Dear Diary,

My life doesn't feel real. I've read so many books where they meet the man of their dreams and he's wonderful and he loves the girl unconditionally and I never thought I'd ever get that.

It doesn't feel like this is me and my life. I know everyone gets boyfriends and stuff but it doesn't feel right for Jared to love me. It feels like a dream and one day I'll just wake up and go back to my boring little life without werewolves or soul mates or love.

He's just so lovely. Did you know he texts me every night and every morning? Lucy found out and nearly punched me in the face out of a fit of jealousy. Her boyfriend goes to college and if I'm honest, he's a dick. I shouldn't judge him because I don't know him that well, but he doesn't treat her as well as she deserves. He doesn't come up to La Push to see her unless he's certain he's gonna get laid and he rarely calls her unless there's something in it for him. He's cheated on her twice (well, he's only be caught twice, we don't know what he's doing when he's away) but she keeps going back to him, for reasons that I do not understand. She can do so much better than him, she really can. She acts like a bit of a ditz sometimes but she has a heart of gold and she's so funny, even if it's usually unintentional.

She seems to think she's just lucky that he's even seeing her, because he's older than her. I'd never thought of Lucy as an insecure person, and I've always admired her because of how confident she is, but when you realize that she thinks she's lucky to have someone like Austin, then you start to think that maybe she's not.

Jared took me back home yesterday at about three as that was when he promised Mom he'd get me home – well, actually he got me back for quarter to three, so he scored brownie points from her – and then I had to go round my Granny Anne's. She asked about the diary and was actually so surprised to find out that I'd stuck to it and was still writing it… I'm not the most dedicated, committed or disciplined person when it comes to things like this (for example, the dieting, which I'm now going to start up again) so she was so happy when she knew I was still doing it, which then made me happy.

When I first started writing this I didn't think I'd have anything to write about and that it would be pointless. I thought that I'd just write in it once a month and be like 'right, so… not much has changed. I bought a new top. It's grey. Like my life'. Now I can't go a week without writing it. I'm so glad that I have stuck with it because it's helped so much. I doubt I would have gotten through all of this without a diary to pour all my thoughts into.

I would recommend a diary to anyone who doesn't have someone to speak to about things; it's the second best outlet. Whenever I worry about all the embarrassing things that I've done I write them down and then it feels sort of like all the embarrassment has seeped out into the ink on the page and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Similarly, it gets my thoughts in order with all this supernatural business. It gets my thoughts in order and then it gets my thoughts out and suddenly I'm not a big ball of walking stress, ready to implode at any moment.

While I'm on that line of thought:

I LOVE JARED THAIL SO MUCH AND HE IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND I CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS MY FREAKING BOYFRIEND.

Okay. There we go.

See? Now I feel a bit calmer. Just a bit.

When we left my Gran's we went out for a meal and then I got back and the girls all came round to give me cards and a few lovely little presents. Once I told them about our change in relationship status they all screamed and jumped on me like the total girls that we are. They were pretty much as excited as I was and 'it's about time' seemed to be a common thought. My mom didn't seem quite so excited but she'll come around eventually. She didn't object, which is a good sign.

The girls all died at how unbelievably cute the little picnic was too, and of course the necklace. I'm scared to break it but I can't take it off. It's so beautiful. My birthday was so wonderful and cute that when I got home I didn't even know what to do with myself (obviously I wrote the diary because it's the first thing I think of now) but then I sort of just hopped around my room. Well, I put on some music and danced around like an idiot for ten minutes straight to try and get it all out of my system. I fell onto my bed, gasping for breath and realised I need to start doing more exercise, and then I sent Jared a long, mushy text about how he is the most wonderful person in the world and how the day was so wonderful and the necklace is wonderful and he just makes my life so freaking wonderful. And guess what? I don't even regret sounding like such a soppy teenage girl!

He replied, telling me that I was an absolute idiot but that he loved me even more for it. I nearly asked him to marry me again but thought that it might seem a bit too weird. Especially through a text.

Today has been a bit weirder. I went round Jared's for a little while in the morning.

At first for some reason I felt a bit nervous and I wasn't so sure how different things would feel, but I suppose one of the upsides of us being so very close to the boyfriend/girlfriend boundaries is that now we've tipped over the line there's not that much of a change. Now we just touch even more (you probably didn't think that was possible), kiss on lips (thank you, Lord) and we can express our feelings (I still can't help but giggle like an idiot or at least grin when he says those three little words that makes my heart soar).

As soon as I got through his front door today Momma Thail pulled me into another bone-crushing hug, wished me happy birthday for yesterday and then said, "I'm so glad that I can officially welcome you into the family!"

How gorgeously sweet is that? Jared pulled her off, a little bit embarrassed but smiling all the same, and told her off because it wasn't like we were getting married; I'm just his girlfriend after all. I still loved it.

I just love his family so much. Nathan asked me why the hell I'd want to go out with someone like Jared and then they bickered for about half an hour. Jared's little brother is just so delightfully cheeky.

I then went to visit Paul for another one of our study sessions.

"So, I hear you're finally letting Jared stick his tongue down your throat?" he asked as soon as he opened the door, grinning.

Needless to say, I blushed crimson.

"Well, he wants to stick something else there, but I think he's fine with waiting a bit longer after having to wait about two months for any action at all," he laughed.

I died.

Well, actually I just spluttered, had a coughing fit and then tripped over nothing.

He grinned. "Jared is gonna kick my ass for saying that to you."

I ignored him and went through to the living room. I'm getting slightly better with Paul. He still says things like that to purposefully embarrass me, but I've been telling him off lately and he seems to like the 'banter'. Although because we have a bit more of a rapport, he seems to take that to mean he can be even cruder.

I don't know why we're even doing these math sessions when it's summer vacation. I said Mr. Meakin probably wouldn't care if we just picked it back up again when we started next year (I was hoping he'd forget all together) but Paul said we should just get it over and done with. Personally I think he's starting to love math and can't bare to give it up.

It's unlikely, but I like to entertain the idea for my own amusement.

Even if the teasing is cruder, it is a lot better than the first time I went, I have to say. His little sister bit me again today but this time it was only on my finger, and she's actually letting me call her Lillian now. And the actually 'tutoring' aspect is okay because Paul's actually really smart; he just doesn't care enough to put any effort in. I told him that and he scoffed.

"Why would I want to spend my life studying like this for every subject?"

He seemed truly disgusted at such a preposterous idea. I stared at him.

"Err, because then you'll get better grades, which means you'd get a better job and you'll have more of a chance to get into a university…"

He shrugged as if it didn't matter. I stress about these things every day and he just shrugs it off! I wish I was as carefree as he seems to be, I worry about every little thing.

"There's no way in hell I'm going to uni anyway," he said.

"Why not?" I asked, perplexed. All I've ever wanted to do is go to a university somewhere far, far away from La Push. I've had the exact one picked out for about five years now.

"Jared did tell you what we are, right?" he asked sarcastically. "Werewolves don't usually spend their time at uni, you know."

I frowned. "Why not? You're not just a werewolf."

"We protect the people in La Push. That's what we do. It's what's in our blood – this is our home, why would we want to leave it?"

"Oh. Right."

My head was spinning and my stomach churned.

I couldn't be away from Jared.

And he wasn't ever going to go to university, was he? I'd be hours and hours away from him… I'd only ever be able to see him at weekends, and that thought just doesn't sit well with me. I can't go a day without seeing him, so to last a whole week… and that will be every week till I graduate – it's not just a one off –, and it could be for like four years… it would be torture. We wouldn't be able to last. Also, I hate travelling, so having to go back and forth every weekend would be horrific. I couldn't exactly ask Jared to come up to see me; I know he'd probably do it but it's not fair. What sort of life is that for him? He'd probably have other things that he wants to do as well, so he wouldn't even be able to see me each weekend. It would be every other if we were lucky.

Plus, if I go to the uni that I want to then it's so far away I wouldn't even be able to come down in the space of a weekend as it would take too long to drive!

It's impossible.

"You okay?" Paul asked, frowning at me. I nodded but I wasn't very helpful for the rest of the day. I think he got a bit hacked off with me in the end.

Didn't he understand? This was my life's dream going down the gutter – I know people always think it's stupid when teens say they have a 'lifelong' dream but I've never ever thought that I'd not go to university. It's what pretty much all my family, bar Jason, have done.

I went home and looked at the little leaflets and shit that I had about the one I wanted to go to.

I chucked them in the bin.

It was probably stupid to get upset about this, I know. I mean it is my decision not to go. When it's a choice between living without Jared or living without a silly degree then it was obvious which one, wasn't it? Jared was my soul mate, after all. It wasn't like I was throwing it away for any old person. He was going to be in my life forever. Jared pretty much is my life now.

Oh god. If Mom finds out then she is going to absolutely kill me. She's all for woman's rights and how you don't need a man. If she found out I was turning my back on higher education for a guy she would go mental. She already thinks that I'm not taking school as seriously anymore because of him.

It's fine. There are loads of alternatives to uni. I could get an apprenticeship or do an online course. It's fine. I'm sure I can find something. It's not that big of a deal.

You know what, it really isn't a big deal. I'm not even just saying that.

I wanted to get out of La Push because I hated it here. I hated how samey it is, how small it is, how boring it is. I couldn't see myself choosing to live here and staying somewhere so confined. I wanted to get off the rez simply because there's not that much to do here.

But it's not like that anymore. Jared introduced me to my culture, to the beautiful sights in my own back yard and you know what? I love it here. I never cared or wanted to know about anything to do with my heritage and now it's a major part of my life. I'm a living part of something exciting. In generations to come they'll probably talk about Jared and his pack. My own history is more interesting than anything we learn in school. Who cares if the jobs are boring? I've got Jared.

I'm happier now with Jared than I have ever been in my life. Why would I want to jeopardise that happiness by moving to basically the other side of America? And isn't that essentially what people go to uni for? Happiness? You go there to get a good degree to get a good job so you can be happy in a job you like and pay for a nice house you can be happy in and afford to buy the things you want. But I won't find more happiness in a good job, house and material objects than I will in Jared. I could live on the streets, jobless and as long as I have him I'll be happy. I don't need them because Jared has shown me I can find happiness in other things. He is all I need.

I'm happy.

Fuck Yale.

Kim Conweller

I forgot to mention last chapter that I have posted most of the pre-written chapters. I still have a few random chapters written from different bits, which are sort of bench marks in the story, but now I'm pretty much writing and then posting. Unfortunately, that means that I won't be posting as frequently but I promise I'll stick to this story and I still enjoy writing it so much so they won't be too far apart. As I can change things about more and add things in, if there's anything that you particularly want to happen then don't be afraid to drop a line. I absolutely love it when people say what they want to see as those types of reviews always give me so much more inspiration and ideas - and motivation to get me to write more so I'll probably update more frequently too.

This was quite a thought and feelings based chapter and there wasn't much action, and the next one is similar for about half of it, and then there's something which is just a little bit fun, but then there'll be some over due drama for you :)

I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter, the response was so great and it really meant so much to me that so many of you took the time to tell me what you thought as I was quite worried about it.

Thanks again everyone who's reading, I hope you enjoyed it and didn't find it boring :)