Brady returns! I'm so happy to be writing about him again lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter cause I had so much fun writing it! Kayla isn't getting over this anytime soon, but she's slowly realizing that she can get through it, but it will just take time.
And I've changed the previous chapter into just the one chapter, and not a two parter. I had planned to make this chapter about Jordan's night with Kayla, but then I thought of writing this and I chose it instead. =-)
Oh and MakingMiraclesHappen (or Kayla, when you forget your password lol), you'll just have to wait and see, but the Cullens will be in this story, but only a little. If the rest of you guys don't like that, then just tell me because nothing is set in stone yet. =-)
Enjoy, and please review! Xx
That night made me relax for the first time in days, but was ruined when Brady had made an appearance.
Jordan had just left after a night of cheering me up. I had been waving him goodbye with a huge smile on my face. Everything had brightened up by then. I hadn't been fully cured, but Jordan was a bit like asprin to me. He told me to be strong, and to take the day off of school the next day. Although I missed school, and I feel uncomfortable when I do that, I was still thankful. Somehow, after a day with Jordan, the idea of going back to school was terrifying and surreal. Like wrecking my good mood.
So Jordan phoned the school while he was sitting in my room watching Titanic with me, telling them that I wouldn't be in on Friday. I did not expect him to do that, and I had watched him with wide eyes filled with shock and surprise. I had feared that if I told Jordan why I didn't want to go to school, he would just say that I was being stupid. But he did the total opposite and supported me. For that, I can never repay him.
After that, I had felt as high as a kite. The sadness and pain still sat in my heart, but I felt strong enough to fight it off. Then I did, at least.
And so, when he had finally left the Orphanage at ten o'clock, I had waved chirpily at him as he drove off into the night. He didn't have work the next morning- if he did, he would have never stayed so late.
Just when I stepped backwards onto the stone porch to go get some sleep, I'd noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Now, I wish that I had just carried on inside the house. At least then I could've fallen asleep into a remotely non-troubled slumber.
After my eye caught the movement in the woods, I had stood for a moment, and stopped breathing when the person came out.
Of course, it just had to be Brady. It just had to be Brady who was the first person- other than the people I've told- at school to find out that I live in an Orphanage instead of with a loving family.
I swear my heart had missed a beat in that moment. My breathing, after commencing again, had hitched, stuck in my throat like a trapped fish. He had this horrified, sad, painful look on his face that, through my already confused and pained mind, I couldn't make any sense of. Our eyes had just... locked with each others, unable to look away.
It was like conquering a fear: you have to confront it to get over it. And I desperately wanted to ask him what the fuck he was doing at my home, but I just couldn't- it was too soon.
He just... stared at me, somehow managing to look adoring. That I did not get. Why on earth was he standing outside my house with an adoring expression on his face. I remember thinking to myself- he's just acting. He's just a very good actor and wants to ridicule me in the worst way possible. By pretending that he cared.
"You- you live in an Orphanage?" he had stuttered, a horrified expression taking place on his face.
Then he had started shaking tremendously, and ran back into the forest.
I had stood there for a few minutes, on the stoney doorstep, and just... stared into the direction he had left in. Well, that was weird- I had thought, shaky myself.
I had just managed to move myself inside the house again when my mind started working. Then it had hit me like a train.
Brady would be telling everyone in the school that I live in the Orphanage. My life was officially over. Everybody's ridiculing would get one hundred times worse.
Honestly, looking back, I think I had a panic attack then. Right there on the welcome mat, the door shut firmly behind me, I had frozen. My heart started to beat furiously in my chest, and it had gotten harder to breathe. I could hear the cooing sounds and giggles from the sitting room, and somehow that made me even more panicked. Maybe because nobody noticed that I'd been standing there, clutching my chest as if my heart was about to fall.
Eventually, after a minute or two, everything started to ease. Oxygen could freely make it's way to my lungs again. My heart had still beat fast, but at a more normal and reassuring level. The panic that had built up eased slightly too, but stayed a little in my chest.
I felt a little more normal, but normal panic replaced the panic attack. At least I didn't have to worry about if I was going to die, but I didn't count that as a plus. My mind had then been filled with thoughts of what would happen when I go back to school on Monday.
It's Saturday now, and I'm sitting against a tree overlooking the cliff, doodling mindlessly on a piece of paper that's leaning on my knees. My notebook and Rachel's notebooks from school are underneath it- I've taken some schoolwork out with me to try and catch up with what I missed yesterday, but none of it is going through. She came by the Orphanage yesterday after school and gave it to me, along with a long rant about my missing school over some guy, but I can tell that she does understand. On some level, anyway.
Jordan had said that one day off from school couldn't hurt, but somehow, I think he was wrong. I was worrying all of yesterday, while lying in bed all day, about everyone who probably now knows that I live in an Orphanage. I couldn't bring myself to be thankful for not being there. But I keep thinking to myself- would it have been easier for me to be there yesterday? That question plagued me like a disease as I walked down here this afternoon.
The sun is calming just now. It's about an hour till sunset and has a beautiful golden glow. It's strange how on Thursday afternoon, the darkness had been calming.
I'm still worrying over what happened at school yesterday, and still in so much pain over Chloe. But Rachel told me something yesterday that actually, and surprisingly, is helping me. It's a pretty simple thing to say, but when Rachie said it to me, somehow it became more real. She told me, plain and simple, that Chloe isn't worth being pained over. And when Rachel left with a strict order for me to be strong, I thought about it for a few seconds, and realized it's true. I also realized that I'd forgotten to ask her about Brady, and if he'd told everyone yet.
To be honest, I'm quite proud of myself. I know it sounds like bragging when I say that, but I'm actually a really sensitive person deep down. This whole Chloe and Brady thing has hit me hard, but after talking to Rachel yesterday and Jordan on Thursday, I'm actually beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I just never want to talk to either Brady or Chloe again. And I still think that whenever I see them, together or apart, I still won't be strong enough to ignore them. I might run into the toilets to cry, or become dependant on Rachel to keep my mind off of Brady when we're in English, but for now I have to just take it one day at a time.
Where I'm getting the strength for me to say all this, I have no idea, but I have a sneaky feeling that Rachel and Jordan are helping. Oh, and baby Alex too.
God, I love it here. I breathe in the fresh forest air through my nose, and breathe it out through my mouth, closing my eyes. It's so beautiful here that I never want to leave. After the horror of my pain, it feels nice to be somewhere where I'm comfortable. That's exactly how I felt with Jordan on Thursday night.
Speaking of Jordan, he's coming down again tomorrow morning to look at the house he's bought for us. We still have to wait for the previous residents to move out- some thirty-day contract or something- but he said that I should come too. At least that's something to be at least a tiny bit excited for. It's in La Push, but it's a relatively new building, quite close to school. I know that Jordan half-wanted to move us both somewhere else, but I have so many memories here, good or bad, that I can't just pack up and leave. Plus, there's a lot of work here for Jordan as a solicitor.
As you can see, I'm getting there. I've pushed the 'mother left me' stuff to the back of my mind to deal with later. Don't ask me how I managed to do that, because I don't even know myself.
But as I sit here, ignoring mine and Rachel's notebooks and watching over the cliff top at the blue water, I can't help wondering what life would be like if my mother is sat here with me.
{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}
"Wow," I gasp, a huge smile on my face as I walk through the front door of my soon-to-be new home.
It's Sunday morning, and Jordan's showing me the beautiful new house. We still don't get to move in yet, even though the previous owners have moved out, because of some thirty day contract that hasn't finished up yet.
It's absolutely beautiful. Straight when you walk in, you're met with a gorgeous, fresh, white painted room. A small crystal chandelier hangs from above us. We've walked straight into a small room, which, despite the space, can't be the living room. The floor is made of a strong light brown polished wood, stretching to every corner of the room, then stopping at doors. I tilt my head the left, awe still fresh in my system, and look into the next room.
I gasp delightfully, scurrying over to have a proper look. Jordan chuckles and follows me in.
Have I told you what Jordan looks like yet? Don't think I have. He has a slightly tall, muscular physique, with my big brown eyes. I guess we look alike, except he has more luck with the opposite sex and dark hair instead of my blonde. We have the same tanned skin tone, the same nose and eyes, and the same stubbornness. He's not all perfect though, and can be annoying as hell, but yet I still can't wait to live with the only family I have left.
The living room of our new house is painted a calming creamy yellow instead of white. It's completely empty, but still has a fresh, homey feel to it. I love it already, and I haven't even picked my room yet.
Oh my god, my room.
I squeal. Jordan looks at me in some surprise.
"My room! Can I pick my room?" I jump up and down, my hands clasped together against my chest as if praising God for this house.
Jordan laughs, eyes twinkling.
"I call the biggest one though. But they're all pretty big."
I'm too excited to scowl at him for saying that. I jump up and down even more, squealing one last time before hurrying out of the room. My bedroom will be the place that needs to be a space of solitude for me, holding my secrets within it's walls, the place where I'll cry over Brady and Chloe. It needs to be special and comforting. There's no better time to pick my room than now- first impressions are everything, and I'm so glad that I'll be able to pick out my room while I'm in a relatively happy mood.
I hurry into the room which we first entered through the front door, and run up the white painted staircase. The hallway has the same wooden flooring as the... what shall we call it, the entrance room? Ooh, that sounds so fancy. This hallway feels more modern than downstairs, with golden spotlights shining down, a few hanging baskets filled with gorgeous flowers. I can't wait to water them as a resident of this house and not just a visitor.
I walk down it, beaming with excitement running through me like fire. From the staircase, right is the only way to go. Left is a beautiful looking dead-end. The doors are made of the same wood as the floor but more polished. There are four doors, three on the right side of the hall and one facing me as I practically float my way down in happiness. Looking into the first room, I can see that Jordan has bagged this one. It's huge, with a big double bed still there, but it looks more like a guys room, so I'm not disappointed.
Walking down the hall again, I grasp the handle of the next door and walk straight in.
I gasp.
It's the best room ever. There's a large glass bay window on the other side of the room, presumably looking out into the garden. I can just imagine sitting there on a rainy night, cuddled up with blankets and reading a book. It's the perfect room to relax and watch movies with Rachel. The walls are decorated in the same relaxing creamy yellow color as the living room. A single bed is situated in the middle of the room, with no sheets, but I can sort that.
It's not as big as Jordan's room, but it's cozy, beautiful, and just perfect. I can't wait to tell Rachel about this when we go to the cinema tonight!
I just stand there, gazing at it, for a few minutes. I put one hand on the door frame distractedly. This place will be a new start for myself and Jordan. A place where we can be happy together, and where I can finish growing up in a house with someone who loves me. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve this happy thing.
"Don't you want to see the next room?" I hear Jordan behind me. He makes me jump a little- I didn't hear any footsteps behind me.
"No, this is the one," I glance at him, then back at my beautiful room.
He puts an arm around me, pulling me to his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a big cuddle.
"I can't believe this is happening at last. There were points that I never believed we would ever be here," I say in disbelief, squeezing him. It's true- a few points, whether through tough times at school or bad beatings from my dad, I had found it hard to believe that I would finally be standing here with Jordan.
"I know. But this is a fresh start for me and you. I know what... that man did to us won't ever psychologically fade, but at least we can be happy together now," Jordan sighs. I can hear a perceptible pause before he calls our father 'that man', but I sort of feel thankful that he didn't call him 'dad'. That man is no dad to us. More like a constant demonic presence in both of our childhoods.
We just stand there for a minute. There's no anger at our horrid childhoods, but sadness and, more than anything, happiness that we are finally here at last. Our nightmare is over.
Those reassuring thoughts run around in my head for a moment, feeling blissful. I'm so happy to just be with Jordan. And now we have this beautiful house in which we can finally be happy in. Somehow, it feels like too much.
I feel so happy, until the moment that I remember that our nightmare isn't entirely over. Our mother is still out there somewhere, and I still haven't told Jordan that Chloe's dad had 'spotted' our mother in the woods. I don't like thinking about Chloe right now, but I realize that I have to tell Jordan. It's the right thing to do.
"Jordan?" I start, pulling away. He smiles at me, wanting me to go on. For a second, my throat seizes up and I don't want to tell him. He's so happy right now, and I don't want to be the one to break that happiness.
He's stronger than you- my mind reminds me. That's the only useful thing my mind has said to me in a long time.
"Before... all this, with Chloe and that, she told me something," I stutter, suddenly finding it difficult to say her name out loud. "She said that our mom had been spotted in the woods by her dad." I hope he gets what I'm saying. I keep referring to our mother and Chloe as 'she' and 'her'.
Jordan doesn't say anything. A range of emotions pass across his face- disbelief, anger, shock, sadness, confusion, then finally settling on disbelief again.
"It couldn't have been her. She's long gone. She packed up all her stuff and left," he says brutally, almost to himself.
I can feel tears come into my eyes. He's never said it like that before. Nobody really told me how she left, much less why she left, but I never thought it would have been that she just... didn't want us anymore.
"Oh, Kayla, I'm sorry," Jordan's realized that I'm upset, gently bringing me back into a cuddle again. It make me feel better.
After a moment, I pull back, smiling and wiping my eyes as if it isn't a big deal that our mother left us alone to an abusive jerk.
"We'll be able to move in soon," he changes the subject, looking around the room. "I left my phone downstairs- I'll double-check the day we can move in."
He leaves me at at the door of my gorgeous room, and just before he leaves, I think I see a few unshed tears in his eyes.
My feet seem to have a life of their own again, and I mindlessly wander over to the bay window. I sit myself down on the wide ledge. My eyes rake over the garden, and somehow end up gazing into the woods.
For a second I think I see a tuft of fur through the leafy trees, like a big dog. But when I blink, shocked, and lean closer to take a closer look through the window, there's nothing there. Nothing at all.
I lean back. My heart is beating like crazy in my chest. But it feels differently to the more recent times it's beaten this hard. This time, it's in shock and disbelief.
Did I just see a wolf?