Blood ran through the streets of Ponyville, between the cracks emerging from hell itself. The roars of the space vampires filled the air intermixed with the screams of innocent foals and fillies. Rainbow Dash duck taped katanas to her wings, flying through the air killing all the space vampires, removing their heads then cutting apart the clouds to expose the ever powerful sun. Then a large thud. Spike had stomped his massive foot on a platoon of Plasma Ninjas, his claws sunk into their torso making them explode with the fury of a thousand super novas. He laughed with such glee as their flesh was thrown towards his face. He then turned to his master, the ever powerful queen of the saw, Twilight Sparkle. She spat out the remains of the space vampires, they tasted like chicken. She had the smile of a cat on cocaine.
"Twilight", said the her pet dragon. "Are they good enough for dragons to eat". She was bored by his voice, his words. She wrote with quill to kill all of his kind remaining in the realm. The words were finely crafted, but they weren't words because the letters were made out of AK-47's for Tyrannosaurus head raping virgins of the greek myths. The vampire ninja lord was getting tired of the battle. He raised up his giant robotic hand made out of motorcycles and crushed the sun. His laughter has loud, loud enough that we can still hear to this very day, boys and girls. You better believe it. What's that? How come the sun is still up? Foolish child! That is another sun, our second one. The eclipse surprised Twilight and her pet dragon. Ice quickly froze over the spilled blood and Plasma Ninja corpses. Twilight went searching around on her robotic skeletal eagle to find the cause of it. While searching the vampire lord's hand circled over her.
"Twilight, watch out!", quickly shouted her minion. She moved faster than the speed of light, seeing through all of space and time, finding the vampire lord's weakness other than the sun. She casted a spell lifting her massive minion into the air, using him like a baseball bat. Flying into space the vampire flew back into the atmosphere his fleshed boiled, his screaming being heard on the mountains of the realm of the gods. He crashed, creating a portal to hell where Satan and his lover raped him for the rest of time. The survivors cheered for the great deeds that Twilight had achieved. The famous Portsmouth Sinfonia played as the mighty second sun was risen, farting out of a black hole.
But Twilight remember the images from breaking the laws of time and space. She saw her self causing the end and she knew that must be true. There can be no other answer to it. Twilight drew out her sword, Skullfucker, a sword that Satan himself feared. Forged by the ancients and banished to another dimension where all that was blackness, yet sound. Sound that called out Twilight's name. She cut Spike's head off causing a blinding to be unleashed from his neck, a large quickening happened killing all the dragon's and giving Twilight the ultimate power. But then, even when the Beatles sang Iron Maiden, the newest threat emerged. The giant muffins from Pinkie Pie's asylum! Yes, children, there was in fact giant evil muffins. Can't you see that giant statue of your grandfather slaying one in battle? T'was not this battle, t'was one afterwards. The battle of three thousand armies, yes that was what it was called. But now to the first muffin war.
For years the madmare Pinkie Pie took innocent mares and stallions are transformed them into the giant muffin soldiers. For years she forced them to mate, generations of them lived underground perfecting their plan for universal domination. The asylum grew too small to carry an army of billions. She had finally announced to conquer after the vampire ninja invasion. Thousand and million marched out of the tunnels chanting ancient satanic lyrics which I shall not utter here. What do you mean I've said fouler things? Well, I don't remember what happened I wasn't born yet. Now back to my story, scratch that it's our story. The muffin attack was sudden. Pony John Lennon picked up a machine gun and mauling down thousands of muffins. Ringo and George threw chainsaws using a slingshot, and finally Paul sang such a high pitch note three thousand and a four muffins' heads imploded. Twilight rode on her robot bat calling betrayal at the one known as Pinkie Pie, the master of evil. Upon meeting in battle Pinkie Pie taunted Twilight. "You really believed that I was sane? Did you think that in your heart that was like all the rest of this damned world?"
Twilight withdrew Skullfucker and cried, "Pinkie! I loved you with a thousand suns!" With anger she charged into battle, flying to the air the same time as her opponent. Their swords clashed causing a super nova. It knocked them a million miles apart. The supernova was so large that made Mars explode, Saturn loves BDSM so Saturn had orgasm to death. What's an orgasm? Well, maybe I've gone too far with the story. No, I'm not going to tell you! Anyhow, Pinkie stood on top of Twilight, raising her muffin blood covered sword skyward to remove her former friend's head. But then a mighty warrior severed her hands from her body. Who was this warrior, you may ask? It was The Doctor, of course! Pinkie Pie then exploded into what she always wanted to be, a muffin. Thousands of muffins flew into space and when returning to the earth it burning to coal! Two battles within three hours, it was an incredible celebration. The Beatles and ELO rocked the housed with Freddie Mercury as the lead vocals. When on arrival Twilight Sparkle said these words, "Doctor, you are the greatest warrior I have ever seen. Will you join me in eternal living?". The Doctor had to yes, he didn't want to loose his head.
THE END, for now children. Now go to bed!