August 29

Dear Diary,

Gran is on these drugs that are supposed to delay the symptoms of Alzheimer's. I didn't really understand how it would work so, like always, I spent the whole day looking up symptoms, treatment and stories of other people with different kinds of dementia. I have thus, thoroughly scared myself shitless.

I'm sure she'll be fine. You'd understand if you knew her, she doesn't let anything faze her. She'll be fine. She's got Gramps and he'll always take care of her. Who cares if she forgets a few things every now and then…

She'll be fine. I just know it. She's too strong.

Anyway, it's about three in the morning and I only got in about an hour ago.

I know, how reckless of me – and it's a school night, no less!

I'm only kidding about the reckless bit. Sort of.

Not really, actually. I was pretty terrified about the whole ordeal. Sure, it's not robbing a bank or anything but for my standards, it's pretty damn reckless.

I can't sleep, whether it's from the adrenaline – yeah, yeah, I'm a nerd, get over it – or from worrying over Granny Anne, or from my uncontrollable love for Jared; I'm not sure, but I couldn't sleep so I thought I might as well sit and write. I always seem to write at the most awkward of times, but it's just very therapeutic.

So, as always, I'll start from the beginning. And again, as always, it's all Jared's fault.

It was lunch and we were just standing in an empty hallway while everyone was outside in the extremely rare sun. They're making the most of it because we're going into colder weather soon and it's pretty much rain and snow from there on out. Jared and I don't really care that much, we spend a lot of time outside when we're walking Zain so it's not a big deal.

"Will you accompany me to the beach tonight?" Jared asked as his fingers gently stroked up my neck. He smiled, while I squirmed at the feather-light touches on my already sensitive skin.

"Okay," I said, reaching up to press my lips to his.

"Everyone's going to be there, Billy's telling the legends again. It'll be the first time Quil hears them. Oh, and Jacob's bringing Bella."

"The girl who likes it with the dead?"

"Shh," he said, laughing as he pressed his face against my cheek. "What if someone hears you saying that?"

I suppose I should be a bit more careful. Everyone already thinks the guys are a bit weird, so add in that Jake has a friend who's into necrophilia then, the rumours will never stop.

"Plus, I don't think Jacob would like to hear that," he warned.

Jacob somehow managed to tell Bella, what he is without having to actually say it – Sam pulled the little Alpha command shit so he couldn't spill the beans - so now, he's allowed to spend time with her.

He's been happier now. Emily met her and said she's nice. A bit shy. Doesn't smile that much either apparently, although if my boyfriend ran off and left me alone, I wouldn't smile much either, even if he was a vampire.

"Anyway, I'll be at yours for seven-ish, and afterwards, I thought we could go for a little walk on the beach at night?"

I grinned and nodded, pinching his dimpled cheek. "Aww, aren't you a little romantic?"

He leant in closer and started to press soft kisses along my jaw, his deep, husky chuckle ringing in my ears.

"If you want to think so, sure. I was just going to find a nice log, in private, that we could fool around on."

I shoved him because he knows I hate the term 'fool around'.

I will admit now that making out has progressed to touching under clothes. And underwear. We haven't had sex, but, I'm pretty sure I'm like ninety-four percent there. Although it's not sex, what we do doesn't feel like 'fooling around'. Everything with Jared is passionate and intense; it's not some meaningless action of sticking your hands down a stranger's pants.

Plus, even if you'd only just met the person, you shouldn't see any form of sexual activity as meaningless. Even just making out should be something significant. It should be because you feel something for them, not just because you're a horny teenager desperate to get off.

Although, having said that, Jared and I do act like horny teenagers desperate to get off, most of the time. Jared wasn't completely joking when he mentioned the need to try and find a private place. I mean, parents are only out for so long - Jared's mom and my step-dad both only work part time – and it's not as if there's anywhere else you can go.

Momma Thail has walked in on us making out way too many times, I'm not going to risk getting caught in the middle of doing something much worse. I don't think she'd think we're so cute after that.

Ugh!

I can't believe I'm writing about this in my diary. I sound like such a horndog.

If I ever show anyone this, I'm proofreading it and taking out all the sex references. And I'll probably have to take out anything to do with Jared being a werewolf.

Oh dear.

This really wouldn't make any sense at all.

I wonder if by the time I have grandchildren this whole werewolf thing will have blown over. I can't imagine what it would be like if it all kicked up again. It's bad enough knowing that Jared is putting himself in danger night after night. To have to go through all that again...

"Jared…?" I asked slowly.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "What do you want now?"

I gaped at him, appalled at the tone of his voice. "What? Nothing!"

He looked back at me and raised an eyebrow. "Really? You only say my name like that when you want something." I bit my lip guiltily. "Mmm,
thought so."

Jared's not very happy with me because I had to break it to him today that Lydia has decided that before her wedding she wants to go on a pamper retreat with her bridesmaids and a few other close friends.

I was super wicked excited until I found out it's going to be quite a while away and I am not permitted at any time to leave. Jared's invited to the wedding but that's not 'til Sunday and I leave early Friday morning, which means I will have to go two whole days without seeing him. He's obviously not going to say 'Stay with me instead', but he pouted quite a bit, so I don't think he's looking forward to it.

"It's not a thing that I want, it's just a little bit of help…" I said. He pushed my hair off my face and nodded. "You know how you jump out of my window so easily?" He nodded again but slower this time, confused.

"Do you think you could jump out with me?"

"No."

"Oh, please, Jared!"

He groaned. "Why do you want to jump out of windows, Kim?" he asked in exasperation, rubbing a hand over his face.

"It's just Mom's being a bit funny with how much I've been going out and with how late I've been coming home… I'm just thinking it would be a bit easier if she didn't perhaps know about me going out every now and then."

"Well, I never," Paul said, faking a look of shock as he joined us at my locker. I should have known he'd turn up. He seems to just come out of the woodwork whenever an opportunity to make fun of me occurs.

"Kim Conweller, sneaking out? Jared, you've well and truly corrupted her."

I glared at him. "Shut up."

He grinned. "Go on, Jared. Let her release her wild side for the night before she goes back to being Miss Straight-A-Student tomorrow."

I turned to Jared. "I don't like your friends much."

Paul laughed loudly as Jared pulled me into him, kissing my forehead.

"I suppose if I jump out with you it'll be alright. You won't get hurt so, yes."

I grinned and jumped up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you!"

Then my eyes widened as I had another idea. Jared groaned and Paul laughed again. I swear all he does is laugh or take the piss.

"Actually, Jared, I think I've changed my mind." He just pretended to be fed up and shook his head at me. "Can I jump and you catch?"

Jared turned to Paul. "See what you've done? This is your fault, Paul. Putting 'wild' ideas into her head. You're the one whose had a bad influence on her, not me."

I pulled at his arm. "Please, Jared! That would be so much fun!"

He sighed as Paul smirked. "We'll see," he said and took my hand. "Come on, I need some food."

Paul grinned and winked at me as we followed after Jared.

So, it was my idea. I wanted it to be like this, but when it actually got to the time Jared was coming to pick me up, I was panicking. Badly.

While Paul talked about it like it was no big deal, to me it was. He may sneak out every night for patrolling, but I've never sneaked out in my life. I've never even thought about it. If my Mom didn't want me to go out, then I didn't. I rarely wanted to do the things that my Mom didn't want me to do, so I've never been in this predicament. If Mom found out the result would be… catastrophic. I'd be dead.

I would be grounded for the rest of my life and I'm pretty sure I'd be banned from seeing Jared. And one of the things I'd be most scared of is her disappointment. I'm not that type of girl. I'm not the type of person who gets a thrill from breaking rules or being rebellious.

But I can't go without seeing Jared for as long as she wants me to and she's been getting so pissy about everything. She thinks I'm slacking at school and accounts that to Jared's role in my life. It's just stupid, she honestly has no clue. But I don't like arguing with her so it's just easier if I have to go behind her back about it. I'm just scared because I'm not really used to it. I wish she'd just understand me. I guess that's just because we're not very close.

Even though I'm panicking, I think I've covered all possible angles of failure. I pretended to have a really bad migraine all afternoon and then told Mom that I was going to retire to bed early, and asked her not to check in because I really just wanted to get some sleep. She probably wouldn't have come in anyway, but just in case I have also scrunched up my covers with clothes underneath so it looks like there's a body there, and for the first time ever the rank hair extensions my step-sister Lydia gave me to thicken out my hair have come into use as I've spent a good half hour strategically placing them so that if Mom does come in it'll look like I'm asleep. I hope she doesn't try wake me up. Or if there's a fire. Oh god.

To say I worry is an understatement. I tried to convince myself that it would be fine. The chances of there being a fire or her needing to wake me up are slim.

However, I was on the brink of telling Jared to just forget the whole plan and go crying to Mom about what I was planning on doing while I stood in my room, waiting for Jared to arrive.

It was rather thrilling, though.

I know some people who sneak out, even though, if they'd asked their parents they'd be fine with it. I can sort of understand why people do it, but after a while surely it just gets boring?

Unfortunately, no matter how prepared I was, I still nearly blew it all when Jared jumped up through my window. I very nearly screamed the house down. I was a bit on edge, to say the least.

He muffled his laughter and held his arm out.

"Won't you let me jump?" I whispered and he bit his lip.

"Next time."

I smiled because although since he read my diary he's been less protective in the way that I felt like he cared for me rather than about me, he's still a bit or a worry-wart when it comes to my safety.

I think it's toned down a bit because he's more relaxed, which is weird because I always thought I was the one who was the stress-head. But, I think there's a certain amount of protectiveness that he'll never grow out of. And a little bit is fine. He's not trying to shove food down my gob just because I miss a meal, so it's not over the top like it was starting to get.

He gently picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Are you sure you don't want to just walk out the front door?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling. He sighed and pecked me on the lips before he slowly and carefully climbed out the windowsill and stood on the ledge, holding onto the wall.

I took one look down and closed my eyes.

Yeah, I admit it – I'm a pussy! Who cares? The thought of jumping out of the window makes me a little bit frightened. Heights always look much bigger when you look vertically down at it.

"Ready?" he murmured softly as he closed the window, leaving it partially open for when we return and still carefully managing to hold us up. I nodded, trying to act nonchalant, like I wasn't holding down the urge to throw up or wet myself.

I swear I heard him laugh. I was about to tell him off when he pushed away from my windowsill.

We landed as if he's just done a little hop, rather than jumping out of the window of a two-story building. It was over so quickly it was as if it were nothing. Sure, I might have practically strangled him in the process but apart from that, it all went quite well. I didn't scream, and I think that was a rather great accomplishment.

"Jumping up is harder."

I glared at him and he smiled, kissing me again. "Come on," he said, putting me down on my feet and taking my hand, running into the trees before Mom looked out the window and caught us before I'd even left.

"Still want to jump out by yourself?" he asked as we got into the safe cover of the trees and slowed down to a walk.

I glared at him. He turned and smirked at me with unsympathetic eyes.

"Okay, so maybe it was a bit scarier than I'd anticipated. But, come on, how often do us mere mortals jump out of windows?"

Jared smiled and shook his head. "Chicken."

"No I am not!"

His eyebrows rose. "Yeah. Right. Okay, Kim. Whatever you say."

I shoved him and he started to fight with me. Don't worry, this isn't an abusive relationship or anything, it was just pretend. His knuckles were more like a caress on my skin, rather than a punch. We fake wrestled until we fell to the floor.

I flung my head back, out of breath. Fake fighting is hard work.

Jared lounged across me, staring down at me.

"I can't believe you're leaving me for a whole weekend," he mumbled.

I smiled sadly, catching my breath. "Come on, it'll be over before you know it."

If I asked Jared nicely enough I think he'd probably travel down to the hotel we're staying at – you'll never guess whose paying for this spa/pamper getaway... two hints: Sugar. Daddy.

When I stop to think about it, maybe it will actually do us some good to be away from each other. I mean, we can't go the rest of our lives without having to go off and do things separately for a little while so we're going to have to get used to it at some point.

Jared doesn't seem to share my thoughts as he continued with his silly little pout.

"It'll be good for us. You can go hang out with your friends."

"But whose going to fill my head with boring nerdy facts?" he asked sadly.

"I can call you both nights," I compromised. "And in the morning. And whenever else I'm not busy."

"But whose going to give me cute little kisses?" he said, only comforted a little bit.

"Paul?" I suggested.

The sad look on his face disappeared in an instant, a scowl on his features.

"What did you say?" he whispered, his eyes narrowed into thin slits.

I pretended I didn't hear what he said I buried down the need to laugh. I pushed him off me and stood up. I took hold of his hand, pulled him up and started to walk quickly.

"Come on. We need to hurry up or we'll miss it all."

He span me around. "Why does everyone always think we're gay?" he moaned seriously.

The laughter bubbling up inside me burst and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Aww, Jared, I'm sure they don't."

"No, a few people really do think that. It's quite a popular rumour around school now."

I giggled into his chest as he ran his hands up and down my back, ending on my waist.

"You're not a very good girlfriend, Kimberley," he sighed. "I think you should be more sympathetic."

I looked up and smiled at him, not even making the effort to fake sympathy.

"Why won't everyone understand that you're the only person I'll ever want to kiss?"

The breath left my lungs and I nearly started singling and dancing and flailing around. He's so sweet.

"Jared, I love you so much." He went to open his mouth, probably to moan again or something. "Kiss me."

He shrugged and complied.

We had to break it up though because I'd feel rude turning up late to the little bonfire reading. Annoyingly enough, by the time we got there we were one of the first there so we had to get some logs and twigs and shit to start off the fire. We may have gotten a bit distracted along the way but we got it done in the end. And we got a very nice log to sit on too.

It was a really nice night. Even though I'd already heard the stories of our tribe, I adored hearing them again. I could listen to Billy recite them over and over and never get bored. Also, I think being out in the night, next to a fire, surrounded by what I knew were real life werewolves really added to the magic of it all. It's weird to think when I first heard them I thought they were myths. Now they're our history… they're our past and they're our present, too.

I got my first glimpse of Bella – the girl who wants to get jiggy with vampires – with Jacob. Emily was right when she said she doesn't seem to smile a lot… I mean, there are probably plenty of girls who would smile if they had the chance to hang around with Jake, because one, he's freaking hilarious and two, he's freaking good looking.

She's really pretty, though. And everyone likes people for different reasons, so unlike Leah, I'm not going to go bitching about her. Sure, I think she's probably just stringing him along, but I'm sure he'll be fine in the end.

I also met Quil's granddad, also named Quil, who has such a laugh. I thought he was just going to be a grumpy old git because that's what he looks like, but he comes out with the most hilarious – albeit, still grumpy – remarks. There's definitely a little bit of the same thing Quil Junior has shining in his eyes.

But most of the time I devoted my full attention to watching Billy Black talk. I can't help but feel enthralled by it all. I mean, I'm part of that now.

Jared didn't spend too much time watching Billy though, he spent most of it staring at me and making me blush and look away like an idiot. Hopefully everyone will account the redness of my cheeks from the fire. Apart from the light it gave off, it wasn't really necessary. It was freezing but I was cuddled up nicely into his side.

"You know, Jared, sometimes it's not too bad having you for a boyfriend," I said as I slid my cold fingers through his, Billy having finished his enthralling stories.

He brought my hands up to his mouth, gently kissing them. "I was just thinking the exact same thing about you." I looked up at him. "But then you opened your mouth and started talking again and then that thought just disappeared."

I couldn't even pretend to be annoyed at him, I just couldn't help but laugh as I leant into him, almost falling asleep as I stared lazily into the fire.

"I've decided," I told him, tilting my head up to look at his face. "That we make fun of each other far too much. We should stop and just be nice to each other."

His nose crinkled.

"Eww, Kim. That would be so boring."

"You couldn't go two days without making fun of me, could you?"

"Nope. And I'm not even taking that bet. I do not want to be one of those cutesy couples that are just nothing but nice all the time."

"Jared, you're like the most cutesy man I've ever met."

He opened his mouth to disagree but Paul clapped him on the shoulder, taking a seat on our log.

"Sorry, man, but I agree with her."

They then spent the next half an hour bickering before finally remembering that I was there and including me in a conversation that wasn't just the usual,

"You're a dick."

"No, you're the dick."

"You're a much bigger dick than I am."

"No, I've got a much bigger dick that you do."

Yeah.

It's nice to know how much these pack brothers care about each other.

We waited 'til people started to go before we said our goodbyes and went off down the other side of the beach.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and we walked awkwardly but in a very comfortable silence for a while.

Jared kissed the top of my head and then buried his face in my hair, breathing deeply. We didn't talk much but we didn't really need to. After quite a beautiful night there wasn't really much else left to say.

Even though Mom didn't know I was out, I didn't want to stay out too late so unfortunately we eventually had to go back.

I turned around when we were at my house, underneath my window, to face Jared. He kissed me softly.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered and left.

"Jared!" I hissed, grabbing at him desperately.

I genuinely believed that he was going to just leave me standing outside my house all night – until the morning, when Mom would find me and then I'd be grounded for the rest of my life.

Luckily he was just being an idiot and turned back around, muffling his laughter.

He then somehow managed to lift me up and use the tree next to my house to climb us both up and onto my window ledge. I was surprised it didn't just snap right off because neither of us are the lightest of people. Especially Jared, muscle is denser than fat so he must be incredibly heavy. He carefully manoeuvred us through my window and gently placed me on the floor.

I took a deep breath.

"Jesus. Sometimes you act like freaking Spiderman," I whispered. He shook his head and tried not to laugh.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he murmured quietly, cupping my cheek and kissing me with enough passion that I really didn't want him to climb back out of that window. But unfortunately, he did.

And since then I've done pretty much nothing.

I can't wait till we eventually get to live on our own. I can't help but think about it all. I wonder where our first place would be. We'll probably get somewhere after our first year at uni, if we go – which I'm now pretty sure we will. I think Jared's got himself into that determined frame of mind that even if he didn't get a scholarship, he'd still end up going. I'm actually pretty excited about it.

It's incredibly daunting but I think I'd really love the independence of it all. Plus, I can't wait to get out of here. I'm in the frame of mind now that I'm just ready to be treated like an adult, even if I don't act like it, but I don't really get that from my mom at the moment.

Right. I'm going to go try and sleep again.

Good night and sweet dreams, my beloved Diary,

Kim Conweller

Sorry it took a bit of a while to update, I hope you guys liked it :) Thanks for reading and to those taking the time to review. Unfortunately I'm off for a week (I swear I'm not usually this busy!) so I won't be able to write the chapter for a while but I promise I have some nice interesting things planned for this story so please stick with it.

Also, thank you to the wonderful Nerdette Love for Beta-ing this!

Sazdestar - Thank you so much! One of the main things that I want this story to be is realistic, so you saying that really means a lot. I'm glad you like it :)