#11: Sweet memory

For most people, it's usually hard to cope with one's death, especially if that person is somebody very dear to them. There is also the regret they have for not saying everything they wanted on time and for being left without chances to do so. It was difficult to understand how such thing could have happened or why were they chosen to die when they were that young, but…death doesn't make a difference. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, healthy or sick, rich or poor. If it's the right time, then she will come and take you without giving you a chance to oppose. The guilt is also present to make one feel worse than he or she is already feeling. That was also Rayne's case, because he slipped his chance to thank Elen for her kindness, for not thinking of him as a demon or worse as a heartless murderer. She was the first person to treat him like a human being, despite everything that was being said about him. Yet, he felt bad because she was dead, because he was unable to protect her. It wasn't his fault that she died, but there was that overwhelming guilt that kept devouring him day by day. As one of her guardian, he had failed. But it would have been better if he was the only one that felt that miserably, yet that wasn't possible. There was somebody else that cherished Elen as much or even more than he was.

It was surprising how her death made him and Jolly to get along and have a nice relationship without fights or rude arguments thrown to each other. But unlike him, Rayne knew how to put a tough façade, because somebody had to take control of the family, even if he wasn't the boss. Elen wouldn't have wanted them to be sad over her death, especially if they weren't involved, but that was plainly impossible. Not when Byakuran said that she wasn't alive anymore so easily, as if it didn't matter at all. Yet, there was something that he knew, because it was weird to make the offer of leading their family until everything was settled. Rayne was sure that the Millefiore boss knew something they didn't, but it was dangerous to push his buttons too much. In the end, he was stronger than them and it wouldn't take too much to get rid of everyone he wanted. But for the moment there was nothing that could be done, especially in Elen's case, because she was no longer alive, no longer their boss. It hurt. It hurt too much to bear that guilt alone, but he felt bad for that child that suffered that much because of her death. It was hard enough to deal with the news that were given that brutally, to have to listen to the crap that others were saying to him.

Rayne tried to calm down, but it was almost impossible and not even smoking could calm him down, because the voices were growing louder with every second. His self-control wasn't fragile, but he was worried for that child and of course that his nerves were down and to hear so much yelling was bad even for him. It reminded him of those bad moments from his life that he tried to erase, but now it seemed like that wouldn't ever happen. There was no way he could do that, not now that he would have to face Egil within such short time, because Elen wasn't there anymore. Rayne was convinced that he would have to leave because nobody there, beside Jolly wanted him there. It was as if he was a pest they tried to get rid of, but that thought made him laugh, because it didn't matter anymore. As long as he didn't cause trouble to that poor child everything was fine, because Egil still needed him and if he managed to get his trust back, it would be easy to destroy his organization from within. He inhaled that toxic smoke once more, almost feeling the urge to laugh, since he remember that Elen wasn't agreeing with that bad habit of his, saying that it was bad for his health.

-Flashback-

The starless night made him feel as if there wasn't going to be a second day, but that didn't matter anyway. He wasn't a normal human, but a puppet in the hands of his master that could decide anytime if he lived or died, if he was useful or not. Rayne could understand the fear that his simply presence gave, but that wasn't his fault. It was either to obey the orders or lose everything he had and he was sick or seeing people dying in front of him because of him own powerlessness. Not even the light given by the moon made him feel better, even if in the past that would have had effect, but now everything had lost its magic. The worst was that he couldn't control anything anymore. He wasn't his own owner anymore, but as long as his family was alright, that didn't matter. Rayne wanted his mother to be happy, along with his little sister no matter what. It was enough that they had to see how his father was murdered in front of them because of the mafia. If there was something he could do to protect them, then he would do it. But…the guilt of not lying to them, of not being to see his little sister made him anxious everytime he saw Egil's daughter. She was older by one year than his sister, but by looking at her, the desire to see his family grew by every second.

It wasn't a bad thing that from time to time he kept an eye on her. After all he was older than her by four years and he received orders to protect her with his life if necessary, but even if that happened, Rayne couldn't understand why she was treated that bad. He saw that after her mother's death everything changed drastically, yet she didn't complain once of the bad treatment she received from her father. Wasn't he supposed to take her of her more than ever, because her mother was dead? That's what a parent is supposed to do, but he looked only in disgust at her, as if it would have been better if she died along with her poor mother. But he never pried, since that wasn't his business, because he wasn't there to ask question, but to obey the orders he received, no matter how irrational they were. Even if he was being kept as a tool, nothing more than that and never being treated as a human being, Rayne didn't care, because his efforts wouldn't be useless. His family would be protected and that was his sole wish. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if he wanted to see them, there was no way he could ask for that, since it was one of the conditions Egil required in order to help him. Rayne had to admit that his boss was a cruel man.

But his pace of thought had been disturbed by the light steps that were heard behind him and he guessed that it would be better to be safe then sorry. Keeping his cigarette in his mouth, Rayne pulled out the gun he held in his jacket, before turning around and pointing it at the person that was sneaking behind his back. It was useless to say that he was shocked to see that the daughter of his boss was wondering at that late hour and he almost killed her, but the most surprising thing was that she didn't seemed surprised by the fact that he pointed a gun at her almost shooting her. Her eyes were looking as if she desired that, but there was no way he would be that stupid to pull the trigger, since that could bring him great troubles with Egil and he didn't need any. Rayne put his gun back into his jacket, before sitting on the stairs again, with his back turned to that girl. The worst was that he didn't want to see anybody or deal with somebody, because he didn't personally know her, so Rayne wasn't sure if she was a spoiled brat, but he made no move after she sat near him, on the stairs. Despite ignoring her completely, he kept looking from the corner of his eyes, seeing that she was staring at the moon, as if something good would happen, yet he knew that wasn't the case.

"Why didn't you shoot? Is it because I'm his daughter or what?" Rayne was taken aback by her question, especially since she wasn't looking at him, but asking as if she was talking to herself, but he wondered. How come that he didn't kill her? If he did that he could make up a lie and say that she was murdered by one of Egil's enemies and that he killed that person. That way maybe he could free himself and return to his former life, to stay again with his mother or sister, yet…he never pulled the trigger. It wasn't that hard, especially since she was a little, defenseless girl. She wouldn't be able to oppose him even if she tried. It wasn't the thoughts of his sister that stopped him, but something else. Rayne didn't know what exactly, but it probably was the compassion he felt for her. It passed only a week since she lost her mother in that horrible accident, so that was probably the cause of not being able to shoot. Rayne sighed, still not able to answer her question, more likely because he wasn't in the mood to speak with anyone and he hoped that she'd eventually leave if he didn't pay attention to him, yet once again, he was wrong. "You could take revenge by killing me, you know? Or are you going to tell me that you don't hate Egil for killing your mother and sister? Or ordering somebody to murder your father…Are you that heartless as they say you are?"

His mind was slowly processing what he just heard, because if felt so unreal, that Rayne refused to believe what that girl said to him. If that was true, why was she telling him that instead of keeping her mouth shut and use the opportunity to have a good servant that would protect her? Yet, that was something he could care less, because before he had time to control himself, his rage already took control of his body. By the time he realized what he was doing, he was already pinning the daughter of his boss to the stairs, with one hand around her throat, practically chocking her. He was too angry to even stop himself, because he couldn't describe what he felt for his own family, it was something that he cherished too much to know that it was gone. That even the last string of his sanity was gone. Rayne could care less that her hands were trying to shove his away, that he was remaining without oxygen. It was cruel of him to think that her death would solve anything, but he wanted revenge, he wanted to calm himself. The thought of being used as nothing but a tool when his family was already dead disgusted him, yet he knew that nothing would result if he killed that girl. His mother, his sister and father wouldn't come back to life if he decided to kill her. In the end, nothing good would come out of it.

Having his sanity back, Rayne let her go, occupying his spot on the stairs once more. He didn't know what to do or say, because he was aware of the fact that she wasn't guilty that her father was a criminal. He ruffled his hair and lighted another cigarette, looking at that shivering girl that was coughing from the lack f air. He went overboard and almost killed somebody innocent, but wasn't that his job? Why would ending her life make any difference to him? Maybe because they were the same? Indeed, she didn't lose her father, but everything changed after her mother's death. It was as if she was alone, because that bastard didn't take care of her. Letting out a sigh, Rayne took of his jacket and dropped it on her shoulders, looking away once more. It was the first time that somebody sit next to him and even after he tried to kill her, she kept being there without being afraid for her life. He decided that she was a strange girl if she was able to stay there, with a person that almost took her life. But maybe it was right to apologize, because in the end, she was also a victim there, not somebody that deserved to die. "…Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to act that rough with you, but what you told me pushed me over the edge. Feel free to complain to your dad, I won't stop you."

He could still her coughing slightly and for a moment he felt guilty for acting like a complete jerk with a girl, but there was nothing he could do. "I won't say anything to him. I don't want to. It's your right to be angry, you know? My father hurt you too much for my own liking. I'm really sorry for everything he did to you and your family." Rayne was taken aback thanks to her words and turned his head to look at her, because it was strange that she was apologizing for something she didn't even do, but he didn't interrupt her. This time he listened till the very end what the girl wanted to tell him, because it was too weird to be the daughter of an important man and not complain if somebody tried to kill you. For him that was strange, but Rayne was pretty calm right now and continued to listen to her words that made him give up the need for revenge and the desire to kill Egil. "I know. Words are nothing to what you feel right now, but could you please stop thinking about revenge? I don't do this to save Egil…I don't love him…I just don't want you to become hurt even more. Ending his life will destroy you even more." This time Rayne started to laugh as if he was crazy because she was right. That girl was right with everything she said, but she couldn't see a reason to act like that in those moments, yet he knew better.

Rayne put his hand on her head, ruffling her hair a bit, after he had finally stopped from laughing and saw that she wasn't lying. She had been honest the whole time and didn't flinch when he touched her. He was sure tat she was a strange girl for staying with him that long, especially when he was a murdered, but maybe that was what defined her. Without thinking twice of his acting, he pulled her in his arms, probably out of consideration, because she was trembling, since it wasn't exactly warm outside and looked at her. It was odd how a simple girl could mess him that much, just because she was different from other peoples and treated him as a human. It was such a laughable situation, because she was the first one to do so and he had to admit that it felt really nice. Yet…he didn't even know her name despite being in the same house with her. Rayne was aware only of the fact that she was Egil's daughter and nothing more. "Hei…what's your name? I guess you don't want to be called girl or brat." Rayne saw that she frowned when he said that and he wondered what he did wrong, because until now, everything seemed to go fine, but he wasn't prepared to be spoken like that. "Shouldn't you introduce yourself first before requesting my name? It's proper to do so…"

It was funny how one girl could make him feel alive again, but she was right with what she said. Yet, he was going to answer her, because she was sure somebody interesting. "Just call me Rayne…That's enough, I guess. Now…tell me you name, girlie…" Rayne didn't know that she could actually behave like that, but seeing her frown the second time made him laugh once more, because it was funny to see that. It was as if she didn't receive the candy she deserved. And still, he couldn't stop himself from ruffling her hair more, because she was so different from other people. "…Elen. Beside…don't you know that smoking it's bad for your health?" He blinked because she was actually scolding him for smoking, but in the end, she was right. Elen was right when she said that smoking was bad for his health, yet he couldn't just stop so suddenly. It would take a while to do so. He let out a soft laugh, before getting up and pulling her to stay on her own feet. Not only that it was late, but it was also cold and if she stayed any longer, Rayne was sure that Elen would catch a cold. "Whatever you say, but go back to your room. You'll catch a cold and it's pretty late for you to be awake." Rayne expected her to say something like before, but instead of that, Elen just nodded in agreement and he couldn't help but let out a small smile. She was really something. It was weird to accompany her to the door of the house, because she asked him to do so, only to receive his jacket back there. He guessed that she was really cold. "Uhm…thank you. I hope I'll see you more, since I know that I was right and you're not like everybody thinks you are…" With that, he watched as she went into the house, but everything that happened still surprised him to no end.

-End of flashback-

It had been so nice to remember about that period, because she was still alive and he wished that she would be even now, but there was nothing Rayne could do to bring her back to life. Yet, he could continue what she started and finish off Egil and even protect those for whom she cared about. Even if that meant to work under the orders of Byakuran, he could agree with that as long as in the end he could accomplish Elen's goal of destroying Egil. He wanted to do that in her memory, but if the family stayed disbanded as it was, it would be hard. Maybe harder than he thought. It was then when he really taken into account the fact of accepting Byakuran as their new boss, because he could do that, even if it was only thanks to the fear he could inspire them. Yet, that business could wait till later, because he couldn't cope anymore with that senseless yelling, not when he knew how hurt Jolly was thanks to Elen's death. He threw his cigarette on the ground, stepping on it, before exiting his room to make all that noise cease. He was sick of that and if needed, he would scare that brat that dared to act smart when it wasn't the case. Rayne was aware of the fact that during times like this, Jolly couldn't do too much, because as that child said, it was the first time he lost somebody. He understood how hard it was to accept that Elen was no longer alive.

Of course that the noise increased with every step he took, but he didn't know what to expect, because the whole discussion was about him. Rayne paused for a bit and listened to hear what they were saying, because he was interested into finding out the opinion the others had. That could be useful in order to plan his next move and take control over them. Somehow he didn't care that much if they were afraid of him or thought that one wrong move could mean their death, because there was no reason for him to care anymore. Rayne was aware that Byakuran could be scarier and could do things worse than he could ever think of, so it would be funny to see everybody who was so keen on getting rid of him feel that anxiety. He knew that people tended to be careful around guys like that and for once he was glad that somebody like Byakuran was going to take control. Yet, Rayne wanted to know the real reason for that, because he doubted that it was out if generosity. He could bet that there was something really important that the Millefiore boss didn't tell them, only to make the Vongola feel guilty for something he didn't know. It wouldn't be easy to find out, because it wasn't like Byakuran was a guy that would say what was on his mind without requesting something in exchange. But if there was something more about Elen that he had to said, then he would accept the fact that he was going to be their new boss. In the end it didn't matter anyway, since even he was better than Egil, who could use that opportunity to become the boss once more.

He took a deep breath in, amused by the fact that he heard those things that were said countless times to him that it no longer affected him, yet Rayne was surprised to see that it was Jolly who was defending him. He laughed silently, since he was really wrong about him, thinking that he was only a selfish brat that doesn't know anything about people, bu in the end, he was proved wrong. But it was enough that he had to hear that crap to make that boy stand up for him, despite being affected by Elen's death so much. "If you have something against me, why don't you tell me know? Stop acting as a coward and involve others just because you can't handle the problem yourself…" His voice was bored, yet he was mocking that girl because it was a method to hide how annoyed he was and somehow control himself not to say something bad. But he wasn't such a mannered guy that would keep his mouth shut even if he was right. Rayne couldn't help but start to laugh, surprising not only that subordinate, but also Jolly, who didn't know what to say or do. "Fine! I hate you! I don't understand why boss wanted to keep you here when you're nothing but a filthy criminal! I'm sure that you caused her death! Elen was stupid to believe in somebody like you!" His laugh stopped and his eyes were giving away his criminal intent that made that girl back off, since she was sure scared of him. Yet, Rayne was not that kind to let her off after spurting up that nonsense about Elen. Indeed, she was really kind, but stupid…she was far from it.

Before anybody had time to react, Rayne pulled her hair roughly, bringing her face close to his, but before this, he asked Jolly what her name was. Of course that the boy was too shaken to respond, because that as the first time he lost somebody dear to him, yet Rayne wasn't in a good mood. "Listen here you stupid girl. I could care less what you say about me! I'm already accustomed, but if your dirty mouth dares to say one word against Elen, I'll kill you. Don't toy with my patience. I have none left." With that he let her go, but the force made the girl stumble on her own feet and fall to the ground. He scared her really bad, but if that was what it took to make them listen to him and do whatever he said, he was fine with that option either. It didn't take long until he left the room, taking Jolly with him, since he was the youngest out there. Sighing, he stopped once they were in his room and it was then when he noticed that look on that boy's face. Rayne made him sit on the couch and he sat next to him, this time not knowing what to say. He didn't know how to act with him, especially since they hated each other till now. Maybe that was the only good thing that resulted out of Elen's death. That and nothing more.

"Why did it have to be her? I mean, there were thousands of people there, so why Elen? It's not like she was a bad person…She didn't deserve to die…" Rayne knew that everything Jolly said was true, but they could do nothing about that. It wasn't in their power to bring Elen back. In that matter…they were powerless. Without really thinking about what to do, he tried to think of something that would make him feel better, but there was no such thing. The loss was too great for words to help with anything. Yet, that wasn't over. They were alive and they could do something about every little thing. They could continue what Elen started, but it was going to be hard with Jolly in that state. "Listen here kid…I don't know what to say to you, but think! Elen would hate to see you like this. We're alive, aren't we? In that case, we should finish what she started before she left to France, don't you think?" It was a cruel way of saying things, but that was the best he could do. It was better to be blunt about it then try to sugar-coat everything. The result would have been bad anyway that way. Rayne was aware of the fact that when somebody experience the death of a dear person, it would be hard for them to accept that fact and recover fast. He had the same experience, he could understand Jolly.

The most surprising thing was to see that he was crying, but that was normal. That tough façade he put was nothing but a mere shield meant to protect him from the bad things that were happening. Yet, Rayne expect Jolly to break this soon, but it was better if he did that now and not later. This way he could become stronger little by little. It was a difficult process, but he was sure that Jolly would finish it. "Maybe…but do you really think we should continue with this…? We don't have her as our boss anymore…Who's going to take the post? I can't do it…" Rayne sighed, somehow knowing that the question was going to pop out sooner or later. How was he going to explain to that child that Byakuran was going to be their boss, that there was no saying in that no matter how hard he tried. He looked away for a moment, before thinking how to say that, because it wasn't easy to talk with somebody that was still sulking. Not that he wasn't, but he just didn't show it. "Byakuran is going to become our boss…We have no say in this. It's like he knows something we don't. I tried to make him tell me, yet he didn't. That man is really scary when he wants to…" It was something to hear that from Rayne, but Jolly was agreeing with him. The Millefiore boss was really dangerous and he didn't plan on dying because he angered him. Yet, it was weird to know that he was going to become their boss, since their families had nothing in common. He was sure that Elen didn't even know him too much to say that they were mere acquaintances.

"Why did you got into a fight with that girl for me? You shouldn't cause yourself troubles." Rayne didn't mean to say those words like that, but there was no way he could take them back, yet he expected Jolly to be angry, but he wasn't. He noticed the lost look he had on his face and kept his mouth shut, waiting for the boy to say something, since he seemed in deep thought, trying to figure out what to say. For somebody like Jolly, Rayne couldn't understand how it came that Elen accepted him into her family, but maybe it was thanks to his family working there. "It's because…the whole time Elen was right. You're not the person people think you are…I just couldn't stand hearing how bad they talked about you. Does it bother you…?" Seeing his expression, Rayne couldn't help but start to laugh, because it was really funny, yet he had to admit that the boy was really something. To defend somebody with whom recently he was fighting was something. Yet, he could not say that it bothered him, but it was better if that boy didn't have enemies because of him. He noticed everytime how people looked at him and heard how bad they spoke of him. For Rayne though, that didn't matter anymore, since they talk valued nothing for him. "It doesn't, but I don't want you to get into troubles with others because of me. You may be a guardian, yet you're not that strong, isn't it? Now tell me…who was the girl with whom you were fighting?"

For a moment, Rayne saw the hesitation in his look, so that meant that she was somebody that could bring him troubles. Well, that boy had a thing for getting into troubles, like that day when he insulted almost everyone from the Vongola family. Xanxus for sure wasn't happy, but he was glad that the Ninth was there and things didn't end up with a fight, but now was different. "Carmine Wahlen…commander of assassination squad. I guess that she still resents Elen for trying to remove her from her post…I head that she wanted to make you their leader. Now she hates us both…" Rayne knew that she was a mere girl, for him it wouldn't be a problem. There were worse persons he dealt with, especially in those absurd missions, but if she were to do something against Jolly, that boy couldn't protect himself for the moment. Maybe it would be good to help him train and become stronger so he could stand for his own and also try to keep his blunt personality in control. His manner of saying whatever was on his mind was going to kill him one day and for whatever reason, Rayne wanted to prevent that. Now that he thought…maybe that was the reason why Elen took him in her family. To protect him.

Rayne knew that if he didn't take up some measures, Jolly would end up hurt, because if that girl was the head of the assassination squad, things could get out of his control. Yet, it didn't matter anymore, because he was going to do something and for sure, from what he heard, Byakuran hated when somebody disobeyed his orders. It would be easy to bring her troubles and take the post from her. "If you want…I can help you become stronger…and control your habit of saying whatever it crosses your mind." Rayne didn't want to force him do what he didn't want, because he hated to do that. For years he kept doing things against his will and it wasn't the most pleasant thing to do. "Really? Then…please help me…I want to become somebody that can stand on his own…This way I'll be able to thank Elen for what she did for me…" Rayne smiled, because Jolly was indeed resolved to do that, he could see that in his eyes.

"I'm glad that you're ready, but so you know…I won't go easy just because you're a child, now, let's go. We shouldn't waste time anymore."