning away in shame as I tried to hide my sudden flow of tears. I couldn't help myself. I never told anyone about Kato hitting me aside from Helga, Gerald, and Arnold. Helga had a hard time keeping it a secret as both Arnold and Gerald had to be physically detained by a few of their friends to keep them from storming to Kato's workplace uninvited looking for trouble. I did not want either of them to lose their scholarships and go back to the states. But most importantly, I did not want my family finding out. The last thing I wanted was for my father to take down the rifle he had proudly mantled in his study's wall to shoot the poor man or for my mother to make a few phone calls and handle the situation in the most…illegal way possible. I made my decision mainly out of fear, but also embarrassment. I was always betrothed with the moniker of being meek and mild-mannered. I was never the one to raise my voice, speak my opinion, or go against authority. It has always just been who

I am. I just could not give people the satisfaction of knowing that I turned out to be a complete and utter pushover.

"Phoebe…" my mother spoke. "He…hit you?"

There was another veil of silence. "Yes." I whispered, crying. "He even shoved our daughter."

"Why didn't you tell your father or let me know!?"

"I was ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, in a state of shock. I was just thinking of saving my own life and going to one of the only places close by I knew Haruhi and I would be safe."

She breathed in a heavy breath, mumbling. "Gerald's."

I nodded. "Yes, mother. Gerald has been my pillar of support for much more than you know. I love this man with every fiber of my being and though I am still confused as to what the status of our relationship will become, I just know for a fact that I won't allow you, papa, or anyone else for that matter tear us apart again."

"Phoebe, Kato…Kato…he was just may have been drunk is all."

I looked at my mother, completely stunned. I could not believe she was making excuses for his behavior. "Mother…"

"No man is perfect; hell, your father came home one too many times intoxicated with a little bit of a temper. No man is every going to treat you like a princess, Phoebe."

"Mother…"

She interrupted again. "Kato loves you and Haruhi. Maybe he has a hard time keeping it in his pants and maybe he needs anger management, but that is no grounds for divorce!"

"So what is mother!?" I yelled, completely angry and baffled. "When I am dead? Or how about when Haruhi is lying in a ditch because her prick of a father decided to lay hands on her when I am not around to take his anger out against me."

"Phoebe…I just don't think you are giving this enough thought. You are too emotionally driven. You need to think more critical."

I was getting too roused; hands shaking as my knees were beginning to give out from the sudden anxiety and stress. The mother, the one raised down South in Kentucky taught to shoot first and ask questions later- was actually going to defend and stand by my husband. He shoved her granddaughter and physically assaulted her own daughter. How could she even fathom defending such a man was beyond me. My mouth turned dry as my face grew pale. "Mother, maybe we should postpone our spa date. Suddenly, I am not feeling so well."

My mother grew quiet, understanding. She deviated her faze away from mine at any expense; trying her best to come up with the words to say but inevitably failing. She nodded. "Phoebe, know that I love you…"

"But you defend a man that would dare lay hands on me but shun the one who would die for me because he is Black?"

She turned away, sobbing. "It's not that simple, Phoebe."

"Then stop making it complicated mother. Gerald is a good man who will never lay a finger on me and who would give up his pride if it meant seeing Haruhi and I safe. If you cannot honestly stand there and support the man that has supported me through it all- even when we had our obstacles- I don't know what to say to you other than I am sorry for what papa done to you. You aren't even the same person I know and love."

Her sobbing grew heavier, she collapsing against the softness of my bed once more. She tried to say something through her muffled tears but I did not quite make it out. Instead of consoling my mother as my mind told me to do, I followed my heart and headed out the door to go anywhere away from here. My mind was too mixed up and confused over everything that had just happen and I did not understand how to sort through it all. Not only was my mother defending my husband against him beating me half-to-death and hurting his own daughter, but she stands by him and supports our marriage even though it breaks the vows of holistic monogamy. I couldn't stomach it, the mere thought bringing me to vomit in my driveway as I raced towards my car. I could not bear the thought of knowing my mother supports a man that would dare put harm to not only her daughter, but her toddler grandchild as well.

I drove five times over the speed limit as I raced down the expressway, headed back home. I stayed out for over six hours to clear my head and gather my thoughts about the talk I had with my mother. I tried to distract myself by running errands; heading to the dry-cleaners to pick up a few of Gerald's suits and my silk skirts, the grocery store to gather a few random items we needed to be restocked in the fridge, the doctor's office for my usual prescription strength Benedryl that I was supposed to get last week during my monthly routine checkup, and grabbed lunch to spend some quality time to myself as I sorted this entire mess out. I was completely torn, unable to make a good decision because there were pros and cons in the situation concerning both Gerald and my husband, Kato. Although Kato was an adulterer and had sporadic violent episodes, he loved Haruhi and me with every fiber within his body. He may have received the family he wanted relatively earlier than expected, but he grew to adjust and become a family man; though he was still slowly learning and trying every single day. Gerald, though obviously a changed man, I was still skeptical of. For over twelve years I gave him not only my heart but my life and I am forced to leave with nothing but a former shell of myself and a broken heart until he decides to reappear again to profess his undying love. The past few weeks between Gerald and I have noticeably strengthened our bond, but it does not undo the pain and hurt he caused unto me during the time we were first together. The cheating, the rising tempers, the impatience, everything. Not only was I miserable half the time throughout the course of our relationship, I felt somewhat fearful of Gerald. I already understood he and I were not only different in terms of ethnic background, but personality as well. Often times he made me feel as if I was abnormal for not being as outspoken or opinionated as he would be. It is another reason why I gravitated towards Kato and fell for him as fast as I did.

I slowly exited the car, entering the midnight air as I slowly treaded into Gerald's apartment. I shut down my phone for the duration of the day after my argument with my mother to get some peace and quiet. I was already expecting a wave of missed calls and messages once I looked at it in the morning; but right now, I just wanted to relax. I felt bad because I was quite sure Gerald may have called and messaged me to see about the plans for white day but after the eventful morning with my mother I was in no mood for company. I sighed, slowly taking out my keys to unlock the door before it swung open and revealed an irritated yet relieved Gerald. I wanted to speak, but the words in my heard would not register and I could only look down at the floorboards surrounding the entranceway.

"Where the hell have you been?!" I remained quiet for a moment. He repeated. "Well? Where have you been?"

"Gerald…"

"So my plans for today meant little to you?"

I shot up, forcing back sudden conflicting emotions. "It was nothing like that!" I defended. "I simply just took the day to myself to get my head clear."

"So you don't know how to answer your phone?"

"I turned it off." I replied simply, shoving past Gerald to head to the bedroom. I set down my purse atop of the dresser, took out a Benedryl, and began to shed myself of my clothing. I just wanted to go to sleep. "Can we not discuss this right now? I am really tired and not in the mood."

Gerald scoffed, storming into the bedroom behind me and slamming the door. It startled me slightly. "So you ignore my phone calls, text messages, and blow off the plans I had for today? What the hell, Phoebe? Today was supposed to be special."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Gerald. Really, I am. It's just that I have been in such a foul mood since I met with my mother this morning and I did not want to spoil your day."

His brow rose, he stepping in front of me. He held my arms and guided my attention towards him. "What's wrong?"

I sniffled, popping my tablet as I shoved Gerald off. "Nothing. I just want to sleep so I can get up early to meet the movers."

"Movers?"

I nodded, stopping. "I…I decided it be best if I pick Haruhi up from her grandparents and head back home to Kato."

Gerald stood frozen, stunned and speechless as he watched me shimmy further out of my dress and prepare for bed. I just wanted this Benedryl to hurry and kick in so I could just escape from these emotions. I didn't know the right time to tell Gerald that I had decided to move back in with Kato, but I figured it would be much more efficient to tell him before there were boxes filled to the brim of his living room with my belongings. I began to grab a comforter from the closet to head to the couch; it feeling awkward sleeping next to him after I told him the news I had been avoiding all day but he stopped me. His hand wrapped around my wrist as he yanked me towards to bed, tossing me like a used napkin.

"Gerald!" I shrieked. "What the hell?"

"No Phoebe, you what the hell!" he roared, livid. He straddled me and pinned my wrists to the softness of the sheets, rocking me back and forth. "You are moving back in with that bastard after everything we been through together? Have these past few weeks meant that little to you!?"

"Gerald…"

"You are willing to throw away everything we worked to rebuild for a man that could have killed you? Raped you!? Hurt our daughter?"

My heart stopped. Our? "Gerald…"

"Do I mean nothing to you, Phoebe? Have I been wasting my time? Are you that stupid!?"

That resonated a thick chord with me. I got angry. "How dare you! How dare you! I'm the furthest thing from stupid, but I am a broken woman, Gerald! I'm sorry if you cannot accept that fact that I am in love with not only you but Kato as well but if you weren't too busy sleeping around with Ariel or lusting after other women because I did not fit your personal 'standards', we would have still been together and Haruhi would have been yours!"

I watched Gerald grow stoic, almost lifeless as his temper simmered as he released me. He removed himself from atop of me and stood to walk towards the door. I breathed in. "My mother was right. A relationship is not about two people that love them; it's about sacrifice. No matter how hard you love someone, they will never love you the way you deserve to be in return because they could never truly be yours in the first place. Kato is Haruhi's father. Haruhi needs her father, Gerald; not you. She needs a man that won't whisk her off her feet to only break her heart and leave her just like he did with me!"

Gerald turned to face me, emotionless. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as quickly. I began to sob. "I never expected to see you again, let alone fall deeper in love with you than before. But I am not the same woman you saw four years ago, Gerald. I am different. I am bitter, angry, and more calloused and been taught the hard way that genuine love between two people does not exist. The only reason you even bothered coming here was to get class credit and maybe hope for a miracle that I did not live up to the rumor that I was engaged."

"Phoebe…you're wrong." He whispered, head held low. "You are so wrong."

"Then please tell me how I am wrong, Gerald. Tell me where my logic failed."

"Because I do love you." He spoke simply, never once breaking eye-contact. I swallowed hard. "I love you more than life itself and to hear you even think about going back to that poor excuse of a man only shows that karma is truly a bitch and hits harder than Helga G. Pataki herself. For the first time, I can honestly say I have done all I could to win your heart back and it still leaves me back at square one."

There was a veil of deathly silence that filled the room before either of us spoke. "I think it be best if go over Arnold's tonight so I can be out of your way tomorrow morning. I'll be back by three so I expect you and your things gone by then."

I nodded, turning my back on Gerald as my heart and body began to ache in agonizing pain. "Alright."

I heard Gerald shuffle through his closet to grab his jacket before slamming the front door of the apartment. I broke down immediately after and felt myself grow ill. I curled into fetal position on the bathroom floor and wept. I felt a tight pain in my chest as a sharp jolt of electricity shot through my abdomen and pelvis. I called out Gerald's name repeatedly in hopes that he would come back but he didn't. He did not walk through the door or whisper in my ear that everything was going to be alright. This time, he was gone for good and our second chance at a happy ending was now obsolete. I kept replaying the scene in my head; constantly asking myself if I really made the right decision. Ever since talking to my mother, I gained a new perspective on relationships and it really pushed me over the edge in reassuring that I had to go through with my intentions. No matter what I do, I could never be truly happy. I was skeptical of Gerald but also weary of Kato. Either way I was in a lose-lose situation so I chose the lesser evil. My mother was right and as much as my heart belonged to Gerald, Kato could provide or Haruhi and I. I would never have to worry about feeding my child on days where I come home late from school and have limited time or whether or not the light bill will be paid. Kato was a sound provider and growing as a father. I was getting too emotionally attached to Gerald again and I needed to distance myself from him permanently this time. My mother was right and the revelation of my father being a womanizer only solidified that my life was not going to get much better than what it already was. I was simply playing off my emotions and aching heart with my relationship with Gerald and looked for the emotion and love I was not getting from home elsewhere.

I grabbed onto the edge of the cabinet as the pain in my torso grew, heavy cramping resembling a hail storm brewing in the mists. I muffled my screams with a washcloth as the blood began to trickle down my legs and pool at my ankles. The Benedryl was laced with Ru-486. I found out the news last week during a visit to get screened for infection in my lungs when I was told the news. I shut myself out to the world for the remainder of the week before I ordered that my prescription be laced to avoid any suspicion or further damage my psyche. I squeezed my legs tighter, bringing myself to tears as I silently screeched in pain. I was not prepared to bring another child into this cold, cruel world knowing only the spite that waited.

A/N: Despite the depressed chapter, I have some great news. I have been away for almost a month because…I am officially a wife! I am officially Mrs. Ki. My husband and I have been away on our honeymoon in his homeland of North Korea and we vacationed in Cape Town, South Africa. We thought it be nice to incorporate out ethnic backgrounds in our honeymoon escape. Pretty neat I think. We decided to marry early to cut expenses on the extravagant wedding and have a very intimate gathering to share our happiness with close friends and family. Since he and I are both paying student loans and what not, it seemed the best option. Plus we got to spend quality time with one another. (Plus my wedding gown was a Vera Wang and Vera does not take kindly to gaining weight. I am already a plus-size beauty and with me being pregnant, a chiffon dress does not look cute when stretched. ) Anyhoo, sorry for the wait and thank you freaktrains for your TWO PM's. I received them and I hope this chapter makes you happy. I love you guys and appreciate your support. -SensuallyPassionate