Dear Diary,

Lucy and Michele are having the bitch fight to end all bitch fights. I think it originally started because Michele said something uncomplimentary about Lucy's boyfriend Austin but it's transcended into something else now; they're just moaning about each other and how the other is always bitching about them behind their back... it's a little ironic because they both do it. They both say little remarks to annoy each other and then later come to find Aysel or I to moan to. I think they usually bitch to Aysel because she's always got an opinion whereas I tend to just keep it to myself.

However, I've recently came to the realization that being the neutral person just doesn't work out. Today in the hallway at lunch Lucy had another go at me because I never take sides. I thought that what I chose to do is better because I don't upset either of them but, also a little ironically, apparently this way just upsets both of them twice as much.

"All you fucking care about is Jared!" she erupted when I'd become just too annoying to bear.

"You know that's so not true," I mumbled, embarrassed as people looked over. I really didn't want to get into an argument. No matter how much experience I'm getting with my mom I still can't stand them.

But what I mumbled was true, anyway. Sure, ever since Lydia's wedding we've been a lot closer, but I've still spent loads of time with them both. I have to admit that when she gets like this then I tend to scuttle off to find Jared but I really don't think I can be blamed for that.

Oli was then walking up to us but I shook my head and he made a not-so-subtle detour down the other hallway. I tried not to smile. The boys are terrified of Lucy and Michele at the moment because they don't want to get picked on either; she's as annoyed with them as she is with me. She keeps making snide remarks so I thought I'd fall on the sword today and let Oli go. They're too afraid to go sit somewhere else in case she goes bat shit crazy on them again so their plan is to just sit there quietly till it blows over.

"You are. At least I don't ditch you all for Aus." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes in a challange. I almost lost it, because if anyone is annoying about their boyfriend, it's her. I try and not talk about Jared at each and every moment when I'm not with him – I save that for this diary because I know how boring it gets.

"I've never ditched you for Jared... I only ever don't come out with you when we've already made plans. And it's not fair if I ditch him to hang out with you," I replied quietly. I really didn't want to anger her more, but apparently this had the opposite effect.

"Oh yes, I forgot you're Miss fucking Diplomatic all the time."

I frowned because I didn't really see why that was an insult. But I didn't say anything because I was panicking enough. I hate arguments or confrontations but especially ones in public.

"You know, I would of stuck up for you if someone bitched about Jared. We'd all love to not get into arguments, Kim, but if we were all the person on the fence then nobody would stick up for anyone."

She swung her head round with self-importance and marched away.

For one she literally was just bitching about Jared, and if everybody was 'sitting on the fence' then you'd never have any fights in the first place to have to stick up for anyone... but that doesn't mean that I didn't feel like complete and utter shit.

I knew I felt that way only because it was still true. That's why things get to you, isn't it? When you know they're true. Lucy knows Austin's a douche but for some strange reason she won't let us convince her that she can do better than him. Equally, I knew when she said it that I was a shit friend. It's true. I don't really stick up for people. I don't even really stick up for myself. I mean, my arguments with Mom usually end with me walking away because I don't want to get into it. That's why she 'wins', why I'm the one whose having to sneak around when I'm going to see Jared.

I slumped off to find Jared. Jacob was sitting in the seat next to him, but when Jared saw me he smiled and promptly pushed Jacob off the chair. Even when I feel like shit, he still manages to put a smile on my face.

Jacob and Jared bickered for a moment but it's always done so light-heartedly. I think they're just so close that they never seem to hurt each other's feelings. If I were to even ask Lucy to change seats in order for me to sit closer to Jared then all hell would break loose because I was so rude and inconsiderate. I think we also just take things to heart and read into things too much. Instead of just thinking 'fair enough, they want to be close', it's 'why doesn't she want to sit next to me?'.

I smiled in apology to Jacob, but he obviously really didn't care. I mean, compared to vampires and all that, having to get a different chair really isn't the biggest of his problems. It's all perspective, really, and unfortunately all my other friends have at the moment are high school classes, maybe a small part time job, their friends and family and it's all rather shit. Maybe they're trying to create their own drama because in a small reservation like this (bar the werewolves) nothing is really going on.

It's funny really; this is the last place that you'd expect to find something so crazy. To anyone else it's the most boring, quiet place but it's actually incredibly dangerous and interesting.

That's it really though, isn't it? Perspective. From those who don't know then it's boring, but once you're told the secret then it suddenly becomes something completely different. And if I look at it from Lucy's perspective then I agree, I was in the wrong.

Lucy's going through a lot and it was unfair of me not to stick up for her or be there for her. I think the reason I was so unwilling to do so was because I'm so fed up with having to deal with my things in private and it annoyed me that she wasn't doing so – but whose fault is that? It's not hers. Just because I'm forbidden from spilling the beans doesn't mean that everyone should bottle their emotions. What would that lead to? Everyone being as bitchy and self-obsessed as I am. She has no idea of knowing that my boyfriend is superhuman and all the logic and order in my life was crushed to pieces. So why was I taking it on her?

I was doing exactly what I hate my mom for doing: taking out my pain on other people. And I don't want to become my mother – that's what I've always said. I'd rather be my granddad, the one who bares his troubles in silence with his partner and gives a shoulder to cry on for those who need him. Because if I carry on like my mother then I'm going to turn around one day and realise that there isn't anybody who wants to cry on my shoulder, and when the shit really hits the fan then I'll have noone to finally be there for me.

Jared reached out as I walked up to him and took my hand, pulling me down into the seat next to him, pressing his lips to mine. "What's the matter?" he asked softly.

I shrugged and leant into his chest. He wrapped his arm around.

"Aww, did you have an ickle argument with your friends?" he asked and I nodded.

"Did you hear?" I cringed. It wasn't exactly something I'd want Jared to watch or hear. I didn't want anyone to. I didn't even want it to happen!

"No, I can hear Lucy telling Aysel."

I sat up, my mouth hanging open. The others roared with laughter.

"Are you kidding?"

He looked around awkwardly, not understanding. "What?"

I let out a groan and leaned back into him.

This is why I hate arguments. Because even though I knew she was bitching about me, it didn't stop me from feeling guilty. I can't just be angry with her, I always just feel guilty. I half wanted to make Jared tell me what she was saying, but knew that would be petty. I really don't want them to think I'm just your average bitchy girl because I try not to be. I guess you really can't just not get into it, because even 'not getting into it' means you're inadvertently getting into it.

Urgh. Seriously? Sometimes I wish I could just be a guy. It's so uncomplicated for them. Especially these boys, anyway. When they have a problem with each other they just tell them and move on from it.

Jared's arm circled around me again and he kissed my head.

"Kim, will you come round my house tonight and help me with my math homework?" Brady asked politely.

"Back the fuck off," Jared replied quickly, glaring at him and pointing a warning finger at him.

The other guys laughed and I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course I will, Brady," I told him.

"Nu-uh. Not gonna happen."

I turned to Jared and put my hands on my hips. "So you're just going to tell me what I can and can't do, are you, Jared?"

His eyes narrowed as he tried to find a way out of it. The others made ooooh's around him.

I lifted an eyebrow but let out a laugh. He glared at me.

"I hate you," he said although that didn't stop him from kissing me again. "Oh, sorry Brady. I just remembered that Kim's hanging out with me tonight. Tough luck." Brady pulled a face at him. He only does it to wind him up; I don't think he even needed help with his homework, he just likes the attention. "Me. Imagine that; spending time with her boyfriend."

I gave Jared a gentle shove. "Stop being mean!"

He let out an exasperated breath, his eyes widening. "Kim! He's flirting with my girlfriend!" he exclaimed, waving his hands about in disbelief. "Anyone else would bash his brains in! I don't get why you're all picking on me!"

Another round of laughter hit the table and for the rest of the day Jared had to put up with taunting remarks about getting 'picked on' and he was constantly referred to as 'poor little Jared'.

At the end of the day we walked home because his mother had his car. We walked hand in hand but he was still pouting.

"You're still upset?" I smiled as I opened his door. Yeah, I opened it. Jared lost so many of his house keys because of phasing he stopped carrying one, which subsequently meant that he was locked out of his house quite often. So instead his mom gave me a key to their house because I'm always with him and it's easier.

I know.

I have a key to his house. If that's not moving too quickly for seventeen year olds then I really don't know what is.

He flopped himself down on his sofa and looked up at me, jutting out his bottom lip again.

"Do you want to know why I'm sad?" he said as I sat next to him, cross legged so that I could face him.

"No, but I have a feeling you'll tell me anyway," I joked. He growled and tickled me till I shrieked mercy.

"I'm sad," he told me pointedly, "Because I can't remember the last time you properly blushed."

I looked down and realised that it was true.

"I feel like I've corrupted you... stole your innocence," he said, his voice going a little serious.

"Well you did," I said embarrassedly.

He laughed and grinned, apparently not so upset about that.

"No, I just mean that I used to be the one mocking you, now all you ever do is rip the shit out of me!"

"Aww, poor little Jared!"

"Kim!" he shouted, clutching his heart dramatically and falling backwards onto the couch. "You're killing me."

I smiled and crawled on top of him, kissing him softly. "I'm sorry. Would you like me to go back to when I couldn't even really speak or look at you?" He smiled. "When we didn't kiss or have sex..."

His smile vanished.

"I think I'm alright, actually," he said, flipping us over so he was on top, eliciting a giggle from me. "I can deal with you being a cocky bitch if it means you'll let me in your pants." My mouth dropped open in mock anger, because I knew he was only joking.

"I love you really... Kimmy," he said, speaking the last word slowly and deliberately.

I shoved him off. "That's it. No sex. Not even kissing."

He laughed loudly and tried to crawl back. "Nope. Too far!" I told him, crossing my arms.

"Please!" he begged. "I'll do anything!"

I nibbled on my lip and let him move closer, his eyes on my teeth and lips.

"Hmm... anything?" I enquired coyly. He nodded, not moving his eyes from my lips. "Okay then."

A grin formed on his mouth and as ours were about to touch, I spoke again.

"Tell me what you want for your birthday."

He let out a loud groan and closed his eyes, leaning back again. "You really are killing me, Kim."

I grinned and indulged him. We made out for... a while, although I didn't let it go any further because his mom would get back at any moment and there have already been too many incidents where she's walked in at inappropriate times.

But kissing him hasn't changed from when I would blush at every word and couldn't look him in the eyes. I don't know when that changed, but I still get the butterflies and the inability to control myself when I look at him or feel his touch on my skin or his lips against mine.

"I need you," he murmured against my lips.

"But your mom might come home from picking up Nathan," I groaned, looking at the door ruefully. Jared shook his head.

"Nu-uh," he said for the second time to day although this time it was considerably happier. "She's not coming back till later, that's why she's got the car; they're going out shopping as Nathan needs some shit."

"Really?" He nodded. I grinned.

For safe measure he took my hand and quickly led me upstairs.

It's times like that when I really can't help but wish I had the key to a home that was just ours. I wish we didn't have to sneak around like this and I wish we didn't have to hide from my mom because she's completely forbidden me from seeing Jared now.

Yeah. She's forbidden it. I got a C+ in a test and she literally didn't shut up about it for a week. So now I'm 'having a break' from Jared. Like today, for example, she thought I was at a History study session. How very naive of her.

I can't wait to move out. My need to get into uni has doubled and fortunately Jared's been kicking up some interest. I wasn't surprised because he's just so ridiculously talented at what he does. And he's even managed to perfect his 'out of breath' look and sounds. The other day he actually forgot it was an act and was still out of breath, straight after practise, when he ran up to me.

He doesn't go over the top, though. He's only ever just a little bit quicker than the next fastest person. I felt at first like maybe I'd pushed him into it, but he's reassured me just from the look on his face when he's playing and mucking about with the football team that he absolutely loves it. I have no doubts that a scholarship will have his name on it by the end of the year if he keeps up the way he's going. La Push had probably the worst team imaginable before he joined but since he and then a few others started they haven't lost a single match.

I guess it's just down to me now to pull my socks up and go back to getting A's. C's aren't bad but it's all relative to what you know you're capable of. To someone who gets F's then a C is great, but when you're used to performing at a certain level you can't help but be a little disheartened at a grade any lower and I really need to ensure I get into uni.

We scrambled to put our clothes back on afterwards when we heard his mom and brother come through the door. We couldn't help but giggle as Jared tried to flatten down my hair and I straightened his t-shirt. He kissed me roughly and we skipped down the stairs to greet them.

Okay, sometimes the sneaking around isn't so bad.

"Heya, you two," Joan said and we chorused back hellos. Jared wrapped his arms around me from behind as we walked into the kitchen, leaning his chin in the crook between my neck and shoulder. "What've you been up to?"

"Oh. Kim's trying to teach me some math. It's not working."

I nodded. "Logarithms and differentiation; Jared's favourite."

I feel guilty about deceiving Momma Thail so easily but there really is no other choice. She's completely accepting of me but I really don't think she'd want to know about our... upstairs antics, shall we say. I think a part of her, even though he's a werewolf, doesn't want to admit that he's all grown up and looking at universities to apply to and living accommodation for when he moves out.

Nathan called through for his Mom's attention and she looked at Jared.

"You either get to play with your brother or start dinner. Chose quickly and wisely," she said with a smile.

Jared's eyes flickered between the stove and the door. Nathan's voice cut through the air, whinging.

"Definitely cooking."

"Good. Spaghetti bolognaise," she informed him and squeezed my arm before going to find Nathan. She's also been getting him to cook a lot more... I think she's scared if he's living by himself then he's going to starve.

If she thought rationally then him starving really should be the least of her worries but I think it's cute.

I gave him a hand and pestered him about what he wanted for Christmas and his birthday, which were both rapidly approaching. Jared's a winter baby, born two days after Christmas.

Unfortunately this means that I have double the amount of presents to buy and I'm so awful at that.

"All I want is you," he said, then realised how clichéd that sounded and started singing a certain cheesy Christmas song. I groaned and begged him to stop but this only caused him to belt out the lyrics (ones that he knew surprising well, actually) louder.

"Please, I hate Christmas songs." His mouth hung open. "I'm not overly fond of Christmas in general, to be honest."

His mouth widened even more. "No!" he gasped slowly.

"What?"

"You can't hate Christmas!" he cried.

"I'm afraid you can."

"Well, then I'm afraid this relationship is over!"

I crossed my arms and he shook his head in astonishment, before stomping through to the living room, searching for his mom.

"Mom!" he yelled. "Kim hates Christmas!"

"I didn't say I hated it... I just don't love it," I tried to explain but the damage was done.

"Mom, can Kim come to aunt Flo's with us this Christmas?" he asked when he found her. She looked at him.

"Have you even asked her? Have you asked her parents?"

He shrugged. "But can she?"

"Jared! You can't just invite me!"

"Err, yeah I can," he said, as if I were stupid. "My family love having extra people come to stay. And they want to meet you. It'll be great. Aunt Flo won't care."

Joan sighed. "Fine, yes. If your parents will allow it, then of course we'd be delighted if you could come," she said to me, smiling in that warm, maternal way that she has about her. "But won't your parents want you at home?"

I shook my head. "We don't really celebrate Christmas... it's not really a big deal to us."

I mean sometimes my step-sister comes down, although I can imagine her and Richard wanting to spend their first married Christmas alone, but that's pretty much it. We give out like one little present and if Mom can be assed we'll have a little tree but we don't seem to make as much of a deal out of it as some people – Jared being one of them, apparently.

Jared's jaw dropped again. "Not a big deal! You are not the woman I thought you were, Kimberley Conweller!" Joan rolled her eyes. "I love Christmas!"

"That's because it's near your birthday," I said but he shrugged.

"I'd love it anyway."

I bit my lip. I really don't know how I'm going to persuade Mom into letting me go. I can't really lie and say that I'm going with a different friend because over two weeks in such a small place there's the possibility that she'll run into them. Maybe I'll have to say that this will be the two weeks that we will have and then proper break up for the rest of the school year, to focus on our studies. Hmm, that might work.

I really hate lying, though. But she's not giving me any other choice!

"How's dinner going?" Joan asked sarcastically. I grinned and pulled him back, all the while he talked about how great Christmas is and how specially wonderful this year is going to be.

So yeah, I'm spending two weeks over Christmas break with his family in Idaho. I guess if its tradition then I'd have to get used to it at some point because I'm sort of going to be a part of his family one day.

It's quite daunting, though, to have to meet all his family. And he's got a big family. Quite rowdy too, apparently – the opposite of me and my quite, subdue family.

Oh dear. I still manage to get myself into ridiculously awkward situations. I hope they're all as nice as Jared's parents are.

Kim Conweller

Okay so this the thirtieth chapter! I still can't believe it's this long when I only really planned like 12 chapters. I think there might be about sevenish more to come? I had planned on writing about their whole Christmas break but it really just won't fit in with the direction this story needs to go in now so that won't be happening I'm afraid. Maybe a while (and I mean a while) after I've finished this and people want to read more then I'll write a little mini story of just their Christmas if that was something anyone would be interested in? Oh and the next chapter should probably be up next week as it's not very long. Thanks again to those reading, reviewing and to those who put this on alert/favourites, it really means a lot :)

LiViNgStRoNgLy - Wow thanks again for such a wonderful review, I really appreciate the time and effort it takes :) So yeah I sort of said above about 7 chapters more but that's because I've only planned on the outline of seven chapters so far as I'm being super efficient and usually there tends to be a lot more when I get writing them so it will probably end up being more like ten. And I'd thought about maybe having her next diary but I'm afraid I won't be doing that, I just have a lot of other things that I want to work on but I might do the Christmas thing, maybe like at our next Christmas or something? Thanks again for your constant lovely reviews :)

AnnechanB - Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I'm really glad you liked it! :)