50Chapter 8: sometimes the smallest things take up the biggest place in your heart – AA Milne
Payson knocked tentatively on the office door. It had been a long day and she didn't know how willing Sasha would be to talk.
"Come in" her coach murmured.
"Hi Sasha" Payson said a bit too brightly.
Sasha scowled, no one was naturally that happy after eight hours training, not even Payson Keeler.
"I just wanted to thank you for training today, it was really, really good."
Sasha laughed in spite of himself, the girl was far too obvious. "Ok Keeler, what do you want?"
Payson sighed "you saw right through me."
"Well I am your coach – I do know you quite well." Sasha said easily, making Payson blush slightly. That was the understatement of the year. Many girls and parents at the Rock commented on how well the two of them worked together and understood each other. Payson forced herself to stop her train of thought: it couldn't lead to anywhere good. She cringed at the memory of Ellen Beals walking into the Rock and showing everyone the photo.
"Fine then. I need you to sign something." Payson held out the order for the new bus that her mother had drawn up. It was going to cost Payson a lot to get them to put in Brian's special equipment and to get them to do it at such short notice. But it was Payson's money, not the Rock's – she just needed Sasha to sign off on it for her.
Sasha took the forms, skimmed through them and whistled. "No, absolutely not: the Rock doesn't have all that much money Payson and money is better spent in improving our gymnasts not wasting money on stuff."
Payson had been half expecting this, she knew Sasha was unmaterialistic – he lived in a caravan after all.
"But Sasha, I'll be paying for it. Please it's really important that we get our new bus to take us to meets and everything. You know how awful it is when buses break down." Payson said alluding to the incident with the juniors which involved a mammoth effort pushing the bus a fair way down the road and then Sasha forking out a small fortune in taxi fares.
Sasha rolled his eyes at the memory. "Yes I agree with you that we need a new bus. However we do not need one urgently and we don't need all this fancy stuff." He said pointing at the additional expenses that covered Brian's equipment "and we certainly do not need one of our gymnasts paying for it: endorsements or no."
"Please Sasha it's really important to me that we have this bus and we do need this equipment."
Sasha frowned, despite outward appearances he hated to let any of his gymnasts down. Especially this one, who had worked so hard, he reread the form. "But Payson – all this additional stuff it looks like special equipment for wheelchair bound people."
Payson swore inwardly: she didn't think Sasha would have picked up on that. She just smiled awkwardly "well you never know when it will come in useful."
Sasha laughed "you really think I'm clueless, don't you? Explain please."
Payson glared at her mentor: she knew there was no point in lying to him, he'd see right through it and then just be annoyed. Payson sighed "well Emily is having her baby in a about a week and Chloe can't afford to take Brian over. Please Sasha, I know you're disappointed in Emily but she needs Brian to be with her." Payson was surprised to feel a tear escape down her cheek.
Sasha was shocked. He'd completely forgotten that Emily was nearly due, which made him feel like crap. He knew it was kind of inappropriate to basically use the gym's resources to help Brian but the Kmetko family had it tough and Sasha still felt partially responsible for Emily. So Sasha simply nodded. "Ok, Payson: and I think you should take a couple of days off to go up – Kaylie and Lauren too." He signed the form and strode out quickly, avoiding Payson's gaze.
Payson grinned and held the form to her chest. She couldn't wait to see Emily, but she wasn't too keen on having to drag Kaylie and especially Lauren along but it was the Rock's bus. Payson came out to the gym floor and saw Sasha punching a punching bag fiercely, tears streaming down his face. He didn't see Payson and Payson snuck out quickly. Sasha wouldn't want her to see him like this.
XXX
"I can't believe we are giving up training for this: it's so pathetic, no one even liked Emily anyway." Lauren grumbled to Kaylie as she stepped on the bus. "And travelling in a bus, seriously? What happened to class?"
"Because you know all about class don't you Lauren." Brian quipped good-naturedly as the electronic sliding ramp came down to meet his wheelchair.
"And since when do you care about missing training? Little miss I'm going to throw a tantrum and run out of practice." Kaylie said much less good-naturedly. The national champion was getting more annoyed by Lauren every day. Payson laughed at her comment and Lauren just glared at them.
"Fine, pick on the one team member who actually values her training over some stupid bus trip. I'm going to use the time to sit at the back and visualise." Lauren said before shoving her expensive headphones in her ears and striding down the aisle, nose in the air. Payson and Kaylie grinned at each other: as annoying as Lauren was, she was always good entertainment.
Chloe and the driver got on last: Chloe was quieter than usual. The reality of what was happening was really starting to sink in. The past two years had been a massive whirlwind. Joy at her daughter getting to train at the Rock, and then the national team, swiftly followed by sadness at her break up with Steve and having to work at a strip club. Then when things started to seem alright again: her pride and joy getting pregnant and leaving. Chloe leant her head against the bus window like a school girl, enjoying watching the world go by. She had no idea what the future was going to hold.
XXX
Emily struggled to her feet as her mother walked into the living room. Just seeing Chloe made Emily want to weep with relief. Emily didn't want to admit it, but she was terrified of what was going to happen and having her mother there made everything better. Chloe carefully avoided looking at Emily's stomach and went to hug her daughter tightly. "Oh honey I've missed you so much." She said softly as Emily pressed her head into her mother's shoulder. Chloe could feel Emily's tears flowing onto her top.
"I've missed you too Mum, but I had to leave."
"Shh I know, don't you dare apologise: I'm so proud of you. You know that, don't you? And there's another one of your fans here too." Chloe said as Brian wheeled his way in. Emily squealed and went to hug her brother.
"You're going soft on me Em." Brian teased.
"Says the one who's crying."
Brian wiped away one of the tears that had escaped down his cheeks. Brian had been teased and bullied for years: he'd also had to put up with a lot of people avoiding him because of their ignorant belief that his situation was somehow contagious. As a result he was pretty tough, but seeing his sister for the first time in months swamped him with emotion. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed her. Emily and Brian were closer than most siblings. Their rough circumstances pushed them together.
XXX
"I always forget how pretty the beach is." Kaylie said as the girls sat at a picnic table eating frozen yoghurt. She was enjoying the break from training and all the speculation surrounding whether she would still be able to retain her national championship despite her eating disorder. Although Kaylie didn't admit it to anyone, there were some days when she felt like giving up. She worked so hard, she'd bet Gengi Cho, overcome an eating disorder and won three medals at worlds but people still judged her and didn't take her seriously. And there was always that niggling voice at the back of her conscience that told her that if she and her father hadn't been so caught up in gymnastics, her family might still be together.
"It's special. I liked Boulder and all but there are only so many mountains and snow you can put up with before it gets boring and cold." Emily agreed. She was touched that her friends had decided to come for the baby being born but it was sort of awkward. She could tell Lauren couldn't really care less: the two of them had never been close. And since only Payson knew about her wanting to return to gymnastics, it was hard to find things to talk about since most of her time was taken up with training.
"So who feels like going for a run after this? I feel so fat and lazy from not training for two whole days." Lauren said with a pointed look at Emily. She was jealous that Kaylie and Payson had readily made the effort to come and visit Emily when not even her own family made an effort with her. "I don't know what I would do without gymnastics, I mean lounging around home all the time. I just don't know how I could manage it: I'd get so bored."
Emily caught Payson's eye and the two girls burst out laughing at how clueless Lauren was. Payson snorted mid giggle which made them laugh even harder.
"What?" Lauren demanded.
"Nothing, Lauren – yes I feel weird not training too but enjoy this. We should be grateful that Sasha's actually given us time off." Payson said condescendingly which just made Lauren scowl.
Emily was about to suggest they take a dip in the water when a searing pain shot through her stomach. It was more painful than anything she'd ever felt in her life, and even though she had a high pain threshold she whimpered.
"Please don't tell me that was a contraction." Payson said. She loved Emily to bits but she really, really didn't want to watch her in labour.
"I think so." Emily said, still wincing from the pain.
Payson gulped and tried to stay calm and not feel nauseous. "Ok, um good. Well I'll drive you to the hospital in the car Margi lent us. Kayles can you let Margi and Chloe know?"
Emily forced herself to smile at her friends "Margi may want you two to look after the kids."
Kaylie smiled and came over and hugged Emily tightly "of course, good luck. If you can do a blind landing on the vault, this will be a piece of cake and we'll be there to visit as soon as the baby's born and you're ready."
"Thanks Kaylie. It means a lot, you being here." Emily said before Payson ushered her into the car.
The blue Toyota was a bit run down, but Payson liked driving it. She'd feel a lot more nervous driving a fancy car that someone else had lent her.
"I can't believe this is happening." Payson said "are you nervous?"
"Terrified, but I don't think I'm as terrified as you. I've never seen you go so pale. I would have burst out laughing at your reaction if I hadn't been in so much pain."
"I'm going to tactfully ignore that, but only because you're in labour and I feel sorry for you."
"That's a good enough reason for me. Pay?"
The blonde girl looked over to her best friend "yeah?"
"Thank you."
Payson, keeping one hand on the steering wheel leant over and gripped Emily's hand. "You don't need to thank me, you're my friend."
Emily smiled and was about to reply when another contraction came, far worse than the last one.
Payson went totally pale again. "Ok I don't care what my driving instructor told me, I'm speeding, as much as I love you I'm not delivering your kid for you."
Payson had never been so glad to see a hospital in her life. She pulled up to the parking lot where Chloe and Damon were waiting with a wheelchair. They rushed over and made Emily sit in it, despite her protesting that she wasn't an invalid. Damon pushed the wheelchair with one hand, his other firmly intertwined with Emily's.
The next seven hours were the most intense of Damon's life. He held Emily tightly as she pushed and pushed, and cried. Seeing her in so much pain made him want to hurl but he tried to stay strong for her. Even so, after their son was finally born Damon cried like he'd never cried before. He was perfect. Summer had generously let him and Emily hold the baby for a while before Summer took him to the social workers' centre where he would stay until all the paper work was signed and Summer could take him home as her son. Emily held the tiny bundle in her arms. Their baby already had a mop of dark brown hair.
"He looks like his Daddy." Emily said sadly.
"No he's far too good looking for that, he looks like you." Damon said. "You are so amazing Emily."
"Summer's going to be an amazing mother." Emily said before breaking down in tears. "But I'm going to miss him so much."
Damon climbed onto the bed and lay alongside Emily, putting his arms around her. "We'll get to see him all the time, and when he's old enough he'll realise how lucky he is to not only have adoptive mother who loves him like crazy but also a birth mother who is an Olympic champion."
Emily laughed "and a father who's a rock star." She passed their son over to Damon who took held him so gently it made Emily's heart tug at the perfect picture they made.
Damon stared into his son's eyes: they were exactly the same as his, even though he was only a few hours hold. "Em, what do you think of the name James? I know it's common but he's going to have an unconventional life as it is so the last thing he needs is a name like Enzo."
Emily looked at her boyfriend sleepily "James sounds perfect: as long as his middle name is Damon."
Damon rolled his eyes, although secretly he was touched. "Fine James Damon van Horne, welcome to the world." He said and kissed his son's head. Then he carefully stood up and took James out to meet Summer.
XXX
Chloe, Brian and the Rock girls were all making a fuss of James when Summer and Margi came into the ward bringing coffee for everyone. Summer cringed when she saw Lauren; she hadn't realised that she was here. Lauren turned around and when she saw Summer her face lit up and she went over to hug her.
"Oh I've missed you, Summer." Then she realised something was up "what are you doing here?"
Summer felt so guilty. She knew most people found Lauren annoying but Summer understood her, the girl, despite being completely spoilt grew up without a loving family. But part of her was relieved that she'd managed to break free from marrying Steve and adopting Lauren, they needed to sort their own problems out: Summer couldn't fix them.
"Oh I'm just here to see Emily and Sasha wants me to keep an eye on you girls. Here's your latte." Summer knew how pathetic that sounded, but she really didn't want Lauren to know the truth, not just yet anyway.
"Oh trust Sasha, he really needs to get a hobby. That's great, you can drive back with us on Friday, we have a lot of catching up to do." Lauren had decided that being angry with Summer wasn't going to work: she figured that she had a better shot of Summer coming back to her if she was sugar rather than spice.
Summer smiled awkwardly, wondering how to tell her that she wouldn't be going back for at least two weeks without sounding suspicious when Margi saved her.
"Summer's going to stay a tad longer: she wants to help me with the foster kids: you know how she's allowed to supervise your homeschooling tests? Well she's doing the same for a couple of my kids." Margi said, winking at her newest friend. She liked Summer more the longer she knew her, Summer smiled gratefully in return.
"Whatever" Lauren said, clearly bored "are you guys still keen to go to the beach, I haven't hung out with my besties outside of the gym for ages." She looked over to Emily, hoping to see a hurt expression on her face but the brunette just rolled her eyes, and Damon kissed her on the cheek. Lauren scowled: why did everyone else have people who were always there for them except her.
"Is it ok if we go Em? The beaches out here are amazing."
"Of course, make the most of it before you have to go back to Boulder. I need to nap anyway."
Kaylie and Payson hugged Emily and followed Lauren out of the ward. Chloe saw the big bags under her daughter's eyes and thought back to the day when she gave birth to Emily. "Honey Margi, Brian and I are going to head off too. You need your sleep, and I want to you know, as corny as it sounds that I am so proud of you." She said in her loud voice.
Emily grinned "nine months ago, that would have made me cringe but now Mum that means so much." She said as her family hugged and kissed her, before she knew it she had fallen asleep.
Damon, quietly extracted himself from the bed and went to call his manager to bring him a change of clothes and a razor. He was sure that he looked like a mess. He had never known someone could feel all these emotions at once. He found a chair and wearily started to dial his manager's number, he'd had so little sleep that the simplest tasks seemed daunting. As he was doing so Lauren rushed past him, saw him and stopped.
"Yo, pizza boy." She said, clearly not caring that he had his cell to his ear. Damon pointed to it and then mouthed 'one second'. Lauren rolled her eyes and tapped her foot. Damon sighed and ended the call before his manager picked up.
"My name's Damon, what do you want Lauren?"
"Whatever, pizza boy is much more fitting. Anyway, I left my iPod in the ward do you reckon it will be ok to get it. I was worried that the two of you would be getting freaky or something but I guess since you're out here it's safe."
Damon burst out laughing "oh you're funny. Not. Yeah, it's fine to go in Em's asleep and so is James so just be quiet."
"Sure, and you could really use a shave, just letting you know." Before Damon had a chance to respond Lauren went down the hall to Emily's room. Her former teammate was asleep: she looked so much older than he had just a few month ago but she somehow seemed more peaceful than before. Lauren saw her iPod on Emily's bedside table, grabbed it and left. As she was walking back down the hall she heard a familiar voice coming from the visitor's lounge. Lauren tiptoed closer and poked her head around the door.
"Oh you're such a gorgeous boy James, Mummy can't wait to take you home to Boulder: I've got your room all sorted. Grandpa's bought you a giant teddy, do you like teddies?" Lauren was confused, why was Summer talking to James and referring to herself as his mother.
"Only two weeks till we get the adoption sorted out, Mummy just can't wait. And Emily and Damon can visit you all the time." Summer continued to coo and Lauren felt like the whole world was crumbling down around her. Any hope she had of ever having a real mother was gone, and Emily Kmetko, of all people, had ruined that for her.
XXX
"Do you swear on this bible that you Emily Kmetko and Damon Young that you are sure and of sound mind that you will cede all rights of guardianship and parenthood of James Damon to Summer van Horne?"
Emily, Damon, Chloe, Summer and their lawyers were in a fancy lawyer's office. There was an expensive looking air conditioning machine that was on full blast but nevertheless Emily felt hot and clammy. She gripped Damon's hand and Chloe put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed her tight. This was it, she knew it was the right decision but it didn't stop the feeling that there was a brick in the pit of her stomach. Damon looked into her eyes and simply nodded at her. Although he didn't say anything his gaze conveyed a world of emotion. She nodded back to him.
"We do." They said in unison. After Summer swore her oath the three of them signed the agreement. Summer came over and hugged her; Emily forced herself to smile even though it took all of her energy to do so. She then shook both the lawyers' hands (they were very impressed by both Emily and Damon and what their dreams were). It was not until they were safely in Margi's car that Emily broke down and cried more than she'd ever cried before.
XXX
Two weeks had gone by since James had been put up for adoption and Emily had spent most of it curled up in bed. She'd refused to see anyone, even Damon and eventually everyone got the idea that she wanted to be left alone. Emily looked at the clock on the cabinet 11.15am, it was late, but no later than she'd been getting up these past couple of weeks. Then she saw the calendar, it was exactly one month since James was born, and it had been two whole weeks since she'd given him away. She couldn't believe she'd done it, what sort of mother was she?
There was a knock on her door "go away." She said angrily.
"Emily, get up right now." Said a familiar voice.
"Please leave me alone, you don't know what I'm going through." That had been her excuse for her behaviour for the last two weeks, a part of her, the annoying voice in the back of her head, told her that she was being stupid and immature. But she couldn't bring herself to care.
The door swung open "actually I think I do, and unlike you I didn't have a supportive family or an open adoption. I have no idea where my daughter is or what she's doing but you do."
"Who cares, he'll hate me forever for giving him up."
Darby rubbed her temples, trying to think of the best way to approach things. She decided tough love was the way to go "no, no he won't but do you know what he will hate you for? He will hate you if you gave him up for nothing. So get your arse out of bed, get into your gears and meet me downstairs in ten minutes, we are going for a run."
"Darby, I don't know if I can do this."
"I know" Darby said, putting an arm around Emily "but I know you can, and until you feel ready to dream again, I will dream for you. All I need you to do is keep trying, keep training. Can you do that?"
Emily was silent for a while, then ever so quietly she said "yes."
A/N sorry for the late update again, this chapter was a mission to write. Please let me know what you thought and I will try to be faster with my updates (promise!). xx