Chapter 13 Rock bottom

36 days, 864 hours, 51840 minutes: no matter how Emily phrased it there wasn't enough time before nationals. She looked in the mirror. Since becoming pregnant she'd become more determined and sure of herself. She hadn't let doubt enter her mind, partly because she couldn't afford to. If she was going to make the comeback of the century she needed to believe in herself. But ever since nationals had been moved forward she had lost her confidence again, she felt like she had at the Rock. Because, although coming back after giving birth was improbable, doing it in less than six weeks was impossible. And no matter what Darby said – the sort of training they were doing now was not going to get her where she wanted to be.

Damon joined Emily in the bathroom to brush his teeth and Emily forced a smile. Damon looked at her, his eyes full of concern. "Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to stay with you and Darby during training today?" He said quietly. They way Emily had reacted when nationals had been moved terrified him, she was like a shell of the girl he fell in love with.

Emily smiled at him again, this time genuinely: she couldn't believe how lucky she was with Damon. He would do anything for her. "No, go: if you miss another recording session your manager will probably have a hernia."

"And you say that like it's a bad thing."

Emily kissed him "go, I'll be fine. I'm starting vault today and I'd prefer it if you didn't see it until it was at least halfway decent." Emily had lost a lot of power since having James and inevitably that meant her double twisting yurchenko was history.

Damon kissed her on the forehead then on the lips, then picked up his satchel and left. Emily somehow managed to get herself ready, although she felt overwhelmed and terrified about what was going to happen in the next few weeks.

When she got to the gym she saw Darby standing there looking anxious. Emily couldn't remember the last time her coach had looked nervous, this wasn't good.

"You ok Darby?" Emily said, a few weeks ago Emily would have teased her but she seemed to be more lethargic these days.

"Don't hate me Emily but-"

"That's a good opening."

"Emily please, this is important" Darby snapped uncharacteristically and Emily held up her hands in mock surrender, making Darby smile slightly "Sasha Belov came to see me yesterday. He wants to talk to you, I have already spoken with him and I would appreciate if you heard what he has to say. I know it will probably bring up a lot of baggage but it's for the best."

Emily suddenly felt very angry. She had always admired Sasha but hearing his name again made her realise the truth in Darby's words. There was a lot Emily wanted to discuss with Sasha surrounding him leaving the Rock and then the way he was so distant when she got pregnant, and most of all she realised how empty her life seemed without the Rock. "I'll see him" Emily said.

Darby hugged her "good answer" she led Emily into her car and they went to a fairly nice looking hotel. Emily felt apprehensive, she was only wearing sweatpants and a hoodie over her leotard, and the receptionist looked at her and Darby with distain as Darby told her they were waiting for Sasha Belov. She motioned them ungratefully to two seats in the corner, far away from where the public could see them. After a while Sasha came out of the lift. He was also casually dressed which made Emily relax a bit. His face broke into a smile when he saw them, Emily only managed a sort of grimace and a slight wave, this was weird.

"Emily, it's so good to see you." He looked like he was about to hug her but he saw Emily's face and put his hands back in his pockets and shot Darby a nervous glance as if to ask her what she'd said to Emily to make his former gymnast look at him like that but Darby just shrugged.

"Would you mind if we had lunch? I have something I want to discuss with you."

"I guess" Emily shot Darby an anxious look.

"Sorry Em, you're on your own this time. I'm going to hang out with Lauren for a bit."

"Lauren's here?" Emily asked apprehensively but then brightened "does that mean Pay and Kaylie are here too?"

Sasha nodded "They want to see you too, but I would like to talk to you alone first, if that is alright with you?"

Emily nodded "ok Sasha. I kind of want to talk to you too."

Unsurprisingly Sasha had made all the waitresses in the hotel restaurant fall madly in love with him. Even less surprisingly: Sasha was completely oblivious to this, he just thought they were being nice seating him at the best table and being overly attentive.

"What was it you want to ask me?" Emily said over her salad.

"You talk first Emily, I owe you that much at least." When he said that sentence Sasha seemed downtrodden, a bit like he had when he had first returned from Romania.

"Thank you, I guess part of me is angry at you for leaving and then not telling me what I wanted to hear when I got pregnant with James, but I guess you were doing your job as a coach and to be fair I could be a bit of a brat."

Sasha took a deep breath. He was amazed at how Emily was taking responsibility for her actions and her attitude. Darby was a better coach than he gave her credit for.

"Emily I am sorry, I should have been more sympathetic to you when you became pregnant. I also shouldn't have left like I did and I want you to know that I appreciate you coming to Romania and risking so much for me. That sort of loyalty and forgiveness should not be easily forgotten and yet I failed to extend the same grace to you when you became pregnant. All I can say is that I wanted the best for you, Emily. I wanted you to succeed and beat the odds and the fact that you had done something that made that impossible...I just couldn't forgive myself so I shut you out."

Emily reached over and gripped his arm, Sasha looked like he was about to cry and Emily really did not want to see him cry "Sasha, I completely understand, as I said I was a kid with too much talent and too much attitude and not enough discipline. None of what happened is your fault."

Sasha smiled at the seventeen year old before him who was speaking wisdom beyond her years. "Emily, I admit your attitude was your Achilles heel but you have to remember that you were only coached professionally for a fraction of the time the other girls were. They sucked it up and got on with it because they had that sort of attitude forced onto them from the time they were about three. You had to learn that at a much later stage and I should have taken that into account more."

Emily smiled at Sasha it was the first time the two of them had spoken properly since before he left for Romania after worlds trials and she was glad they could clear the air. When someone was your coach and you were an elite gymnast you had a bond with them that most people couldn't understand.

"So what did you come to LA about?" Emily asked, she figured Sasha maybe wanted a competition or something, although as she was Emily would probably struggle to beat his level 8s and 9s in the all-around let alone the elite girls.

"I am inviting you and Darby to come back to Boulder; you'll train with Darby during the day and at the Rock at night. Darby and I have agreed that she gets the final say in your routines and also in your lifestyle."

Sasha and Darby had been discussing how to handle her. Before the thought that other people were controlling her life and making decisions about her would have pissed Emily off no end but now she understood that sometimes your life wasn't entirely your own. And one of those sometimes was elite gymnastics. She weighed up her options, if she was honest with herself she would love to come back to Boulder, she missed her family and her Rock friends and she wanted to be near James, he was almost seven months old and he'd be walking soon. On the other hand it would mean either leaving Damon or expecting him to drop everything and follow her.

Sasha watched Emily patiently. She was one of the quieter girls he coached and she internalised her emotions. She would speak when she was ready.

"I don't think I'm ready for nationals Sasha and that scares me."

Sasha was expecting this; Emily's biggest weakness was doubting herself. "I think you will need to work harder than you've ever worked, I won't lie to you about that."

"But you think I can do well at nationals and make the national team?"

"Yes" Sasha said calmly and with certainty, although he was all but certain: he hadn't seen enough of Emily's new routines.

"But I have to be at the Rock to do it don't I?"

Sasha paused "I think that is your best chance, yes."

"And Darby agrees?"

"She does."

Emily nodded, appreciating how succinct and honest Sasha was being "honestly I would love to be back in Boulder but I need to discuss this with Damon. He gets factored into my decisions now."

"I know, and if Darby is ok with that then so am I." Sasha said through gritted teeth. He had been a 20 year old male before and they were exactly the sort of people he did not want his elite girls associating with.

XXX

Damon came home to find Emily absorbed in a copy of Wuthering Heights. She was rereading it to see if it was too ambitious a book to make Larissa read, well that was her excuse anyway. It amazed Damon that someone who was so active and had made it her life's ambition to be a gymnast also found passion in sitting still and reading for hours at a time. She was so absorbed in her book that she didn't hear him come in. He came behind her and hugged her, making her jump.

"Hey mustang."

"Damon, you really need to find a new nickname for me."

"It suits you" the musician said simply. "How was your day, ace that vault?"

"Not exactly" Emily put her book down and motioned for Damon to sit "Sasha came to see me today. He's invited me back to the Rock."

Damon stared at Emily waiting for her to continue. "I'd still be training with Darby most of the time but I'd have Sasha to help and I'd be around my old teammates."

"Do you want to go?"

"Damon, it doesn't matter what I want, I'll only go if you're happy about this. I don't want you to have to rearrange your life again just for me. I couldn't do that to you, and what about this house? You bought it and we've only just finished doing it up."

Damon took Emily's hands in his own. They were calloused, the nails bitten to the quick from the stress of her training and ridiculously thin from her diet restrictions. There was no way in hell Damon was going to let all that hard work go to waste. Sure he had thrown his time and energy into the house, especially when he was home alone when Emily was training late but it was just a building, not a dream and Damon knew better than anyone how important dreams were.

"Screw the house, I can easily find a studio in Boulder and if you want to move back to Boulder then I am doing everything I can to make that move easier for you."

Emily didn't have words to respond to that so she just kissed him. When they finally came up for air Emily said "and we get to see James."

Damon grinned. There wasn't a day that went by where he didn't miss his son. James and Emily were the two things that kept him going when things felt too hard.

XXX

"Lo how do you manage to have more stuff than me?" Emily asked incredulously. Emily had packed most of the stuff she thought she'd need in Boulder before Damon brought the rest over, it fit into two suitcases: Lauren had three.

"Duh Em I had to look my best to impress you." Lauren was being extra nice to Emily just to piss Kelly off.

"How very the L word" Payson deadpanned "should we leave the two of you alone?"

"We may as well since Lauren obviously isn't going to find love anywhere else. Her first crush fell for Kaylie, her second for Payson maybe it's time you gave up on guys altogether Lo." Kelly said snidely.

Kaylie rolled her eyes "you sure you want to come back Em? These two have some banter to rival Serena and Blair."

Emily laughed "trust you to like Gossip Girl. To be honest I've missed you all so much. I didn't realise it but it feels great, I even missed you Lo."

"I kind of missed you too." Lauren said reluctantly. She wasn't one for charity cases but at least Emily was less annoying than Kelly. "Now it will be back to our old group of four again." She said with a mean glance in Kelly's direction.

Before Kelly could answer Sasha and Darby walked in "what's taking you girls so long?" Sasha asked angrily.

"We were just catching up. It's been a while since we've all been together." The other girls stared in wonder at how Payson could be so calm towards Sasha when he was that angry and they were even more surprised when he relaxed.

"Fair enough, I think it's fair to say we've all missed you Emily."

Emily tried to smile but to her surprise she found that there were tears in her eyes. Kaylie, ever attentive to other people's feelings put an arm around Emily "what's wrong Em?"

Emily wiped her eyes "nothing it's just that you are all being so nice and you all believe in me but I just don't know if I can do it. Even if I make a splash at nationals I'm still not exactly their favourite person."

Darby hugged Emily "it's going to be ok Em. When I got pregnant and came back I got on the national team. Everyone was a bit annoyed about how I had taken time of and then come back but no one knew I had been pregnant. And Ellen Beals only found out about it after I had made the national team. And by then it was too late." Darby decided it was best not to bring up what had to be done to keep Ellen quiet. She really didn't want to have to resort to that unless they had to.

Emily smiled "good, and I guess they sort of forgave me for my arrest. And with you guys with me I can do it." It sounded cheesy even to Emily's ears but she needed to say it out loud.

"Oh God, I'm such an idiot." Lauren muttered.

Sasha's eyes narrowed dangerously, he crossed his arms over his chest and said in a menacing whisper: "and why is that Lauren?"

"Nothing" the blond girl said, she didn't dare look at Sasha, instead she looked at her shoes.

"Remember our agreement Miss Tanner." He spat out her last name like an insult.

Lauren didn't look up, she couldn't bear to see the disappointment on the faces of her friends "I told Ellen Beals about Emily's pregnancy and that she was making a comeback. After I told her, she moved nationals forward. I'm so sorry Emily." Lauren's voice sounded scratchy as if she was about to cry.

Emily squared her shoulders and marched out of the hotel room, but she wasn't fooling anyone. She looked like she was about to fall apart. Payson, as she had had to do so often recently went to comfort her teammate.

Sasha's face was even paler than usual. Kaylie and Kelly looked stunned; they ignored Lauren's sobbing and looked at their coach, waiting for him to tell them what to do. Darby looked livid. "Darby, would you mind taking Kaylie and Kelly out to check up on Emily, she needs her friends and her coach at the moment and I need a moment alone with my gymnast."

XXX

Emily felt like her everything was closing in on her and she had nowhere to turn, so she ran to the hotel's gym and jumped on a bike, she turned up the resistance as high as it could go and pedalled as hard as she could but she still couldn't push the hurt from her mind. Now she understood what the word betrayal meant. She knew Lauren was a screwed up kid but she didn't think that extended much beyond petty things like staining her new leotard, or trying to get other people's boyfriends. She never thought that she would stoop so far as to completely ruin her career.

Emily was so tied up in her own thoughts that she didn't realise that Payson had entered the gym and taken the bike next to hers. It was so like Payson not to jump in with meaningless platitudes and false hope. She knew that Emily would talk when she wanted to, so instead she simply kept her company letting Emily know that she was there if Emily needed her. Emily smiled at the blonde girl who smiled back.

Darby and the girls found Emily and Payson on the exercycles, they sat waiting for them to finish up. Finally they climbed off. Emily's legs felt like jelly and she was dizzy. She stumbled but Darby caught her and led her over to the mat.

"So that was some news." Darby said and winced at how lame she sounded.

Emily looked at her coach "what happens now?" she left unsaid the demand that Darby give her an honest answer and not to sugar coat anything, but Darby knew Emily well enough to know it was implied.

Darby took a deep breath "the bad news is that your life just got a whole lot harder. If Ellen Beals knows something, chances are she's told at least some of the other NGO members about your pregnancy. But the good news is that if people know the date of nationals was moved out of spite, it might be possible to get it changed back."

Emily perked up "really?"

"Maybe, but right now I need your total commitment. You will have to work harder than you have ever worked before, both physically and mentally. I mean it Emily; there can be no room for self doubt. I need you to believe in yourself completely."

Emily nodded "I can do that."

Darby smiled "I know: if I didn't think you could make it I would have told you and that's the truth. I don't lead my gymnasts into false hope. And it's going to be harder for you girls as well" Darby said to Payson Kelly and Kaylie "associating with Emily will make you less popular with the NGO so they will drop you if they possibly can. That means that you need to ensure that dropping you is not an option."

The girls nodded, amazed at the change in their former coach, like Emily, she seemed a different person.

"I guess we should go back before we find that Sasha's murdered Lauren" said Payson to clear the pensive silence.

XXX

Sasha had brought a chair right over to face the bed Lauren was sitting on. He stared at her hard, Sasha knew he could be intimidating and now he was using that ability to its full extent. This girl wasn't scared of anyone, she didn't respect anyone and that needed to change before she ruined her own life and that of everyone around her.

"Do you have anything at all to say for yourself?" Sasha asked dangerously.

Lauren bit her lip, she didn't know what to do. Usually she managed to get away with things pretty easily but she wasn't sure this time. Everyone was practically in love with Emily just because she managed to make a comeback and she hadn't seen Sasha this mad before. "I'm sorry?" She said, trying to actually sound like she meant it. But the thing was that Lauren didn't really know if she was sorry: she regretted that she hurt Emily, but on the other hand she was vulnerable and adding another talented gymnast to the mix threatened her Olympic chances even further.

Sasha wanted to slap Lauren for the tone in her voice, he resisted just in time, curling his hands into fists and forcing them on his lap. He counted to ten in his head and took a deep breath. He had to handle this right. "Lauren I am sick of your BS and drama. I have tried countless times to make you a better gymnast. I have tried to make you focus but you are your own worst enemy. If you focused on improving yourself rather than sabotaging others you would be as good as the others."

Lauren couldn't believe her luck, all Sasha was going to do was give her a lecture. She pretended to listen seriously "I understand Sasha; I will focus harder in future."

"Oh stop pulling your stupid fake remorse I'm sick of it."

"Sorry"

"That's just not going to be good enough this time. You either promise me that your allegiance belongs to the Rock or to the NGO. If it's to the NGO you will return to Boulder and not set foot in the Rock again, have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal. I pledge my allegiance to the Rock and my team and my coach." Lauren said with mock seriousness, her hand over her heart.

Sasha smirked: if Lauren genuinely thought that those were the only consequences for her actions she hadn't been around him enough. "Excellent. Since you are now going to put your club first you will tell Payson about sending the photo to Ellen Beals."

Lauren's jaw dropped, Sasha was slyer than she thought he was. "Can't it wait till after nationals, you said yourself that you were sick of drama, and you know how this will impact Payson?"

"No, you'll tell her now." Sasha said as he texted Darby to bring the other girls back.

"But that's not fair you can't just spring this on me."

"Life isn't fair, kid. I thought you of all people would understand that seeing as what you've done to all of your teammates."

"But you don't understand!" Lauren was about to bring in her mother's death and father's absence when Sasha spoke again.

"You're right; I don't understand how you could hurt your friends like that and be reckless with everyone's lives. I don't care how hard your childhood was, that does not excuse you from your behaviour. Do you think that Kelly has fantastic parents? Emily, like you, only has one parent and both Kaylie and Payson hardly ever see their fathers. But for some reason they don't feel the need to bring down everyone around them."

Lauren rolled her eyes and leant back against the wall "whatever" she mumbled under her breath. Sasha ignored her.

After a little while Emily and Darby came in, followed by Kelly, Kaylie and Payson. Emily's eyes were red and puffy but there was a look of determination in them that scared Lauren. It was the same look of determination that Payson and Kelly had and that Kaylie had had in her brief reign as number one girl at the Rock.

Sasha looked at his girls "sit down ladies, Lauren has something she wants to say."

"I'm sorry Emily, what I did was petty and uncalled for."

Emily nodded at Lauren but didn't say anything. Surprisingly Emily didn't feel angry, just empty and she couldn't be bothered with Lauren.

"And Payson can I speak to you in private?" Payson stood up but Sasha motioned for her to sit.

"No Lauren, you are part of a team and you will be accountable to all of your teammates."

Lauren bit her lip. This was worse than she'd expected. Payson might forgive her but Kelly and Emily didn't like her to begin with. Once they heard what she had to say she highly doubted whether they would ever talk to her again. Lauren started to cry "Pay – it was me. I sent the photo of you and Sasha Kissing to Ellen Beals. I stole the video tape and edited it so it looked like you were actually kissing properly. I'm really sorry, if that counts for anything and I regret it all the time."

Payson's face had gone completely white, Sasha put a hand on her shoulder and Emily gripped her hand tightly, but Payson didn't return the grip. After a while Payson spoke. Her words were quiet, measured and detached. And to Lauren, that was a thousand times worse than anything emotional. "You're my teammate. Nothing will change that and I've come too far to waste time being bitter. But you've just lost yourself a friend, firstly because of what you did and secondly because you lied about it for such a long time."

Payson stood "do you need any help packing Em." Her hands were shaking so she put them in her pockets so nobody could see. There was no way she was going to give Lauren Tanner the satisfaction of showing anything she did had any power over her at all.

Emily put her arm around her friend "I'm always keen for help packing, so long as you don't reorganise everything."

Lauren grinned "well that was much better than I was expecting, she wasn't mad at all."

Sasha replied quietly "no Lauren, that's the worst response you could have got. She's not angry because she's given up on you: she genuinely doesn't care about you anymore. And I suggest you change before others give up on you as well."

Lauren sat still for a couple of seconds, digesting what Sasha had said. Then she realised that what he said was true. Payson's eyes had not held any emotion, which was odd because Payson was quietly passionate. Lauren was suddenly scared. She'd always felt she could rely on Payson. The former Rock captain was loyal to a fault and was one of the people who had always believed in her despite her flaws. She needed to gain her approval again. And that of everyone else.

A/N so Lauren finally tells Payson about the photo, and the girls are reunited. Next chapter we are well and truly back at the Rock and we will check in with James (finally), Summer and Chloe. And Ellen Beals might even make an appearance. As always let me know what you thought xx