July 25

Dear Diary,

I have made a new friend. You will never believe who it is!

Go on, guess! No, you're wrong – it's Leah! Yes, that's right, my precious little diary, Leah Clearwater is now officially one of my friends. Well, I use the term 'friends' lightly... I think it's more of an affectionate hatred on her part but who cares?

The boys still find her a bit of a nightmare because she likes to put them through hell, but, like I said before, when you're going through as much shit as she is you're allowed to do that, especially if you have to share a mind with them. At first I didn't think she liked me as she'd glare daggers at me whenever I was remotely close to her – I think she disliked me even more than Paul did – but today it seems that she doesn't.

I took Zainy out for a walk alone because Jared was still running patrol, so I just took him to the beach. It was a surprisingly nice day and so I just sat down on the sand and had a look out at the sea, pondering about how wonderful mine and Jared's relationship is.

I'll admit it now, I've gone a bit soft in the head. But I can't help it, it's not my fault. I thought after our long chit chat that our relationship would slow down a bit, maybe we'd calm down so I wasn't as 'I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH STAY WITH ME FOREVER OR I'LL CUT YOU' like usually. Unfortunately, however, I'm still as obsessed and in love with him. In fact, while I thought Jared would run for the hills after hearing how obsessed I am with him, it seems that we've actually grown closer. I think we have a deeper understanding of each other now.

Anyway, I was in the middle of imagining spending my life with Jared and going to uni with him (I'll discuss this later!) when none other than Leah Clearwater plonks herself down next to me.

I eyed her wearily and spluttered a nervous hello because up until today I was pretty sure she secretly wanted to kill me.

"So you managed to shake off Loverboy for five minutes?" she asked in a mockingly shocked tone.

"Oh, just wait, he'll be here in a bit," I said, smiling cautiously.

She laughed, leaning her head back and looking up at the sky.

"Doesn't it get tedious?" she asked after a slightly awkward moment of silence.

"Does what get tedious?" I frowned.

"Having him follow you around like a lost puppy?" She looked back at me when I snorted.

"I think it's more I follow him around like a lost puppy."

She stayed quite for a bit and I petted Zain.

"So do you honestly not find Jared annoying at all?" she asked. "Because I can barely stand to be anywhere near him."

I laughed. "Nah, I'm really quite fond of him, actually."

Leah shook her head at me. "Jared is the last person I'd want to imprint on me… but then I suppose you don't have to share a mind with him. He's so fucking obsessed with you. It's sickly. Imprinting is just –"

I smiled awkwardly and played with my shoe.

"Do you ever feel a bit scared? You know, that you're sort of stuck with him forever?" she said. "I mean, that's it for you. You can't exactly go and get married to another dude when you know Jared's your soul mate."

I continued to play with my shoe. "I'm not scared at all because I don't think of it like I'll never be able to move on from him. I don't want to move on from him, and I love knowing that I won't have to."

Leah sighed and laid back on the sand, looking back up at the sky.

"You're one lucky bitch, you know that right? Not many girls at – what are you? Seventeen? – not many girls at seventeen can say that. I thought I could say that, but I was obviously wrong. But you, you actually know that for sure."

I nodded. I probably wouldn't have said that a couple months ago. I would still be a bit weary about the whole 'soul mate' topic because I wasn't really that certain as to where we stood. I definitely wouldn't have been able to talk to someone about it. I guess I just didn't really know if he'd even want to be with me. Finding out someone wants to stay with you forever is a bit of a jump when you haven't ever really had anyone love you deeply before.

It just took me a while to wrap my head around that concept. I know it's silly because that's what a relationship is all about; one person wanting to be with someone and the other reciprocating those feelings. I honestly never thought that I'd truly find that, let alone at – like Leah said – such a young age.

I'd feel a bit full of myself to say that Jared will love me forever, though. I think it's a bit of a brash statement to make, especially so early on in our relationship. Jared said the other day that I didn't need to worry about him leaving me, and I am trying to trust him, but it still seems a bit silly and naïve to say that. Anything could happen.

On the other hand, I can't ever see anything happening that will stop me from loving him.

Oh, I don't even know how I feel, Diary. I hate to come back after a couple of weeks (sorry about partially neglecting you, by the way) and suddenly start spouting shit that's opposite to what I was like in the last entry, but I do feel like our relationship has changed. It's not like we're getting married or anything, but I feel like we're a lot closer now. I understand him more.

Anyway, I told Leah that I knew I was very lucky and she scoffed.

"Honestly, Kim. You really don't know how lucky you are. Not only do you have someone who loves you, thinks the sun shines out of your ass, but you have someone who isn't going to leave you…" She looked over at me and I felt so guilty. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because it's not my fault the big hands of fate decided that I should be blessed with this and she should have all these thousands of troubles laid upon her shoulders, but it's hard to know how cruel the other end of imprinting can be. My life isn't easy by any means, but I do feel like an idiot moaning when I actually have quite a lovely life.

"Even if it was one of the guys?" I asked her, trying not to show I felt sorry for her. I think that's pretty much the main reason why she puts the guys through hell. If they hate her they can't feel sorry for her. Human beings, especially hotheaded teenage boys, aren't really wired that way all the time. I know some people can find compassion for anyone but you don't always get that trait in everyone.

I grinned as her eyes gave away the true answer.

"Don't you fucking dare run off and tell Jared that," she warned.

"I won't, I promise," I said, smiling. "I thought you hated them?"

"I do! Of course I hate them. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm harbouring secret crushes for any of them or anything, but I'd take pretty much anyone at the moment."

I smiled at her, trying to make it as least patronising as possible.

"You remind me of my stepsister."

"Why? Is she a werewolf too?" she replied dryly, her sharp tongue making me roll my eyes.

"She got done over by like all seven of her past boyfriends. Swore she'd never find someone who loved her. She's bringing her fiancé over to meet her dad next weekend." She looked over at me. "Her fiancé is fifty-seven. She's twenty-three."

She let out a cackling-like laugh.

"Scott, her dad, he doesn't know this. I'm absolutely dying to see his reaction when his baby girl brings him in. She told me that he's lost a lot of his hair but he loves her, so it doesn't matter. Apparently older men don't mess you around like guys your age."

She shoved me lightly. "Thanks for that, I'll bare that in mind."

I smiled at her.

"Unfortunately it's a bit difficult to get a guy when you're a werewolf. I don't imagine a lot of guys like that shit, even when they're desperate old guys."

"I'm sure there's some guys who have that particular fetish."

She pulled a face and shoved me again.

Leah stopped for a moment and looked at me. "You know how you freaked out?" she said, causing my cheeks to flame in embarrassment. Unfortunately, it seems, the others found out about my whole cowardly runaway.

"Yes," I replied quietly. It's one thing having done it but it's a whole new level of embarrassment that everyone else knows too.

"Would you have accepted Jared if he hadn't imprinted on you? If you didn't have that bond or the knowledge that he's your soul mate?"

I thought about it before I realised why she was asking.

"Yeah, I would. Without a doubt. I mean, that never really came into it for me. It was mostly that I knew him. I knew he wasn't some savage thing that was going to run around, terrorising villages or anything like that."

She bit her nail and I suddenly realised. "You – you don't think you'll imprint?"

She looked over at me and smiled sadly. "I was a mistake. You should have seen the looks on the guys' faces when they realised a girl had phased. I don't think I'll be imprinting on some unsuspecting normal guy any time soon."

I frowned at her, surprised. "You think it was a mistake that you phased?"

"What? You don't?"

"Not really. I thought it was weird that more girls hadn't phased yet… It's like with this day and age there's not really that much difference between sexes. What can guys do that women haven't proved that they can do too? Maybe back when the tribe first phased the women just stay at home but I think nowadays it would be a silly notion that a female can't protect her people."

She was the one who looked quite surprised now.

"I suppose…"

"If anything you should feel really proud. You're like being the first female solider or president or something equally as significant. I'm pretty sure it wasn't just a mistake."

Her eyebrow raised. "You know, you're alright, Kim. I thought you were a bit of a bore but you're alright."

I just nodded. People don't seem to understand that these 'compliments' are actually insults too.

Anyway, Leah looked away and scratched her forehead as she contemplated what I just said.

My mom would be so proud at the amount of girl-power bullshit that I was spouting. I mean, I adore Jared and I'm so lucky to have him, and I know I don't understand what it's like for them, but I do feel a bit… well, useless. With the whole imprinting thing it seems that I'm more the stay at home to cook and clean woman, rather than the fight and protect and do something significant. I mean, I know the Third Wife played a pivotal part in the protection of the tribe way back when, but now when I'm standing next to a pack of werewolves I can't help but feeling... inadequate. What the hell can I do? What if something happened and a massive swarm of vampires attacked La Push? I'd just be waiting at the sidelines, praying that Jared doesn't get hurt. I couldn't do anything. I don't really understand what use I have in this whole thing. I don't really see why I'm involved in it.

I wonder when more girls will start phasing. Two young guys, even younger than Seth, phased a little while ago and they're the last to phase. Brady and Collin. They're both so cute and I adore them. I just want to mother them because they just seem so young. I couldn't imagine them ever hurting anything. Sam is trying to get them to do the least amount of stuff to keep them in school because they're just so young.

Suddenly Leah's head snapped to the nearest patch of woods to the beach.

"Loverboy's on his way," she said, turning back to me. I tried not to smile the goofy smile I get from anticipation when I know he's coming.

She seemed to catch it anyway. "Wow. You really are just as sickly as he is, Paul's right."

It's not my fault. I haven't seen him all day because I spent the day with the girls. I have every right to look forward to seeing him!

I frowned sadly at the Paul remark. "Does Paul still hate me?" I asked and she smiled.

"Paul loves you nearly as much as Jared does. He pretends he doesn't 'cos you're, you know, a nerd." Thanks. "But it's like with all of the guys, they have a soft spot for you because they have to listen to Jared harping on about you so much. We sort of have to care because he cares because the imprint's so strong and he's our brother. Paul's worst affected 'cos he's so close to Jared." Double thanks.

She must have read my face because she laughed loudly again.

"I'm kidding. He likes you for you, don't worry."

I let out a breath and allowed a nervous laugh. She shook her head at me as Jared finally joined us.

"Are you being a bitch to my girlfriend, Leah?" he asked as he sat down next to me, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my lips.

"Well, I was telling her about all the dirty thoughts you have when you phase. So if that counts as being a bitch, then yes."

His face fell. "What?" Her eyebrow twitched in a 'you know I would' way. He looked at me. "She didn't."

I looked away. I tried to carry on with the act but I'm not that good at lying so I ended up laughing.

"What the hell have you been thinking if you're that scared!" I asked, my eyes wide.

Jared sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Never mind, Kim. Never mind."

I continued to laugh at him, but I gave him a shove for good measure.

He gave Leah a warning look and she grinned evilly.

"Seriously, Jared! What don't you want me to know?"

He smiled and leant into me again, kissing me softly to distract me. "Seriously, Kim," he teased, "You don't wanna know."

I gave him a funny look and he kissed me again.

"For God sake. Do you two have to suck each other's faces off every second of every day?" Leah asked dryly.

"If you don't want to see it, leave," Jared replied.

"To be fair, if anyone should go it should be you because technically Leah was here first," I said and he gaped.

"Did you –" he stopped, seemingly lost for words and then turned to Leah. "You were with her like five minutes and you already managed to inject your bitchiness into her and turn her against me!"

Leah rolled her eyes and got up and left.

"See you, Kim. Bye, Idiot."

I smiled and waved and Jared pulled a face. He's so immature sometimes.

He turned back to me and I smiled and pulled him closer, pressing my lips to his.

"I love you, you know? I love you so much," I said and he pushed me down so I was on my back.

"I love you too," he replied and kissed me softly. "Even if you're friends with Queen Bitch."

I pouted and he laughed and kissed me again.

I then asked him how patrol went, we kissed some more and generally acted as sickly as usual.

But anyway, I was going to give you an update on the uni situation.

After much persuasion, blackmailing and compromising Sam relented.

"Sam says – after a lot of hard work on my part, mind you," I grinned up at Jared and kissed his nose. "That if I can use my extra physical abilities to my advantage then I should. But I'm not allowed to like, become a professional athlete or shit like that, because that's not fair."

I grinned. "Awsome."

"And no-one is allowed to find out what I am so I can't come first in like everything I do and I can't do things to the best of my ability," he said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I realised that you can't exactly go beating world records or people will get a bit too interested."

"Mmm. But as long as I'm very careful with it, Sam agrees that if I can use this to help myself then I should."

Another grin found it's place on my face and I patted his head, standing up. "Okie Dokie. You go home and I'll come round tomorrow when I pick some books up after work. I've got to do some research now. Shoo!"

He looked at me with a displeased look. Jared opened his mouth to say something but obviously thought better of it. He pecked my lips and left, letting me do what I wanted, it was no use trying to get me to stop.

I turned up at his house the next day at two in the afternoon with a big pile of books I'd got from my bookstore and the library. I also had big wad off leaflets, brochures and my laptop, on which I'd bookmarked a gazillion websites like How to Win a Scholarship and shit like that.

Jared opened the door and sighed at the sight of me.

"Are you ready to win a scholarship?" I exclaimed enthusiastically.

Jared pretended he wasn't as enthusiastic at me but he still smiled and his eyes twinkled.

"Come in, you idiot."

For the rest of the day, and a couple of other days since, Jared, his mom and I sat there learning all there is to know about scholarships, courses and universities in general. I made a little book with information, research, tips, deadlines and shit like that. I also spent half of last night on the phone to my cousin who won the scholarship finding out pretty much everything there is to know about it and what he had to do. This is just the type of nerdy stuff that I like. I thrive on it.

I was really excited.

"You know, Kim, you don't have to put this much effort in," Jared said as we grabbed some food from the kitchen, taking a small break during the first research day.

"Oh, shush. This stuff is like smoking weed for geeks like me."

He rolled his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face. "Urgh. Why the hell did I get lumbered with the nerdy psycho?"

I glared and hit him but he pulled me into a hug. "Are you really not bored? Because I'm fine with doing it alone," he said, stroking my hair.

"Seriously, Jared, this is so interesting. And I'm learning lots about it for myself too. I just… I'm not pushing you into this, am I? I feel like I am. You're gonna have to put a lot of work in and if it's not what you really wanted to do… I don't want you to end up hating me because I forced you into it."

He shook his head adamantly. "No, Kim, of course not. I told you the other day, it was something that I'd always wished I'd of been able to do, but never believed I'd be able to accomplish it. I used to be quite smart, but I stopped caring when girls started to pay attention to me. Honestly, if I didn't want this you know I wouldn't be putting this much effort in. I'm far too lazy to even watch you do this if I didn't really want it."

I bit my lip. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he said, his hands settling on my back as he pulled me closer.

"Promise?"

"Yes, Kim, I promise. Happy now?"

"A bit," I smiled. He shook his head and kissed me again.

Kim Conweller

Okay, so the Leah/Kim bit was a one-shot idea that I never got round to writing so I thought why not put it in here. But I did have to split it in half so expect another girly heart to heart later on. I love Leah and her character so I always seem to be putting her in my fanfics. I just hope you liked the chapter.

I want to say another massive thank you to all of those who are sticking with this and especially to those taking the time to give some feedback. Please be as honest as you can be! If you're annoyed with something then the only way that this can get better is by just writing a quick line in a review :) Thanks again!

Also, thank you so much LiViNgStRoNgLy and Ashley C for your wonderful reviews, I really appreciate it :)