April 25

Dear Diary,

It's three-thirty in the morning and I haven't had any sleep. I thought it would help. I told Jared if I slept on it that it would help.

It hasn't helped. All that my mind does is repeatedly go over last night. I've tried everything. I took double the required amount of my Mom's sleeping pills, so you'd think I was passed out on the floor. But I'm not.

Sleep seems absurd.

I changed my mind. I don't care if writing down what happened makes it real. I need to get my head in order or I'm going to go insane. I might have to burn this page so that noone can ever find out.

I'm going to start from the beginning.

Jared picked me up from work.

Usually Jason does it as he comes that way back from his girlfriend's but Jared said we were gonna go straight there. Naturally, I was a panicking wreck all day. I help out at this little book store like once or twice a week. I dropped nearly every book I held, I gave out the wrong amounts of change and generally spoke bullshit. Mark and Julie kept giving me weird looks and I'm pretty sure I heard them sigh with relief when my shift ended.

Anyway, Jared picked me up. And I knew that he was nervous too, just from the first look at him, which then made me more nervous. We drove in silence.

He took my hand in his when we pulled up at this little house but he didn't make a movement to get out of the car. He just stared down at the gear stick between us.

"If you really don't want to talk to him, then…"

"It's fine, Jared." I was shitting myself, but I didn't want him to worry as well. "We're hear now."

He nodded and got out. I managed to get out before he got round to my side and he told me off. I smiled because at least that meant he wasn't as nervous anymore.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand, kissing it and then pulling me up the driveway. Suddenly I felt sick with nerves again. I really didn't want to talk to whoever this person was. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to carry on in my blissful ignorance.

Jared knocked on the door and a man in a wheelchair answered, smiling up happily at us. I was so glad he smiled. Some of them (the Elders) don't smile and that scares me shitless.

"Erm, Kim, this is Billy Black. Billy, this is Kim Conweller," Jared said as he nervously clutched my hand when we got into this man's house.

"It's nice to meet you," Billy said, smiling up at me kindly. I mumbled something along the lines of 'pleasure to meet you'. Then I realised who he was. This is Jacob's dad, the one who glared at us. I prayed that he's wasn't there. That would be awkward.

"How's Jacob?" Jared asked and I looked over at him, a little startled. Jared seemed quite genuine about it, which I wasn't expecting from the glares they were sending each other the last time I saw them within the same room.

"He's growing a lot, but otherwise he's normal," Billy said, nodding.

Bit of a weird answer, I mused.

"We'll keep an eye out for him," Jared said.

And an even weirder reply.

"I know you will, Jared. Thank you."

Weird.

"Come on through," Billy motioned to the living room and then wheeled himself in. "Take a seat, would you like a drink or anything before we start, Kim?"

"Oh, no I'm okay thank you."

He nodded and Jared and I sat on the small sofa.

"Alright, Kim, are you ready to hear the legends?" he asked, smiling.

I didn't quite get understand why did, but he did. Although completely confused and frightened, I nodded.

Jared held my hand tightly the whole time, either staring intently at my face, or staring unblinkingly at the floor as I learnt more about my own culture than I've ever cared to find out. It seems silly to say this but it was really interesting. I've never really cared for La Push but from the way Billy tells it… it was amazing.

But I still didn't understand. It was great and I loved learning about Taha Aki and the wolves and the third wife and all of that but I didn't get why they were telling me these old myths. The people of La Push are decendant from people who could transform into wolves to protect their people. The stories were fascinating but why the hell did Jared say this was important to me?

"Thanks for doing this for me," Jared said as he shook Billy's hand once we leaving when the story telling had finished and I'd run out of questions to ask. Well, the one question I really wanted to know didn't leave my lips, but I didn't want to appear rude.

"Not a problem."

"Thank you, Billy. That was wonderful," I said and he smiled and nodded to me. We said our goodbyes and then Jared pulled me to his car.

He shut the door behind me before getting in at his side. He sat there and then turned to look at me.

"That was lovely Jared, thank you for getting him to share it with me," I said, smiling, but then the smile faded. "But I don't… I don't get why you got him to tell me that."

He nodded and put his key in the car, turning away. "Lets go to the beech. Do you fancy a walk?"

"Okay..."

We drove in silence. We got out in silence. We walked for a bit in silence.

It was all flipping silent and I wanted the opposite! I wanted to know every little thing about what was going on in that mind of his.

"Jared," I said after about five minutes walking, pulling my hand out of his and standing still. "What the hell is going on?" I asked in exasperation, flapping my arms about.

He let out a breath and ran his hand over his face and then through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm trying to put off telling you this."

I stared at him in confusion as I hugged myself. It was freezing.

"Please don't hate me," he whispered before taking a deep breath and stepping towards me, looking at me square in the eyes. "The stories that Billy just told you… they weren't just myths. They're true."

Okay, I'd thought, he's a diehard Quileute fan. That's cool. I can put up with that, he's still pretty. Everyone has a few drawbacks.

"When there are… vampires around it sets of something in their veins and then they have the ability to turn into a wolf to protect their people and most importantly their families," he stared at me, not daring to speak for a moment. "I have that gene." My heart sank and my stomach flipped. "Me, Sam, Paul and now Embry each have that gene and we can transform into wolves."

I frowned.

He stared.

I stepped backwards.

He stepped forwards.

"Right…"

Jared closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Not a word of it," I whispered, eyeing the car back at the edge of the beach.

I had to be truthful, I thought he was on the crazy juice. Maybe Michele and Lucy were right; he was on drugs. It was upsetting, because I'd really become so attached to him already. But I can't be friends with druggies. I'm just not that sort of person.

Although I know deep down that was crap. I wouldn't be able to stay away from Jared no matter how much I wanted to. No matter how much shit he spurted about being a mythical creature, there was something inside of me that needs to be with him.

"Please, Kim," he whispered, stepping forward again to close the distance, he grabbed my face in his hands desperatly but still as gentle as he always is with me.

His large hands swallowed up my face. The heat warmed my cold cheeks up. His eyes burned mine with their intensity, emotion and, admittedly, honesty.

"Please," he repeated. "You have to believe me. I need you – I need you to believe me."

"Jared… you're mental."

I probably shouldn't have said that. You don't tell a crazy person they're crazy when you're alone together because they'd probably end up killing you.

My hair whipped round my face from the wind and he ran his fingers through it, securing it in his hands at the nape of my neck. He pulled me closer and I felt tiny against his massive frame, which is always a good thing.

"Kim," he breathed as he moved one hand from my hair to cradle my cheek. I stopped breathing and stared at his mouth. His gorgeous, full, tempting mouth. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that mouth.

"You feel it, I know you feel it," he whispered. I looked up into his eyes, although my mind was focused on his lips. "I imprinted on you, Kim. You're my world. My sun. My gravity. You're what keeps me and you're the reason that I..." He broke off and closed his eyes again, breathing deeply. "You have to believe me. I need you. I need you to be able to breathe; to live."

My heart was beating in my throat. I couldn't speak or breathe.

It was rubbish. It had to be. I wasn't someone's 'world' or 'sun' or 'gravity'. I'm Kim Conweller – a plain Jane. I'm boring and a bit of a nerd. I'm not gorgous, I'm not hilarious, I'm not overly talented or charismatic. This sort of stuff doesn't happen to people like me. He had to be fucking with me. There was no other reason for it.

I pushed at his chest to get away from him but his arm slinked around my waist, I turned to the side so I didn't have to see him, but I could still feel his eyes on the side of my face and feel his body pressed against my side.

"I don't even understand what you're saying," I exclaimed, frustrated and scared as I tried to full away from him. I couldn't think rationally when he was so close and staring at me like that.

"Haven't you noticed that I'm different? Massive growth spurt, impossibly high body temperature, super fast? I can hear from here to the cliffs and see further. I could lift you up above my head with my little finger and it wouldn't even be a strain. I can walk around topless in a thunderstorm and still feel warmer than you. I'm not normal and you know it. Don't pretend you haven't noticed."

"There's perfectly rational explanations for all of those!" I argues. "It does not mean you're a freaking werewolf!"

He let me slip out of his arms and I turned and quickly walked back across the beach the way we came. Even though I was nearly running, Jared didn't even seem to have to walk quickly to catch up with me.

"Please, Kim! You have to just trust me."

"You're insane!" I shouted over my shoulder, still trying to walk away from him. I was getting a bit out of breath but he just kept following me.

"You know that's not true. And I know that you believe me deep down."

"You think I believe that you have the power to transform into another creature!" I scoffed, even though there was a little bit inside me that knew I'd believe anything that Jared told me.

"Yes. Because I wouldn't lie to you."

I scoffed again. "You lie to me all the time, Jared!"

"That doesn't count," he said desperatly. "I had to lie to you about this because you would never have believed me if I told you this straight away. I'm only telling you so soon now because I can't stand lying to you a moment longer. I really do care about you so much, Kim. It killed me to have to lie to you."

"How am I supposed to know if you were lying then or if you're lying now?"

"I would never lie to you about something like this," he said softly. "I couldn't do that to you. You know I wouldn't do that."

"How would I know that!" I all but screamed. "I don't even know you! We've been friends for like, barely a month! I don't know if you're the type of person who would do this or not!"

There was no reply and I could no longer hear his footsteps or breathing behind me. I turned around.

He looked at me with heart-breaking eyes.

"Is that it then? These past weeks together meant nothing to you? I mean nothing to you?"

Breath gushed out of my lungs as I stared up into those eyes. They were what started this. And I knew that I had to trust him because there was nothing other than brutal honesty in those soft brown orbs. I wished and begged for anything else. Him lying would be better. It would hurt more, sure, but it would be better.

I instinctively stepped closer to him. I wanted to close the distance between us and wrap my arms around him and hold onto him forever. I didn't want to have to argue.

"You don't believe me and that's the end of it?" he asked, showing his soft, tender side. The side that he doesn't show to many people, I realised. "Already. And I care about you so much but you won't believe one thing that I tell you."

"Jared!" I exclaimed, my heart aching. "This isn't just 'one little thing', this is world-changing shit! You're asking me to forget everything I've ever known! It is not scientifically possible for a person to change into an animal! It just isn't possible!"

He said nothing. He just stood there and looked into my eyes, showing me that I had to believe him and that he was telling the truth.

"Please, Jared. Don't. This isn't possible –"

He stepped forward and his hand slipped around my waist to my back.

"I need you," he repeated.

I flung my arms around his neck, no longer able to hold it back, and he easily caught me – because I can't reach his neck and keep my feet on the floor. I buried my face in the nook between his shoulder and neck and he held me tightly.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I don't know why. Maybe it was from the lack of sleep. Maybe it was from the intense feelings for him that were swarming around my body and overwhelming every rational part of my being. Maybe it was because it didn't make sense for him to need me; I don't think any person has ever needed me before. Or maybe it was because I just found out everything I've ever fucking believed in was bullshit.

"I need you too," I whispered.

I could feel my cheeks heating up from saying it. It was embarrassing because it was true. Even if my feelings were trying to prove differently, I haven't been friends with him for that long. It was stupid for me to care for him so much and to need him. It was ridiculous. But it was true. From the time he dropped me off to when he picked me up the next morning, all I was thinking about was him. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone in that short of a period.

Jared pulled me back a little and tenderly kissed the tears from my eyes.

It doesn't make sense for someone like him to feel this way about me.

Nothing makes sense.

I wiped my cheeks with my hands roughly and then wiggled my feet. He placed me back down on the sand and I smiled up at him. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. He bent down and kissed my forehead.

I squeezed my arms around him. "You really are so warm."

He laughed lightly and his chest vibrated against my face. He ran his fingers through my hair.

I could stay in that position for ever, for the rest of my life. I could accept and then forget whatever he tells me and it'll all be okay because I'm in his arms.

But I couldn't. I couldn't just forget. I had to face it and discuss it and come to terms with it and ask all the little nitty gritty questions because that's what I do.

"So, what's this imprinting malarkey?" I asked as I pulled back to look at him.

He smiled. "It's my favorite bit."

He then explained what that look was when we were in Math. He explained what made this constant need to be with him. He explained why I couldn't stop thinking about him, why it was so easy to spend time together, why we always want to get closer all the time. Because he imprinted on me. Apparently I'm his soul mate or something.

Kim Conweller

Okay, that's it for today! Haha, I really hope you guys like it. I wasn't quite sure if I went into enough detail about it it all and her emotions, but it will be gone over in chapters to come. Please leave a review so I know what you think :)

Sorry if I didn't send a reply to anyone who reviewed. I did write out replies to everyone but I think I might have just pressed preview and not send by accident but I'm not sure.

Thanks to those who replied about the bus situation! Haha, I don't know what it was about that tickled me, but I just found it really bizzarre. I used the bus the other day coming home from the city center and it was a double decker yet there were still people standing, and we have like well over 100 busses and it's a relatively small town too, so you must have bloody loads of cars everywhere!

Anyway, thanks again everyone whose reading :)