Rob's My Last Yummy Birthday Tot
~O.O.O~
5
"Sounds like you've got all the bases covered. Thanks."
She claps her hands together and bounces on her toes. "You know I can't resist a party, and you're so much less painful to be with now that you're finally having sex!"
"Jesus, Alice."
"Excuse me, now that you've found 'tua cantante.' Speaking of your singer, please tell me you got her something special for her first vampire birthday."
My mind churns out images of what I plan to give my sweet vampire wife tonight-repeatedly-once I bind her with the silver handcuffs I stole from my father-in-law's special stash last week. Alice gasps, and I look up sheepishly and shrug. Jasper is at her side, grinning from ear to ear.
"I want in on this kinky energy you two are generating."
Alice pushes away her horny husband as a huge van clambers down the driveway, kicking up clouds of dust on both sides.
"Our pigs are here!" Alice takes my hand and drags me over to the vehicle. James hops out and extends his hand.
"Thanks for giving Last Call a shout."
"Dude," I stop him dead in his tracks. "No way I'm wearing a fucking lei."