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Book 4: Spirit

Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days

Page 3 – Lowly Discussions.

An hour after they retreated for the night, Katara came to the sad realization that sleep would not be forth coming. With a sigh she rose up from the red silk sheets of her bed and stretched until several satisfying cracks resounded down her back as she grunted. She distracted herself a moment by examining her room again. It was tastefully done in reds, gold and black. Ornate dark cherry red furniture lined the room including a vanity with a large pitcher and a water basin for washing. She walked to the vanity and gazed at herself. She noticed the chocolate curls of hair that splayed along her face. She took in the bright blue eyes, set in her snow tanned face and she noticed, with a hint of annoyance, the dark circles under her eyes.

She sighed softly as she looked down to take in her reflection in the water basin and dipped her hand in the wavering fluid. Is this how Azula sees herself? She asked herself. Distorted? Broken? Can she even see her reflection where she is? Would she even recognize it if she did see it? Her eyes reflected the uncomfortable feeling of pity rise up in her and she tried to force it down with anger and with a flick of her hand she froze the water. The sharp jagged edges of the hastily frozen water gave her already angry reflection an even more sharp edged look as she turned away ashamed at her weakness.

"Why should it matter to me?" She angrily accused herself out loud as she grabbed the sides of her head in frustration. The late hour and her insomnia not doing anything to help her headache, she rubbed her temples and looked outside into the quiet night from a window. She did not know why Azula bothered her so much. She had chased them around the world, nearly killed them several times. She had killed Aang. She thought angrily as her jaw clenched. She was a monster and did not deserve to see the light of day. She, as sure as the Moon and Ocean spirits, didn't deserve her bending.

She turned, still seething, to head back to bed and froze when she saw her reflection. It was still her face that gazed back, but it wasn't either. Her jaw was clenched; her teeth were bared, and her eyes were pure ice. She was far enough away from the mirror that she could see the tension in her shoulders under the thin, red nightgown the palace attendants had provided her. She suddenly felt sick, not with pity but with shame. Her eyes softened. The woman she saw gazing at herself in the mirror might as well have been Azula had the princess been born a Water bender.

Katara was aghast at herself. Had one moment of anger changed her so quickly? Was that the face she wore when she confronted the soldier that had killed her mother? She drummed her fingers along a dresser as she sighed heavily. As angry as she was she hadn't killed that man. Azula would have killed Zuko and herself if she had, had the chance. What had one moment of remembered anger nearly made her do? What had a lifetime of anger made Azula do?

She could not think in here. She had to step outside and walk to clear her head. She grabbed a robe, red as everything else was. Can't they use some blue now and again? Katara internally complained. She slipped it on as she walked outside. The night was peaceful. It was a complete contrast between how busy it was today. She looked up to the moon and sighed wishing it were full. As it was, the moon was waning for the month, but at least it was still mostly full. The full moon was only just a week ago. Had it been only a week and a half since she nearly took a life? She sighed and walked on. Had it been only three days since Zuko and Katara landed in the courtyard to face his sister? It felt like a lifetime. She tried to shut out her thoughts by closing her eyes as she tried not to ask herself if it felt like a lifetime to Azula.

She forced her eyes open and frowned. This wasn't helping her. She did not love Azula like her friends. In truth she did not care about her. Maybe it was the healer in her, and the broken way Azula had sobbed that made her feel pity for her. She walked out from under the arched patio into one of the gardens and smiled a bit as she stroked the leaves of a large plant. She felt the water pulse in its veins and focused on that to calm her somewhat. She had heard someone talking and moved quietly and peeked from behind a tree to see Ty Lee, Mai and Suki by a pond. Ty Lee was crying, sitting on a rock with her arms on her knees and her face in her hands.

"She must still be upset." Katara whispered to herself. She was not close enough to hear, but she could guess what the acrobat was crying about. She looked over to Suki who just seemed to have a shocked expression on her face that was touched by sympathy. Mai, well Mai as always looked detached, but Katara was sure that the girl felt something under it all. The two girls were friends after all. It had to affect her on some level. A small and amused smile touched Katara's lips as Mai looked side to side a bit awkwardly and patted Ty Lee's shoulder. However forced and uncomfortable the gesture looked, Katara could tell she was sincere. She moved away quietly so as not to disturb them.

Her wanderings eventually brought her back inside as she walked about the palace. The soft sound of her slippers making slight scuff noises every step she took. She still could not believe the war was over, finally. She wondered to herself where she fit into the world now. Where should she go? She always went where people needed her most. Should she go home to the South Pole? She longed to see home, but she didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of her life there after everything that had happened. She spent the last year traveling with Aang and the rest of her friends.

She froze wide eyed. What was to happen to the group now that all of this was over? This past year all they focused on was their duty. They gave no thought to what was to come after. Their plan had been 'defeat the Fire Lord and fix the world' that had been it. When they were done here what then? Zuko obviously would stay here to lead the Fire Nation. Katara thought it ironic that the one she trusted the least, knew the least would mean so much to her now. She shook her head. She could not believe how Zuko had jumped into the lightning bolt Azula had conjured. Then there was Toph. Surely she would go back home at least to visit her parents, and then what? Would she go back to fighting? Would her and her parents reconcile? She was always independent. Would the girl she viewed as a little sister go off on her own? Even her brother would unlikely stay home. His spirit had broadened the most. Without bending, Sokka had truly realized himself. He was a master swordsman, and a blossoming inventor. Both of these things could not really be nurtured on a sea of ice hunting seals. Besides, he had Suki. He would probably move to Kyoshi Island to be with Suki.

She wiped a few tears from her eyes as she thought of Aang. Should she remain with him? She resumed walking as she thought it over. She cared for Aang deeply, but how did she care for him? She told herself at the playhouse on Ember Island that she did not want to be with Aang despite their feelings because of how unknown the outcome of their mission was. She was, she was ashamed to admit it, afraid to admit she loved someone that way, who could be dead soon. Now what was the obstacle? Would Aang even have time for her? The Avatar's duty is to the world. Not to one lovesick Water Tribe girl, but then, Zuko had once said that Roku married and had children. Without which the Fire Prince would not have been born.

She sighed confused and rubbed her temples. What did that make Zuko and Aang? Katara thought while trying to distract herself from thinking about her feelings. Roku was Aang's most recent past life. Roku's granddaughter, Ursa, was Zuko's mother. Even if not directly by blood, should that not make them spiritually related? Were they brothers? Were they cousins, or if Aang could be compared to Roku's son, being the Avatar after the Fire bender, would that make Aang… Zuko's great uncle? Katara could not suppress a giggle as she thought of it. It was funny; if you ignore the years Aang was frozen and realized that he was younger than Zuko.

"Doesn't that cut both ways?" Katara asked herself out loud. Katara thought how different the two Fire bending siblings were. Zuko was kind and compassionate. Azula was cold and heartless, yet they both came from the same parents. Why was Zuko good and Azula bad? Then again Zuko was not good when they first met. He was angry, determined and a grave threat. He had tried to kill them several times. Katara was not ashamed that she was wrong and refused to trust Zuko when he offered to join them. She had good reason not too, but he changed. Zuko had been conflicted and confused by twisted family loyalty and his monster of a father. Azula certainly was confused did that mean she could be helped?

Right back around in a whirlpool current, Katara. She chastised herself. She was right back where she started mentally. She was obsessing over the Fire Princess. Maybe she should go see her? Katara dismissed that as a bad idea and a dangerous one. She was foolish for thinking it. She paused in her internal argument as she passed a large ornate door. It was large, made of wood and covered in gold leaf. The style of the door was similar to Zuko's bed chamber door but grander. Whose could it be? Katara wondered. It was not his father's; Katara had gone with Zuko to retrieve something from the monster's room. It had to be Azula's, Katara realized with a start. It made sense. It was nicer looking than Zuko's door; no doubt the room was bigger. It was no secret which child Ozai favored, but Ozai would never give a nicer room than his own to anyone.

She felt trepidation as she bit her lip and nodded to herself and walked to the door. "I'll check the door see it's locked and head back to my room and salvage what sleep I can." She touched the knob and it turned open. Damn it! Walking inside she was impressed by its splendor. Azula did have good, if opulent taste. Everything was necessary. Not a fixture or piece of furniture was superfluous, but it was all exquisite and ornate. She heard an odd scraping noise and made her way to it, she turned a corner in Azula's suite and saw a vanity area with a large mirror, or rather the remains of one. Half the mirror was cracked, and the shards lay upon the floor. What Katara noticed though was the hunched figure of an old woman looking at her as she cleaned up the shards.

"I'm so, so sorry…" Katara stammered. "I didn't realize this room was used."

"It's not used." The woman stood up. There was an awkward pause as the woman looked confused and turned her head to the side. Katara did not know what she expected to find as no one else was there, but the woman turned her head back to Katara and continued. "The rightful resident is living somewhere else now." The bitterness in the woman's aged voice was clearly evident. Katara saw how ancient she looked. She was at least as old as Hama. Katara's eyes darted back around the room to avoid the smoldering look in the old woman's eyes. Katara saw a picture of Azula on a night stand. She frowned and looked back at the old woman. She remembered back to what Zuko had told them of the palace and some of his memories of who lived there. She saw the anger in the old woman's eyes, noticed how uncomfortable she felt and noticed the long ear lobes.

"This is Azula's room…" Katara whispered. "…and you must be Lo."

"Li actually." The old woman said curtly. "And you are that Water Tribe girl that cheated in Azula's Agni Kai." Li practically hissed out. Another long pause, not as long as the first, and Li resumed. "You have much nerve young lady to disrespect Lady Azula a second time by trespassing in her room."

"Cheated?" Katara was incredulous. "I didn't cheat. She attacked me!" Katara was angry. She knew some people might not like that Zuko bested Azula, but she had no right to spread rumors of Zuko cheating.

"I know Water bender. We… I mean, I was there. I went to watch Azula's coronation." Li glared even more. Even though she was hunched over and barely came to Katara's neck, Katara still felt like she was being stared down from by her Gran-Gran. How did short old people always manage that? "You were on the field of the duel. You had no right to be there." Li's pauses were starting to get to Katara. It was almost as if the old woman expected someone else to say the next sentence. "I may not be a Fire bender but I know the proper rules of an Agni Kai. One Fire bender versus another, anything on the field may be used against their opponent and no one may interfere. Zuko was defeated. Whether Azula attacked you or not is irrelevant. It was permitted. You attacked Azula. You invalidated the Agni Kai and Zuko's 'win'"

Katara was shocked. She had no idea what the rules of the Agni Kai were. She bit her lip. She had interfered to try and save Zuko's life, and to save her own, and to save the whole Fire Nation, and she did it to save the World. Didn't this woman understand that? "I did what I had to do."

"Convenient excuse Water bender." Li glared at her as Katara looked away. "But an Agni Kai is a duel of honor. Not a tool of duty!" She pointed a gnarled hand to Katara. "Azula made it clear that the Crown was on the line. I may care for Zuko as much as I care for Azula, but he should not have claimed the Crown for himself." She bitterly spat out and turned to face the mirror.

"I saw what you did to her. How you pushed her already fragile state of mind over to match what she did to her mirror. Everyone is rejoicing that 'Fire Lord' Zuko has ended the war and is releasing all the political prisoners." The old woman just sighed and her shoulders slumped. She sounded defeated. "All I can do is mourn for Lady Azula, and I don't even have Lo to mourn with."

"What happened to your sister?" Katara whispered, genuinely touched by the old woman's sadness.

"Azula banished her." Katara was astonished. Li turned back around to glare at Katara almost challenging her to say something. Katara kept silent and Li continued. "My sister and I went to express our concern for Lady Azula's well being to her. She was quite distraught after her 'friends' betrayed her and was very hurt that Fire Lord Ozai left her behind when he went to lead the Earth Kingdom invasion without her despite what he originally said to her." Li sighed and continued. "When I suggested that we postpone her coronation she became enraged when she couldn't tell us apart and who had suggested it. She banned one of us."

"But if she banned your sister, why are you upset that Zuko's Fire Lord now? He overruled her previous edicts and Lo, I'm sure will be back in the next day or so. She couldn't reasonably expect to rule a whole country the way she was!" Katara challenged.

"Maybe not, but she was still appointed by the proper Fire Lord. She still won the Agni Kai. And most of all, she was still fragile and hurting. She acted irrationally, because she had felt a loss. She may have gotten over it and moved on. Now…" Li shook her head sadly. "A few hours before her coronation I came by here to try and talk to her, explain to her how we just wanted what was best for her. I came to that very door and heard her yelling at someone. I don't know who, nor did I hear them, but she yelled and screamed. All I could hear her say was 'trust is for fools' and something about being a monster. When I heard a crash I came in to see her crying by herself in front of this mirror. No one was in here. I am ashamed to say, but I was afraid and quietly walked out before she knew I was there." Li wiped a few tears from her wrinkled face.

"I vowed to talk to her after she was crowned, but I never got the chance. I don't know what to do for her. All I can do is pray to the dragons to help her. Though I feel after everything, it will be a long time before she sees anything clearly. That is if she isn't executed first." She sighed and rudely walked past a wide eyed Katara. "I have lived a long time Little Water bender. I am weary of seeing royalty die, especially a special girl who showed so much promise." She stopped to turn to Katara from the doorway. "I am afraid my old joints cannot take such late nights. I am retiring for the evening. Please, for your own honor and out of respect for Lady Azula I ask that you leave her chambers immediately."

Katara numbly nodded; she looked down a moment, and caught her jagged and broken reflection in the broken glass shards staring at her. Even though it was the same reflection, she could see a different emotion in each one. She walked out of the room, and heard Li shut the door behind her as she walked down the hallway more confused than ever.

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