August 25

Dear Diary,

This Monday was the first day of my last year at high school. I thought it would feel a bit different to how it was last year. We're the oldest in the school and I only have a little while left 'til I leave but it really doesn't feel any different. I mean, I'm about five times more stressed but I don't feel sad about leaving. If anything I'm looking forward to it. I suppose it's changed a little bit as I certainly don't hate going into school as much as I did because I look forward to seeing Jared there.

It's weird to think that this time last year I wouldn't have had anything to do with him… It's strange how quickly your whole life can turn around. Now it just seems completely normal to spend pretty much all my time with him. It feels natural.

That reminds me of something that I really need to get off my chest.

I have mentioned, many times now, that Jared is God's gift to women and homosexual men. I have also briefly mentioned that girls like to throw themselves at Jared. Tuesday was one of those days.

At lunch, for the past like, four months, I've alternated between whether I sit with Jared and his friends or I sit with mine. I try and keep to sitting with one every other day. But when I sit with Jared they all accept and honour that we like to sit together. It's normal, isn't it? They're fine with that. We're boyfriend and girlfriend, we're gonna want to sit next to each other! And so I sit in the exact same place on their table in the cafeteria next to Jared and noone ever sits on that side of him. It's not an obsessive thing that I have, we just like to be close and that's routine.

However, guess who was sitting in my seat today when I walked into the cafeteria?

Isi freaking Hurit.

His ex-girlfriend.

Sitting next to Jared.

In my space.

Last year I would have just gone to sit with my old friends and glared daggers at her for the whole of lunch – you may have noticed that I'm a bit of a pussy – but I was not going to sit idle by as she tried to win over my boyfriend.

While we were getting changed for gym today she not so subtly told me that I was not Jared's 'type' and implied that she most definitely was his 'type'. After gym I of course came up with a million fantastic comebacks, but at the time I didn't say anything.

Did you know that l'esprit de l'escalier is the French saying for the feeling you get when you leave a conversation and think of all the things you should have said? There is no translation for this into English. I learnt that today in class. I think that there should be because I get that literally every time I have a confrontation with someone. That's why I'm just no good in arguments.

The most annoying thing about the chit-chat with Isi was that she didn't do it in an outwardly mean way. She did it in a patronising way, like she felt sorry for me for being so naïve as to think he'd actually like me and she'd somehow 'let' me have him for a little while, but now it was time to claim him back. Her goal for this new school year was apparently something other than bumping up her grades.

I sat down in the only other spare seat, in between Brady and Jacob. Isi sat on the other side of Brady.

Everyone said hello and I tired to pretend that everything was hunky dorey.

Embry, who was on the other side of Jared, offered to swap seats. Usually I would have jumped at the offer but Isi turned, flicking her thick curly hair over her shoulder and gave me The Look.

I politely declined the offer.

Let me explain The Look.

You will not understand The Look unless you have been to high school. It's what snotty, bitchy girls who think they're superior use on the lower rank girls or the competition. They can be smiling and complimenting you but they'll have The Look in their eyes and you know it's all bullshit. You can tell that inside they're having everyone on. You can tell whatever compliment they're paying you is a lie and that they don't like you. But you can't ever say anything to anyone because they can't see it as The Look wasn't directed at them. To everyone else she's being genuine, kind and sincere. But there's just that glint in their eyes and you know she's faking it and she knows that you know that, yet everyone thinks the sun shines out of her ass.

"I like your hair, Kim, it's really thin."

I wanted to hit her. I wanted to physically cause harm to another human being simply because she complimented my hair.

How is thin a compliment? I hate my hair. I wrote in the last entry that my hair is thin and wispy and you can't do anything with it – and once again, my ex-hairdresser sister Lydia forget to work wonders on it before she left so it's still ugly.

My hair is just another one of the many traits of my life that is boring. Isi's hair fell in thick, loose ringlets around her shoulders, looking soft, shiny and bouncy. She knew she had nicer hair than me. This is just what girls are like when they don't like you. Pretending to be nice is somehow worse than if she just said 'Your hair looks rank today' because there's that infuriating knowledge that everyone thinks she's really sweet and kind when she's actually the devil reincarnated.

"Thanks," I replied.

She smiled and turned back to Jared.

Jared loves me. He is with me. He is not with Isi anymore. He is my freaking soul mate.

I kept repeating those four sentences over and over in my head like a mantra.

She placed her hand on Jared's forearm and stroked it up and down as she laughed at something Paul said.

The mantra didn't work. I still wanted to hit her.

Jared just started to eat as if nothing happened. He's lovely but he's a bit oblivious at times.

At least that's what I told myself to believe. He's just oblivious. He didn't realize that her incessant touching and giggling and flirty eyes were the beginning of her master plan to win him back. Because if I let myself believe for one moment that he knew this and just let her carry on because he had feelings for her then I'd go mad (if I haven't already driven myself to insanity through over-analysing everything).

"Oh, I miss you so much, Jared," she said in a light, carefree way, smiling and batting her eyelashes at him.

But it wasn't a light, carefree statement. It is the thing that she was planning to say to plant a seed of thought into his mind. So that later he'd go home and think, 'You know what, I really do miss Isi. I haven't spent time with her in ages,' and then he'd be like, 'Oh, Isi, do you want to just hang out?' and she'd be like, 'Yes please Jared that would be oh so lovely,' and then when he's least expecting it she'll pounce on him and then I'll be left alone while he goes off fucking Isi fucking Hurit. Fucking fuck.

You must be thinking that I'm reading into this too much.

I don't know what it is that makes me like this about Jared. I like to think that I was never a very jealous person. When friends did things with others I wasn't jealous, I didn't get upset about it, I understood. Even when Mom bought Jason that car I wasn't that jealous. Sure, I was a bit miffed that he got one when I wasn't going to get one, but I wasn't jealous. In fact, it just made me want to pay for my own one even more. I like to do things for myself and not rely on others.

Oh.

I guess that's bullshit now.

I rely on Jared for quite a lot. Like, so much. I don't really do that that often. I've always thought that it's not really a clever idea to have to rely on other people for things.

I've decided I'm going to just blame all of this on him. He's completely turned my brain to shit. How is it he seems to have changed every aspect of my life?

Anyway, back to lunch.

She touched his knee. I could see. I glared at the back of her head. Jared smiled (I like to think awkwardly) and moved his leg away, turning his whole body to talk to Embry. He got massive brownie points for that.

"So, Kim," she said. I hate that she kept saying my name. I hated the way she said my name. "You were loads better in Gym today."

The compliments were getting ridiculous. People were going to catch onto her soon.

I hope.

Jared looked over. "Well, better than usual," she laughed and then proceeded to tell Jared and the others about the time I couldn't catch the ball Jaz Phillis threw at me and it smacked me in the face so hard it gave me a nosebleed for the rest of the lesson and I passed out.

Jaz is a girl in our year whose about six foot nine and the strongest female I've ever met. When she throws a ball, she really throws a ball. And I also wrote in the last entry that I have the amazing capability to have excruciatingly long nosebleeds. At times they can last for up to an hour without me passing out from loss of blood, but unfortunately this time round the impact of the ball on my head made me even more dizzy and I passed out and had to be sent home. She laughed and told the story as if we were best buddies. She looked at me in a patronising way and then she giggled up at Jared, who was looking a bit horrified.

Great.

Paul laughed loudly and I kicked him in the shins under the table. It probably hurt me a lot more than it did him but I didn't care because at least it shut him up.

I waited until the conversation moved onto something else before I stood up.

I couldn't stand being around her and watching her looking at Jared like that. I just couldn't handle it. I know I said that I wasn't going to sit idle by as she stole my boyfriend, but I'm still a pussy. Or I was gonna break something, and it would probably be her nose. Her straight, perfect little nose.

Oh, for God's sake! She even has a nicer nose than I do! Mine's just way too wide for my face. I've literally no clue as to why the hell Jared would chose me over her other than the fact that she's a bitch.

"I'm gonna go get a bottle of water," I told Jared when he looked up at me. He started to stand, smiling.

"Okay, I'll go wi–"

Paul put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him down, having already risen from his seat. "I'll go with her. I need to get some more food."

Jared frowned and went to say something but Paul took my elbow and pulled me off without another word.

Paul bought an orange – our school are doing a 'healthy' week… the boys are far from impressed – and a bottle of water for me. I tried to protest but he told me to shut up, pushed it into my hands and then pulled me outside the cafeteria and down the hall. He pretended it was because he wanted to peel the stupid orange over the bin but there were bins in the hall.

"So, what's up with you and Isi?" he asked as he struggled to start off the orange.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, little Kimmy, I can spot a death glare a mile off," he said, grinning, but still couldn't break into the orange with his massive fumbling fingertips.

I sighed because as much as I love to watch him struggle, I had a feeling this could go on for a while. I took the orange off of him and started peeling it.

"My hands are clean," I told him.

"Thanks. Now… Isi?"

I focused on the orange. "I honestly don't know what –"

"You're jealous, aren't you?" he interrupted, smirking.

"No!" I spluttered.

His eyebrows rose. I hate how so many people seem to just read me like a book.

I shrugged and chucked the peelings into the bin and shoved the orange into his hand. He grinned as he popped a few segments into his mouth.

"Why?" he asked. "You know Jared loves you."

I shrugged again and crossed my arms defensively. "She pretty much told me she made it her goal to bang him by the end of the year."

He laughed and finished off the orange, leaning against the wall. I don't see the point of him even eating an orange. It's too small. He'd probably only feel any difference if he ate a crate full of them.

"Oh come on, Kim," he said. "You know Jared wouldn't do that."

"No, no, I know he wouldn't…"

"But…" he prompted.

"I don't trust her. And it's not nice having the entire female population at this school trying to bed your boyfriend."

"Don't be stupid," he said. "The entire female population of this school want to fuck me, not Jared. I've got a far better six pack and a much bigger co–"

The door swung open and Jared stepped out, cutting Paul off. I glared at Paul and Jared walked up to us, wrapping his arm around me. "What are you two talking about out here?"

"The Pleasure Machine," Paul informed him.

"What are you talking about Paul's dick for?" Jared asked, frowning down at me in confusion and alarm.

I frowned back at him in equal confusion and double the amount of alarm. "How do you know that he calls it that?"

Maybe it's not just Isi I should be worried about…

Jared rolled his eyes. "You know we have that thought sharing thing," he said and I was still a little worried.

"Yeah but why are you thinking about that?"

"You can't control your thoughts, can you? It's not your fault if you think of something, it just happens."

"Yeah and I think about The Pleasure Machine an awful lot," Paul informed me.

"Delightful," I said dryly and he pulled that sarcastic 'I hate you' smile at me. I shot him another glare.

The bell went and Jared sighed, taking my hand. "Come on."

"I still can't believe you call it 'The Pleasure Machine'," I said as Paul traipsed behind us. He shrugged and grinned while Jared laughed as if it was hilarious. I really do not understand those two.

They walked me to my class, Jared kissed me and then they carried on walking to their next class. I could still hear them talking about more delightfully crude things as I shut the door to my classroom.

Getting closer to all of the pack is lovely, but it does mean that they care less and less about what they talk about in front of me. It seems that I have been fully integrated into the group and I'm now seen thoroughly as 'one of the boys'. I adore each and every one of them and I love spending time with them and being a part of their group, but I have to say it's nice to spend some time with the girls after I've spent a whole day surrounded by a large group of guys who still like to tell fart and dick jokes.

Anyway, after school today Jared went to one of his many arrays of extra curricular sport activities. On the first day back he went and saw the head of our gym department about wanting to get a scholarship. Mr. Timbers didn't really take him seriously until he made him run laps for like an hour after school and well, lets just say he was impressed. Jared of course didn't do it to his full ability. I mean, he can't turn around and run at his full speed, breaking world records, so he's basically doing a jog, yet has to pretend to really pant and struggle through it. I think it's something that he'll get used to over time and eventually it'll come more naturally, but it's definitely something that he has to do. It's crucial that noone cottons on or starts to take too much of an interest. He has to be good enough for them to stop and think, 'Hmm, he's actually really good,' but not too good that he'd risk exposing the pack.

We've been back at school for four days now and he's done something every day after school because he's got to find out what he's good at. Some of the other guys were discussing doing the same, getting into sport now for the chance of a scholarship but as soon as they realised how much work they had to put in they weren't really bothered, apart from Brady and Seth, who don't really have a lot of patrolling to do (Sam doesn't want the younger wolves to miss too much school) and were into sport before they phased anyway.

It's going to be a lot to do and I'm not really sure if he's going to be able to pull it off. The guys have missed quite a bit of school and having to juggle schoolwork, patrolling and his training is going to be difficult. Andy, who at first was as terrified of Jared as I was of Paul, actually quite likes him now, so he's offered to help him with other subjects not just Math as a sort of joint study session. Andy's such a lovely guy.

So, while Jared being off doing sport means I won't spend as much time with him, it does me that I can spend time with my other friends without having to worry about one or the other feeling like I've ditched them.

The girls, Oli, Cameron, Luis and Dan seem to be quite pleased with me. When Michele got a boyfriend last year we didn't even see her for about three months, then they split up and now you can't even mention his name. I think I've managed to balance everyone quite well. Like, if I've made plans with one of them and the other asks to do something, I won't chose which one I'd rather spend time with, unlike what Lucy is like. If we've organised to do something and her stupid idiot of a boyfriend (he doesn't even deserve that title) asks her to go round then she'll drop everything and run to his aid. It's very annoying.

I think it's different for me though because I know I'll be with Jared forever and if I don't put the effort in to see my friends then I'll lose them forever.

I'm seeing Emily a lot too. She's really easy to get on with. As for my relationship with Leah… well, I'm more of a mediator between her and everyone else. I'm not really sure where she and Emily stand. I mean, they're cousins and they were best friends too, but hen someone so close to you steals your fiancé it's a bit hard to just forget, even if you know that they didn't really have a choice. It's difficult for Leah to spend time around them and I've noticed how she turns into real Bitch Leah mode whenever they start sending each other the adoration-filled gazes. The guys all get ratty too then, so I'm usually the one who has to try and calm them all down. While I now count Emily as one of my very close friends, I can't help but think she should keep the love levels on the minimum setting whenever Leah is within hearing distance. I know better than anyone how hard it is to keep your hands off your imprint, but I hate everyone getting pissed with Leah when I know it's more of a retaliation or her trying to cover up her vulnerability than her actually wanting to upset anyone. I try not to choose sides, though. Like I said, I'm more the mediator type.

Anyway, Jared was at football trials today, I think, and came back to mine a bit exhausted. He had patrol until quite late last night – or rather, early this morning – and considering he then had to get up so early for school and was busy non-stop today, I think he had every reason to fall asleep on me about five minutes after he came into my room. I didn't even get a chance to ask him how it went.

We were on my bed, I was lying down and his face was pressed into my stomach, his arm draped over my hips. I spent a while running my fingers through his hair and stroking his soft skin and I think I might have dozed off to the sound of his very heavy breathing a few times, but then unfortunately I needed to go to the bathroom. This type of stuff doesn't happen in romance movies or books. They just sit there all cuddled up and cute but oh no, I have to have a stupid bladder.

I tried to gently roll him off me but after a while of struggling I realized it was no use, he was out like a light. I tried to wiggle out but his arm just curled around me tightly. I managed to slide out but his fingers coiled around my top.

After I delicately pried his fingers off and strugged for a while, I managed to get out without waking him up. I had to be a bit more forceful than I'd planned but he didn't even stir so it didn't matter in the end. I stood next to my bed and stared down at this big oaf of a man, sleeping like a baby.

He mumbled something as he fidgeted, the arm that was around me folded in underneath him and then he faintly whispered my name, frowning. I froze and bit my lip.

He sighed and grumbled in that sleepy way. "Love… Kim," he murmured under his breath and fidgeted again, his mouth hanging open.

"Aww," a giggle escaped my lips and I had to cover my mouth with my hand. I was pretty sure he dribbled.

"I love," he mumbled as he buried his face in my pillow, "Kim."

Covering my face with my other hand, I managed to hold in the snort of laughter. I wiped the drool off his face, grinning, and he mumbled something incoherent. He seems to do the littlest things that make me love him so much more. He's this massive six-foot werewolf and he's mumbling cute little things in his sleep.

On my way out of the room I suddenly remembered way back to before my birthday and grabbed my diary, going back and then copying out the little message that he wrote which I stuck in, whilst I squirmed with my legs crossed because I really did need to pee.

'I now know what I'm buying you for your birthday: a massive roll of duct tape so that at night you can keep your mouth shut. Did you know you talk in your sleep? Not that I mind, I think it's quite cute when you say my name in your sleep.

Sweet dreams,

Kim

xxx'

I left it by his hand and sneaked out, giggling.

He's such a sweetheart. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself because he's just too cute.

It's things like that which make me so confused as to why the hell Mom doesn't think he's the most perfect guy in the world. You'd of thought that with the whole Lydia/Richard thing she'd have gotten better but if anything it's made her even touchier about the subject. I really don't fucking understand it. If anything she should just be glad that I'm actually dating someone whose my age and not a paedophile!

I don't even care. I've given up. She'll come round eventually when she realises what a blind idiot she's been. By the time Lydia had left Scott had warmed up to Rich a bit more. He's a really lovely bloke when you get to know him, but I think it's going to take a bit more convincing for Scott to be happy about the whole situation.

This would all be so much easier if we could just tell my mom about imprinting and all of that. It's annoying but I guess I understand that we can't go around telling everyone we want to. Pluss, God knows how she'd react at my boyfriend being a werewolf.

On the way back I poked my head back in my room to find him awake. He was glaring at me.

"Cheeky. Little. Bitch."

I was set off into another laughing fit.

"Get over here right now," he ordered playfully and I shook my head.

He pointed to the empty space next to him. "Get back here right now, Kimberley Conweller, or you'll be in even deeper trouble."

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him, but I scurried over to the bed anyway. He pulled me on top of him, still glaring.

"I do not talk in my sleep," he declared as I sat on top of him, smiling widely.

"Yeah you did."

"No, I dont."

"Mmm," I pretended to think about it. "I'm pretty sure you did."

"No, I didn't," he insisted. "I don't talk in my sleep. That's you."

"Oh… Kim… I love you so much, Kim. Mmm. Oh, Kim, you're the love of my life," I mimicked through my giggles. Yeah, I exaggerated a bit, but he's not to know that, is he?

His nostrils flared and he flipped us over, glaring into my eyes as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"Liar."

I shook my head and he growled. "You just can't accept it. You're in sleep-talking denial."

He shifted his body weight, still looking at me playfully angry.

"What were you dreaming about?" I asked and he buried his face in neck, groaning. "You were drooling so it must have been a nice dream." I giggled and squirmed as he blew a raspberry on my neck.

"You're so immature!" I shouted and tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge.

"I hate you," he simply replied before starting to kiss and gently nibble on the same spot of my neck.

I grinned down at him. "You don't hate me," I said, mimicking what he told me the other week. He stopped his assault on my neck and looked up at me, his eyes narrowing. "You love me so much that sometimes you get angry with how perfect I am and you get frustrated with the uncontrollable love you have for me. You misinterpret this for hate when it overwhelms you."

His mouth hung open.

"Wow, Jared," I said, smiling up at him. "I was always annoyed at how much you made fun of me but – wow. This really is very enjoyable!"

He sat up and tried to move away. "I can't even be around you right now. You're so annoying."

I laughed loudly and pulled him back. "Aww, I'm sorry, baby, did I hurt your feelings?" I said in an annoyingly cutesy voice.

He pushed me back down and hovered over me. "Please stop talking," he said although he was having trouble fighting down his smile. "I can feel myself falling out of love with you," he joked.

I ran my fingers through his hair again and tried to bring him closer.

"I love you."

He didn't reply to me, just narrowed his eyes again. I tugged his hair gently.

"I love you," I repeated.

He shook his head.

"Jared!" I moaned. "Why won't you love me back?"

"Shut the hell up," he laughed and lowered his mouth to mine.

"I guess I love you too," he replied after a pretty long and hot make out session, by which time I couldn't even remember what the hell we were fake-bickering about.

I just smiled and nodded, redirecting his mouth back to where it belonged.

Kim Conweller

P.S. Granny Anne had to have a memory test with the doctor and apparently she has the begining stages of Alzheimers. Grandad doesn't ever show it but I know he's upset about it. Both her and Mom had children late so she'd quite an old grandmothe and it wasn't really a surprise. I think we all knew it was coming because she's got a lot worse lately.

When I took Jared to go see her she asked us if we wanted a drink about four times. When we left she apologized for not offering us a drink. I called her the day after and she asked when I was coming round because I hadn't seen her in a few months.

Thanks for reading, please leave a review with your thoughts on the chapter, whether it's good or bad :)

Sorry it took a while to get up, it seemed every time I edited this and added/deleted bits I'd hit the wrong button and it would go back to the last page, deleting all the changes I'd just made. This happened about six times and I'm not very patient so I had to leave it and come back later in the end!

LiViNgStRoNgLy - Thank you so much for another lovely review! I'm really glad that you liked the bits about everything else as it as you seem to be the only one who doesn't just want the cute Kim/Jared moments. Whilst I love writing the little fluffy bits the best, I think that there would be a bit more than that in a teenage girls diary so I'm glad you think it makes it more realistic :) Thank you for writing detailed responses, I love reply to them! And thank you for being patient as I know I haven't been as quick on updating as I was a the start, but I've become unexpectidly busy lately. Thanks again!

To the unnamed anonymous reviewer - Thank you, whoever you are! I'm trying to balance it all so there's enough for everyone so I'm really you like it :)