Story Notes

Cassandra Y: Thank you very much for the interest and the PMs about the story. Since you love Shakarian so much... I guess this chapter's dedicated to you. I wrote it before you left your review, but it definitely has enough fluff.

He was hardly the dashing, chivalrous captain that they all wanted him to be. He wasn't Shepard. But he seemed to be getting the job done. Soon after their liftoff from Eden Prime, the Normandy was setting a course for Earth. It was a course that would likely take a couple of weeks with one stop at a fuel depot on the edges of the Exodus Cluster. It certainly wasn't a trip that would take them a couple of hours, like it had a week ago. With a sigh, Garrus contemplated this as he sat down in the captain's cabin. Once again, he felt like a foreign presence in this chair. There had been so many times that he had watched Jane from this chair, working diligently at whatever the hell it was that Jane worked at. Garrus knew that it had been important, but he wasn't the type to ask the details; especially of Commander Shepard. He tapped the luminescent keyboard at the computer and brought up the files that were supposed to serve as logs for the captain of the ship. He frowned. He was supposed to be filling out some kind of log; he meant to do so everyday. But, the pull of the previous logs were hard to resist. He looked around quietly. He almost expected eyes to be upon him instantly if he tried to pull them up... like Jane would just come bursting through the door. While Garrus would have welcomed that sight...

He growled a little underneath his breath, and then selected one of the logs. The justification that went through his mind was very quick. He needed to see what exactly these logs were supposed to be. He needed to know if Jane actually had a plan. He found the most recent one, and then he selected it without thinking about it.

The image that showed up on the screen was Jane's, in almost a perfect picture. If Garrus had been any type of sentimental turian, he probably would've cried at the sight. As it was, he simply looked away for a moment, and blinked a couple of times. He managed to keep his composure, however, even though it was incredibly difficult. He thought back to the last time he had seen that face... in fact it was a few days ago. It was in the middle of an Earth city, named London. Who the hell thought up a name like that for a city? But it had been in ruins... and Garrus had just had the entire world... or a Mako, explode in his face. He remembered the woman in front of him... vivid red hair, which Garrus had thought looked weird when he first laid eyes on a human. But hers... she normally had it up in a ponytail, although she kept it in a bun for a few years. But what Garrus loved the most about it was when she let it down, and it came down her back in curly tresses. It was one of the most exotic sights that he had perhaps ever seen, and one that he could fully appreciate. Her bright blue eyes, eyes that almost looked like the colour of platinum. Those eyes were rarely ever seen without focus in them, but Garrus had been one of the only few that had seen them when they softened, become vulnerable, unguarded. This was not one of those cases, but just looking at her... from her eyes, to the freckles across her cheeks, and her tense jawline... it gave Garrus just a little bit of hope, something to fill the pit of his stomach with something other than lead.

"Shepard's Log, entry 201. We're en route towards Earth with the Crucible. The Illusive Man managed to be just as illusive as he has been for the past year, the son of a bitch." Garrus' mandibles twitched at the venom in her voice. There we go. There was his fiery Jane. It didn't come out often... more often than not, she kept her true thoughts to herself, but Garrus knew better. "However, EDI, Garrus and I did manage to come across Kai Leng, the Cerberus assassin. It was a difficult fight. I finally understand what it's like to not be able to take a clear shot. You don't need cover to dodge a sniper. All you need is the ability to teleport around like a ghost." Garrus gave a short laugh. He remembered that fight all too well, since it had been only a week previously. Jane had come out of that fight with some rough injuries, and Garrus had gotten the kill shot on Kai Leng... or at least he thought he had. That was before Kai Leng got up to try to assassinate Jane. Before Garrus had even noticed his appearance behind Jane, Jane had turned around, and Garrus had heard the shatter of a sword on Jane's armored fist. He himself had turned around to see Jane take a blade on her omni-tool, stab Kai Leng in the chest, and snarl, "That was for Kirrahe, you son of a bitch!"

Garrus didn't think he could have had more pride and respect for his uptight and reserved commander.

"At least Garrus got the kill shot, and I got to stab him for good measure."

"Damn right I did, Shepard." Garrus growled with appreciation.

"Admiral Hackett just left the Normandy to proceed back to his ship. He did the final motivating speech from my spot on the ship. I guess I should be proud... I'm not sure why he didn't do it on his own ship, but he's been saying to me the entire time about how I am the only force that can motivate everyone in the galaxy... No pressure, Hackett."

Garrus laughed again. So, Shepard pretty much treated this as one of her vents. Alright... Did she not think that she would get caught eventually?

"Of course, I never said that to him. I don't think I ever will. Maybe when this is all over. But for right now, I'm en route to Earth with my team. We're going to see if Anderson and the rest of our guys down there are alive. The Reapers have taken the Citadel, which is supposed to be the Catalyst we're looking for. Apparently our plan is to go down there as a ground infiltration team and use a beam that the Reapers have been using as a transport to the Citadel for their human victims. Then we're going to facilitate a connection between the Citadel and the Crucible, and blow the Reapers back to whatever hellhole they crawled out of." Garrus heard her begin to laugh half-heartedly, and then he saw her hang her head.

"I... get the feeling that I won't come out of it alive."

Garrus frowned and sat up a little straighter, narrowing his eyes.

"I keep having these... dreams. I'm not even sure if they're dreams anymore. They seemed to have carried over to real life. On Earth, I saw this little boy that no one else seemed to see nor help... But he managed to make it on his own to a shuttle. Then... the shuttle got shot down by a Reaper. Since then... I keep seeing him in my dreams. He's running through a dark forest, and I'm running after him in slow motion. There are whispers in the trees... I keep hearing Mordin's voice, and Kaidan's, and lately I've been hearing Legion too. Then, as soon as I catch up to the boy, he gets engulfed in flames... but last time... I saw myself hugging him, and then saw myself be engulfed in flames with him."

Garrus crossed his arms, staring at the vidfeed.

"Then... I woke up. I heard nothing else. Garrus told me that a bad dream was a waste of a good sleep but... I just don't know. There's something about this dream. It's... warning me. Warning me about some decision I'm about to make. I just hope that I make the right one."

He examined the face of the woman. She looked... like she was in pain. Like she was ready to crack, to either start shooting everything or cry... or both. He'd seen that look before in soldiers... but this time was a bit more personal. He forced himself to keep looking though. It was rare that even he got this level of insight into his own girlfriend.

"I'm trying to relax. Everyone is worried about me... Joker even told me that Anderson told him to keep an eye on me. Tali constantly babbles about nothing but the engineering crew, and the ship schematics, just to try to make me smile. Liara and Dr. Chakwas want to analyze me I'm sure... and Garrus..."

Garrus felt a lump in his throat.

"I owe Garrus a damn date when this is all over."

Garrus let out a barking laugh, mostly filled with surprise.

"That guy's sat down with me through thick and thin, listened to my bullcrap, had my six covered from bullet fire, and has more tenacity than ten Alliance soldiers put together. He's got a good head on his shoulders..." There was a long pause. "Except for when it comes down to social interaction."

"Hey!" Garrus commented at the screen, looking a bit wounded.

"He even admits he has no romantic skill whatsoever. I'm not sure how he hits on people of his own species, but bless him, he tries. He's adorable. He's..." If Garrus could have blushed, he would have. He watched her for a moment, as she looked to the side, almost as if caught in a memory, looking relaxed and... almost happy.

"I'd be stupid not to spend my life with that turian. If we survive all this... maybe I'll ask for a transfer to Palaven, and help with the clean-up effort there. I'm sure we've got an Alliance base on Palaven... if only to keep up good diplomatic relations. Or an embassy."

"Dammit Shepard." Garrus growled quietly. "You're gonna make me cry if you keep it up." His face had turned into a grim mask, so as to keep his true feelings from welling up.

"Or maybe... screw the whole army thing. I'm done being Commander Shepard. I think this is my last time that I'll be in the spotlight for anything... some days, I think I just want to go back to being Jane."

Garrus watched the woman sigh, and then smile painfully. "Yeah. Like that'll happen. Let's focus on one issue at a time, shall we? Hopefully the next log update will be from me. If it happens to not be me... and if anyone has watched my damn sappiness this long, had the patience for it... I promise you, the rest of the logs won't be like this. I just needed... to blow some steam. But, to the new Normandy captain, I say this. Soldier, you've got a great history beneath your feet. If the walls could talk, they'd whisper a lot of things. Stories of friendship, family, peace, conflict, turbulence. Tales of different stars that many of our allies have never seen. Close calls that our navigational crew has gotten us out of. Ground teams that were some of the best the damn galaxy had to offer. Cerberus crewmen that served and died proudly. Alliance personnel that fought to keep the galaxy safe until the very end. Hell... some even found love on this ship, and some of them found it in the place they never expected."

Garrus blinked rapidly.

"This ship is a home and haven for not just Alliance personnel. I hope that you treat this ship with the same respect that I poured into it. I hope that someday you can talk to the humans. The Prothean. The AI. The Asari. The Quarian. The Turian." She seemed to smile with a bit more cheer at the last race. "I hope that they can tell you about all of the heart and soul they poured into this ship. The hours of calibrations. The days of fights on distant planets and stations. And I want them to know this... my thoughts will always be with them. Even when I'm dead.

And who knows, it may turn out that I'll come back to life a second time."

She grinned, a beaming and graceful smile that warmed Garrus' hardened heart.

"And dammit... if any of you find my past crew... make sure they check I'm dead this time before they go run off and do their own thing. I'd hate to have to start over with a new crew AGAIN. There's only so many times I can do it."

Garrus finally broke out into a hearty laugh, deep and rumbling in his chest. The feed turned off. He then loaded up his own feed, starting a new one. He spoke about the events of the last day, of Hackett telling him to investigate the distress signal on the Citadel, and the crew's willingness to check it out, just in case it was Commander Shepard. He also told about how quickly their repairs went after that; Tali pouring herself into her repairs with Adams, Donelly and Daniels. Then, he looked at the camera with a raised brow.

"And Shepard... Jane. Yeah... Jane. Don't you worry. We're checking to see if you're alive this time. If you ever get the chance to see these vids..." He paused for a moment, feeling self-conscious. He still felt he should keep up some kind of professionalism, but he also felt like that all went out the window long ago. He smirked.

"Your adorably awkward little turian demands that date."

With that, he cut the feed.

Chapter Notes

- THE FLUFF. THE FLUFF IS EVERYWHERE!

- I'm going to try to fit in Solana some time during this fiction. However, I don't want it to be forced either. I do know that I want to dive into the history with the sister at some point though.

- Songs

Theophany - Lover's Mask