Chapter 20: Invictus

Day 2 of nationals was a blur for Emily. She remembered Payson cheering them on at the start and how she wanted so badly to do well to make Payson happy as well as her family. She remembered Kaylie grinning the entire time, winning the hearts of the crowd with her beautiful beam and floor. She remembered Lauren nailing her two vaults and her and her father seeming genuinely happy. She remembered Payson battling through every. single. routine. And still managing to smile. Although it was blindingly obvious to all the Rock girls how tired she was. She remembered Rosa falling twice on her floor routine.

She remembered Sasha picking up Kelly and putting her on his shoulders after her floor routine, the penultimate routine of the day and Kelly seeming happier than she had in months. The crowd went crazy when Kelly finished her routine. Finally it was Emily's turn on floor. Sasha put Kelly down and the other Rock girls hugged her, then they started to cheer Emily on. Sasha and Darby walked over to Emily, they gave her a fairly long pep talk but all she could remember was Darby saying "I believe in you" Emily cherished the feeling of the music taking over her as she twisted through the air, landing her tumbling passes and jumping into her leaps.

And then it was all over – finally each girl rose from their competition mindframes and looked up at the scoreboard. Kelly was in first, her consistency had won her second national championship, Payson's score was right behind her. The 'dynamic duo' as they'd been called as juniors, were back on top again. But what shocked Emily the most was her own score. Somehow she was in third! True Rosa's falls had put her out of the running but Emily had never ranked that high in a national or international competition. Ever. She started crying, she knew she was meant to be bubbly and happy and gracious for the cameras but she couldn't help it. She'd finally finally done it, she'd come back and now people were going to have to take notice of her. She looked up to Damon in the stands and mouthed 'I love you', he grinned back, tears running down his own cheeks.

Kaylie had made it through nationals, she was so happy that it was over and done with. She'd even enjoyed performing her floor routine, and she hadn't felt happy doing gymnastics in a long time. Seventh place wasn't good but she'd made the national team invited to Olympic trials and come second on beam and third on floor. She felt someone clap her on the shoulder, she turned around to see her dad, somehow he'd managed to make it down on the floor, she raised an eyebrow.

"I borrowed Darby's coaching pass" Alex said by way of explanation, holding up the plastic card with Darby beaming.

Kaylie snorted "because you look so alike."

"We are both incredibly good looking, yes."

Kaylie smiled awkwardly, she didn't want to mention her performance – she was pleased but she was certain Alex wouldn't be.

"You did well today Kales, I'm proud of you." Alex hugged his daughter "your floor routine was amazing and you handled the pressure so well."

"But I didn't place."

"Doesn't matter, you're my kid –I'm proud of you no matter what, I hope you know that."

Kaylie bit her lip. She was about to respond politely, as she'd been taught but she decided to take a leaf out of Kelly's book and be brutally honest. "Actually I don't, Dad. I feel sometimes that you like me because I'm a champion who happens to be your kid, rather than loving me because I'm your kid, irrespective of where I finish."

Alex recoiled, Kaylie had always been his princess, no matter what he did, she'd still come back to him. He looked at the young woman before him, because that's what she was now. Not a little girl in a leotard capable of incredible of acrobatics but a person with feelings who had overcome incredible adversity to get where she was. He couldn't lie to her "you're right. But not anymore, I promise."

Kaylie looked him in the eye. That was the most honest her dad had ever been with her, she wasn't one to punish people. Especially when they admitted they were wrong. She grinned "sounds good!" She jumped into his arms and he swung her around. Alex cringed at how light she was. He saw Sasha looking at him, the blond man nodded his approval, making Alex smile, relieved.

XXX

It had been two weeks since nationals, and there was only one week to go before Olympic trials. Darby had never been so exhausted in her life. Sure the process was tiring, but as an athlete you just had to worry about yourself, now she had to manage Emily – support her in her decision not to go pro, build her consistency that could only be done through sheer numbers and on top of all that referee a yelling match between Payson, Mark Keeler and Sasha about whether Sasha should be allowed to coach Payson. Darby was quietly impressed by Pay's moxy. Payson had won in the end, with the condition that Darby be present at all training sessions and that Payson was only allowed to do as much training as the other girls. Kaylie had really stepped up helping Payson, the former national champion knew what it felt like when your body had had enough so she spent most of her practices watching Payson like a hawk. Darby was impressed by her maturity.

Darby trudged up the stairwell to her apartment. It was nothing fancy but it was local and it wasn't like she was there much anyway. She dropped her gym bag on her bedroom floor before making herself a cup of tea. She couldn't believe how fast Emily's comeback had gone, in six weeks the Olympics would be over and Emily would probably go off to college or do something amazing, girls like Emily didn't stay down for long – she was too smart and too special to lead an ordinary life. Darby suddenly felt scared, once Emily finished up with gymnastics there would be huge hole in Darby's life. Sure, Sasha might let her stay on to help coach at the Rock but it wasn't the same, she'd been with Emily right through her comeback, and with the other Rock girls too. The juniors coming through were talented enough but it wasn't the same. She forced herself to stop thinking about that – she still had two huge hurdles to help Emily with – trials and the games themselves, now was not the time to be worrying about the future. She turned the TV on, mindlessly flicking through the channels, there was never anything good on. She got up to find a book to read but was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in" she called; Darby was never one to lock her door. To be fair, any potential burglar would be stupid to try and take on a former Olympic gymnast.

"Hi!" Margi called out "where are you hiding?"

"In the lounge, just keep going straight ahead." Darby grinned when Margi entered. She went over to hug the older lady. The two had a lot in common – they both made a living out of building up people and helping them to succeed. And they had both spent many sleepless nights worrying about Emily.

"How are you holding up? You and Sasha seem more run down than the girls!"

Darby grinned, Margi always said that she looked run down. "I'm fine, you know me – I'm too hyper for my own good."

Margi chuckled, she could tell her friend was worrying about the future but she wasn't one to get down about it. "Ain't that the truth, sit yourself down, girl I'll put the kettle on" Margi said, as if it was her apartment, not Darby's.

Darby followed the older woman into the kitchen and got out a pack of biscuits and casually placed them on a plate. It wasn't a particularly exciting effort but what the hell, she wasn't a domestic goddess or anything.

"So what brings this pleasant surprise?" Darby asked casually.

A strange expression crossed over Margi's face "let's head back into the lounge and we can chat there." She said, too calmly. She picked up the two mugs of tea and Darby followed her with the biscuits.

Once Darby was seated comfortably with her tea Margi pulled a wad of documents out of her satchel. She took a deep breath. "I don't want to be presumptuous, D, so if you don't want to know about this or you think I'm out of line, tell me to stop and I promise I'll never bring it up with you again and I won't mention it to anyone." She was using the tone of voice that Darby had heard her use when she was working with clients.

"Ok, shoot – you're scaring me a little." Darby said awkwardly.

Margi nodded slowly. "One of my foster children, Jenna is nine years old. She's had a fairly rough time of things – she was originally adopted but her adoptive mother died when she was just a year old and her adoptive father was not...suitable. I'm sorry I can't go into the details, it makes me too angry. Anyway she went through a string of foster homes and she eventually ended up with me. I'm sure you remember her."

"Of course, she's a great little tumbler actually."

"Well she's been miserable really ever since she's been with me. She puts up walls, occasionally she would smile and I'd feel like we'd finally be getting somewhere and then she'd hide away again because someone was mean to her at school or she saw someone with two parents."

"That's terrible." Darby hadn't noticed how miserable the girl had been. She had seemed really happy playing around in the gym when she'd come over to watch Emily compete in nationals.

Margi nodded again, Darby could tell she was getting nervous about something. "Well when I brought her over for nationals, something changed. She watched the girls doing gymnastics and she seemed excited. Emily was playing around with her and she learned how to cartwheel and do three back handsprings in a row almost straight away. Emily made a couple of remarks about how impressed she was by Jenna. And then I noticed something."

"What did you notice?" Darby asked nervously, although she already half knew. Perhaps she'd known all along but it was only this long, drawn out conversation that was putting it all together.

"That Jenna looked uncannily like you."

"Oh God."

"I know I should have checked with you first but I wanted to make sure before I got anyone's hopes up. Or fears I guess, I'm really sorry Darby I didn't want to pry, but Emily had mentioned that you'd given your daughter up for adoption and I had to check. I care about Jenna so much, I felt it would be unfair to her if I didn't."

"Of course."

"So this confirms that your daughter is Jenna Smith – you forfeited your parental rights two weeks after her birth in favour of Anna and John Smith, who also chose Jenna's name. Since her mother's death and father having his parenthood rights revoked she is now a ward of the state."

Darby started crying. She had always tried not to think about her daughter – gymnastics had pushed her out of her mind quite well and then she'd just got into the habit of not even thinking it over, it hurt too much. "What have I done? I've ruined her life. I was told that she'd be happy and well cared for."

Margi switched into social worker mode and went over to hug Darby tightly, Darby cried into Margi's shoulder, long rasping tears that shook her whole body that had waited 9 years to be cried.

XXX

Darby woke up to the sun streaming into the gap between her curtains. She frowned. That was weird, usually she was up well before dawn. Emily was not going to appreciate the fact that she was late for training, she groaned and got out of bed. Then the memory of what happened yesterday came crashing down around her, she bit her bottom lip and forced herself to get dressed. It was only through the sheer discipline she'd learned from gymnastics that she was able to bring herself to go and get breakfast. She couldn't believe that her daughter had had such a rough upbringing. To her surprise someone was cooking breakfast – she smelled pancakes and bacon.

"Good morning sunshine." Emily said turning around holding a plate with three pancakes, generously covered in maple syrup, banana and small strips of bacon.

Darby usually would have grinned at the sight of her breakfast but all she could muster was a very faint smile. "Em, I don't mean to sound rude but what are you doing here. You've got training. We've got training actually."

Emily sighed. "Margi told me about last night. Some things are more important than training. I figured you might need some sort of moral support. We can talk, or not talk, whatever. But you should eat, you look terrible."

"Thanks"

"You're welcome"

"Question, how the hell did Sasha let you out of training?"

Emily laughed "Margi talked to him, or yelled at him rather. Sasha's a brave guy, he's not suicidal though."

Darby nodded. She was amazed at how mature Emily was. Of all the athletes she'd coached Emily had been through the most and it showed in moments like these in her ability to look outside her own problems and look out for others. Silently she pulled her plate towards herself and slowly ate a bit. Emily sat down next to her at the breakfast bar with her porridge. Emily didn't say anything – Darby appreciated that.

"I think I know what I feel like doing today." Darby said hollowly.

"Yeah?"

"Going to the gym and beating the crap out of a boxing bag, keen to join?"

Emily grinned"You bet."

XXX

Sasha had a thick crop of hair, inherited from his mother. Unfortunately that would change very soon given the rate at which he was pulling at it watching his elites train. They had six days and five training sessions before trials and so far one girl wasn't there, one looked exhausted, one angry, one distracted and only Kelly was focused. Her national championship really boosted her confidence. He nodded after she landed her Amanar fairly well. She didn't vault as well as Lauren, she didn't have as much power, but she was consistent. "Good girl Kelly" the brunette nodded and smiled slightly at the rare compliment before running to the vaulting table again.

He moved over to the beams. He made Rachel train with Kaylie. They were both gymnasts that responded to encouragement rather than toughness and so they helped each other a lot. Rachel had a nice, clean beam set. The fifteen year old had just missed out on an invitation to Trials but she was still working her little heart out. Sasha couldn't wait to coach her through the next quad. Kaylie, on the other hand was driving him insane. She had the potential to be the Olympic champion on the beam but she just didn't have the drive. He'd seen a flash of the old Kaylie at Nationals but at the rate she was going she wasn't going to make the team. He didn't voice his suspicion to anyone, if Kaylie found out what he thought, she'd fall apart.

"Good job Rachel. Kaylie, two more beam routines then pop up to my office."

Kaylie's face contorted in panic, she hated getting into trouble.

"It's ok, I just want to chat, seriously."

Kaylie nodded and got back up on the beam, wobblier than the time before. Sasha tried not to show how frustrated he was and went to spot Payson on the bars for a couple of minutes before going to his office to wait for Kaylie. The brunette entered tentatively.

Sasha sighed, of all his athletes Kaylie was the most vulnerable. The others were all strong in their own way and they were sure of themselves. Kaylie wasn't. He smiled at Kaylie "sit down – I've got something to show you." Turned on TV and put a DVD in the DVD player. The first couple of minutes were clearly filmed by an amateur, probably a proud Alex or Ronnie of Kaylie at her very first junior nationals at 12. Kaylie was grinning ear to ear tumbling above the floor, and dancing on the beam, her leaps absolutely perfect, it faded out and the next clip was in Kaylie's last nationals as a junior – it was high quality video coverage, the world had noticed Kaylie so she was part of the NBC footage. Kaylie cheered on her teammates and the video faded out to show her getting her silver medals on floor, beam and bars. Then there was a montage that someone had put up on YouTube 'my all time favourite gymnast!' it showed Kaylie fiercely attacking the floor routine that won her the national championship, her triple twist beam dismount, the pep talk before the meet against China, Kaylie crying and hugging Payson when she did her first bars routine after breaking her back. Kaylie announcing her eating disorder to the press and finally her floor routine that won the team gold at worlds. The screen closed out with the USA girls grinning as they held their medals. Sasha switched the TV off and silently handed Kaylie some tissues.

"Sorry Sasha – that, uh wasn't what I was expecting" she said, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Don't apologise. I wanted you to remember how truly special you are."

Kaylie was amazed at how well Sasha could read her. True his coaching style was unorthodox – but there was a reason he was one of the greatest coaches of all time. "I've been feeling really...down I guess for ages. That girl on the DVD, she had fire and passion. But now I just feel like I'm here because I have to be."

Sasha nodded "I felt that way too before the games. The selection process is exhausting."

"Really? It's not just me? But the other girls are so focused. Even Payson is close to I don't even know but she looks so tired but she just keeps going, but I just can't find the passion."

Sasha held her gaze for a long time "I'm not going to sugar coat this Kaylie, you need passion to succeed but what you're feeling isn't abnormal. The others have all gone through similar periods, Emily and Lauren in particular."

"How do I get that passion back?"

"Well why don't you tell me about the time you first realised you wanted to reach the top at gymnastics?"

"I'd just learned how to do a giant on bars – the feeling was incredible, it felt like I was flying. And then after I dismounted I realised everyone had stopped to watch me. Marty said I had the best natural execution of anyone he'd ever seen. I realised that I could tell a story with my gymnastics so floor soon became my favourite event."

Sasha nodded "look you're smiling. Do you think you can feel that again?"

Kaylie sighed, "I really want to Sasha but I'm just so tired."

Sasha nodded. Kaylie was almost nineteen, she'd been doing gymnastics for almost 15 years, it was a long haul. "I'm going to help you as much as I can but it needs to come from you. But every morning at the start of practice you're going to play some of your favourite music and dance and do whatever tumbling you want. We're going to try and get you connected to gymnastics again. Because Kaylie you're damn good and there's no way I'm going to let a non Rock gymnast get on the team in place of a Rock girl if I can help it."

"Thanks Sasha"

"And I also found these." He handed her a box full of paper and cards "this is the fan mail you received that was sent to the NGO that Ellen Beals didn't send, I only just got it a couple of days ago, I hope they help."

Kaylie grinned, the best part about gymnastics for her was always being able to entertain people and be a role model so fan mail meant so much to here "thank you!" she hugged her coach tightly.

XXX

Darby was exhausted. She'd gone to the gym for six hours straight, and it was catching up with her.

"You are in serious need of a sugar fix" Emily informed her as they finished drying their hair.

Darby rolled her eyes "why is food always the solution in your world?"

"Not just in my world – it is, it's a fact. Come on, I know just the place." They drove to a small cafe about half an hour out of town, Emily ordered a piece of chocolate cake for Darby and a salad for herself. Darby ate it hungrily, she was so grateful to have Emily in her life, the girl was mature beyond her years.

After she finished she put her fork down "I've decided"

"On?"

"I'm going to try and get parental rights of Jenna again. I can support her now and I can't bear the thought of her not having a real family. Not that Margi isn't but I'm ready to be a Mum."

Emily uncharacteristically squealed and hugged Darby "I'm so happy for you!"

"But not till after the Olympics, I've still got to sort you out after all."

Emily just poked her tongue out at her coach.

A/N epically late update I know, this chapter was really hard to write – so much emotion! And isn't Sasha the best coach ever? Please let me know what you thought (give me some inspiration to study for exams, sigh! And also to update!). Next chapter will be the Olympic trials and there's going to be some serious disappointment, a wee spoiler for you...not every Rock girl makes the team.