Chapter 5 – Where do you run to?

Remus stretched his arms when he woke up, the soft morning-light hurt his eyes. He was wrapped in his warm, fuzzy blanket. He had, as always, been sleeping in fetal position, curled into a ball. Remus hadn't slept much that night, though. Amy had gone up to her own dorm around 11 pm, but Remus hadn't been able to go to sleep. He had tossed and turned, unable to forget the look on Sirius' face when he had burst in. It had been a look of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and disbelief. Perhaps Sirus was still in love with Amy Or he actually likes you a little voice inside his head said. No, that wasn't a possibility. He did break up with Amy the voice continued, why would he do that if he fancied her? Remus shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. Sirius had just been shocked that one of his closest friends seemed to be hitting on his ex.

Remus looked at Sirius' bed, he hadn't come back last night and Remus was starting to get worried for him. Sirius never let anything get to him, he always kept that bored, distanced look that showed that he was impossible to really reach. Sometimes Sirius wore a fake, cold smile, that everyone thought was his real smile, but it wasn't. Remus knew that, because he'd seen Sirius' real smile, it was a warm, heartily, mischievous grin. That was the true him, that he kept hidden from the world. That was the Sirius Remus had fallen in lo… Remus quickly cut the thought. He wasn't in love with Sirius, just as he wasn't gay.

Remus got up. Peter and James were still asleep, but even though it was Sunday and a rare chance to get some sleep, Remus couldn't sleep. He was still worried sick about what stupid things Sirius might do, because he was upset and he couldn't stop thinking about what Sirius' face had looked like when he burst in on him and Amy, even though he kept trying to.

Remus splashed cold water in his face to get rid of the thoughts. He wiped his face and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His face was paler than usual and the dark circles under his big amber-eyes were more prominent than usual. His lightbrown hair stood out from his head in odd angles. Remus sighed and flattened his hair.

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Remus frustrated rested his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He had been in the library since he woke up, but he hadn't done any of his homework, he simply couldn't concentrate. It was the first time this had ever happened to the brilliant student. Remus was the one who always paid attention in class, helped the others make their homework and, occasionally, allowed them to copy his notes. It had been hard enough to focus when he first arrived at the library, but when the other, noisy, students had started to fill in it had been impossible. Remus figured that he had to go to a place where he could be alone. He really needed to get started on the essay for transfiguration. Remus threw the parchmentrolls into his bag and left the library.

An empty classroom would be perfect, Remus thought as he went. He decided to go for the transfiguration classroom, not quite sure why, but it didn't really matter anyway as long as he could be alone, besides, the transfiguration classroom was never locked.

He made his way through the almost empty corridors of the school. Occasionally he came across a couple of students. Two giggling hufflepuff-girls, a group of slytherins walking close together and whispering and a black-haired gryffindor from about third year, Remus figured.

His thoughts were, as always, preoccupied, and perhaps that was the reason that he didn't notice the voices before he opened the door to the transfiguration classroom.

The door easily swung up and Remus instantly became aware that the classroom wasn't empty. Right in front of his feet slytherin dressrobes lay strewn over the floor, it was girl's robes Remus thought as he lifted his gaze. About five metres from him a couple stood in a close embrace. A blonde girl had her long slender legs wrapped around the waist of a boy. Her back was pressed against the wall and she was only wearing a pair of knickers. Her hands were buried in his black hair. The couple was kissing passionately and didn't seem to notice Remus. He knew he ought to leave at once, but there was something about the boy. His chest was bare and he was only wearing jeans. A pair of ripped jeans that Remus knew. Sirius.

Remus could hear the door slam behind him as he ran. His eyes shut close, it was a wonder that he didn't bump into anyone. He had to be alone. He burst into another classroom, quickly looked around to make sure it was empty and firmly shut the door.

He stood with his hand on the knot for a short moment the scene he had just witnessed playing over and over in his head. He could feel the breakfast he hadn't eat threatening to make an appearance and the door in front of him becoming blurry. Remus finally let go of the knot and hammered his back into the wooden door. He slid down the smooth wood 'till he sat on the floor, bitter tears streaming down his face.

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