July 6

Dear Diary,

I'm a bitch. Mom always taught me not to bitch or get into confrontations and that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it at all. I like to think that I've kept to that for the most part of my life. I didn't really think I was a bitch.

It turns out I was wrong.

I am the biggest, meanest, bitchiest person in the world wide world for a completely different reason. When my friends argue I'm always the 'sitting on the fence' person of the group. I know that a lot of people find that annoying and prefer people who speak their mind, but I've just never been that person. I'm always just too conscious of hurting someone or what they'll think.

But then when it comes down to it, I hurt people anyway. Because I'm a coward. It's not 'being nice', it's being afraid. I don't even have the guts to speak my mind in an argument, so how am I meant to be the soul mate of a werewolf and support him?!

Let's start from the beginning.

This doesn't have anything to do with arguments. Unfortunately, it's about the 'supporting a werewolf soul mate' bit.

I've been harassing Jared to show me his wolf form for ages now and today he finally – after a lot of begging and compromising – agreed to share that side of himself with me.

He held my hand tightly in his as we walked into the shelter of the forest. His had was surprisingly a bit sweaty.

"Remember, you have to stay away until I've phased and when I move to change back to human form you have to make sure you're at least ten feet away, okay?" he said, staring back at me as he pulled me behind him through the woods, somehow knowing where he was going. It all just looked the same to me.

I nodded and smiled.

"Yes, Jared."

"Don't get too close until I've finished, right?"

I nodded again and shook my head at his worrying.

"Yes, Jared."

Once we got to an opening in the trees he kissed my head and squeezed my hands.

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes, Jared!"

He took a deep breath and took a step back.

He then started to unbutton his pants.

"Woah! What the hell are you doing?" I squeaked, covering my eyes with my hands.

He laughed and raised his eyebrows at me as I peeked through them. "I've gotta take them off to phase, haven't I? If not they'll rip to pieces. Unless you want me to walk back naked?"

I swallowed nervously and fropped my hands. "I, umm, imagine that would be… err, problematic if anyone were to encounter you, ah, walking through the woods au naturel…"

"Can I carry on then?" he asked, his cheeky grin overtaking the worried look that had settled on his features since he agreed to this.

I nodded. He then took his pants off. I love his legs. They're so thick and manly. I told you that in the last entry, didn't I?

Who cares? They're so nice.

"Could you hold these for me please?" he asked and once again I nodded. He then placed them in my arm and proceeded to pull his boxers off too. I automatically covered my eyes with my spare hand again to give him some privacy – even though he probably didn't want it, he's a cocky little shit sometimes – but mostly it was so I wouldn't get too embarrassed. He laughed and placed his boxers on top of the jeans in my hands. I didn't look at them.

I swallowed again and cleared my throat. He took a few steps away from me. I peeked through and did a little happy sigh. He really does a very good bum. I've never seen it bare before and it was even better than I'd imagined.

He turned back around and took a deep breath, his body starting to shake.

His body hunched and contorted. Thick brown fur erupted from within him. Four paws fell to the ground where there were previously two feet and his body grew to an enormous size. A wolf, gigantic but yet it held such beauty that you couldn't imagine him being something conditioned to hunt and protect.

The breath left my lungs and I stepped forward, eager to touch the soft, silky, short brown fur.

It was magnificent.

A beautiful, mythical creature.

But then it's large head turned to me and my eyes met Jared's.

Not a wolf's eyes, not a mythical creature's eyes. Jared's.

My Jared's.

I dropped the clothes.

It seems silly that that would be the thing that would click it all into place. It wasn't even that I just watched his body form into the shape of another being; it was that it was him, still. My Jared. A werewolf. The fur was attached to his skin. Those paws were his feet. He was in that – or rather, he was that. It was him. Of course it was him, no other thing could ever be so beautiful.

I'd always said that if I saw him phase it would help it sink it. And it did. I could feel it sinking in. And it happened so quickly, that I panicked. My mind finally made the link between werewolf and Jared, and suddenly the impossible and reality seemed to have swapped sides.

He was it, the atoms that had once made up his human form now created the body of this huge wolf and I didn't understand it. Atoms can't just change. Well, technically they can through nuclear fusion but that's not – why the hell am I thinking about nuclear fusion?!

See? This is what happened. My mind was just a whirlwind of confusing and absurd thoughts.

He shouldn't be able to do that – he shouldn't be able to live through that! The pain of your insides turning into the insides of another animal must be horrific. But how does it even happen? How can it physically work without him dying? Does his heart change, too? Surely having your arms form paws would hurt. Growing to that size is insane, you don't just grow that much without being in so much pain. How does it even work? The molecules and fibres of your body can't just change on will. It's not fucking possible! And it all happened so quickly!

I didn't want it to be real. I liked pretending that I believed it, even though I didn't truly think it was real.

But now I knew.

It was real.

This was all so fucking real.

I didn't want it to be real.

I wanted the thoughts out of my head and I just wanted to get away so I could clear my mind.

And thats why I then did the worst thing I've ever done. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I've had some embarrassing moments before, but I've never been so ashamed to admit something in my life. I still now can't come up with an excuse as to why I did it. There was no excuse. I was a coward.

I'm not brave enough. I don't deserve this, I know. I don't deserve Jared. I said before that I'm not strong enough for this and I'm not.

I wasn't scared of him. I've never ever been scared of him and what he is and I know I never will. There was nothing but the same love and tender affection in his eyes as when he's… normal, but I couldn't take it. You brain just doesn't want to accept that a human body can transform into an animal. It doesn't make sense.

I was confused.

And I panicked.

And then I ran.

I legged it home and I didn't look back.

And I will never, ever forgive myself.

Kim Conweller,

Grade A Bitch and winner of the Offical Worst Imprintee award.

Right, so you're all probably hating me and hating Kim right now, but I think with everything happening she's entitled for a bit of a freak out. Although unfortunarely, yes, Jared will be a bit heart broken at the sight of his soul mate running away from him and what he is, but I promise it will all be explained in the next chapter! I have done this for a reason!

I'm sorry to say that the next chapter won't be up for a while. I have to make quite a few changes to it and I'm on a 4 day walking/camping expedition at the weekend so there'll be no wifi for me!

Please keep all the lovely feedback coming! I adore getting your reviews and they're all so helpful. You keep me going and remind me to work on this and get it posted, as well as to improve this, so thank you everyone whose reading and reviewing :)

To the unnamed reviewer – from your review I assume it's Sammy - Thank you again! It was another lovely review, which again considerably cheered me up!

Ashley C – Yeah, I think you've definitely hit the nail on the head there. He will get better though and eventually accept their friendship :) Thanks again for reading and reviewing!