**For authors notes, disclaimer etc see chapter 1**

Seven Days and Counting 18

"Sandra are you ok?" When Strickland came in and pulled me out of the interview I just about made it from the corridor to the bathroom before I was violently sick, now Gerry is standing on the other side of the door and I can hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine Gerry just give me a minute where are the other?" I really need all four of them not to be standing outside the door when I come out, I just want him, I want him to be able to hold me and tell me it will be ok then take me home because I really feel like the adrenalin that was keeping me going has run out and the events of the last week have hit me like a steam train.

"Strickland's gone back to his office now that Christie is back in the cells and Jack and Brian are making coffee and bagging up the evidence ready to store until the CPS ask for it." Thank god for that now if I can just get out of here I'll be ok.

"I don't want to go back into the office I want to go home will you go tell Jack and Brian I'm ok but I need to go home then will you take me?" He's said yes and I can hear his footsteps going away from the door as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I want to be able to put everything Christie said out of my mind, I want to be able to say it's done now, he's going down for it and he can't hurt me anymore. If I was talking to a victim that's exactly what I'd tell them to do it's not that easy though. The thought of him getting off on imagining raping and murdering me is an image I'll never get out of my head. When I close my eyes I'll so those eyes never willing to let me go, I'll hear him tell me how much I would have enjoyed it, I don't know how to get past it yet I…..

"Sandra are you ready?" Time to pull myself together and go home a prospect that is making me nervous in itself. The last time I walked through that door he was waiting for me and the thought of doing it again is making me feel sick.

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"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to my place, you don't have to go back in there until you're ready, actually you don't need to go in there again at all if you don't want to. Why don't we go back to my place at least until you've had some descent sleep." Gerry said quietly as they sat in the car outside Sandra's home and she seem to be in no hurry to move. He knew the idea of going back in there had to be difficult for her, the fact that Esther had done such a good job of cleaning up was irrelevant she'd seen the crime scene photos and those were images that wouldn't pass for a long time if ever.

"No if I don't go in tonight I never will and you're coming with me aren't you?" She replied staring at him as he saw a moment of panic cross her eyes.

"Damn right I am I've already told you I've no intention of letting you out of my sigh again and I sure as hell am not going to let you be alone again until you're ready."

"OK well then let's go, if I let him drive me out of my home then he's won he's controlling my life just like he wanted to. If you're with me I can do it I know I can." Sandra sighed getting out of the car clutching the shiny new set of keys to the new lock Esther had arranged and taking a deep breath.

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My hands won't stop trembling as I try to put the key in the lock and in the end he's taken them from me and opened the door as I still feel rooted to the spot. I hate that I feel so scared about walking into my own home but I'm determined to do it. I'm determined that even if it kills me I will walk in there and walk into every room to prove to myself that there's no trace of him left.

"Are you ready? He's not in there Sandra we left him behind at the station but do you want me to go first?" I've nodded and he's taken my hand and pulled me inside gently as we go through the hall into the living room where I can see Esther has done a great job I don't think it has been this clean since I moved in but the sight of the table that I remember hitting my head against has made my stomach lurch again.

"Remind me to send Esther some flowers or something for doing this she's better at house keeping them I am this place has never been so clean."

"She's left us groceries too she's a star that woman she really is," I've just made it to his side and there's a note on the breakfast bar beside fresh bread, fruit and a bottle of wine, it says there's milk and fresh meant in the fridge so we can have dinner without having to go shopping. "Why don't you go have a hot bath and a nap then I'll rustle us up something for dinner?"

"Will you stay while I'm asleep I mean do you promise not to leave me?" I sound clingy and needy and exactly the sort of person I hate but I don't want to be on my own right now, no that's wrong I don't want to be without him right now. "I'm sorry I don't want to sound needy I just…"

He's gently put his fingers on my lips to silence me and pulled me into his arms kissing me softly. I'm bad at relying on people I've always been able to stand on my own two feet, never needed anyone but it's different with him

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere didn't I? Go have a bath and settle down for a nap I'll be right here when you wake up and for as long as you need me to be.

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Sitting on the edge of the bed in the spare room Gerry sighed as Sandra squeezed his hand again in her sleep. In the end she hadn't been able to settle to sleep in her own bedroom in spite of the fact that Esther had put it all back to how it was before Christie had ransacked it. Watching her sleep the restless in the way she moved fitfully and the angry bruises, now glaringly obvious with the thick layer of make-up removed, broke his heart. He wasn't sure if she would ever settle back into this house despite her protestations to the contrary he knew that it would be a long time before she could relax and feel like she was truly safe in her own home again.

"Ssssh sweetheart it's ok I'm right here." He whispered as Sandra mumbled in her sleep again the distress in her tone obvious and he lay on the bed beside her pulling her into his arms as she rested her head on his chest and immediately fell asleep again. He knew that no matter what he did he could never take away the pain that Christie had cause and he could never change the fact that he, Jack and Brian may have failed her by letting it happen but he was sure of one thing. Later over dinner he was going to talk to her about them moving in together, they could find somewhere new, somewhere that was theirs away from the horrible memories this place held for her and onto a new future together.