Hermione had lost track of the days since she'd brought Snape back to Hogwarts from Saint Mungo's. Everything had blurred together after about the fourth day of caring for Snape, who was too weak to do more than open his eyes and swallow his food. The days began to play out like clockwork:
Six o'clock- Hermione would wake and go to her own quarters, where she bathed and cleaned herself up every morning.
Six thirty- Hermione returned to Snape's room and would sit in the darkness and think or go back to sleep.
Seven thirty- Snape would wake up and Hermione would bathe him with the wet cloth and let him drink as much water as he wanted.
Eight o'clock- The headmistress would arrive with two trays of breakfast and leave as soon as she'd come. Hermione would feed Snape his pumpkin juice and gruel.
Eight thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
Nine o'clock- The Ministry Wizard—whose name was Harold Archibald—would come to take Snape to the bathroom.
Nine thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
Ten o'clock- Snape would sleep and Hermione would wait silently and either read or think.
Ten thirty, eleven o'clock, eleven thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape once every half hour.
Twelve o'clock- The headmistress would arrive with two trays of lunch and leave as soon as she'd come. Hermione would feed Snape his pumpkin juice and gruel.
Twelve thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
One o'clock- Archibald would come to take Snape to the bathroom.
One thirty- Hermione would bath Snape again.
Two o'clock- Snape would sleep or close his eyes and rest while Hermione read in or sat and thought in silence.
Two thirty, three o'clock, three thirty, four o'clock, four thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape once every half hour.
Five o'clock- Archibald would come and take Snape to the bathroom.
Five thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
Six o'clock- The headmistress would arrive with two trays of dinner and leave as soon as she'd come. Hermione would feed Snape his pumpkin juice and gruel.
Six thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
Seven o'clock- Kingsley would come with McGonagall and give a report of how their efforts to find a cure were coming along. He also gave some news from the muggle world.
Seven thirty- Hermione would bathe Snape again.
Eight o'clock- Snape would go to sleep and Hermione would sit and wait until she was able to shut her mind down and do so as well.
Every day Snape got weaker and weaker, and every day the gruel and pumpkin juice he was given was thinned more and more with water, because he couldn't handle anything more. Hermione offered Snape water throughout the day, whenever he was awake. She also woke several times each night and bathed him while he slept. The other workers were busy with the repairs to the school and the headmistress was occupied by matters with the Ministry and managing the school, while still discussing the problem of the dark mark with Kingsley every day. So Hermione lived a solitary life, never speaking aside from the fifteen minutes to half an hour that the Minister of Magic and the headmistress were down in Snape's rooms to give her the latest news. And yet she was almost never completely alone; the only time she was by herself was in the morning when she went to her own rooms.
The first few nights it had been hard for her to shut down her mind and fall asleep. She'd had a few sleepless nights or instances where she cried herself to sleep. But soon she was numb. No more tears fell and there was hardly a thought on her mind besides how she could help Snape at that moment. The past and the future didn't bother her much, and she focused wholly and completely on the present. There was dread in her stomach, however, and it seemed to grow like a disease within her with every passing day. She dreaded the day when Snape would lose consciousness or cease to wake up and would remain unconscious until his heart stopped beating.
Hermione still apologized in whispers at times, but after a while that, too, ceased. She had never felt so emotionally drained and numb to what was happening in her life. But the numbness was forced. Deep inside she had to face the fact that she was being ripped apart by being involved in everything that was happening with Snape, and once he had died, she was going to snap and the numbness would vanish, she knew. It was all a waiting game; she was waiting for something to happen to Snape, waiting for it all to end, waiting for the snap. And when it came, she wasn't sure exactly what would happen. She only knew that this carefully continued numbness and lack of emotional involvement would cease to exist.
And then a house elf appeared in Snape's room one day while he slept. The resounding crack when the elf apparated echoed in the room, but Snape didn't stir. Hermione stood up and the elf bowed before saying, "The headmistress wishes Miss Granger to go to her office at once." Hermione nodded and the elf disapparated. She glanced back at Snape before heading for McGonagall's office.
Sitting in the chair in front of the desk, Hermione looked from the headmistress to Kingsley. It was the Minister who spoke. "I have ceased the search for a cure."
Hermione's eyes widened slightly. "Why?" she asked, her voice soft and hoarse from being used to so rarely.
"The others"—Hermione knew he was referring to the death eaters—"are just as weak as Severus. I fear that any more—how did you refer to them? Oh yes, experiments—I fear that any more experiments will be the death of them. We found nothing through all of our time spent searching."
Kingsley nodded to her and turned to talk to McGonagall in low tones. Recognizing that she was dismissed, Hermione stood and left the office. She glanced at the portrait of Dumbledore as she left, noticing the strange, seemingly sad look on his face. But then her thoughts were back on what Kingsley had said about Snape and the other death eaters. She didn't know how she felt about this news. On one hand, the death eaters were no longer experiencing extra pain at the hands of Kingsley's men, but on the other, the official news that there was no cure meant that Snape would, indeed, die. Hermione realized that she had been numb all this time because she had never allowed herself to fully accept that after all this, Snape would actually die. She had been hoping deep down inside that he would live somehow. But now that hope was lost.
She turned a corner and collided with someone. Mumbling an apology without looking up, she picked herself back up off the ground and continued walking. That someone grabbed her arm gently and turned her around to face him, but her eyes were unfocused and she was too lost in thought to care whose face she was looking at. She jumped and became aware of her surroundings when a familiar voice said, "Hermione, are you all right?"
"Harry?" Blinking, she stared at him for a moment before throwing her arms around him in a hug.
"Blimey," said another voice from behind Harry, and Hermione opened her eyes to peer over Harry's shoulder at Ron. He frowned and said, "Let go of my girlfriend and stop stealing all of her affection!"
Hermione actually smiled and hugged Ron when Harry let her go. She stepped back and looked at them both. "What are you doing here? I thought you were out hunting down Dementors?"
At this, both boys became somber. "McGonagall asked Kingsley to let us off to come see you . . ." Rom trailed off and fidgeted, staring at his feet.
Then it hit her. Hermione knew exactly why they were there; McGonagall had put them there to act as a comfort now that it was inevitable that Snape would die. Remembering Snape, she said, "I've got to get back and take care of him and-"
"No," said Ron.
Hermione looked at him and Harry turned on him. "What?" they chorused.
"No," he repeated. "Look, 'Mione, let someone else do it for once, it can't be that hard to-"
"Let someone else do it for once?" Hermione repeated, not believing her own ears. "Ronald, I've been doing it for the past," she paused, having no idea how long she'd spent taking care of the potions master, and began her sentence again. "I've been taking care of him from the beginning! No one else knows exactly how! I have to do it! It's my job, and my duty to him! I can't just walk away; even to spend time with you!"
Ron narrowed his eyes. Hermione watched him. Surely he understood that only she knew how to take care of Snape just the proper way to keep him as comfortable as possible? But he said in a low, accusatory voice, "You'd rather stay with him than with me."
It was a statement, not a question. Hermione barked a short, completely humorless laugh. "As of the moment, yes!"
Ron looked incredulous. "Why? I'm your boyfriend. I'm the one you quested with. I'm the one you should want to be with, not him!" Then his expression changed as something seemed to dawn on him and he yelled, "YOU CARE ABOUT HIM!"
Hermione glared at him. "I'm his nurse and his caretaker! I spend almost every moment of every day by his side trying to make him more comfortable! I saved his life and it's my fault he's going through this! Of course I care about him!"
Harry stood a few feet away and watched in silence. They were glaring at each other. "You love him, then." Ron said.
Now it was Hermione's turn to look incredulous. "Merlin, Ron, I said I care about him. I don't love him. There's a difference."
"Is there?" he challenged.
By now she was just annoyed. "Yes, there is! I care about him. I care about what happens to him. I do not love him, am not in love with him, and have never loved him."
The glaring continued. "Once he's dead will you stop caring and actually want to be with me for once?" Ron asked scathingly.
Hermione stared at him in shock. Harry did, too. Ron just glared at Hermione and ignored Harry. Then he turned his glare to Harry, who just stood, looking too shocked to say anything. While he looked away Hermione was boiling inside, and when he looked back she exploded, "Ronal Billius Weasley! I care very much right now what happens to him! And he's not dead yet! Don't you dare talk about him dying that way! You are so selfish and horrid, awful," the list went on and on, and she continued to yell. "Don't talk to me about being deserted. This is something I have to do, something I'm obligated to do. He's depending on me! McGonagall's depending on me! Dumbledore himself asked if I would be the one to take care of Snape, so even Dumbledore is depending on me! And what about when you left Harry and me while we were searching for horcruxes? Did I whine and yell about you leaving me for someone else? No! And you left for your own reasons, not because someone needed you! I can't believe you!"
By now Harry was hoping Ron regretted what he had said. Instead, however, the redhead only looked more furious. "Fine, then! Go! Go sit beside the old bat and cry because he's dying. You have accepted that, haven't you? He's dying, Hermione! He'll be dead soon. Dead! You can't care about or love someone who's dead, can you? I'm done! Done with you, done with Snape, done with everything! All of this! Done! Do you hear me? D. O. N. E. Done!"
He looked taken aback when Hermione said her next words with a smile on her face. But when she spoke he looked even angrier than before. "Well done, Ron!" she said as if talking to a small child, "I didn't know you could spell such a big word!" Then her voice was back to normal and before Ron could retort she said calmly. "I'm done, too. Goodbye, Ron." And turned, walking down the corridor away from her two best friends, or her one best friend and the boy who she had once thought she might love.
She heard footsteps as the people behind her moved. They split and went in opposite directions, one running towards her and one stalking down the corridor away from her. She ignored the running person until Harry grabbed her arm gently and turned her to face him again. "Hermione," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. About Ron and everything he said. I know I can't ask you to forgive him or make up with him because that's one lousy apology coming from me when he's the one who should apologize." Then his voice softened and he said, "And I'm sorry about Snape. Ron's leaving, but I'll stay here as long as you want me to. Until it's over, if that's what you want."
Hermione had no words for how grateful she was to have a friend like Harry. She just threw herself into his arms and started to cry. It was the first time she'd let her emotions get the best of her in days, maybe even weeks, she wasn't sure. Harry just held her, rubbing her back and letting her soak his shirt with her tears. "Sorry," she said when she saw what a mess his shirt was. He only laughed and hugged her before letting her go.
"Can I come with you?" Harry asked her. She knew he was referring to Snape's rooms.
She nodded but said, "Listen, Harry, I know you want to thank him, but he's really too weak to do anything and I think it's best if we're just quiet around him."
Harry didn't argue and only nodded, and they walked to the teachers' lounge. They entered Snape's room and Hermione closed the door quietly behind them, leading the way into the bedroom. She sat down and Harry stood at the foot of the bed and watched as she bathed Snape and offered him water. She had wiped her tears away and none fell on his bare chest, but she knew he would hardly notice or care about a bit of warm liquid on his skin with the cool. Hermione sniffed and set the cloth on the bedside table as she had countless times before. Then she stood and pointed her wand at her chair, duplicating it. Harry sat down gratefully beside her as she sank back down into her own seat.
That night, Hermione looked at Snape, who was sleeping, and then glanced at the clock on the wall. "Harry," she whispered, turning to him. He was leaning back in his chair and looked up at her from her notes on what she would teach come that September. He handed her the notebook and she whispered, "Go to my rooms. You can get a bath and sleep in the bed; you look tired."
He snorted softly. "I look tired? Hermione, have you looked in the mirror lately? You look a bit sleep-deprived and overworked yourself."
Hermione managed a small smile. "I'm fine," she said quietly. "Now go."
Harry shook his head, and they argued silently for some time, him shaking his head and her glaring murderously at him and jerking her chin towards the door. "Harry, go," she hissed.
He finally stood and shot her a halfhearted scowl before leaving, closing the door quietly behind him. Sighing softly at her friend's stubbornness, Hermione smiled to herself as she wetted the cloth and began bathing Snape. Even after countless times doing so, she still found her eyes pulled to his unnaturally pale skin, especially on his chest and stomach. Her smile faded and tears flooded her eyes as she worked in silence; this could be the last time she bathed Snape for all she knew. Then her argument with Ron came back to her and she let the tears slide down her cheeks. What a foolish boy. At least he would find someone like Lavender brown to snog instead, she figured.
For the first time, she didn't care whether her tears fell on Snape or not. He was sleeping and didn't stir, and it didn't seem to matter so much anymore. Maybe he would even feel the hot drips of liquid falling on his chest and know how completely sorry she was for putting him through this. There was another whispered apology, and then she set the cloth down on the table and sat back in her chair. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she had so often in the past few days, wrapped her arms around them, and set her chin on them, watching Snape's pale chest rise and fall ever-so-slightly as he took shallow breaths. She turned out the lights and resumed her curled up position, falling asleep with her chin resting on her knees.
All right, if you hate me for making this one short I understand! But the next chapter will be longer and have some really big stuff! Thanks for hanging with me this long and you'll only have to wait a little while and I'll have the next chapter up! I can't wait! Please review if you have time or something to say! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or favorited or followed or just read this story at all so far; It means so so so very much to me! Love you all! ~Taelr