So, it looks like the joke's on you

'Cuz the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone

That's so over now

She's so gone

You won't find her around

You can look but you won't see

The girl I used to be

'Cuz she, she's so gone

-"She's So Gone" by Naomi Scott

General POV

"Serenity wont come out of her room." Melinda sighed to the meeting. "Wave's seen her twice since the incident, only to help her tribute. She wasn't even there when the girl recieved her scores. I think I might have to take over."

"I've spoken to her once." Avra offered. "She says she won't come out until she finds out the name of the photographer and every issue of that magazine destroyed."

"We're trying as hard as we can. The name remains annonymous." Wave frowned.

Haymitch slammed his fist onto the table. "Well, goddammit, we need to try harder. She doesn't deserve this, she's only fifteen. Barely!"

"You should have seen her face when I gave her the magazine. God, I felt like I killed her." Amethyst whispered. "I'm positive part of her is killed!"

"We need her mind in this." Seneca said. "We can't have her so distracted."

"Crane, there are nude pictures of Serenity and you think she's distracted? We'd be lucky for her to be only if!" Apollo growled. "I don't care if she's the fucking president. She needs time."

Haymitch laughed bitterly. "He doesn't care, Apollo."

"He's right." Amethyst told her ex-boyfriend. "You don't care if she's been exposed. You don't care that she's been locked in her room crying for the past week. You don't care that we dont know what's going on with her. You only care about-"

"The country?" Seneca retorted.

"But did you ever ask Serenity to be the leader? Does she even know?" Amethyst accused. "You are putting the weight on a fifteen year old girl who just got exposed, physicallly, to the world."

"That is not my fault."

"Isn't it?" She hissed. She pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. "And I am through. I want to get some edible food before the Games start. Apollo, care to join."

Apollo smirked, "Don't mind if I do. Haymitch?" Haymitch shrugged and stood up, joining the two young Two's at the door.

"We're in a meeting! You can't do this." Plutarch eploded.

Amethyst laugh was harsh. "Do it with or without me. Remember, I have four years worth of knowledge that might just leak."

"You wouldn't."

"Try. Me." She raised an eyebrow. When they said nothing, the three left the room.

Just as the walked out, Calypso ran in, breathless. "I'm sorry I'm late." She turned her head to look at the door. "Where were they going?"

"It doens't matter." Seneca dismissed.

Calypso sat down. "I've got news regarding Serenity and the...state she's in. Well, I don't think you're going to like it...but all I'll say is, she's not the same girl you chose to be the head of the rebellion."

Serenity's POV

"The easiest thing to do when the horn goes off is stay by the Cornucopia. With the Careers all allied with you, things should be easy. Just remember that the slower you go, the more weapons other districts have, which means less for you and them." I told Elaina, massaging my temples at the massive headache I had.

She nodded. "I think I better go to bed. Got a big day tomorrow." She forced a smile.

"You'll do fine." I assured. "You got an eight, which is fantastic."

"It's no ten." She muttered. "I guess you'll see me in the arena." She started walking towards the door. "Oh and Serenity, I'm sorry." With those last words she shut the door quietly.

I knew it had multiple meanings. Her basically trying to destroy me in school. Avery's death. The magazine. Lately, that's all I've been hearing from people. I'm sorry. I don't want sympathy for something someone else did. If anything, they should be saying sorry to that photographer because, I swear, if I ever find out that little weasels name there wont be enough sympathy in Panem to keep me from stangling him.

I hope he knew I was very handy with a knife and spear. And my aim has only gotten better.

There was a sharp rap at my door. "Go away." I yelled. I knew it wasn't Elaina and I only put up with her because I have to.

"Serenity open up!" Amethyst yelled.

"Go the fuck away, Amethyst." I thought it over for a second. "You too Apollo."

I didn't have to see them to know I just hurt them. "Serenity, you have to open this door or-"

I laughed bitterly, staring at the pocket knife on my bed side table. It was mocking me. It wanted me to open it. To feel my skin. "Or what? You'll arrest me? You'll call the doctor and say I'm sick in the mind. I don't care what you'll do."

I heard her defining sigh as she walked away, another set of foot-steps following. Now that I knew the coast was clear, I snatched the silver blade and flicked it open.

The tip was still red from the last time I used it. Slowly I pressed the cold metal to my wrist and pressed down, gasping delicately in pain. Beads of scarlet liquid arose from the cut, dripping down my arm. I looked for places that were already scarred. On the off chance things did get better, I wanted to have the minimal marks.

After the third slice, things started going numb. My vision started hazing.

The pain was a good way to get away. I tried to stray away from the public eye as much as I could. But even in a depressed state, I need to escape the walls of this room. The white of it all bugged my eyes. But I can't begin to tell you how much people approach me on the street when they see me.

Capitol men have been coming up to me and calling me beautiful and now that they've seen all of me I'm down right stunning. Spiteful women have told me I'm an underdeveloped teenager that will never get a life. Some people, perverted as fuck, just whistled at me yelled at me to strip down.

At first when I got the strength to leave my room, the comments and sounds made my blood boil with embarressment. Now it was plain old rage.

I went into my bathroom and got a towel to wrap my arm in. I didn't want the Avox to see my blood all over the fancy-shmancy fluffy sheets. I think my personal one knows what I'm doing. She may not talk but her eyes say everything.

There was another knock on my door. "What?" I screamed, sounding like a brat.

"Open the door."

It was Haymitch.

I haven't spoken to him since the kiss. He didn't remember it the next day, which was totally fine with me. But whenever I saw him, I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. I don't know if his drunken rambles was because he was an honest drunk or a spiteful drunk. Because honestly, he could be either.

And if it was spiteful, then I don't want to be anywhere near him again. Becuase for just a second when he was telling me this, I actually believed him and wanted him to feel that way. It'd be nice to know someone can be capable of thinking of me like an actual human. But if it was truthful, was it the whole truth? There's no doubt he's seen the pictures of me.

What if his definition of beauty is different from the true meaning?

Or if he really, honestly though I was a perfect being like he described. Something was seriously telling me that wasn't the case.

"Does anyone seem to know what 'leave me alone' means?" I growled, loud enough for him to hear.

There's a lot of things I don't expect from Haymitch but he manages to render me speechless when he does those things. "Please." He asked softly.

I sighed and went over to open the door.

The second he saw me, his jaw went slack. "What the hell?" He shook his head in disbelief, "What did you do to your hair?"

I picked up a strand of my hair. I never ended up cutting it, instead I dyed it ravens black. It was my way of telling the people of Panem you think you know me, but you don't, and never will.

"Like it?" I tried to smile, even a weak smile would be fine, but failed ultimately.

His eyes were cold. "What are you trying to say by doing this?"

"That the Capitol doesn't own me." I answered scathingly.

Haymitch raised an eyebrow. "What happened to your arm?" He asked, looking at the towel.

I stared at it, trying to find an excuse. There was no doubt if I told him, he'd tell Melinda, who would ultimately have me locked up. Or worse, she'd tell Trinity. Then Trinity would come down and yell at me. I've been ignoring my sister and Aqua lately. I do admit I miss seeing little Finnick and small Vanity.

And, it is hard to ignore Trinity, don't get me wrong. I just heard she's expecting again. Troy says if it's a boy, they're naming him Mikah and if it's a girl, which Trinity swears it is, they're giving her Troy's mother's name, Annie.

It gives me a small bit of happiness, knowing I'll be an aunt again to either a Mikah or an Annie Cresta.

I was so lost in thought, Haymitch snatched the towel to see a couple of red and white lines running up and down my arm. He closed his eyes, like he was about to go insane. "Please tell me you were a victim of a psychopath's rampage."

"If you mean by psychopath, you mean me, then yeah I'm the victim." I said in a small voice.

"Why? Why would you do this?" He whispered.

"Maybe if I wasn't attractive, people wouldn't want to see more of me." I answered, staring into his mischevious grey eyes.

"Goddammit, Serenity, this is dangerous. You can die from shit like this."

"You'd love to see that happen." I mumbled.

He stared at me in disbelief. "I would love for you to start acting like yourself." He was getting angry.

"I am myself." I argued.

"A smart person once told me 'what is done, is done. You can't change it and instead of looking at it like you'll never be able to live again, live." Hesaid angrily. "You're a victor start acting like one."

I was shaking with anger at this point. "Handling death and handling this is different. People will always remember this, this cannot be changed. It's not like with you, when you had the chance to have a new family. I can't have a chance to keep people from seeing this because they already have.

"And I keep thinking, maybe if I wasn't pretty then people wouldn't have

"You're not pretty." Haymitch stated quietly. "You're beautiful. You can change your hair colour, you're still beautiful. You have scars, you're still beautiful. If you claim to still be yourself, then you're still very much attractive."

I stopped fuming and stared at him. "Excuse me?" I whispered.

He took a deep breath. "Until you start getting alterations, you still look like yourself. And until people stop talking to you, you still act like your stubborn self."

For a split second I couldn't speak. "Who paid you to say that?" I hissed, growing more angry with each word. "Do you think its funny?"

"No one paid me to do anything!" He shouted. "You should know me well enough to know that I take orders from no one."

"Then why, please just give me a valid answer, would you keep going on about how lovely I am? I'm not, face it. I have." I said coldly.

He shook his head furiously. "You are, damn it. No one has to pay me to tell you the obvious."

"You're starting to sound drunk again. Except then you were oh so happy to go on and on about it."

"Aren't I such a lovely drunk?" He spat sarcastically. "Wait...what exactly did i do when I was said drunk."

"You raved about me and then kissed me." I rolled my eyes.

"You must of loved it then." He said.

"Enjoyed every second of it." I hissed icily.

Slowly he ducked down and planted his lips on mine.

No. No. Haymitch was not kissing me again.