Hanssen stared at the piece of paper in his hands, trying to contemplate what it was saying. How could this thing in his hands weighing no more than a feather break his heart into a million pieces, how could it tear his world apart just like that? Realising what he had to do, he folded the paper back up – the edges perfectly straight, being the perfectionist he was and headed swiftly to the door. Yanking it open, he headed along the corridor in the direction of the stairwell, his pace quickening. A normal sweep turned into a brisk walk, a brisk walk turning into an almost-running jog, an almost running jog turning into a flat-out sprint. Reaching the top of the stair-well, the usually calm and composed Director of Surgery flew down the seemingly never ending flights of stairs, passing a bewildered looking Elliot on his way down. But not having time to chit-chat, he just fled straight past him. Finally reaching the end, he sprinted through the reception and burst through the main doors and out into the open air.
"Wait!" He called, rushing forward. Serena looked up from placing the last box in the boot of her car when she heard that familiar posh drawl.
"Henrik," She pleaded, her eyes begging him. "Don't, please. No goodbyes, no looking back." She closed the boot firmly, not daring to look at him a second longer. She could already feel her strength quickly draining. "I don't do goodbyes."
"No brainer then isn't?" He whispered, walking forward hesitantly. "Don't make it a goodbye. Stay." She bowed her head with a sigh, blinking back the tears rapidly threating to spill.
"I can't." She whispered. "I just can't." He didn't reply to this, just pulled her silently into his arms. She let her head rest against his chest, her mind solely focused on the heat radiating through his thin shirt and onto her. It comforted her, the reminder he was human but at this moment, made her heart break all the more. She had tricked him into loving her and she was about to break both their hearts. The guilt consumed her but she couldn't shake the feeling of comfort and protection she felt in his arms. But that's what Henrik did to her, made her feel loved, made her feel protected from everything bad in the world.
"You can. The last time I checked, you were Serena Campbell. Since when does Serena Campbell quit?"
"Since she realised she needed her daughter and her daughter needed her. Mother and consultancy – It doesn't mix."
"You have to give them the chance." He said, stepping back and placing his hands on her shoulders, his dark eyes boring into hers, begging.
"I'm so sorry, Henrik." She finally lost control and the tears cascaded down her cheeks and Hanssen wiped them away as they shed.
"You say you love me. Show it. Don't go."
"That's unfair. Please, I love you, but my daughter-"
"Has to come first." He finished for her, the sadness flashing through his eyes.
"Has to come first. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be." He said shortly. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before moving his mouth closer to her ear, almost touching, so she could feel his warm breath on her skin. "Just don't leave me, Serena, please."
"It's hard enough as it is, even trying to go. If you keep begging me, my strength will fade and I will stay. But Henrik, I need to be strong and go. My daughter has spent years of her life without her mother," She sighed at Hanssen's look of protest to this statement. "Of course I was there, but not really there for her. I didn't spend time with her, I don't know what she does, I don't know what she wants to be. I don't even know how her bloody day has been half the time. I was too absorbed in work for so long, not even giving her a second thought. So now is my chance to get to know her and be the mum she deserves and I'm going to grab it while I can." She said, trying – and failing – to keep any form of emotion from her voice.
"But I love you so much." He finally opened his heart, allowing himself to finally feel.
"And I love you too," She smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "So I need you to do this for me. Let me go."
"You do realise what you are asking of me is-"
"I do, but I have a feeling you are strong enough. She needs to come first." They both turned to look through the window of her car. Eleanor was looking remarkably better and was dressed in her own clothes instead of one of those terribly uncomfortable regulated hospital gowns. Oblivious to Serena and Hanssen, she had been watching their exchanges through the rear-view mirror but now they were looking at her, she suddenly became engrossed in her phone, typing madly to send of frantic goodbyes to all her friends while trying to wipe that guilty expression of her face that one only got when they were caught doing something they shouldn't be. Serena looked at him, silently asking for his approval. He nodded before taking her hands in his.
"Just promise me three things," He begged, his eyes piercing her from behind his steel-rimmed glasses. "Otherwise you can't go." Tempted to laugh at that childish line, she nodded.
"Go for it."
"Number 1 – this is definitely the right thing for you and Eleanor," Serena glanced at her once again before nodding.
"I promise."
"Ok, number 2 – you will never forget how much I love you." Seriously, come on Henrik, you're breaking my bloody heart she thought. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"As long as you promise to never forget how much I love you," She whispered. He nodded with an 'I promise' before carrying on his barrage of promises she had to make.
"And finally – promise me this isn't goodbye forever." She said nothing, just pressed a soft kiss onto his lips. Realising it was now or never – she had to go before all her courage left her – she reluctantly broke it and turned to the door of her car. Hanssen stepped around her and true to his gentlemanly characteristics, opened the door for her and she climbed in. Eleanor shot her a glance of acknowledgement before turning back to her phone. He had to use all his courage to – when she was safely in the car – close the door after her. The tears welled up but he fought them back, at least for a while longer. He vowed that in these last few moments, he wouldn't let her see him so vulnerable and broken, he would stay strong. Serena clicked her seatbelt in and started the car, reserving out of the space she had spent the best part of her time in Holby driving in and out of. Never look back. She drove out of the car park and onto the main road, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead, not daring herself to even glance in the rear-view mirror.
Henrik Hanssen had always thought the word 'heartbreak' was an idiotic turn of phrase. How could the heart – the powerful muscle which spends months, years, decades relentlessly working to keep a human alive – 'break'? Break implied brittle, weak, powerless, hardly the most appropriate thing to use to describe the heart now was it? But as he watched Serena drive away, he felt his heart crumble into a millions pieces, he felt part of his world, part of his being, being ripped from him and shredded into tiny strips. This was worse than Sahira, this was worse than Maja. But then that's what happened when he tried to love. There was always an obstacle that couldn't be overpowered. If it wasn't a Greg it was a Rafi, if it wasn't a Rafi, it was a Nils, if it wasn't a Nils, it was that dominating voice in the back of his head telling him if he tried to love he would inevitably hurt them, if it wasn't that dominating voice then of course it was their children. As Serena's car disappeared from sight, he realised he had to pull himself together immediately. She had gone, and he was still Henrik Hanssen, which meant reigning his feelings and emotions and keeping them under control. With one last wipe of his eyes to rid himself of those last few unwanted tears, he straightened his tie and turned on his heel to face the hospital.
Elliot was standing in the middle of the stairwell, gazing out the window in deep thought. He was relishing one of the peaceful moments he got where he could have a few moments break from his everyday life, just watching the world go by.
All of a sudden a black blur shot past him and he looked in surprise to find the black blur was indeed Hanssen.
"What's his problem?" A sharp voice said. Elliot looked up at the top of the stairs to face Jac.
"I don't know," he sighed, turning back to the window. Jac went and stood beside him, glancing at him with concern.
"Are you ok, Elliot?"
"Yes, thank you," He smiled. "Just watching the world go by." Jac nodded and joined him, watching the paramedics hauling people in and out of the ambulances, the cars belonging to the staff, from consultants to cleaners forever on the move and the most relaxing, just simply watching the trees swaying gently in the breeze.
"I didn't have you down as a nature girl, Ms Naylor." Elliot stated, turning to face her.
"Even heartless surgeons who run around with massive egos trying to big themselves up all the time need a break." Jac said in a cheerful enough tone, but Elliot could detect a hint of bitterness.
"I wouldn't say your completely heartless and as big headed as you say,"
"Who said I was talking about me?" She asked with a faint smile.
"And it's seems our giant friend was running like there was no tomorrow for a reason," She added, pointing to where she could see him running over to a familiar figure.
"What's happening with Serena?" Elliot asked.
"She's putting boxes into her car," She pointed out. "You don't think she's leaving, do you?"
"I do," Elliot sighed. "However, our knight in shining armour seems to have other ideas-" He smiled, watching Hanssen pull Serena into a cuddle.
"Clearly they're shagging," Jac grinned, but then her expression changed. Where had she been in this position before, hands on the railing, watching someone drive away? The truth was, ever since that day, she never thought about it unless she had to, like when she given his old pager with his name written down it's bloody side. But Jac would be Jac, the woman who never showed her feelings.
"Do you think he's going to stop her?" Elliot asked thoughtfully, blissfully unaware of the feelings and emotions that had arisen in the feisty red-head beside him. She shook her head slowly.
"No, if Serena has her mind set, she doesn't change it."
"I don't know, do you know what, I think he might stop her." Jac raised a vexed eyebrow and turned to face him.
"Right, wanna bet?" She challenged.
"You're on." Elliot accepted the challenge and turned back to the window. They both watched the interactions between the two people in the car park, looking for a sign to prove either of their arguments.
"She looks like she being swayed," Elliot mumbled more to himself, desperately trying to analyse the body language of the two senior consultants.
"Damn, swear I was on for a winner." Jac grumbled. "No, wait, she's going. She's bloody going!" Her usual bored drawl containing a hint of excitement. "She's gone." They both stared in silence as they watched Hanssen open the door for Serena and watched her climb in. "Well, then, I guess that's one nil to the Naylor." She said flatly, her smile an inch from being entirely convincing.
"Serena Campbell has just left." Elliot shook his head in disbelief. "No way. I mean was there a notice or anything?" Jac shook her head, her mind quickly running through an email or something she might have missed.
"Mrs Beauchamp!" The call drew Jac out of her thoughts as Connie appeared next to them on Elliot's demand.
"Mr – sorry, professor, keep forgetting – Hope, how can I help?"
"Was there a message or anything going around to say Serena's leaving?" Connie's expression turned serious and she, like Jac, shook her head.
"What? Why?" Elliot pointed to the window where everyone just caught sight of Serena's car leave the car park. "She's definitely gone then?"
"Seems like it, boxes and everything. Must have been a resignation to immediate effect. Why though?" They all pondered over this question even though they knew they could never get a 100% accurate answer unless they asked the woman herself.
"I was talking to her earlier," Connie suddenly pierced the thoughtful silence. "I said stuff about never letting work take priority over your child. And Eleanor was discharged today…." They all glanced at each other, having just put 2+2 together in perfect unison.
"So that's why she left!" Elliot finished. "To spend time with her daughter."
"I assume so," Connie confirmed his thoughts. "So I'll go and run the whole of Darwin while you two stand here stalking fellow colleagues."
"Much obliged," Elliot grinned while Connie rolled her eyes and set off in the direction of Darwin. Elliot offered his hand to congratulate Jac and his pager went off just after. Shifting his folders quickly to his other arm, he pulled the pager out of his pocket to check it.
"Show's over, I've got an Aortic Valve Replacement waiting for me in theatre." Jac nodded as Elliot set off in the direction of theatre.
"Oh Elliot," She called after him. "When you're free, a double espresso will do to congratulate me on my victory, yeah? Very kind of you. Elliot rolled his eyes before pushing open the door to Darwin. Jac sighed, her eyes once again fixed to the window. Well, she definitely knew how Hanssen was feeling. She was slightly surprised with the Hanssen and Serena pairing, but she didn't really care. Ever since their little jaunt to Sweden she hoped he would find someone after putting his mind to rest. He deserved happiness as much as anyone – more, regarding what he had been through – and she felt her heart break with compassion for him as she directly related how she felt on the day he left to how Hanssen would be feeling now. It had broken her heart to watch Joseph drive away to start his new life without her, she felt so broken, so torn, so…So absolutely nothing, girl, so stop thinking about that day. Why take yourself back there, huh? But try as she might, as she stood at the window looking out, she couldn't stop herself from revisiting the day Joseph left. Well done, woman, why huh? Why his name. Forget him. Move on. But she couldn't, and she was surprised when she felt the unexpected dampness on her cheeks from tears she didn't realise had formed…
After a quick trip to the ladies to wash her face and fix her make-up, she decided to go and find Hanssen, knowing how cut up he must be. She started to walk, she didn't know exactly where she was going, just that she needed to find him. After a half an hour's tedious search, she was starting to get impatient. She had covered his office, Darwin, Keller, AAU and left messages with every single member of staff, from fellow consultants to nurses to no avail. Feeling desperate, she suddenly came up with an idea. Maybe he didn't want to be seen or found, so he was hiding. And Jac knew the perfect place...
Arriving outside her destination, she felt the raw emotion flood to the top as she allowed herself to think about the place in which she found herself. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door to the theatre room. She immediately noticed Hanssen slumped against the wall, his knees tucked up under his chin. Even in Sweden, she'd never seen him so vulnerable and it scared her slightly, seeing the indestructible Henrik Hanssen, well, just that, destructible.
"Henrik," She sighed. Hanssen jumped when he heard her voice, his face stricken. "Don't worry," She was desperate to convince him he could trust her. "We've both been through it. You don't need to pretend you didn't love her or her departure didn't affect you. There's no need for facades, Henrik, no one's here to judge you. Feelings don't make you weak." She sat down beside him, pulling her knees up to her chin too. "It's what love does, break us. Look, I'm not good at this touchy/feely crap. Or as Frieda used to say 'I'm not good at this 'be reasonable' stuff. I'm good at the 'pull yourself together and a slap in the face' stuff.'" Jac smiled, attempting an impression of Frieda Petrenko's strong, Ukraine accent.
"We've both been through it? Am I right in assuming we are talking about Mr Byrne?" Hanssen croaked, speaking for the first time. He could barely get the words out, his voice letting him down with the emotion surfacing in him.
"Joseph," She corrected him, unsure of why she was going to speak to him, of all people, about Joseph. She could deal with the word Joseph, but she hated the word Byrne. It made all the bad memories come flooding back, Lady Byrne, Charles Byrne, Faye Byrne. Whereas Joseph reminded her solely of the sweet, caring man she'd fallen in love with.
"Joseph," He repeated.
"So," She sighed, "You and Campbell huh?"
"I love her, Jac, I love her." He looked at her desperately, hoping for some comfort. But he wasn't stupid, he knew a few words couldn't help heal the pain he was feeling.
"I know. It's been two years since I watched Joseph drive away and it still hurts, worse than the day he actually left sometimes. The pain will never go, it just becomes more bearable," She sighed, her voice breaking with emotion as she tried to fight back the tears threatening to explode from her.
"The acute agony will diminish, to be replaced by a dull ache, which will never go," He said while she nodded in agreement. Although these words were powerful to anyone, she didn't quite know how much they meant to him.
"How did you do it, Jac? How did you just forget him?"
"I haven't. I will never forget Joseph, I can't. You'll never forget Serena either. You just learn to live with their absence and you move on," She quoted herself from the day of Harry's birth, the tears now cascading down her phenomenal cheekbones. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a ponytail and the raw emotion and pain on her face made her look exactly the same as she did on the day Joseph left. It was at the point Hanssen realised she was right, she'd never truly moved on from him. The memories still haunt her. "You don't know the whole story, of me and Joe, do you?"
"I've heard facts," he whispered softly. Jac sighed bitterly.
"Everyone's heard facts. The main parts are like legends in this place."
"Tell me," he asked and she did. Not missing out a single fact, Charles, her naked ambition for her career, Faye, the fake pregnancy after Jac and Joe's drunken night... She managed to keep it together until she got to their talk in theatre.
"We were trapped and ended up saying everything," She glanced around the room they were in, the tears still silently falling, given away by her odd sniff. "It was this theatre actually. We were sitting about here. This room holds so many memories, we finally managed to admit we loved each other. But as he said himself, Id hurt him to many times and he had moved on with Faye." She sniffed, still not bothering to wipe her tears. She carried on explaining, Linden Cullen, Faye's pregnancy, the physiatrist's ward, Harry's birth and finally the day Joseph left.
"As you know, he found being a single dad as hard as any man or woman before him. Joseph, Sahira-" Hanssen tensed slightly, his jaw clenching. "Even the mighty Mrs Beauchamp all left for family. He asked to join him in Penrith but I turned him down. As I said, my career came first even then."
I'm sorry," Hanssen whispered. "You went through so much but he still left."
"The point is, I will never stop loving him and you'll never stop loving Serena. The pain and loss lives with you all the time, like a part of you is missing. But you just, I don't know, get on with it." She stayed silent for a while afterwards, unable to believe she had just poured her heart out to the formidable Swede. Saying things that she had spent so long keeping to herself and mulling over, like a private hell. Saying things maybe not even Joseph would have been able to get from her. But he was so vulnerable and she felt the need to help and protect him, regardless of the fact her title was the 'ice queen.' "You just get on with it." She repeated.
"So, it's like a show?" She nodded.
"Yep."
"In that case, may I commend you on your brilliant acting." He smiled wanly, hoping to lighten the situation.
"It's one of my many quirks."
"So, instead of facing it, you put on a show?"
"At least I didn't bugger off to Sweden!" She protested, a slight hint of amusement hidden in her voice.
"Touché," He replied, knowing how hypocritical it would be for him to berate her about putting on a show when if he looked in the mirror, he would have a perfect example of a man who closed himself off to the world.
"Anyway, it's not just me who puts on a show!" She complained, her voice rising involuntary in protest.
"No?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.
"No, take for example Michael Spence. He's not just that cocky, arrogant, sex-addicted, pompous, i-wear-clothes-that-make-me-look-like-a-cheap-pimp-because-i-think-they-make-me-look-cool, stuck-up knob he first appears to be." They both smirked at her harsh but defiantly not unrealistic description of the American Consultant.
"No? Don't tell me, underneath that arrogant exterior lays a compassionate beating heart." He mumbled, still holding a grudge against the American for the plastics-scandal. However, Jac's pointed stare and silence revealed that he wasn't that far off the mark at all.
"When my moth—when Paula came, took a kidney then pissed off to India or wherever, he was there for me. Never too pushy, never too far away. I went after her with the naively-optimistic thought that she still wanted me for me and not just one of my major body parts she would've died without." She sighed bitterly at the still-raw memories. At the memories that still made her want to curl up into a foetus-shaped ball and sob her heart out. "And let's just say had he not come after me, I would have died. He was my rock at the time, maybe even my best friend. Whether it be a tissue to wipe my eyes, a shoulder to cry on or just a pair of ears to listen and not judge, he was there."
"You were brave, you know, giving that selfish waste of space a kidney. I mean it's not as if it's your money or possessions, she took a part of your body."
"Yeah, and I ended up on death's door because of it."
"But why?" He persisted impatiently. "Why did you put yourself through it? Your body was put under an incredible amount of strain." He informed her from a clinical point of view.
"I know. My mother abandoned me when I was 12. Left me with no one, left me to fend for myself. I had no support. I never had the chance to experience that fantasy-ridden thing called a mother-daughter bond, that thing called unconditional love one can only feel between a mother and daughter." She paused, thinking about baby Freya. Her eyes watered at the thought of the innocent and vulnerable baby, her heart breaking every time she even thought of her. "I guess that's why I did it. I thought maybe if I gave her my bloody kidney she might love me and want me."
"But it didn't and never would." He inappropriately and thoughtlessly stated the blindingly obvious fact in confusion. Why would a woman who abandoned their child suddenly love them because of an organ? Jac tensed in irritation.
"Point out the obvious Henrik. I know that know, don't I?" She hissed harshly, her voice acquiring an icy tone. Hanssen bowed his head and cleared his throat, an overwhelming sense of guilt filled him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't…er…I…um-"
"Didn't think?" She guessed, wanting to put an end to his painfully awkward stammer that tried to pass as an apology.
"No, I didn't, sorry." He said, shooting her a nervously apologetic glance.
"Don't worry. Most people think that when I tell them. That I was a naïve idiot." Her eyes involuntary filled with unshed tears.
"I don't," He said firmly, reaching out and placing a comforting hand on her cheek. Smiling gratefully, she leant her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
"So, Michael Spence a sensitive angel in disguise. Who else puts on a show?" He asked, hoping to lighten the mood. Her brow creased in deep thought but she kept her eyes closed.
"Malick," She said suddenly, sitting upright.
"Ah, yes, Mr Malick," Hanssen nodded his approval.
"Yeah, he's sensitive as well. I mean what with the whole situation with the death of that woman who he seemed to know really rather well. But he has a façade of perfection. Always so sure of himself." She jumped to her feet. She positioned herself, back straight, head upright, feet slightly apart, chest out. Holding the ends of the stethoscope hanging loosely around her neck, she proceeded to do an almost-perfect impersonation of Malick's strut. After doing a cat-walk like show, she stopped in front of Hanssen, a massive grin painted on her face. He clapped her performance while she curtseyed theatrically in response.
"See! It's so easy and makes you feel so much confident. Up." She commanded. He raised an eyebrow and shot her a look which could only be interpreted as 'If you think I'm going to do that, you've got another thought coming'. But Jac, being Jac, wasn't deterred. "Up," She demanded, now physically pulling him by the hands. When she finally managed to get his protesting body on his feet, she swung her stethoscope around his neck. He held the ends of it with a disgusted look before starting a not bad at all imitation of Malick. Had it not been the buttoned-up, aloof Director of Surgery in front of her, she would have congratulated them on their not bad attempt. But of course, Henrik Hanssen strutting was not something to be witnessed with a straight face and she couldn't the laughter exploding from her. When he heard, he froze immediately before hanging his head dejectedly.
"No," She spluttered, trying – and failing – to win the battle between her and her mouth. "It was great, I'm not laughing at you, just at the situation." He shot her a disbelieving look. "Seriously," She insisted.
"Really?" The shy hope was heart rendering.
"Yes! Ok, try again." As he obeyed her command, she watched carefully, head tilted slightly. "Ok," She stopped him. "Try this," She pushed his head up slightly so he looked more confident, prodded him in the stomach and back to get him to stand up taller and kicked his feet slightly so they were wider apart. "Try again," These changes made a noticeable difference and his improvements were rewarded with a curt 'better'. Jac joined in and soon they were both strutting up and down the theatre room – oblivious to anything else. They both caught each other's eye at the same time and identical smirks crossed their faces before they burst into peals of laughter. Unable to regain control, they ended up collapsing to the floor in a giggling heap.
"Do you regret staying? Do you wish you had gone to Penrith?" He asked tentively when they had finally managed to regain control of their breathing, afraid of saying something to make her flip and close up again.
"Sometimes. Only sometimes. Look, I hate myself every day for my actions and what I did to him. But deep down, I know even if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't." Hanssen stared at her, surprise etched upon his face. "He would never have had Harry if I did and for that I wouldn't change anything. Harry makes Joseph truly happy."
"Yes, but in giving Joseph Harry, you jeopardised your own chance of happiness." He couldn't see it, he couldn't see why someone would be blatantly stupid enough to give up their own happiness for someone else. He couldn't see how they could be so blind.
"You don't get it, do you?" She sighed, impatiently trying to get him to understand. "I let Joseph go because I love him. I love him so much I would give up my only chance of happiness for him. Harry makes Joseph much happier than I ever could, for that I'm always grateful. He deserves it more than anyone." Hanssen finally realized, after years of acquaintance, why Jac was so, well... Jac. Love. She'd finally managed to accept love and when she did, it came back with a vengeance hurting her more than words could explain.
That takes some courage," He said, a faint hint of a smile playing on his lips.
"No. It just takes love. Even then my sole reason for staying was because I was scared of losing my whole identity for a man who would always put me second. I wanted the consultancy post," She admitted, and anyone could have seen how much regret she carried with her.
"Was it worth it?" He asked, curiosity taking over. He had the chance to dive into Jac Naylor's life and that's a chance not many people would turn down lightly. She thought for a while, but then shook her head. "You much stronger than I could be, letting him go."
"No, you did the same. With Serena and with Sahira." Hanssen looked stricken again and glanced at her nervously. "Oh, come on. You could see you loved the girl a mile off. But did you act on it?" Hanssen stayed silent, mulling the options over in his head. Deciding there was absolutely no positive gain in lying, he shook his head. "No. Exactly. You let her get on with her life instead of hindering her. And Serena. Her daughter, like Harry, makes her truly happy and so you let her go." Reliving the moments he let the people he loved walk - or more to the point drive - out of his life, Hanssen couldn't stop a few unwanted tears fall.
"I feel like it's my fault. If I don't try and love, then no one gets hurt."
"But that's the beauty of life. You need the ups and downs, you need the mountain peaks and the valleys. What's life without hurt and love?" Warm, salty tears ran down his cheeks, the raw hurt and emotion etched deeply into his face. Jac gently placed her hand over his and they both stared at the place where their skin touched. They both watched silently as the tall, enigmatic Director of Surgery's long, elegant fingers folded over the nimble fingers belonging to the feisty red-headed cardiotheracic consultant. They sat there, just holding hands, both deep in their own thoughts. Had anyone walked in at that particular moment, they would have been so shocked to see the two most heartless and distant people in the hospital clinging to each other, for once allowing the walls and facades they had spent years perfecting fall and crumble. The silence wasn't tense or uncomfortable, it was deep and had you walked in, you would most definitely have been able to feel the hurt, comfort and friendship it held at that moment. Their silence said absolutely nothing, but everything at the same time. Those few moments allowed them the chance of peace and comfort they were generally denied in their everyday lives. Jac finally allowed her gaze to drift up into his piercing eyes. His eyes before had reminded of her of dark tunnels, no emotion, no depth what so ever. But as she looked into them now, she saw ever emotion under the sun running through them. She realised how vulnerable, how uncertain of himself he actually was.
"So," She grinned wickedly. "I've spilt my guts out – your turn."
"Excuse me?" He asked, a vexed eyebrow raised.
"You and Campbell," She smiled, a mischievous glint in her eye. Hanssen sighed and started to explain about the events that happened at the conference. Jac interrupted with a harsh laugh.
"Ha! Haunted – Jesus Christ that's one of the worst excuses I've heard to get a man in your bed." She grinned. Hanssen sighed in annoyance.
"It wasn't like that, we genuinely thought it was."
"Ok," Jac pulled her phone out of her pocket and bought up the Google app she had on it. After asking and receiving the name of the hotel she typed it in and searched for any old stories on the matter.
"Nope….Nope…..Eeeeeeww! There's a porn site with the same name!" She grinned wickedly. "Nope…..no way!...Oh, here we go." She opened up a promising site and her brow furrowed as she read the writing that appeared. "Oooh! Serena was right! Ok listen 'It was said that in the early days of this hotel, a man and woman were visiting on their honeymoon. It was rumoured that the man stabbed his wife three times before jumping from his window and committing suicide…blah, blah blah… Numerous complaints have been made to the staff about TV's turning on in the middle of the night, items like chairs being pushed around the room and the shower turning on full power by its own accord!"
"It was haunted then?" Hanssen asked, looking surprised if not slightly confused.
"Yup! Funny, isn't it?" She smiled before leaning her head onto his shoulder. Hanssen smiled at this unexpected but not unwanted pressure on his shoulder. They both sighed at the thought of leaving this peaceful bubble and returning to their usual ways.
"What do we do now?" He mumbled. Jac gave a heavy sigh before jumping up to her feet in a surprisingly upbeat way.
"We learn to live with their absence, and we move on," She smiled determinedly, offering a hand to help the tall Swede to his feet.
"Moving on," He repeated. "Let's do it. Thank you." He whispered, holding his hand out. Jac ignored this awkward gesture and pulled him into a swift but comforting cuddle, resting her head against his chest. She was reminded again that he wasn't simply carved from an ice block when she felt the regular beat of his heart through his thin shirt. There were many layers and depths to Henrik Hanssen and it just took the right person to be able to explore them.
"Mention this to anyone, and I'll have your head on a platter. Or worse still I'll tell Mrs Beauchamp," She grinned.
"Deal." She reluctantly pulled away from his comforting arms and headed slowly to the door. Her hand paused hesitantly on the door handle, she was clearly reluctant to leave this comforting and private place and return to their everyday lives. However, knowing it was that or have some jumped-up nurse come to find them, she pulled the door open.
"After you, Mr Hanssen," He obliged and she followed him out. With a last keep-sake glance over her shoulder, she pulled the door shut behind them. Closing the door on all the bad memories and thoughts, doing what she did best, doing what she was going to help Hanssen do from now on. Moving on.