Chapter 27: My life would suck without you

Kelly froze. She thought for a second that she'd been seeing things but Sheila was standing there. She was thinner and paler. Kelly noticed with surprise that she wasn't wearing makeup, Sheila always wore makeup. Her mother smiled at her and Kelly waved awkwardly. She took a deep breath and walked over.

"Hi Mum, you look well." It was a sign of how nervous Kelly was that she was using proper grammar. Emily would be proud.

Sheila nodded "I got your text. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, I wasn't going to approach you but you texted me so I thought I should" Sheila said shyly.

"You came to London? To watch me?" Kelly hadn't actually put that together until now. Her eyes narrowed, there was no way her mother could afford that, but then the realisation that her mother had probably used her money was outweighed by the fact that her mother actually wanted to see her. Then she remembered how she'd slapped her and all the years of piling pressure on her, the nights crying in her room when she didn't win. Her head felt like it would explode with all the conflicting emotions.

"Mum, I need to change." She motioned to her tracksuit and leotard, Kelly wasn't into designer clothes like Kaylie and Lauren but she wasn't one to wear a leo any more than was absolutely necessary.

Sheila nodded "but do you want to get lunch?"

Kelly stared into her mother's eyes. They were pleading and tired. And something else that Kelly hadn't seen in them in a long time, not since the alcohol took over her: love.

Kelly bit the inside of her lip, she wasn't going to cry. "I've got a lot of media to get through. You know better than anyone how important that is." Kelly felt sorry for her mother but she wasn't a saint. She was going to make Sheila work for this. She was exhausted from the first round of media and she wasn't looking forward to this next lot either.

Kelly's jibe stung Sheila, she could tell. She was about to apologise when a staff member ushered her out to the mixed media zone.

The questions came thick and fast but for once Payson enjoyed the attention. The reporters were as excited as the girls, and they had won fairly and without controversy. She smiled as she answered their questions. Emily felt she might cry throughout the whole interview: it was mixture of excitement, disbelief and exhaustion. But she managed to handle herself well enough. Rosa was confident and happy, she'd done her job today and done it well, Kaylie was her usual charming self. Kelly on the other hand was not in the mood. She forced herself to smile even though she felt like a colony of butterflies was pounding her stomach. After hundreds of questions, the girls were allowed to leave.

Lauren looked on at the press conference. She started out feeling ecstatic for the girls. They were her closest friends in the world and she had helped them get to where she was today. Kaylie's hug after her floor routine said it all. But then as each team member was praised by the press it hit her hard on what she was missing out on. She realised that they would always have this memory to cherish as a team and that she wouldn't. She bit back tears. She wasn't jealous of her friends she was just tired and she felt the familiar wave of sadness that she'd come to know as depression. It was a constant and sometimes overwhelming companion, always lurking at the back of her mind and then kicking her when she was down.

She took a deep breath and stared straight ahead, forcing herself to smile. Finally the conference ended and they were allowed to leave. She hailed the first taxi she saw. When she arrived to her hotel room she sat on her bed and let the tears come. She looked at her phone. Her counsellor had told her to call someone whenever this happened. She looked through her contacts list. There was only one name she thought could help. She took a deep breath "Summer? It's Lo."

XXX

Kelly showered and changed into jeans and a tee shirt. For all the whining people did about London it was surprisingly warm this summer.

"Have you decided what you're going to do?" Kaylie asked. The brunette was perched on her beside table filing her nails. She was surprisingly exhausted from their performance.

"Not yet" Kelly groaned. "Why are families so fricking complicated? I try to do what's right for her, try to make up with her and she ignores me. So I decided that we were done, and then she shows up out of nowhere? I mean who does that?!"

Kaylie raised an eyebrow "you did text her yesterday." She was bemused by Kelly's behaviour. It was like she was torn between anger at her mother and a desire to make up with her. Kaylie felt sorry for her friend but it was quite amusing to see her flustered for once.

"True. You think I should see her don't you?"

Kaylie nodded. "When Dad left I would have had him do anything to come back willingly, not be dragged back by Sasha. Twice. I'm not saying you should be best friends with her, or even reconcile with her, but she's travelled a long way to see you. I know Lauren would have given everything to see her mum before she passed away and she wasn't exactly a paradigm for mother of the year."

"You're right, as usual. Well I'll go see her then, and leave you alone with your nail polish."

Kaylie poked her tongue out at Kelly. She loved how they were almost like sisters now from living together before nationals and rooming together at every meet since. She admired her nails. They were a pale pink alternating with purple, to match her pinwheel leo for nationals.

Kelly had texted Sheila to meet her in the café in the hotel. She looked around anxiously. She almost smiled as she saw Sheila waving wildly at her. It was the first time in years that she'd seen a genuine smile on that face. Kelly nodded curtly and they went to take a seat.

The silence was excruciating. Kelly ate her salad methodically and Sheila sipped her tea through pursed lips. After a while Sheila put her cup down clumsily "Kel – I'm sorry. It's taken me months to be able to form those words. Rehab's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I've learned that I didn't treat you as you deserved. You're my only child and I treated you like a trophy and then as a way to get money for my alcohol." Sheila sounded disgusted at herself.

Kelly sighed. She'd waited years for this apology but now that it came it was an anti-climax. An apology couldn't change what had happened between them. "Thank you for apologising, Mum." Kelly said stillfly. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"That's all?" Sheila gripped her tea cup tightly trying not to show how annoyed she was.

Kelly thought over her words carefully. She didn't want to offend Sheila but at the same time she wasn't ready for this. "For now Mum. I'm really sorry: I'm still angry but I'm willing to keep trying to make this work. It will just take time though."

Sheila nodded stoically and left, making Kelly wonder why she couldn't be like Kaylie who could forgive her parents again and again. Even Emily was so good with Chloe, although she got frustrated with her sometimes. She sighed at least she'd tried, she supposed. She finished her salad and went to pay the bill.

XXX

Payson and Kaylie were lounging on the balcony outside Payson's room. Kaylie's iPod was sitting in its speakers playing Cat Stevens. Listing to his music and sunbathing was a long time habit for the girls. Payson was glad that Kaylie had suggested this; the two of them seldom saw each other outside of practice or when the team hung out as a group. It was nice to relax, it was Payson's one day off before the all-around final the next day.

"Kales?"

"Mmm?"

"What are you going to do when this is all over?" Payson asked the question that had been nagging at the back of her brain for a while.

Kaylie had been lying on her back but she sat up straight in response to Payson's question. She was shocked that Payson had been thinking about this, she'd always thought her friend so focused. "Um, college I guess, I want to be close to home, you know after we get back from tour." She'd tentatively picked up a few brochures before leaving for London but she had no idea what she wanted to do. Part of her liked the idea of teaching, or physiotherapy but then there was a part of her that didn't want to go near college for a long time. Kaylie was tired, she'd thrown her life into hard work and now that the light of the end of the tunnel was approaching she dreaded the thought of being tied down for four years of more hard work. But then there didn't really seem to be anything else viable. She looked over to her friend usually so calm and collected "what about you Pay?"

Payson sighed "no idea, I only asked because I saw Kelly and Emily devouring college brochures the other day."

"Really?" Kelly hadn't mentioned that to Kaylie, she felt a wee bit hurt that the girl she had come to regard as something close to a sister hadn't discussed something so important with her.

"Uh huh, and not just universities in the States either, they had people from Oxford, Cambridge the LSE, Pierre and Marie Curie University even the University of Copenhagen! Seriously, Copenhagen, come and speak with them, they were literally showered with merchandise and brochures." Payson was going to add that it was like when she won bars at Worlds and had dozens of endorsement opportunities but she didn't want to sound arrogant.

"Wow, that's crazy" Kaylie mumbled. She wasn't even jealous of her friends. She couldn't think of anything worse than studying away from family. Kaylie was fairly sure she'd be staying in Colorado. She knew it must be crazy for them, especially since the Olympics weren't even over yet. "I knew Em did well in her SAT's but I had no idea about Kelly, I thought she just liked reading."

Payson gave her friend a wry smile. Few people knew how bright Kelly was, including, she suspected, Kelly herself. She'd seen her long time competitor devour a book in the time it took Payson to read a chapter, figure out a complex calculus question with 30 lines of working while Payson and other girls her age were still trying to get their heads around Pythagoras' Theorem. "No Kelly's smart, so smart it terrifies me sometimes. Anyway seeing them made me realise I have no freaking clue what I want to do after the Olympics. It's been my dream since I could walk pretty much but now, I don't know." Payson looked exhausted and jaded. Kaylie panicked, the last time she'd seemed like that was right before she collapsed at nationals. Kaylie put an arm around her friend's shoulder and hugged her tightly.

"Promise me you won't think about this until after the games: you've got three more finals ahead of you, you are one of the best gymnasts in the world Pay and you're at the Olympics! Enjoy it while it lasts, afterwards can wait."

Payson grinned "this is true and I'm here with my best friends, college or whatever can wait. We have some serious medals to get this week."

Kaylie smiled, relieved: that was the Payson she was used to.

XXX

"I still don't see why you want me to read it" Emily told Darby "it's private, between you and Jenna." She didn't tell Darby that the real reason she didn't want to read it was that it would bring back that horrible time after she'd put James up for adoption: that feeling of emptiness that she never wanted to feel again.

"Emily, please? I want to make sure it sounds ok." Darby's eyes were overbright. Emily was the one person she trusted more than anyone else; after all they'd been through. She held out the four pieces of handwritten paper. Reluctantly Emily opened them and began to read.

The letter was good. It was at the language a nine year old could read but it wasn't talking down to her. Emily smiled at the picture of Darby doing a handspring at Jenna's age, next to Jenna doing the same. "It's good Darby, really good." Surprisingly she didn't feel sad, she guessed she'd made her peace with letting James go. "It's brave of you to take this step."

Darby walked over and hugged her athlete. "I couldn't have done it without you, you inspired me."

"Me?"

"Yes, you've worked so hard and you've worked so hard to support your friends, family, Damon and James. And you still had time to become an Olympic champion. If you can do all that, the very least I can do is try and patch together a childhood for my kid." Darby folded up the letter and photos into an envelope "now I just have to give it to her."

A/N transition chapter, your name is 27. We're back to gymnastics next time with the all-around final! Thank you for your reviews – 100 reviews I can't believe it thank you thank you! Let me know what you thought and let me know if you've got any ideas about what you think the girls should do post Olympics.