Only Human

Emily Prentiss

You are in the best part of the dream when your phone starts to ring. It startles you awake and you quickly get off the couch and dig the phone out of your bag thinking it's Hotch calling about a new case when you see his name on the front screen. "Prentiss," you say and you know you sound tired. You look at you wrist watch and see that it's 10pm. You have only been asleep for about 30 minutes.

"It's Hotch. I'm calling because something has happened to Seaver. She is in the hospital and wants to leave, but she needs to stay with someone."

Suddenly you are not sleepy anymore. "What happened to her?"

"Can she stay with you?" she asks.

"Of course," you say and can feel how the hair in the back of your neck stands up, when you realize that Hotch didn't answer your question. "Hotch, what happened to her?"

"She was raped." You almost drop the phone in shock and you don't know what to say. "Emily, are you still there? Are to coming?"

You snap out of it. "Yeah I'm on my way." You hang up and quickly put your shoes and jacket on before grabbing your keys, leaving your apartment. You lock the door and run to the elevator. It's taking too long for it to get there so you take the stairs. You run quickly and almost stumble a few times, but you catch yourself and just run quicker. When you get to your car you have trouble opening it, because your hands are shaking. After four tries you finally get it open and you get in and drive to the hospital in record time.

When you walk through the front doors of the hospital you remember that you don't know where to go. Hotch didn't tell you where to find them and you almost start to panic, but then the elevator doors opens and Hotch and Ashley step out. You gasp when you see her and even though you try not to stare, you can't get your eyes of Ashley. Hotch has an arm wrapped around her as to keep her from falling down. You can't see her face, because she is looking down, making her hair fall in her face. You walk over to them and are just about to lay your hand on her arm, but she moves roughly to the side and into Hotch.

"I'm sorry," you say and take a step away from her. Your apology makes her look up at you and you have to try hard not to let the shock show on your face. Ashley looks so fragile and helpless.

"It's okay," she whispers as she reaches her hand out for yours. You take it and hold it tightly. The small comfort you are trying to give is enough for her to move from Hotch's side to yours and you start walking back to your car. Hotch keeps his arm around Ashley as they walk, because her legs are shaking so much that it's hard for her to walk right.

This time you unlock your car without any problems and you get in behind the wheel, while Hotch helps Ashley into the passenger seat. He says goodbye to you and stands in the spot where your car just was and watches you drive away with Ashley. She sits silently beside you with her forehead against the window. You don't know if she is sleeping or looking out, because her hair hides her face again. She sits like that during the whole drive back to your apartment. Even when you park the car she doesn't move, so you get out and walk to the other side to help her. Through the window you can see that her eyes are closed. You hate that you have to wake her, but you can't just leave her in there, so you gently knock on the window trying not to startle her. She doesn't react, so you knock a little harder, but it was too hard. Ashley flinches away from the window and looks back at you with scared eyes.

"I'm sorry," you say as she opens the door and steps out. Her legs aren't shaking anymore, but you still lay an arm around her like Hotch had and when she doesn't move away from your touch, you pull her a little closer.

You walk into your apartment with Ashley close behind. She had moved away from you when you stepped into the fully lit elevator. You knew she did it so you wouldn't be able to get a good look at her, and she had stayed behind you since.

"Do you want something to drink?" you ask her as you open the refrigerator.

"No thanks." She lets her bag drop to the floor and then pulls her sleeves down over her hands and wraps her arms around herself. "I would really like to take a shower," she says looking down. "I didn't get to take one at the hospital and I would also really like to borrow some clothes, so I don't have to wear this."

You look at her and notice for the first time what she is wearing – blue and white hospital pajamas and a black jacket that is way too big for her. You are guessing that the jacket is Hotch's. You close the refrigerator door and are just about to show her to the bathroom, when you remember that she already knows where it is. This isn't the first time she's at your apartment; she has actually been here many times before. "Of course, if you just go into the bathroom, I will find a towel and some clothes for you."

She nods while taking of the jacket laying it on the kitchen counter and walks slowly down the hall. You watch her as she walks away before going over to the closet, grabbing a few towels for her. You pick the light pink and yellow ones, because you know she likes them. She says they are happy looking. You don't see it yourself, but if she thinks so then that's how it is. These towels are happy and she needs happy right now.

You close the closet door and walk to your bedroom and over to your dresser. You wish Ashley had left some clothes here, just like JJ and Garcia, so you could give her some of her own things. You know it would be more comfortable for her to wear her own clothes, especially now. You find the PJ pants and tank top that she borrowed the last time she stayed at your place. It had been when her apartment had gotten flooded in the middle of the night. She had called and asked if she could stay with you. She had stayed with you for a week and you have actually had a nice time together.

You lay the towels and clothes on top of the dresser and then open the bottom drawer. You pull out a big hoodie that you think she would like to wear, because it will hide her body. You also grab a pair of panties and some socks. You lay it on the pile while closing the drawer with your foot and then you walk out your bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. The water is running but you can still hear her crying through the door. "Ashley, are you okay?"

There is no answer, so you open the door and lay the pile of clothes on the toilet and the towels on the sink. "If you don't answer, I'm going to pull the shower curtain to the side," you warn her and go to stand before it, so she will be able to see you are there, but she doesn't answer. Feeling like you have no choice, you slowly push the curtain to the side, just like you said you would. The sight before you makes your heart shatter into a million pieces. She's sitting on the shower floor with her leg pressed to her chest under the steaming hot water, rubbing every part of her body raw.

"I can feel him everywhere," she sobs, squeezing her eyes shut. "I can't get the feeling off!" She begins to scrub her arms harder with the washcloth making them even redder.

It only takes you a moment to decide what to do next. You kneel down beside her and the scalding water soaks through your clothes. It hurts and you can't understand how she has been able to sit under it for so long. "Let me help," you say unfolding her arms and easing the washcloth from her grip. You slowly wash every part of her body, but it's like she doesn't notice you are doing it. She just sits there staring right ahead as sobs rack her body violently.

It's hard for you not to stare at the bruises that cover her body. Earlier you had only been able to see the ones on her throat and wrists, but now you can see the dark blue bruises that also cover her upper thighs. You can almost picture how the man must have held Ashley down while he raped her. You try to shake the image out of your head as you move the washcloth down her back and rub circles on it hoping to smooth her sobs. She closes her eyes again and leans her head against your shoulder taking a tight grip to your shirt like she's afraid you're going to abandon her as soon as she lets go and mumbles, "Don't leave me." Her voice is shaking and you feel completely lost.

"I won't, I promise," you say as you turn off the scalding water and try to get up. It's a struggle for you to get to your feet with Ashley clinging to your chest and her legs don't seem to want to support her. You slowly walk with her to the sink where you unfold one of the towels and wrap it around her as good as you can, because she won't let go of you. You push the clothes off the toilet to the floor and then sit down on it with Ashley in your lap. She cuddles into your side and wraps the towel tightly around herself. It feels almost like you're taking care of a little kid. She's still crying softly so you rub her back through the towel and just sit there with her for a couple of minutes.

"We should get dressed now," you say leaning down and picking up the clothes for her, because she may be wrapped in a warm towel, but your clothes are soaked and you're freezing. She nods and gets up from your lap hesitantly.

You know she doesn't want you to see her while she changes, but at the same time she doesn't want you to leave, so instead of waiting for her to decide what she wants, than you do it for her. "If you change in to this here," you get up from the toilet and lay the clothes on it again, "then I will go find some dry clothes for myself," you say with a small smile while wrapping the other towel around yourself. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine," she says turning her back to you, looking down at the floor. You nod and walk out of the bathroom to your room. You try to quickly change out of your wet clothes, but it's sticking to your body making it harder for you to get it off. As you put on the oversized t-shirt you hear the bathroom door open and 10 seconds later Ashley is standing in the doorway to your bedroom. Her hair hangs wet down her back socking the backside of the hoodie that she almost disappears in.

"You can come in," you say and she walks in without looking at you and lies down under the covers on the left side on the bed. She lies so she will have her back to you. You sigh and lay down beside her, moving as close to her as you can.

"What are you doing?" she asks turn around hesitantly.

"You asked me not to leave you," you answer taking her hand in yours, "but if you want me to move…"

"Don't move." The words come out a little too quickly and she looks terrified that you might leave anyway.

"I'm not going to," You insure her and then envelop her protectively in your arms as she cuddles up to you holding a tight grip on your shirt like in the shower. You can hear her breaths beginning to even out and you know she has fallen asleep, but you can't seem to do the same, because every time you try to find a more comfortable way to lie with her, she tenses up and her grip on you tightens. At least she is so deep in sleep that you can move a little away from her, so she is resting her head under your chin. You close your eyes and hope for a few hours of sleep, before her nightmares are going to come, because you know they are coming